Imagine Magazine Question For 3/2 - "In And Out"

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If any of you guys or ladies are still in the closet about your sexuality, even in this day and age when it's a lot more accepted than it was when I was growing up...I assume you have your reasons. And if any of your guys or ladies came out of the closet about your sexuality, to live free and feel comfortable in your own skin...I assume that you have your reasons as well. I mean, there's no 'right or wrong' here, it just depends on who you are and what you feel. But...what happens when the proverbial irresistible force runs into an immovable object?

Basically, what do you do if you meet someone that you find truly beautiful, funny, intelligent, and caring...who shares a ton of your common interests...and you two find yourselves on opposite ends of that socially acceptable fence? Can it work? And if so...for how long?

I mean, if you're out and proud...can you be fully happy with someone who isn't comfortable with having other people know about their sexual preference? And if you're in the closet...can you be fully happy with someone who doesn't see your biggest secret as 'no big deal' and wants to be openly affectionate when you're in public? What do you guys think about this one?

They are two different ideologies, and some people can make it work, but others can't. Where do YOU, personally, stand on this? Can a relationship like this work without an eventual power dynamic getting involved, with one side trying to get the other to loosen up, and the other side trying to get the other to tone it down? Have any of you been involved in a similar situation? Spread some wisdom! Hehehe, I'm sure that a lot of people, especially the younger teens reading, could use the help!

As always, anonymous responses are more than welcome! And if you want to put your two cents in, it would be great to see things from your perspective! So let us know what you think! And thanks in advance!

[Comicality]

Hmmmm...do I think that it can work?

Honestly? The optimist in me wants to think that love beats all, and anything is possible. But, truthfully, I don't think that it can work out, ultimately. Not for most people.

I mean, I'm not going to say that it hasn't worked in the past for some loving couples who have gotten together and found some kind of middle ground that's comfortable for the both of them. So...never say never, you know?

But at the same time...being attracted to the same sex is a pretty big part of who you are as a person. It's not the ONLY part, but it's a pretty big issue. So, whether you're in or out of the closet...I don't know how both parties can be mutually happy and satisfied with the whole situation, because either side would have to sacrifice a fundamental part of who they are as a person. I feel like that always leads to friction and conflicts further down the road, whether the couple is totally in love or not.

I feel like there's always going to be a struggle for the 'out' guy to PULL his boyfriend into the light, and the 'closeted' guy is going to be constantly trying to convince his boyfriend that it's nobody else's business. And how can that not lead to big problems in the relationship later on? They are two different ideologies about life in general, and they both have reasons for feeling the way they do. Reasons that their boyfriend probably won't understand.

"Why can't you understand that I don't NEED everybody to know that I'm gay???"

"Why are you LYING to yourself? Just stop and come out already so we can be happy together???"

It's an emotional stalemate, you know? And it's going to take it's toll on both parties over time unless one side or the other makes a huge sacrifice. And that can be a lot to ask of somebody. Even when you're in love.

So...my answer? No. I don't think it can work. If there are people who have made it work in the past, or are still doing so at the moment...then God bless you both! Hehehe! Please tell me how, just in case I need to know for the future. But for now? My answer would be 'no way'. It's a little too complicated for either party to really have any fun being together in public. And that's a big hurdle to jump for a lot of people.

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Shhhh....you'll disturb the crickets.  

You guys didn't get all shy on me, did you?

Any thoughts?