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Seraph - by Camy

Camy

By Camy
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C James Master Scribe

C James

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Hi all,

 

I just posted chapter one of Seraph - my first multi chapter story.

 

you can get to it here

https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewstory.php?sid=161

 

I'd really like to hear what you all think of it

 

Thanks

 

Camy B)

 

Camy, I liked it so much that I'm doing something that is very rare for me: I'm posting! :o

 

Seriously though, this is good! I love your vocabulary, both the English idioms and colloquailisms, plus words like frisson.

 

I like the story so far. It always takes me a few chapters to get really into a multi-chapter, so I can't say for sure yet, but I think I like it a lot. The dream sequence was great, and I'm curious to find out what is going on with "Valerian". (great name, too, BTW)

CJ

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Camy Journeyman Scribe

Camy

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Camy, I liked it so much that I'm doing something that is very rare for me: I'm posting! :o

Poating good ... infact posting is wonderful :) so thanks

Seriously though, this is good! I love your vocabulary, both the English idioms and colloquailisms, plus words like frisson.

That's the 'across the pond' differences seeping out, or in.

I like the story so far. It always takes me a few chapters to get really into a multi-chapter, so I can't say for sure yet, but I think I like it a lot. The dream sequence was great, and I'm curious to find out what is going on with "Valerian". (great name, too, BTW)
Thanks! Yeah Valerian is a .... Ooops. Nearly gave the game away.

 

:2thumbs::2thumbs::read: Favorite Line:So what's with the gay question?

Heh! :) One of mine as well.

 

Thanks for the comments guys! Much appreciated.

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AFriendlyFace Journeyman Scribe

AFriendlyFace

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AWESOME first chapter, Camy!

 

I really love this story so far!

 

As I've said many times before you definitely excel at characterization! I feel like all the characters, particularly Gabe are already so rich and well-developed, and it's only the 1st chapter! I think I'm really going to enjoy being in Gabe's "head"; he's an extremely fun character!

 

I loved the JJ and 'the Boys' tie in! I can't wait to see what other familar faces turn up! Could it be we'll get a brief update on JJ and John? One question though, I know Ray and Giles were in JJ and 'the Boys", and Rajit definitely seems to fit the description of "Jamal" but is the name change on purpose? Is he undercover or something?

 

Also I loved the dream sequence, but unless I'm mistaken didn't you once post it in your blog? (or somewhere else around here?) It seems very familar! Of course it makes more sense in context!

 

It doesn't seem like Brian will have a problem with Gabe being gay since his brother is and he's said to always be defending him :) I wonder if Gabe ended up telling him at the end of that scene?

 

 

Seriously though, this is good! I love your vocabulary, both the English idioms and colloquailisms, plus words like frisson.

I agree that definitely enhanced the experience for me as well :)

 

Awesome job, Camy! I'm really looking forward to reading more!

Kevin

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Boxerdude Initiate Scribe

Boxerdude

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Camy,

 

Great story!!! I thought it was awesome for a first chapter. I loved you summer anthology and this is sure to be even better. Keep up the writing, it suits you very well. Oh, I love the across the pond stuff. I have fun reading it in the accent it is written in. You write it so well, it is not hard to do that. Oh, we need to hear more about Nick!!! Sounds like he is on big hotty!! Oh, and Rajit's and Ray's friend, I think he is more than just royalty. From the expression your wrote on Ray and Rajit's faces, I think he is family and they are keeping it a secret, for now. The Boys?? Humm

 

Great Job and Keep us Posted on when the next chapter comes out!!!

 

Hugs,

 

David :read::2thumbs:

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Camy Journeyman Scribe

Camy

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AWESOME first chapter, Camy!

:D Thanks!

Rajit definitely seems to fit the description of "Jamal" but is the name change on purpose? Is he undercover or something?

Thanks Kevin! for the thirty second - Oh no a major MAJOR mistake! running around the room shouting at the cats in a blind panic moment :blink:

However Jamal is the Prince and Rajit is his bodyguard. :P

 

Also I loved the dream sequence, but unless I'm mistaken didn't you once post it in your blog? (or somewhere else around here?) It seems very familar! Of course it makes more sense in context!

Yeah, it was very similar to the very first piece of prose I wrote and posted in my blog. You've got a great memory! I'd forgotten about it.

It doesn't seem like Brian will have a problem with Gabe being gay since his brother is and he's said to always be defending him :) I wonder if Gabe ended up telling him at the end of that scene?
Brian's cool at the moment, after all he's Gabe's best friend...

 

Oh, we need to hear more about Nick!!! Sounds like he is one big hotty!! Oh, and Rajit's and Ray's friend, I think he is more than just royalty. From the expression your wrote on Ray and Rajit's faces, I think he is family and they are keeping it a secret, for now. The Boys?? Humm

Nick? Hot? Hmm well ... wait for chapter 2! :devil:

 

I'm not allowed to talk about the Prince. :whistle:

 

Thanks y'all

 

Camy B)

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Centaur Initiate Scribe

Centaur

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Hi Camy:

 

I'm posting, like everyone else here, to tell you that I loved the first chapter of Seraph. It was a very great chapter to read, and it really piqued my interest.

 

The character development is excellent - especially for a first chapter! And Nick is already someone we all want to know more about!

 

I liked the back-and-forth dialogue, and the conversations felt very real to me.

 

So, excellent job! I can't wait to read Chapter Two!

 

Kudos!

 

Centaur :2hands:

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writeincode Initiate Scribe

writeincode

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Lol eveytime i read "valerian" I think of the plant which looks like a bunch of roots and smells/tastes really bad.

 

Its also a sedative. I hope that doesn't have something to do with the storyline :o Will Valerian perhaps come after Gabe and herbally sedate him for a while?

 

I sense a medicinal-herb pattern within your writings (JJ and the Boys- the herbal sleeping tablets)...

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Camy Journeyman Scribe

Camy

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Lol eveytime i read "valerian" I think of the plant which looks like a bunch of roots and smells/tastes really bad.

 

Its also a sedative. I hope that doesn't have something to do with the storyline :o Will Valerian perhaps come after Gabe and herbally sedate him for a while?

 

I sense a medicinal-herb pattern within your writings (JJ and the Boys- the herbal sleeping tablets)...

Can't say I'm afraid, 0:) not at this stage anyway... Which doesn't mean it has something to do with the storyline, and doesn't mean it doesn't ... erm, yes. I think that makes sense.

 

Camy B)

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Conner Adept Scribe

Conner

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Great story, Camy! :2thumbs: I'm totally infatuated with Gabe...on a completely platonic level of course. 0:)

 

Thank god, Nick didn't leave. :D

 

So, Kitty has a backroom, does she? :devil::P

 

More, please! *holding up soup bowl*

 

 

Conner :boy:

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Camy Journeyman Scribe

Camy

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Having two Goats both enjoying the story is more than I could possibly have hoped for! :D I've got some wonderful brambles and a large bed of nettles if you're interested.

 

Ooops. So sorry I 'outed' your backroom Kitty, but it's probably for the best in the long run. ;) *tap-tap, tappity tap*

 

Camy B)

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Centaur Initiate Scribe

Centaur

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Hi Camy!

 

Okay - I'm not a goat, but does a half man, half horse count? I hope so! :D

 

I loved chapter two of Seraph. This is a really cool story, and I'm curious about several things here:

 

(1) What is up with Valerian?

 

(2) Does primal screaming really help relieving stress? If so, then I'm going to try it at the office! :lmao:

 

(3) What's up with Caitlin?

 

LMAO at the vomit on Nick's shirt - that was classic.

 

Nice job Camy! Great chapter! Keep it UP!!!!

 

Centaur :2hands:

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C James Master Scribe

C James

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Having two Goats both enjoying the story is more than I could possibly have hoped for! :D I've got some wonderful brambles and a large bed of nettles if you're interested.

 

Dinner is served!!! :D

 

Nettles, though? Hmmm... I not-so-fondly remember getting stung by those as a kidd. :P

 

Hi Camy!

 

Okay - I'm not a goat, but does a half man, half horse count? I hope so! :D

 

I loved chapter two of Seraph. This is a really cool story, and I'm curious about several things here:

 

(1) What is up with Valerian?

 

(2) Does primal screaming really help relieving stress? If so, then I'm going to try it at the office! :lmao:

 

(3) What's up with Caitlin?

 

LMAO at the vomit on Nick's shirt - that was classic.

 

Nice job Camy! Great chapter! Keep it UP!!!!

 

Centaur :2hands:

 

How not to impress a guy: Throw up on him! :lmao:

I loved that too!!

 

I'm very curious about Valerian myself! Maybe it's a play on words, just a dream? Valarian is the name of a herbal soporific.

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Camy Journeyman Scribe

Camy

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Centaurs are most welcome, and any other mythical creatures too. :2thumbs:

 

Valerian is most definitely real.

 

Primal screaming certainly relieves the stress of a boring day! though if you scream in an office environment it's probably best to have a nurse standing by for your co-workers ;)

 

Caitlin is umm ... Caitlin

 

Camy B)

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  • 2 weeks later...
AFriendlyFace Journeyman Scribe

AFriendlyFace

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Awesome chapter, Camy!

 

I can't wait to seewhat develops next between Nick and Gabe.

 

So here's a perhaps odd, random guess. I think Valerian IS Nick! I know it's reaching, but that's my guess. If not I'm not sure how Valerian is tied up in all of this.

 

Quite a chapter! It looks like Nick and Gabe have been "outed" to each other too!

 

I can't wait to see chapter 3 :D

Kevin

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Camy Journeyman Scribe

Camy

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Awesome chapter, Camy!

 

I can't wait to seewhat develops next between Nick and Gabe.

 

So here's a perhaps odd, random guess. I think Valerian IS Nick! I know it's reaching, but that's my guess. If not I'm not sure how Valerian is tied up in all of this.

That's a great idea ... but sorry, no cigar.

 

Quite a chapter! It looks like Nick and Gabe have been "outed" to each other too!

 

I can't wait to see chapter 3 :D

Kevin

Thanks Kevin. I'm chuffed you're enjoying it. :2thumbs:

 

Camy B)

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DarkShadow Initiate Scribe

DarkShadow

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DAMN that maid! I've got visions of spies, and hi tech espionage blurring around in my brain. Thank you for that. I really like this, I read the first chapter some time ago, though I don't know why I didn't post something about it. Brain tumor? I think it's great!

 

I got a little confused a couple of time as to who was speaking to who, but I think that is more my problem than with the way it is written. Sometimes I read a little too quickly when I find something I like.

 

I'm one of them little hacking computer geeks from long long ago before windows existed, so this is something that definately catches my attention.

 

Thanks for the great story... I can't wait for the next chapter!

 

As a side note... I hope your editor the best, and gets well soon.

 

Take care!

Shannon

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