Book recommendation please

[cabbagepatchwife]

I have recently taken in a gay teenager, literally only a month ago, and one of the things I am noticing about him is his negative viewpoint about gay men. Then there are things he just doesn

[JamesSavik]

I'm not sure that there is a book exactly like what you are looking for. There have been some attempts but IMHO no one has really gotten there yet. The GMHC Complete Guide does contain some valuable information and might be a good place to start.

 

As far as how your teen views gay men, that comes from two places: experience and culture. If he has lived in a household where every other word from a role model has been fag, queer, poofer- then he associates negativity with homosexuality. If his experience with gay men has been as the only kid in a bar full of leacherous old trolls, then his opinion be understandably negative.

 

This is very, very common and the only cure for it? Experience and culture. He needs experience with gay peers in a non-threatening environment to see that sexuality is merely a facet of personality and it is character that ultimately makes a person worth knowing. It is important that he meets or knows some gay adults that will act and treat him appropriately.

 

That is one of the good things about this site: there are kids & adults that frequent GA but the moderators get rid of any adult who acts inappropriately.

 

There are also a number of fine folk on the site from the U.K. here that can point you in the direction of reputable organizations that support gay youth.

 

Let me say that I admire what you are doing. If I can help, I will.

 

 

James

[Jack Scribe]

...I was wondering if anyone knew of a book that could help him understand more about who he is. I am not talking about sex or even history, just how to be happy, healthy and understand gay culture.

 

I had a rummage around Amazon...

 

I also admire what you are doing and support James' advice. I rummaged around Google and found this site that you could review. It has several links for gay youth support groups in the U.K.

 

http://www.gaytimes.co.uk/gt/listings.asp?...mp;WebFormID=34

 

Perhaps one or more of the links will help.

 

Jack

[sumbloke]

The closest I know to a book of this kind is

 

How to Be a Happy Homosexual: A Guide for Gay Men by Terry Sanderson

 

It's available new or used from Amazon.

 

There are a few "coming out" books for teens but most of them are collections of coming out experiences and there's only one that I know of from the UK and it's out of print. Good advice for parents, family and friends of gay kids is to be found on

 

Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays

 

for the UK and the equivalent

 

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays

 

for the US.

 

There's some pretty good websites out there that provide information and social networking for gay and lesbian youth. In the UK I recommend

 

Puffta

Queer Youth Alliance

Out Everywhere

 

Puffta is quite mainstream scene oriented; QYA is an autonomous, youth organised group that does campaigning work and social networking and has regional groups; Out Everywhere is a social networking group that isn't only for young people but does have a pretty youthful membership.

 

The best advice I can give anyone is that joining a gay youth group is one of the best ways of finding out what it's all about. There are a good number in the UK although they're clustered around big towns - check out QYA's site to find one near you!

 

Jakob

[rec]

I'd strongly recommend some very positive stories about gay youth from Driver Nine at

 

http://www.storiesbydriver.net/

 

In particular, Falling Off a Log and Summer Storm are good introductions to his series of stories. It's too bad that Everyday Love is no longer officially available, because it is a wonderful coming-of-age and gay-acceptance story.

 

After those, I would recommend Plan A, Plan B, Plan C and Plan D.

 

rec

[Graeme]

If I may be so bold, but I think you're off on the wrong foot.

 

If he needs a more positive view of gay men, then a book isn't going to give him that. Look for positive role models, and I think you'll find that they'll be just normal guys who just happen to be gay. The younger members here will be able to point out a few more, but two that I can think of is the N'Sync singer who came out recently (Lance Bass?), and Ian Roberts, the Australian ex-rugby player.

 

For terminology, like twink (and yes, your definition was right), then I think he'll pick up a fair amount of that through context. I sincerely doubt you'll be able to find a book that helps with that.

 

There is a "gay culture", but in my opinion it only contains a subset of gay people. There are, I suspect, a lot of gay people that do not participate in that culture. I remember speaking to a couple in Australia, and they said that the "gay scene" wasn't for them -- it wasn't what they liked doing. Make sure he understand that it's fine for him to just be another guy who happens to be gay -- there is no need for him to identify as a gay guy.

 

Just my opinion

[Caipirinha]

It may not be exactly what you're looking for, actually it might be completely unhelpful, but the first book that popped into my mind was "How I Learned to Snap" by Kirk Read.

 

Amazon.com had this to say about the book: "With bold Southern humor, journalist and performer Kirk Read takes readers on a guided tour of his precocious and courageous adolescence. Recalling his years as an openly gay high school student, Read describes how he navigated the hallways with his sense of humor and dignity intact. He fondly recalls his initiations into sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll, as well as his "shy as neon" acts of rabble rousing during high school. How I Learned to Snap is a refreshingly victim-free story in which queer teenagers are creative, resilient, and ultimately heroic."

 

At very least, I enjoyed it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I also agree with Graeme that just because he's gay doesn't mean that he has be ridiculously, flamboyantly GAY. Hopefully he'll come to terms with himself and eventually be comfortable in his own skin being himself, whoever it may be.

[phrere]

Order the survival guides for gay teenagers at http://www.xy.com, they are very helpfull and aimed at teenagers. The magazine as well as the website is very helpful.

[The Reaper]

Idk any books that would be able to help you out in this situation (mainly because i dont read those types of book) but an idea did occur. Its the only thing that came to ind but depending on how old he is, find him a gay friend. Or even join him in a gay club or something.

 

I personally learned a lot about "gay culture" just from having gay friends and those things. Being around gay people is the best way to learn.

 

 

[cabbagepatchwife]

There is a "gay culture", but in my opinion it only contains a subset of gay people. There are, I suspect, a lot of gay people that do not participate in that culture. I remember speaking to a couple in Australia, and they said that the "gay scene" wasn't for them -- it wasn't what they liked doing. Make sure he understand that it's fine for him to just be another guy who happens to be gay -- there is no need for him to identify as a gay guy.

Just my opinion

 

I also agree with Graeme that just because he's gay doesn't mean that he has be ridiculously, flamboyantly GAY. Hopefully he'll come to terms with himself and eventually be comfortable in his own skin being himself, whoever it may be.

I didn

[Kadin]

Linzi;

 

First off, let me say that I greatly respect what you've done here. Very few people are willing take in teenage boys, let alone a gay teenage boy. I've been looking into doing something similar here, and lets just say that I've learned it's more just a little difficult.

 

As far as suggestions go, I don't have a book for you, but since you obviously have internet access, I strongly recommend you put your young man in touch with the young folks over at The Mailcrew. There he'll find young men like himself with a positive outlook on being gay, and young people will often respond better to a group of their peers, as we all know. Your foster son couldn't find a better bunch to learn from.

 

Check it out at:

 

http://www.themailcrew.com

 

Kadin

[old bob]

Ross has some unhealthy and dangerous misconceptions and he needs help understanding that being gay doesn

[Eddy]

Linzi;

 

First off, let me say that I greatly respect what you've done here. Very few people are willing take in teenage boys, let alone a gay teenage boy. I've been looking into doing something similar here, and lets just say that I've learned it's more just a little difficult.

 

As far as suggestions go, I don't have a book for you, but since you obviously have internet access, I strongly recommend you put your young man in touch with the young folks over at The Mailcrew. There he'll find young men like himself with a positive outlook on being gay, and young people will often respond better to a group of their peers, as we all know. Your foster son couldn't find a better bunch to learn from.

 

Check it out at:

 

http://www.themailcrew.com

 

Kadin

 

I agree completely -- The Mail Crew is a good start.

 

As for reading material I can't help but think of the Foley-Mashburn series of Tim by Brew Maxwell should be required reading. A very long story of family love and it's inner workings of a gay family complex. Tim is a masterfully beautiful gay story which should be "required reading" for all gay people.

 

Hugs

[Graeme]

A couple of links:

 

The Foley-Mashburn Saga by Brew Maxwell, as well as a couple of other good, positive stories, can be found on the Mail Crew web site:

 

http://www.themailcrew.com/pdfpage.html

 

You can also find it at CRVBoy as individual chapters. The first chapter of the first book (Tim) can be found at:

 

http://www.crvboy.org/stories/brewmaxwell/t/index.html

 

On a personal note, The Foley-Mashburn Saga and Working It Out by Don Hanratty (available here at GA as well as on The Mail Crew web site on the above link) played a major part in my finally accepting my homosexuality. I can thoroughly recommend both stories, and I've seen many others recommend them, too.

 

If you want a print novel, rather than online, I've heard good things about the stories by Alex Sanchez from people I trust:

 

http://www.alexsanchez.com/

 

I also believe one of them was on the recommended reading list for high school students in the parts of the USA for a time, but I'm but not sure which (one of the Rainbow series of novels, from memory).

[cabbagepatchwife]

Thank you so much, you guys are great.

 

I am taking everything on board.

 

Linzi.

[Razor]

It's very sweet that you're helping him out.

 

I really just wanted to say that. Good thing you're doing. Good luck to all of ya.

 

 

 

 

 

(As for unhealthy misconceptions about gays... you could always try the old "well that one's gay and you don't see him doing it" idea. ~shrugs~ It at least opens the door for further thought and discussion.)