Cia

I'm glad hun. Hopefully this will continue to improve with your dad.

Sorry hun, sounds like you've been through the wringer again lately. We're always here to listen though!

Often times lack of direction in what you are writing can create that type of a problem, I've had that happen. For me, it is usually when I approach the end of a story and begin trying to tie up every darn detail that I get a tad tripped up. Creating a plan can really work to prevent those issues. If that's not it, GA's 'sister' site FSO has a blog I wrote up last week that gives some tips to get you writing if you find yourself blocked for one reason or another. You can read it here.

To my favorite beta! I don't know what I'd do without you around to chat with, bounce ideas off of, and just generally keep me in line. I hope you have another good year to come!!!

Yeah it makes sense. We both know I'm not afraid to tell you if I think your story sucks! Of course, since you beta for me too, I temper that with lots of LOL Being serious, I'm not known for sugarcoating much of anything. I try to always point out what I do like, but I will point out anything I find wrong as well. I can be annoyingly persistent too. Thankfully almost everyone who has ever been on the receiving end of my comments has been willing to listen and either accept them at face value, or argue with me back and teach me something new. My own writing is a little less critiqued as I'd like, since I only go to a few people for help. Reader comments are nice but I really enjoy the ones that point out mistakes, typos, or question my story or characters. Sometimes I've had them sting a little when I couldn't figure out the difference between what I wrote and what the reader ended up taking from the story, but I try to push that aside and accept all input at face value. Your write up on this was great Cassie, and I loved the personal examples you shared.

There is a glitch in the notification system when authors post-date chapters. We can't fix it right now, but for some reason when authors post date a chapter it is notifying followers. Sorry for the confusion, Rob's chapters did indeed post today.

LOL, that's how I got started writing too Dave! Good luck!

It was a story by Drew Hunt and it's been published now. He broke them into 2 books in a series called 'Fireside Romance 1&2'. First Flames and Burning Brighter are the actual titles. You can find them here on Goodreads.

'Most' publishers won't take stories already published. Newer ones are flexible though. I've an expanded version of Pricolici being published this fall by a new publishing company, and it was with the understanding that the original version of the story would not be removed from GA. However, as Andy said, pretty much any established publisher, even strictly e-publishers, will not pick up stories already posted for free.

No problem. Number of reviews that could be left was one of the things we looked at when GA Stories was designed. I've seen other sites that allow for more than one review per chapter as well, and unfortunately the few sometimes ruin it for the many. I've observed reviews on stories becoming a place for authors/fans/flamers to get into arguments and meander away from the actual story and it is easier to moderate that outside of the review system. Also, one of the many ways you can search for stories is by the reviews they receive. Obviously, the idea is that the more reviews, the better a story is, for the most part. Allowing only 1 review per reader per chapter, plus the story review, keeps that 'honest'.

You can only review a chapter once, yes, but you can review EACH chapter. You can also only do one story review as well. There is an author forum for authors to create discussion topics if they wish to give their readers a place to further discuss their stories in more depth. You are always able to send comments to an author using the 'send me a message' button on their profile too. If they don't have a story discussion topic, ask them to start one or if they mind if you start one. The review area really isn't meant to be a place to comment to the author, other than on the specific content of the chapter. We have many options for readers to interact with the author outside of the reviews which is why we have it set up that way.

I really enjoyed The Wheel of Time stories. It's definitely not your typical fantasy male/female dynamic in the story.

Oh yeah, you can definitely tell the places that PR their employees to sucker in people. I've been 'Miss' before, with a wedding ring on and 2 kids. Yeah right, I'm a miss. Pfffft. I don't get carded, but then I haven't since I was about 16. I've always looked older, and I hung out with older people, so it never was an issue. Nowadays they card everyone for liquor though. I'm not a fan of rap, but even I had to laugh at that video.

Very good point, Rec. I didn't mention why using titian wouldn't work to explain a character's nail color, but as it is commonly used in the past to describe red hair, it would work for that type of description instead. It would be obscure, but pertinent in that use. An author should never use a word if they aren't absolutely sure they understand the meaning.

I write without a clear direction in mind quite often. Sometimes I have an idea of where I want the story to go, but case in point with my last completed story, The Experiment, I had no idea Jarauala was the bad alien gal until we'd met her 3 times. With my Carthera series, I had no idea when I started the first one that you'd find out that Mishtar, the rescuer in that story, was the villian mastermind by the 3rd story. I think the difference between writing each chapter as it comes, with only the barest of ideas of what you want the story to be, or none at all, and just writing a story willy nilly comes down to the time you spend editing it. In many ways writing by the seat of your pants is a technique that requires you to be very meticulous in knowing what you've written so far. Just as meticulous as planning your story in advance, imo. If you do that correctly, you will not paint yourself into any corners. You don't have to know what happens next, as long as you know where you've been. Writing without a plan can be interesting for the author as much as the reader. Not knowing what comes next can be very fun and lead to some interesting twists that readers don't expect. It is not, however, pointless. At least not in my experience.

I have a fairly well developed vocabulary, but even I sometimes need to find alternatives. A good place to start is Thesaurus.com if you write online. If you prefer to write your first draft on paper, pick up a thesaurus at the store; they're only a few dollars. Understand though, writing a visceral description isn't all about using fancy words. Say you need are using the word red to describe the color of a villian's fingernail polish but it just doesn't quite give the picture the punch you need to imply. A few suggestions you might use from the thesaurus are carmine, russet, titian ... but do those really mean much to the average reader? Probably not. Instead, try to give simple descriptions that allow your reader to see it. You could say that 'She tapped long fingernails, painted scarlet like fresh blood, on the arm of her chair or She tapped long fingernails, painted a rust color like old blood, on the arm of her chair'. Not only does that give them a better idea of the exact color the comparison to blood, even if it isn't a bloody scene, brings to mind the negative impression of blood on the villian's hands. If you are describing a different character that isn't a villian, you might use ruby or rose for red. Both of those leave the impression of beautiful objects and are common enough that pretty much anyone can picture the colors implied. You need to keep your character in mind when you describe things, as well as your setting. Subtle descriptions can add to a reader's feelings about the story you are trying to tell without having to be too flowery/full of obscure or big words. You never want your words to be repetitous but you also don't want to force you reader out of the story by using words they don't really understand or descriptions that don't make sense to the character either.

A writer should use their words and descriptions to indicate the scene they wish to set, of course. You do have some lovely descriptive phrases in the part you explain your uses in your anthology story. However, what you do not do there, which you do in your re-write of the first line, was show the setting through the character's perception of it. That lets you avoid author narration for the most part. Also, it allows for a more visceral relation on the part of your reader when you give them the story through the senses of your character. For example: The winter night was dark and quiet as I walked home alone. So cold that ice had formed like glass across the surface of the scummy puddles, the quiet was broken by a sound. Not paying attention, I took another step and a sound like breaking glass filled the air as I stepped in a puddle up to my ankle. I cursed and began trudging home, one shoe uncomfortably wet. or I pulled my scarf closer to protect my neck from the cold brush of the winter wind. I walked home in the dark stillness that governed the hours after midnight, taking care to avoid the icy puddles. A rustling sound in the field beside the road distracted me and I mis-stepped, my foot breaking through the thin pane of ice over the scummy water with a tinkling sound like breaking glass. "Damn!" I cursed as the freezing water soaked my foot. I jumped out of the puddle but it was too late. I was forced to continue trudging home with one foot feeling more and more like a solid block of ice.

Very teenage angst, which I don't really get into since I'm not a teenager and I haven't been one for a long time. I did, however, notice a few things as I scanned this story for approval. You should pay attention to your dialogue and mix it with body cues a little bit more, rather than large chunks of dialogue and then narration from the character's POV. That will help your readers, 'see' the scene. Another thing I noticed you do, A LOT, is use hehehe when writing. You do it in both narration and in dialogue. Is that a noise? Is it supposed to indicate a laugh? If they are laughing you need to indicate that with narration and cut out all those hehehe, in my mind. It doesn't flow well at all. I do think you've given us a lot of insight into Dylan's character but remember not to make him too one dimensional by always making him so dramatic. Even teenagers are happy from time to time. Angst and dramatic moments are good to create interest, always having a character being whiny or pissy about life will turn off readers. Also, we've seen Dylan's relationship with his mother, but you've always highlighted his negative relationship with his father, and it seemed as though his parents relationship was pretty full of friction as well. You'll need to follow up on those family dynamics if you're going to full flesh out the characters since you've made it all such a big part of the story already.

Nice emotional drama. The writing flow was pretty smooth and I like that Hiro didn't immediately fall apart, even if he was understandably upset. Angst is good if it is believable, this was. Plus, I'm a sucker for a happy ending, lol. Good job!

Just a little hot! I'm so glad you enjoyed that Bandage. You'll just have to wait and see who is next!! I hope you had a good vacation hun.

See, a quick-hush Cia you'll find out later- works. *lips zipped*

Okay, I saw your answer to my review and I still have to quibble on Bastian's name. Are you planning on explaining the name? I just don't get how a culture so widely separated from Earth, if we judge on the lack of database information on them that Devin can find, can have the same name. It's improbable in the extreme. As strange as it sounds, science fiction and/or fantasy should follow certain logic for the reader, and that stretches the bounds of the believable even in a story. Look at cultures that are widely separated just here on Earth. Japan's top 5 boys name in 2010 compared to the US: Japan-Ren, Hiroto, Souta, Yuuma, Sora. US-Aiden, Jacob, Jackson, Ethan and Jayden. You can easily create names that are 'alien' and yet easy for readers to remember. In my story, The Experiment, my aliens don't all have common names but my lead wasn't hard to remember. His name was Seral. The human's name in the story was Ryker. People were constantly getting Ryker's name wrong, but very few had any problems remember Seral's. 'Alien' doesn't have to mean complicated or exceptionally strange, just different. Examples of my alien's names: Seral Modoalm Ovrumi Jaraula Witani Polsh Fieo Humans: Ryker Dade Nicklaus

Always great to see new authors on GA, especially ones I already enjoy reading. I hope you continue to enjoy your experience here.

Interesting beginning. I'm assuming you're going dystopian zombie horror. You did paint some good pictures with your text and Poprocks was quite the quirky character. I liked you having the guy a claustrophile. I know the feeling so that was a nice relatable touch for me to the story. However, the timeline jumps when they are in the car with Tom, then jerk back to when they met him and he picked them up, to the abrupt shift to the zombie attack was extremely disruptive and frustrated me. It pulled me away out of the story because I couldn't track what was happening when and to which characters or why. I had to stop and re-read that section a second time for it to make sense. When I write I try to make it so the reader isn't reading my story, they are in my story. That means have a flow that moves logically from one scene to another is just as important as making sure that sequences of events within the scene make sense as well. Just as a person can't easily get up before they fall, putting your middle before your beginning just doesn't make sense like you did with those scenes.

James: I dread to think of why you believe any sort of gloating self-satisfaction instantly has to be 'getting off on it'. I would agree that she's enjoying the power trip she's experiencing but making that leap to a sexual pleasure is not logical in my mind. The leash thing is very common. As a stay at home mom, I've seen a ton of kids leashed over the years. I always found it more than a little bit ridiculous. They also make belts with alarms you can trigger if your kid gets too far from you and squeaky shoes so you can hear them walking around. Those drove me nuts. Though I had a 3 year old and 1 year old both moving at one point and definitely saw the draw of the idea of a leash, I never used one. What I did instead? I taught my kids to stay close to me or be punished. At that age it usually meant being confined to a stroller or the sling, or we would go home. Punishment for teenagers is very different than younger kids, I'll grant you that. However, the biggest job is laying down that foundation when the kids are young. If you prove that your kids must abide by the punishment they receive or they'll get a worse one, then it can work when they are older. You just have to know the right lever to get your kids to dread being punished, at all ages. My kids respond well to loss of movie night or computer privileges, and my best friend has a 13 year old and the child would rather wash dishes for 2 weeks as a punishment than lose a week of cell phone as proven by a recent punishment episode. These kids parents have screwed up in the parenting department but one can hope they will learn from their mistakes as well. The kids in the video are definitely shamed and the weight of that is probably huge for many of them, beyond whatever punishment they receive from parents, the school, or the police. I saw a television interview with the kid that did the video and the idiot barely looked up the whole time. I found the conversation of 'you should never let peer pressure get to you' to be too little, too late, but it is a good deterrent for others in the area for a long while I'll bet.