Cia

Well thank you so much Anthony! I'm really glad you enjoyed both stories. They were meant to be easy reads with happy endings with only a bit of drama along the way.

Nah, you just gave me a good reason to expound on my own views about beta reading. Disagree all you like; debate on views about writing AND editing processes is always welcome!

There is a very simple reason some people will only call themselves a beta reader and not an editor, NotNoNever. Some people are good at looking for creative issues but have problems with their own spelling, much less correcting other's. Or they don't have the confidence in their grammar, punctuation, or spelling to consider themselves an editor but they're great at getting into the creative process and can help with plot ideas, or keeping characters 'in character', looking for head hopping, ect... They can also give the author input on how they viewed the story as a reader. They're not changing or correcting anything, they're just providing feedback on the story. Those people are typically going to consider themselves a beta reader. I've had several authors who asked me to just focus on those aspects and ignore spelling and grammar, since they would have those done by someone who had more experience editing or were only working on their first creative draft. I've had some authors mark me as an editor on here, but it has only been recently that I felt confident enough in my knowledge to deal with those aspects of writing. I did have a professional editor recently go over a novella I wrote and yes, she did write up comments on everything, but not everyone is qualified to do that. Beta readers are a valuable sub-set of the 'editing world', and one that shouldn't be disregarded lightly.

A great article on beta reading, Dark, and right on the nose with the why's and how's that most of us work toward as authors and betas. I have betas and I beta for quite a few people off and on. I did for Dark at one time, or I tried. I'm one of the failures he had, though it was through no fault of his writing or my skills, it was a timing issue. I flaked on getting his stuff done in a timely manner since I was so occupied with various projects, which can be the downfall of trying to help too many people. That's an important thing for a beta to remember. You can't help everyone, even if you want to, so make sure you can commit to doing what you say you will. Sometimes styles don't mesh up or you just can't work with someone, but you never know until you try. Working with other authors on their stories has helped me improve my own writing, and I like to think I've helped others as well. While not every attempt to find a beta is successful, authors should continue to try to find someone who works for them and their stories because the feedback is most definitely invaluable.

Asamvav described it as PTSD, and I think that's a pretty accurate description of what Dade is going through. He's been surrounded by discipline and death for so long but there is only so much one person can take. His reactions are what I'd expect anyone in his shoes to be going through but it is a fine line between angry, scared, sad and omg, get over it already. LOL I'm so glad you enjoyed it. More will be coming soon, don't worry!

I enjoyed this chapter, and the characters so far. You kept them true to their age and personalities, so that's always good. I sense a lot of drama in the works in later chapters though. Your writing is pretty good, a nice mix of narration and dialogue and I liked the whole artist vibe you have in this, since I used to do art. You do need some work on your dialogue punctuation. I have a write up that helped me figure it out that might help you as well. If you'd like to see it, just pm me!

I'm so glad you've enjoyed my stories. This one was very focused on the relationship, with little secondary drama other than that. It was meant to explore some of the secondary character's lives. A definite feel good story, even to the point of 'not for mixed company', so I'm glad you enjoyed it. Otherwise, what's the point of erotic romance, LOL!

I told you forever ago that your stories WERE good enough to be published and I'm glad that belief has been vindicated. *go me* Okay... seriously, this is about you and I'm so glad that you're finding success in e-publishing. When you're ready, let me know, and I'll help you use the new linking system to 'post' your published work here on GA, so that the link leads to the sale sites where readers can purchase them. I remember seeing Ciarrai's story, at least the beginnings of it. I can't wait to see what you've done with it since I really loved his character!

Thanks hun! I had a good time. I do tend to give my characters quite a bit to overcome, but that's what makes it so great when they do! I'm really glad you enjoyed the chapter, it wasn't easy to write. Thanks so much for commenting!

I love your take on it, Nephy. From what I've read and experienced myself, as well as my friend's experiences, you're exactly right.

Always useful!

I agree with Lisa, the interplay made this chapter. However, the multiple details noticed for each character made this feel a bit like an info dump to me. I noticed it last time as well. You handle it well, and it's hard to avoid with this many characters in one story to highlight for the reader, but be careful you don't go overboad with Scott noticing each one all the time. For a first time writer, your story is remakably clean. Very well done. I wish I had written that well when I first started. Great job.

Oh great James, remind me about tick borne viruses when I'm about to go camping for the extended weekend. Thanks a bunch man! I grew up getting bitten like crazy though, and I'm still all right. Well mostly. I guess.

Thank you Harry! I'm really glad you enjoyed that. The story was full of so much relationship drama that I really did want to give the ending its own bit of flair. Thank so much for reading!

I think you gave the backstory some depth, and some depth to Patrick's life at present by showing us his friends and then telling about his past with Ben. I get the gist of 'the one that faded away' since that happens in life sometimes. I like the backstory and the history but I'd love to have seen more of Patrick's thoughts, not just his friend's comments, as well. I can't wait to see the situation unfold at the party next.

LMAO. For me, it's books. It's damn near impossible to resist the lure of getting one when I really crave somethign to read, even if I shouldn't.

Those products have been available in the US for a while so this isn't anything new. The thing is, the whole thing for guys and this is even in most sex stories I've read, that 'tight' is good. Tight gives good sensation to men, of course. Add in the whole having kids and losing muscle tone over the course of a woman's life and the reality is that women are not as tight as they age. That makes them feel less appealing during sex. The attitude is already there, the stereotyped comments are already lodged in the brains of most women. Some idiots are drawn in by these miracle creams just as they are for diet pills and other promises of quick fixes. The reality is that muscles need to be worked to retain tone, even those ones, LOL. Kiegels are good for that, but many people don't do them. *shrugs* Their loss and waste of money, I guess. PS I fixed the topic title.

The fantasy element was good and could've made this a really interesting story. However, I couldn't help but feel like this entire story was a giant info dump. You have so many characters, so many different elements, and then your timeline wasn't set in a linear fashion. You had them in a bar, then back to a different mission, then back to the origin of all the coffin drivers and their long-space travel, then back to the bar, then back ... it was really confusing. I was so overwhelmed by trying to figure out your world that I couldn't just sink into it. I really wish you'd extended this, rearranged the timeline a bit, and given a little less information all at once.

I enjoyed the chapter! The descriptions of all the pledge volunteers was a little too rote for me, very much 'hair, height, body, looks' though you did vary it so that was good. I try to go with less is more over the life of a story when it comes to descriptions. I like the various personalities you showed through their introductions though.

I like using twists. I love to do the unexpected, but I've found as a reader that more than one OMG! moment in a story tends to put me off as well. You can get away with it better in fantasy, I think, since the reader is expecting the fantastical. When you are writing a modern story and you mess too much with what the reader thinks they are getting, unless you are writing a mystery, they are going to get pissed off. Btw, to create a spoiler is very simple. First you can write in the code you want to use like [spoiler ] your text here [/spoiler ] and it will hide the text between the two bits of code. Make sure you don't actually leave any space between the brackets and the word spoiler to get them to work, I left the extra space so you could see it and it wouldn't actually create a spoiler. Another way to do this, and even easier, is to use the Special BBCode button. For me, it is the 3rd button from the left in the top row of the text editor. It looks like a rectangle with some green lines. When you click on that, you can choose several different options to change the code for you text. The most relevant ones for posters here will be spoiler, of course, and quote. Simply click on the option you want, and then put the text to be quoted or hidden in the box that shows up and then click 'okay'.

There is a whole grouping of forums called Gay Author's Writing Community, below the author forum area. It has a forum called Writer's Corner, Editor's Forum, Sneak Peeks, Writing Workshops and GA Anthology. Where you plan to post things sort of depends on well... what it is.

LOL! Well you came to the right place, Stephen! Though we come in all flavors here at GA! Welcome.

Yay! That must have been where I saw it. I scrolled crvboy last night to see if any titles stuck out at me but of course I couldn't remember it. They need some sort of tag/description system! This is why I love GA Stories.

LOL. Okay, we know you're Bashfulpie and you wanted to get author status from that post, so how is it not real? You introduced at least part of who you are. Welcome to the site!

You asked, therefore you shall receive! I did like the start to this story. Your cliched beginning was a quip, which made it grab my attention so you had a good hook. Its one I have seen used before, but that's okay. Scott's a bit of a perv isn't he? Every time he interacted with someone, the first thing he thought of was how attractive they were. It makes him seem a bit shallow. I liked the surprise with the pledges. Trying to figure out the trick and the surprise kept me reading. Your writing is well done, you had a good flow with the blend of narration and dialogue. Your biggest issue I saw, and it's a minor problem here and there, was your use of various forms of punctuation. I have a punctuation guide, if you're interested you can pm me.