Cia

Yep, Ellis and Dav. Human and Snake. Lifesaver and Lifetaker. They have quite the journey ahead. I'll post a new chapter soon. Most likely not in 2 days like this one, but soon Thanks for the review!!

Well... just because it's ready and I am a nice person AND it's my anniversary today which puts me in a good mood (11 years married, goodness)... Chapter 2 is posted I like it when I'm excited about a story! Happy reading! Hypnotic Chapter 2

"It's not noon yet, are you hungry? I could order some breakfast." Dav smiled when my stomach growled. "Sounds like you're ready to eat something. I skipped dinner last night; I could swallow a whole ham I think." I stared at him in shock, wondering if he could do that. Carthera had traits from their animal kinds; I had seen his fangs. Unhinging his jaw would just be freaky though it might help when... I felt my face grow hot as I blushed. Gods, I was becoming Matthew. Dav laughed qu

Well someone was ticked off. I would have liked a bit more background on the ghost and who it could have been, rather than some nameless ancestor but all in all, a great short story.

Again... just more further in the lives of the characters. Small amount of drama when speaking to the friend with the gay brother but overall... just a good chapter. I'm waiting for something to begin to happen though, some sort of gradual build in the tension or angst or overall plot of the story now that we have a good idea of the characters and their lives. Glad you'll be posting more soon. Thanks for the good read!

Good chapter, we get to see more of all the characters, get more background and see how they are all going about their lives. You have the teenager, awkward, horny character traits down, lol. Question though, how do you wince audibly? I couldn't get past that and read it several times. You can make a disapproving sound or gasp or something, but a wince is a silent reaction unless you add 'ow' to it usually.

I like the explanations we were given, it makes sense about Evan being part of the gang and yet not part. I don't know how well the logic of 'let's spread around that you really are gay to prevent trouble' will go over though. Seems like that might be a bad idea and Xander is going to need a lot more rescuing. Lots of angst possible. We'll see what you do with it though. Two things I saw I wanted to mention. Both go down to characterization and how you share that. First, you have Conner strolling into his room when Xander is taking a nap. With how you describe how he is looking and the incidents, I don't know that 'strolling' is how I would describe anyone's walk. What words we use, stalk, walk, stroll, tiptoe, gives your character a different emotional/physical vibe to the reader. The second was how you keep your characters, 'in character'. I.E. when you have Jared tell Xander that he thinks Evan is creepy and to be careful and then right before they get off the phone he implies that maybe Evan will do naughty things with him. Why would he want his friend to do naughty things with a guy he thinks is creepy? Just a few thoughts anyway, hope they help.

LOL. Are you okay? Seriously, good job on the plotting out your story. You never know, as you write, it might gain in length. Sometimes I actually look for 10-15k stories because they only take about 20 minutes to read. Perfect for commuters too. I feel for you on the birthday text. My father in law calls before 6 am EVERY year for my husband. Fine during weekdays if he's working because he gets up at 5 am but on a weekend? C'mon!! Maybe you can take a nap later. Oh, and happy b-day btw!

I'm trying to keep this something I'm writing on every day and the story to flow out and onto the page so I can get it to you guys. I'm so glad you like it so far. I've took a short break from writing with reader's feedback to just write but when I did that I found that I was finding time to read and do anything BUT write. All the great comments and reviews make me think about the story and keep me enthusiastic about it, so thank you! You guys keep nudging me and I'll keep writing!

I'm so glad you love the stories! These characters are ones I really liked off the bat too, so I hope you will continue to really feel for the story. Thanks for the review!!

Oh, but that would be telling!! No spoilers! I will tell you that ch. 2 will answer your question. I'm glad you like snakes too, there are some aspects to them that can be very sexy. You'll find out what those are as we go! Thanks so much for the review!

A blank review... how ambiguous!

Me likes it. Me won't poke holes in it. I be queen!! :cool:

Thank you, thank you! I was mostly giving the tone and the setting in chapter one. You'll see much more of the characters and get the mystery main character's name. Thanks for the review, more to come soon!!

Well it helps that I get migraines. I know exactly what it feels like and how it takes over your whole body. Don't worry, like I said, I write well with an audience to keep happy. I'll do more soon!

Hi guys! So, the first chapter of the third Carthera story is posted. I hope you like it. You can leave comments here or as a review. Thanks and happy reading!!! Hypnotic Chapter 1

Davis has been alone for a long time. Between his club and his job essentially as a mercenary for Velaku, the local Carthera leader who let him live in his territory, he has little time to worry about finding a mate. If that is even possible for one of his kind. That doesn't mean he doesn't want one though.

'Damn it!' I should have known better. It started with just a small warning ring. I wasn't drinking since I was the designated driver but the music was pounding so hard I wasn't paying much attention to anyone talking to me. Not until I noticed the lights begin to flash on the dance floor. My eyes watered and I groaned as I pressed the palm of my hand to my right eye. It couldn't have been more than a minute of the light show before it triggered. The guy who was trying to chat me up on my left s

Wow, that chapter ending was way more dramatic than I expected! So, tell me, is this a finished work? Are you posting as you write it? I'm sort of annoying when I like a story and the writer doesn't post it often enough, just so you know. You might be in for some bugging from me... possibly some whining, throwing my weight as Admin around (totally JK, unless I could make sure I didn't get caught, hmm... ). Really, the only thing I though that detracted at all from the story so far was the really commonly used 'let me look at me in the mirror naked' though, thank you VERY much for not describing him below the belt, lol. You did make his description part of the plot, not just a run down at least, so that was helpful to make it seem more like part of the story. I just prefer to share a detail here, or a detail there, a lot of the time as perceptions or comments from my other characters when it comes to physical descriptions. Anyway, as I said in my last review, this is a great story. I can't wait to see where you take it.

Usually I won't touch a story with such a young protagonist, and if you have him having sex I'll probably get the heebie jeebies, but I have to say, this is a wonderful story. Very few errors, nothing that detracted from reading, very well rounded characters, an emotional plot without being overdone or cliche, and I really want to read on. Thankfully... I get to. Great start!

Good chapter. I love how you wrote up Jace's philosophy about writing. I ascribe to many of the same principles, however, in some ways without being 'taught' how, a writer can never be great in my opinion. A phenomenal plot is only as good as the way the writer reveals and shares it with his reader. A poorly written piece full of grammatical and spelling errors will not have the same impact a story that is polished with the skills you can only get from technical learning. That's something I see with your story here. It doesn't detract from your storyline at all, which is driven by some wonderful characters, but it does lessen the impact. When Jace has his speech to the class you have him there, just talking. Real people don't do that. A real person would flick their eyes around the room, take in their audience, use a hand gesture to emphasize a point, smile at someone who is nodding along... Our lives are made up not only by the verbal messages we share but the physical ones. When you bunch all of them up at the end of your dialogue, like you did with the speech, it detracts from the realism and connection to those characters. You also could benefit from some grammar rule research. I'm constantly finding out how I'm doing some form of punctuation or capitalization wrong and trying to fix it. A great writer not only has great plots to share, but cares about how they showcase them. I think you're on your way to being a great writer, with a bit of work. Oh, and I want to know what Merry wrote too, so hopefully the next chapter won't be too long in coming.

I think my biggest complaint would be how you have Jace saying 'the boy' in his thoughts when he's confronting the teaser and the jocks. It seemed to distant, too dispassionate. Him or my boy would have been more in keeping with how possessive Jace seems to be. The scene where Hayden reads his story was pretty funny. I could just see him with his jaw set and his face beet read while she smirked at him.

I like how you are taking cliche characters and a cliche plot and totally making them not cliche, if you know what I mean. Your approach is different from most of the other teenage I'm in love so I should come out, right? stories I've seen. So, plot is good, characters are good, your delivery needs a bit of work. I saw one sentence that had 5 commas in it, a total run on sentence if ever I saw one. Try reading your story out loud during editing and you'll see the natural pauses and you might be able to get rid of some of those extra commas you're using. The other issue I saw was your changing tenses. Sometimes you're writing in past tense, sometimes in present and it was very distracting.

Interesting start. I like how you have clearly created the main characters and yet your descriptions of them are so vague. It allows me to get a sense of their self and my mind to make their bodies up as I read. I've always enjoyed that as I read. I can't write poetry or songs into my stories for anything so other than once I haven't even tried but I think you did it very well.

Okay, I can understand that. I wasn't intending that everyone had to do them all at one go, or even do all of them, though some obviously can build on the others. For those who want something short that can really help you with both your character's appearance and their part of the story try this next exercise. This could be a helpful bit of information to keep when you are writing a serial story. Most people wouldn't write a story this way but for reference and to get to 'know' your character, it's very handy. Exercise: Write a single paragraph where your character introduces themselves. Try letting them talk in first person so you really get to 'hear' them, even if your story isn't in first. You can do a monologue or you can do one of those cliche intros you see sometimes in stories. I'm going to use an old character of mine, just so that anyone who has read it can see how you could then incorporate the mental picture into your story as you write. For example: Hey, I'm Tap! Well, to everyone at home and school except my mom when I'm in trouble, then I'm Patrick Seamus Leeran. To the baseball team I'm the catcher, the gay catcher, but they don't care as long as I'm squatting behind home plate during games. Oh god! That might sound dirty. I don't mean catcher like that, I'm a virgin and not ashamed of it either, though I am seventeen so it's not like I feel the need to shout it during gym class. I have had my eye on this cute little guy though. He just moved here and he has to stand a full foot below my 6'5" height. My best friend Neri noticed and told me just to intoduce myself. She likes to tease me and call me 'Golden Boy' cause of my light brown hair and tan, plus she says I just seem to have life go the way I want it. Well I want life to let me get to know the new kid. He looks so sad. I bet a big hug would make him smile. I better take a jacket to school though, if I'm going to be making him smile, or I'm going to embarrass myself. God, he's cute. I tried to capture not just his 'details' but some of his personality traits. The way he likes to tease a bit and have fun, the way he feels protective and also lustful over Dane (he is 17 after all), and a bit about his family/friends dynamic. Try it with your characters from an ongoing or new story and see if it helps!