AFriendlyFace

That's a very good point. I think there is a lot to the whole "opposites attract" thing. On the other hand I recently had a series of dates with a very shy, introverted, unassertive guy. He was cute and sweet, but completely unwilling to make any decisions, or even express a preference. We always did exactly what I wanted to do in every regard. I found this a bit off-putting, and it ultimately led to my deciding not to pursue anything further with him. I've also read quite a few studies that indicate that with regards to quite a few areas (morality, intelligence, interests/hobbies, etc.) it IS best to find someone at least somewhat similar to yourself. Still I very much hold true to the idea that almost any relationship can work if the people involved in it are willing to do a great deal of work and take great efforts to communicate effectively.

I picked the "no, but I've had crushes. Perfectly said, Menzo. Hmm, none of my business, and I certainly wouldn't want you to alter your actions in this case because of anything I might say, but if it were me I would want to be able to discuss that with my partner. I think people should be understanding and supportive about these things with their S.O.'s. As long as you do love your current boyfriend, and wouldn't leave him to be with the other guy if the other guy suddenly became available and interested in you, and as long as you wouldn't cheat on him with the other guy, then I don't think there's a problem or anything to feel threatened or jealous about. ...but what do I know, lol Yes, I agree Graeme! I've often felt as though I were dating people I wasn't actually dating simply because of the nature of our activities and interactions. It's definitely feasible that over time I could have fallen in love with them. Sorry, but personally I find this Origin of Love style of pursuing a mate very distasteful. Don't get me wrong, I actually very much agree with everything else you just said about love except the bolded remarks, and if that's your way of looking at it great, good luck and I hope you find it, but I just find the very idea that somehow someone is "broken", or "incomplete", or only "half a person" until they meet their mate to just be...well disgusting and destructive (again, just my personal opinion). I wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't their own person and mostly self-contained without me. I have no interest in co-dependent relationships. I want a partner an equal, someone strong and independent in their own right, who isn't with me because he has to be because he's "missing something" without me, but someone who is with me because he's in love with me, and he wants me. Don't get me wrong, over time I expect us to come to rely on each other for support and to be there for each other. That's natural and healthy. But if he can't function without me...well that's certainly not the ideal. In my opinion, people should enter loving relationships because they're already happy and well-adjusted and want to share their lives with someone else. They shouldn't go into it thinking it's going to be a fix all for their current problems. You have to learn to be alone before you can learn to be with someone. I'm not intending to attack your ideal at all, however Tiger, if that works for you then great! I actually really liked that and it made sense to me. The way I see it, it's an urging to remain realistic and in difficult times to reassess the situation and perhaps realize that the one you thought you were in love with is just not going to happen, but that maybe there's someone perfect already waiting for you, that you could easily fall in love with. It seems like a sensible aphorism to me. Certainly one should never settle for someone who doesn't love them or someone they don't love, but we must also remember that it's not always a fairytale. Love takes work, commitment, and time. Anyway, like I said, those are just my opinions. My own concept of romantic love is a complicated marriage between practicality, realism, and even cynicism and the classic "happily ever after", "love at first sight", now-love-is-going-to-be-a-big-romantic-picnic-forever version. That's what I'm searching for, Take care all, and may you all find/stay in your fairytale happily ever afters, -Kevin

Hmm, interesting thread. Thank you, Old Bob, for starting it for us My answer would be that that is simply the nature of internet forums. I think there are very few where a significantly higher percentage do post regularly, and I suspect that those generally are the places that prune away the inactive members quite frequently. As someone who's been around here for a fairly long time in some capacity or another, including an honest to goodness lurker at some points - including some points after I'd joined and been active - I have to say that sometimes that's all one really wants to do. I personally find that I get into brief "habits" if you will. I may be active for months, then slowly taper off, then I'll still visit every couple of days, and read interesting threads, but for whatever reason I'm fairly disinclined to post. I'm only interested in hearing what other people are saying and doing, and I mostly keep my own opinions under my hat. I also think that as someone mentioned in the early part of the thread (sorry I didn't quote it), there is quite a bit of the "I have something specific I want to ask or say then I'll be going" sentiment. I think that's mostly okay. I'm often disappointed, because these types of threads in particular are the ones I'm likely to be interested in and enjoy participating in, and I usually come to care about the particular enquirer/commenter, but sometimes people just need to get certain things out of their systems, but they never really had any intention of sticking around at all. It's ashame, but on the other hand these are also usually the threads that stimulate very interesting discussion between the regular members that will go on long after that 'one hit wonder' if you will, has left. So, really I think we are richer for their presence, however brief it was. Also, people will inherently come and go as their life situations change, there's little we can do about that, except being supportive and friendly when they're here. Indeed, I would assume that the majority of the most active posters at the forum will eventually wander off due to other responsibilities and interests. We must simply enjoy each other's company for whatever duration we have it, in my opinion. I think that the best methods of getting people to participate -and more importantly with providing them with the support and resources they need - are the simplest ones: -Greet new members in a friendly, warm fashion -Make an effort to respond to their posts! We want them to know that we're listening and that what they said has value. -Keep the atmosphere pleasant and conducive to stimulating discourse. This includes avoiding sniping or exchanging barbs and insults, and it also includes spamming and taking silliness to the point that the topic at hand is lost. Being witty is great, so is being playful, just try to be aware, and not cross the line into excess. -If someone looks like they need help with something, try to help them or try to point them toward someone who can. Anyway, just a few suggestions and observations I had. Take care everyone and have a terrific day -Kevin

You've received a lot of very good advice, Menzo. How long you need to wait, what is or isn't appropriate, and any other complications are all going to be completely contingent upon the two of you and the situation in question. In general I would advise being there for him as a friend and perhaps even trying to subtly find out what he wants next in terms of dating and a relationship. You can usually find out. I'm always very candid about my relationship/dating goals if the topic comes up. For example over the past week or so I think I've warmed up to the idea of having a relationship again; however, that relationship would need to start off very slow and casual. This is in contrast to the phase I was in of not being particularly interested in any type of dating, which was preceded by casual dating, which was preceded by a relationship. Anyway, point is, at any given time I can usually tell you how I feel. Maybe I'm just weird or extra-emo or something, but I think most people can do this if they stop and think about it. So just ASK HIM. Do it in a casual way though, unless you do want to tip your hand. The other point I would like to mention is that I find it irritating (not so much you specifically, Menzo, but in general), when anyone, male or female, gay or straight, says, "I'm not the one who makes the first move". That's so...out-dated, and annoyingly passive. If you want something or someone, go after it! I even find Krista's approach of manipulatively pursuing it (sorry, Krista, I don't mean that in a negative way at all) favourable to just sitting around hoping so and so will ask you out. You're essentially relinquishing all power and rights to the other person. Speaking as someone who's exclusively been the asker-outer, from a selfish point of view, I don't mind that much since it ensures that the early parts of the relationship are always on my terms. However, objectively speaking that is obviously unfair and I really don't think people ought to put up with it. Also, while I generally perceive the more assertive role in the matter to be favourable, I think some reciprocity would also be nice. If someone is interested in me, I'd like to know. It might be that I won't feel compelled to pursue them on my own, but who knows, it might have worked out very nicely. I have a friend who insists that I need to ask out his love interest for him. I'll even do it, if/when I can get the guy alone and bring the topic up, but I think it's a little silly and very Jr. High. Anyway, if you like the guy and you feel like he is ready, just say, "Why don't we have dinner tonight?" Sorry if I seem to be coming off bitchy, but this is something of a sore point for me. It's one of those things that needlessly (IMO) complicates relationships. Just my thoughts, and I have every faith and confidence that you'll handle the situation correctly, Menzo -Kevin

Personally, I didn't care for Brokeback Mountain at all. In fact I've carefully avoided watching it for a 2nd time (not an easy task considering I have so many friends who love it ). Yes, these two are excellent! "Boy Culture" is actually the most recent gay movie I've seen. Another Gay Movie, is also very amusing, but it really is like "American Pie"...only even more of a parody, so don't watch it if you're looking for something serious. I would also recommend: Trick, Better Than Chocolate, The Trip, The Broken Hearts Club, Beautiful Thing, Friends and Neighbors, and Transamerica. Forgive me for not finding links for them, but I enjoyed them all! There are move good one's I've seen, if I can think of anymore I'll let you know. Take care Kevin

I agree

I'd like to congratulate and welcome our newest member into the bi-mi club!!! Way to go, Beastie! You've made a wonderful impact on us all and I know I'm not alone in being eager to see what the next 2,000 hold!! All the best, Kevin

Interesting question, I voted, "Yes, but break it off if one of the relationships gets serious". In general I think: I completely agree with Lugh. The key to me is that regardless of what type of relationship rules you've got everyone involved should understand and be comfortable with them. What I would do is irrelevant unless you and I are dating. The only thing that matters is what you want, and what each of the guys want and expect. It is wrong to date them both if you know for a fact that one of them is under the assumption that the two of you are exclusive and you haven't corrected his misinterpretation. I pretty much agree with Menzo, especially with regards to the sex part, but I disagree that there is an implicit understanding that you aren't exclusive. Indeed I would have actually said the opposite. I think there's an implicit understanding that you ARE. In any case you should probably be upfront unless you have good reason to believe the other guy(s) don't think you're exclusive and don't care at this stage. The way I tend to think about such things is that if I go out with someone three or less times we're "casually dating", and I'm fine with him casually dating as many other people as he wants, as long as he's also been out with them three or less times. Basically I think everyone should get three dates before they have to decide. Why three? No reason, just an arbitrary number that feels right to me. The sex part is irrelevant to this, IMO. You may or may not be having sex with these people on these dates, and that's really only between you and them. It only becomes the business of someone else if there is perceived commitment (which as I said, I would conclude after the third date with one of them). Unlike Menzo I would not be okay with someone consistently dating someone else. When I think of that I assume that there's an on-going relationship, albeit casual, between myself and X, and between X and Y. If X has only dated me two or three times then I don't care if he's also dated Y two or three times (or had sex with him on those dates for that matter), but if I've been with X for awhile now, then even if our relationship is pretty casual, I still expect it to be completely exclusive and monogamous. That's why, as I said, it's important that everyone be on the same page with regards to these issues. My simple advice would be to go out with them both two or three times, do whatever you and they are both comfortable with and want to do (which it sounds to me like you don't want to have sex with them, so don't), and use that information to decide which, if either, you want to stay with long-term. Personally, I also agree with Tob in his particular assessment of your situation. While it's really none of my business, and something you should decide for yourself, I really think you would benefit from some time to yourself without a serious relationship. Whether this period includes casual dating or not, is up to you (although I would urge you to YES, go ahead and do that), but I personally think you ought to give yourself a little more time before you get back in the saddle for a long-term ride. It isn't any of my business though, and whatever you do I hope you're happy with the results and I hope it all works out for you Take care and have an awesome day! -Kevin

ENFP here: You are: * moderately expressed extravert * distinctively expressed intuitive personality * distinctively expressed feeling personality * slightly expressed perceiving personality What a wonderful group of guys to be similar to! As a former psychology major, and life-long aficionado I've naturally taken this test quite a few times. I'm very consistently N and F, and very inconsistently P or J, in fact I think I often end up being J, but it really all depends on my mood. As for introverted or extroverted, well I'm almost certainly more extroverted when all is said and done, but really I'm both, in that while I love people and social interaction, and I'm not exactly shy, I get frustrated if I don't get plenty of alone time, and I'm never bored on my own. People fascinate me, but I'm extremely self-contained and can happily live inside my head. When I am with people though, I tend to enjoy standing out, I love meeting new people and trying new things, and I like excitement...but I also deeply enjoy routine and peace and quiet. *shrug* All I know is that I'm very happy in both settings and would miss having a great deal of both. Although I suspect I could adapt quite well to almost exclusively indulging in either if the situation warranted it (for example being stuck somewhere in the constant presence of others, or being stuck somewhere deserted by myself). Always interesting to ponder, Take care all and have an awesome day -Kevin

I only briefly scanned this topic, so forgive me if I missed something, but I have to say I was very excited when I read the thread title "gay music" and then very disappointed when I read the thread and saw the direction the discussion had actually taken. Not because I don't think what people said was valuable, interesting, and entertaining, but simply because I was very much hoping this was going to be a thread that actually discussed gay music. As in music created by, for, and about gay people. Well, I'm open-minded about the "by gay people" part since we have quite a few very talented straight writers who write gay literature. I'm also somewhat willing to be open-minded about "for gay people" since hopefully some others would get something out of it, but I think the music should definitely be about gay people to be considered "gay". In other words a sappy love song about a man and a woman, no matter what genre, no matter how much gay people might like it, no matter how many straight people say: "that's so gay", is not gay music. A song about two women or two men in love is gay music. As may be a song about said people breaking up, making up, messing around, cheating on each other, or anything in between any of these. Similarly I suppose the song needn't be about two people at all. It could be about the feelings of one gay or lesbian person, or about the lives of many. However, the themes themselves need to be "gay" if the music is to be considered gay, IMO. There are precious few actual gay songs to my knowledge. The ones that immediately leap to mind are: by Jason and Demarco by Dangerous Muse Michael by Franz Ferdinand All the Things She Said by Tatu Regardless of of whether or not you actually like the song or videos, these are gay songs because they deal with same sex themes. Personally speaking, I somewhat like the song "This is Love" and I'm crazy about the video, conversely I don't care much for the video for "Michael" but I love the song. I love both the song and video for "The Rejection" and "All the Things She Said". To give a little info that I know about each, Jason and Demarco are an actual gay couple who generally preform religious themed songs. "This Is Love" really is a song about their feelings for each other. My best friend actually met them once and he's promised me that he'll see if he can arrange another get together so that I can meet them. "The Rejection" is 'a song about a boy who likes a girl who likes a girl who likes a boy who likes a boy'. Basically they're all the wrong orientation for each other and the song is about the inevitable rejection that ensues. To my understanding one of the two singers is gay and the other is bi, but I may be incorrect. The members of Franz Ferdinand are all ostensibly straight, but there's been some rumours about the lead singer. The song itself is supposed to have been written about an actual guy they know. "All the Things She said", which was a turning point for so many lesbians in my life, is a wonderful song about not caring what society thinks about you because you're in love. However, it now seems that the actual girls are straight and were never really dating, and that it was mostly a ploy by the music industry to tap into the fascination with lesbian and bisexual femme women. Nevertheless, I personally like the song, and think that it does present a good message. I know I know of more actual "gay" songs, but I can't think of any off-hand. I'm excluding a few of the seemingly obvious camp favourites like "It's Raining Men" because it was (originally) performed by women and though it might resonate with a gay male, it was thus, IMO, presented to the public as a song about female lust. So does anyone know of any other songs which are "gay" in the sense that they deal with gay and lesbian people, themes, and feelings? Interesting thread, Take care all, Kevin

This is an interesting topic. Personally, I agree with the majority of Snowy's post. And Viv's Assuming I ever begin writing again I want my work finished. I'd also like to live to finish it. If I don't...well, I want the work finished, but I want to be the one to finish it, so I guess I'll just say "surprise me" and leave it up to those left behind to decide who, if anyone, should finish it for me. If someone did finish it however, I would be very miffed if they didn't remain true to my original plot line and characters. Style is one thing, and while I definitely think it's important, in these instances, to emulate the departed author's style as closely as possible, it's vastly secondary to being true to the characters and plot. To me a story is all about it's characters and plot. I can deal with a replacement author who says things differently, but not one who says different things. Excellent point! I would be really pissed if someone tried to "finish" something I wrote simply because I didn't get around to it myself or because I'd disappeared for a bit. Fanfics are a completely different matter. I'm very much ambivalent about them. Sometimes I really really want to read one, sometimes the thought of reading one is very unappealing. This mostly isn't contingent upon who much I like the particular story being "fic-ed" or the particular author pinning it. It just sorta depends on the story itself and whether I feel like there should be room to alter it/create new universes for it. However, in all cases, whether I personally want to read (or write) such a thing myself, I'm very much in favour of it existing. I believe Fanfics are inherently an honour to the author/piece that they are using, even if the author himself doesn't particularly care for the direction, style, etc. that the new writer takes. I also believe that people should have the right to do these things...even if the original author isn't so keen on it. I think that people should definitely honour the original author's wishes, I think that they may even have a moral obligation to in most cases, but I don't think there should be any legal recourse if they don't. I believe that with all art once you create it and present it to the public it enters the "artistic domain" and while you retain exclusive rights to the work itself, I don't think that should preclude anyone from imitating it, and certainly not from creating their own new art that is inspired by it. This is my feeling with regards to all art, be it literature/poetry, music, painting, sculpting, drama, dance, or anything else, and I say that as someone who considers himself an artist. Artists need to be respected, and compensated for their work, but art itself once it has been presented to the public should be free to stimulate and create more art. Just my thoughts, and I reserve the right to change them at any time. -Kevin

I think this is a very exciting idea, and I really hope it works out!! Unfortunately, I probably won't use it much myself. As I mentioned in a previous thread about bringing back chat, it's just not something I'm especially interested in participating in personally right now. I guess it's just that I have too much trouble focusing to do anything else besides chatting while I'm chatting, and I just don't really have the free time to only sit there and chat. I'm also the kind of person that gets irritated if my chatting partner is doing something besides chatting. I know that this is the nature of chat, but nevertheless when I'm actually focused on chatting I, probably unfairly, expect the other person's complete attention too. Thus, I've learned that I'm much more suited to direct face to face communication, one on one telephone conversations, or text formats that are designed to be on-going, delayed, and sporadic (such as forum posts and phone texts). When I do "chat" with someone online, I prefer to do it one-on-one with someone (or at the most in groups of 3 or 4). These would be my suspicions too. Also, since I can't stand any type of background noise when I'm doing anything other than giving my complete attention to the noise source (Ex: Television, Music, etc.), I would probably find voice chat more "intrusive" than I wanted unless I was very actively engaged in the conversation. I'll try to check it out once or twice though How's it going by the way? Hope everyone is having fun! -Kevin

...exactly, just like I might call my boyfriend a mushroom or an artichoke Exactly, there are some seemingly dreadful things my friends can get by with calling me, and there are some seemingly innocent things that would really irritate me. *shrugs* Depends on the individual. Don't worry though, Anthony, I'm sure he meant it in a nice way -Kevin

WOO HOOO!! Welcome Melli! I'm very excited to have you here -Kevin

...I didn't realize that until tonight. So everyone remember the friend former friend who ended our relationship coldly and completely with a letter? Well, it sucked alot, and it hurt like hell, as I'm sure you've all gathered from my blogs. It didn't help that the events transpired while I was physically as sick as I've been in years, and shortly before I quit my job and broke up with my boyfriend. In fact I think there's some old adage somewhere about striking someone with your foot while they're already in the prone position that might apply here. No matter, I got over it. I went through a great deal of Sh*+ during that period of time, but I survived and I'll be damned if I'm not healthier, happier, and more secure in my other relationships than I was prior to it all. I did the whole, shocked-sad-angry thing; then I accepted it. At this point I can truthfully say he rarely enters my thoughts unless someone else brings him up, and even in those instances in which he does, they are immediately followed by a slightly wistful, but very much dismissive "oh well". So, I just sorta thought it was over. I just figured "okay, so he's out of my life now". Only he isn't. He's damn well making people I care about, one in particular, sad because of our old issues. The way he justified this whole break in our relationship was, "before things get bad and we hurt each other and our mutual friends..." He was exceedingly clear on the point that he intended to be pleasant when our paths were forced to cross because of similar social circles and recreational activities. And silly me I took him on his word. Fast forward two and a half months later, and I couldn't care less about what he does, where he does it, or who he does it with. I'm completely comfortable going to parties, clubs, meetings, and any other events at which he might be present. I'd be fine if someone said, "how about if the two of us, X, Y, Z, and {him}, all go grab some dinner and watch a movie?" For the most part I thought he was there too. But he's not. Tonight I had a very long, emotional conversation with my best friend (yes the one I blogged about who mentioned "what if we were dating?") about how upset he is that he can't hang out with both of us together. How much his friendship with the other guy has suffered since all of this happened. etc, etc. I guess I shoulda known that. I mean we're together alot so logically I should have realized that he mustn't be spending very much time with the other guy, but I suppose I sorta blocked that out, or just ignored it as "none of my business anymore". It all came up because he's planning a party for Monday, and we were thinking up a guest list. Naturally he said, "but I want X to come". So of course I said, "so invite him". "He wouldn't come because he knows you'll be there" And so the conversation went...Turns out he's been declining all sorts of invitations and avoiding all sorts of events because I'll be there. We all go to one particular thing every month (the same get together I described earlier in that other blog entry), and I thought that was going pretty well. I was proud of how well we were doing. So I asked, "what about that?" And that's when I found out that his stance is "I already have to see Kevin once a month, so I'm certainly not going to hang out with him anymore than that". And I feel sorry for the bastard. I can well imagine that the more he isolates himself, and stews on it all the more angry, hurt, and resentful he gets. I also felt bad because the last time he ended up sitting by himself while the rest of the group sat with me. I even said to my two closest friends "maybe one of you should go and sit with him". I don't want him to feel left out. More than that, I don't want the others to feel like they have to "choose". And basically I guess that did happen. The more we discussed it, and the more my friend rattled off a list of people that were affected by all of this the more I realized I was able to mentally go, "his friend, my friend, his friend, my friend, etc. etc."...they used to just be our friends. I was elated last night to run into and spend time with one person I haven't seen since "the letter", who, to be truthful, I'd been purposely not calling because I was trying to make sure that they remained friends. This is just ridiculous! Incidentally another guest to the before mentioned party planed for Monday will be my actual ex-boyfriend. Only, that's just not a big deal because for all the tears and pain, we actually managed to break up and stay civil to each other (for real!!). In fact I'm truthfully very much looking forward to seeing him, and I'm genuinely glad to hear that he's with someone else now, and happy. *sigh* So, now I'm just going to have to suck it up and fix this for the sake of the people I care about. When it happened he said that he never wanted to have purposeful contact with me again, and I agreed to honour that request and respond in kind...guess I lied. I really don't have any desire to be close with him again, indeed I think I'd have a great deal of trouble trusting him. Nevertheless I'm going to have figuratively thump him over the head until he quits sulking and gets on with life. Otherwise, evidently, no one else can either

Graeme and Drew, very interesting points! And Gabe:

Aww thanks, Tob!! You too! Thanks Vic! I do intend to go back to school "soon". However, not to worry you, but I'm afraid that might be "soon" in the "Chapter 21 of ITFB will be posted 'soon'" sort of way Awwww Thanks Mike You're pretty darn nifty yourself!!!!! :hug: -Kevin

Happy Belated Birthday, Robbie I hope it's fantastic!

OH my gosh! Shadows!!!! We miss you, dude!! I hope you're having a fantastic day, and an awesome life whatever you're up to now All the best, Kevin (LOL, it freaks me out that I remember when you were 17!)

Whoaa, 30! I hope you deal with it a whole let better than I would, David!!!! Fortunately, I shall remain in my 20s forever I hope it's an awesome birthday, a great day, a terrific year, and a fabulous decade!! All the best, Kevin

I would speculate that perhaps the "famous people" that are going to be in America are The Shadows, not necessarily Instinct. I made more sense to me in terms of my understanding of the schedule for each band *shrug*

Well I'll defend this course. Just as a disclaimer, my own degree is psychology/sociology, with a heavy anthropology slant. Anyway, I think this is a very important course (from the sound of it that is, obviously I haven't taken it myself). There IS more to being gay than who you sleep with. Just like there's more to be black than having dark skin, or more to being cajun that being in Louisiana with a French heritage, or more to being Jewish than simply what you believe religiously. There are whole cultures attached to these groups! Yes, obviously no one needs to know the history and course of gay culture in order to be "gay" in the orientation sense, but knowing a little bit about our unique historical and cultural experiences, and being able to take the context of the times into account is most definitely something I wholeheartedly encourage. It's every bit as important as any other historical or cultural class. If you're the sort that thinks studying history and culture are inherently pointless...well then we're in complete and total disagreement and I won't even bother arguing with you. However, if you're the sort that can see the value in studying history and cultures of any other type...well then IMO it's hypocritical (and very sad coming from a gay person) that you can't stop and think for a bit and see the value in this one as well. Yes, it explores stereotypes, but as the description says the point is to show that there are MANY different ways in which to express one's gayness, and whether or not you actually want to accept and embrace these stereotypes and employ them in your own life is completely irrelevant. At least you will have learned about them. You'll know what people (both gay and straight) are talking about when they reference them. You'll perhaps find it enriching. You'll get a better perspective on who YOU as a gay individual are by comparing which ones directly apply to you and which don't. I've studied gay history and culture pretty extensively on my own, and I'm also pretty up on current trends in the community. I can say with complete confidence that the majority of what I've seen, read, watched, etc. doesn't directly apply to me in my own life whatsoever. However, having learned these things makes me better able to relate to gay people of different generations, helps me put things into context, and gives me a yardstick by which to measure my own life. In other words the societal pressures that existed in the past aren't such that they would ever be able to force me deep into a closet and force me into a loveless, sexless marriage*, but they prevent me from being so arrogant as to assume this could not have happened to me in a different time and place, and they give me strength and hope in bad times, by remembering that I'm not like those past generations. Those are certainly not things I regret having learned, and a class designed to teach them is certainly not something I would trivialize. -Kevin *I'm not trying to criticise those who did enter straight relationships. In fact quite the opposite I'm attempting to express respect for them. I also believe that if there is love in these relationships - which is definitely possible - they may not necessarily have been a mistake at all.

I do not see you as a colour. I do not care where you were born. I respect your religion but I will not think about you in terms of it. I do not judge you based on the neighbourhood you live in. I am sensitive of your disability but I will not exclude you because of it, nor will I allow you to use it as a permanent excuse. I will not respect you any more or less solely because of your education level. I will assume responsibility of exactly one half of all communication break downs that are a result of language differences. I do not view you as a number. I'm so damn sick of prejudice. Racism. Anti-religious and anti-cultural sentiments. Elitism. Ethnocentrism. It's stupid, tedious, and frickin' pointless. It's also completely ubiquitous. The nicest people will suddenly be ranting about Mexicans. An otherwise sane individual assumes all Jews, Muslims, Protestants, Catholics, or athiests are out to get them or whatever group they belong to. The list just goes on and on ad nauseum (and believe me I'm pretty "nauseous" about the whole thing). Of course the sad thing is that after awhile a great many people of whatever scorned group we're discussing will in turn become distrustful and malevolent toward everyone else of that other group. You think that black girl won't be racist, but then she'll say crap about another minority and expect that whites will treat her lousy. You assume that poor man will respect your differences in background because perhaps you realize he had it tough...then you find out he thinks you are stupid and lazy. You would guess that the senior citizen wouldn't exclude or ignore others because of age...but she does. You hope that because someone was once a foreigner themselves they will be patient with those who are inexperienced in their ways; they aren't. Then there's the people who seem impervious to prejudice. She completely respects other races. She doesn't care about economic statuses, she doesn't think life begins at 18, nor does she assume it ends at 65. ...then you find out she's anti ANY religion. He has the utmost amount of respect for religion. Race just doesn't matter. Neither does age...but he's an elitist snob. He doesn't think of less of someone based on their income. He respects and champions the rights of the disabled. ...but he's a racist. Unfortunately these are real people I know/have known, and believe me I could go on. It makes me sick and disappoints me to no end. And I try to be patient with it. I try to be as respectful as possible while asserting my own belief in equality. I remind myself that they come from different backgrounds, and that they grew up in a different atmosphere, that everyone is different, that no one is perfect. But there comes a point where I just want to thump them and say "LOOK, what you're doing! This is the same attitude you (rightly) despise in X situation" It sucks even more that because I'm a young, educated, white, Christian, male from the south I have to go the extra mile to earn the respect of countless groups, groups I usually spend a great deal of time defending behind their back. Well here's a newsflash: I'm not racist. I want to learn more about your language/culture. I like women, especially lesbians. You won't make me uncomfortable by being yourself. And I've probably heard or done it all before myself. I'm not trying to say everyone is screwed up. I've known a couple of other people who didn't seem to hold any of these prejudices, but the fact is it's almost pointless to say "I won't associate with anyone who is prejudiced", because I can only think of about three people I've ever known who I can say with near certainty weren't at all prejudiced in any way. There are countless others who may not be prejudiced, but there's also a very good chance I just didn't find their area of prejudice and/or they had the social skills and sense to cover it up. Besides this small handful of truly accepting people to which I refer certainly had other issues in abundance. Am I "perfect" with regards to prejudice? Well no. I confess I have a strong preference for...well women and minorities. I'll probably initially automatically trust you more if you're a woman or a male who is non-straight, a non-native born American, a member of a minority race/religion, a senior citizen/minor, or someone chronically ill/disabled/handicapped. It's stupid. I know there are a lot of very nice healthy, straight, white, American guys, between the ages of 18 and 64, but this is the demographic that has to "prove" themselves to me to some extent, whereas I'll generally operate under the assumption that other groups of people are going to be nifty until proven otherwise. At least I know this about myself. I would never argue that this unconscious reaction is correct. I would never trash talk about/to these people, and if I focus and stay cognizant about this reaction I usually remind myself it's probably wrong and definitely unfair.

***waves as he walks in*** Hey Jamie! Well, I don't get online that often, but you're definitely quite welcome to add me My name's in my profile. Patience is quite nice, and you should definitely exercise it. However, you should certainly NOT wait to be happy! Nor should you wait to do anything else you feel will move you toward the sort of place you want to be in. If you want/need more money, then start saving every little bit you can! I know it's hard, but there are almost always things you can do (like maybe not spending it on cigs? ). And you CAN get a job even though you're in school and you don't drive. When I was in college I knew alota people in that situation. Campus jobs are ridiculously flexible, however, you'd also be stunned at how flexible some "regular" jobs can be too! Especially if you're in a college town/college area. They're used to students! They totally might be like "ohh, so you can do like 3 hours on wednesday and 6 hours on Saturday? OK" As for health, NEVER put that one off! Anyway, the point is that even if you don't do the above things, you should STILL not let that be an excuse not to be happy. It is possible to be unhealthy, broke, busy, and without a bf and STILL be happy. Just enjoy the simple things! Like today I laughed my butt off because when I was getting into my truck, this big black crow was sitting in the bed, and he totally freaked me out! It was stupid, I jumped back and made a startled noise in the middle of a crowded parking lot, but I still got a massive kick out of it! There are just so many funny scenarios to imagine. Maybe the bird was hoping he could stow away and get a free ride. Perhaps he was waiting to ambush me. Maybe he was playing hide and seek with another bird. None of that's even slightly likely, but it's still a lark to imagine! So yeah, enjoy the simple things LOL, I have a few numbers I could give you I heard a very similar, very long version of this complaint Sunday, from my best friend. I've also heard this song sung by MANY members of this forum, tons of friends, and countless random people ranting in public places. Heck, I've hummed this tune myself! The point is, everyone - or nearly everyone - feels that way, at least some of the time, but like all other emotions fear and rejection are part of the human experience, and everyone does experience them. They feel unique and different, and extra intense to you, but that's because they're YOUR emotions. Lots of people feel like they couldn't take any sort of rejection, and yeah, it'll hurt, it might be horribly embarrassing, maybe you won't ever forget it, but seriously, you'll get over it, you'll go on, you'll quit obsessing about it all the time. And you'll get to do it again and again until you find "The One". So give it a try! Besides, I'll tell you a little secret, the more it happens the less of a big deal it becomes Anyway I think you're awesome and I'm wishing you the best (and imagining you in those dinosaur briefs ) Take care and have a wonderful day -Kevin

So I've been having a really wonderful few weeks!! Incredibly awesome actually! Everything's going well and I've been having a blast! Something interesting happened yesterday that made me feel a bit like I was in a sitcom. As I mentioned in my comments in the last blog, my best friend had kinda sorta started seeing this guy. It was confusing, and the other guy didn't really know what he wanted. Meanwhile, I'd been kinda, sorta seeing this cute Japanese boy *cues Vapors song* Actually that was...nondescript too....well actually it was just a fling. At the same time our other good friend was in an actual relationship with this other guy. Now it's the final pairing that was actually the most problematic for everyone involved. Basically we (me, 'good friend' from previous entries, and our other two friends) were all trying to be supportive of their relationship, and nice to the guy...only he kinda made us all uncomfortable. He kept hitting on us, all of us! In front of his boyfriend/our friend no less, and in very flagrant ways! Anyway, we all went out the other night, had dinner/movie nights, get togethers, etc. and it was all really fun, only over the last two days we've all ended our respective...situations. So New Year's Eve comes and we're all sitting around, drinking, playing games, setting off fireworks*, etc., sans the boyfriends. It just struck me that right at the New Year we were all back where we'd started from (granted all these flings were very limited in duration and the longest - the actual relationship one - was about three weeks). Still hanging out, and having fun together, but all ready to start the dating game over again. Just seemed like the ending of a sitcom Holiday Special. In other news, my New Year's resolution is to give up chocolate(!) which is of course my biggest healthy lifestyle sin. I'm also considering joining a gym with the non-drinking friend (see footnote ). I'm not sure if I should though. I mean I actively don't want to bulk up or gain a lot of muscle (I really like the slender look not just on others, but on myself as well), and overall I'm pretty happy with my body. On the other hand, it would probably be fun, and regardless I could use more exercise! Ohh, I also got a permanent job...well, as permanent as possible, I doubt I'll do it (or any job really) forever, but I can see myself happily doing it until I either move away from Houston or finish my schooling and get that Ph.D. I want (which is just so far in the future, it'd probably be more likely that I'll move away first). Anyway, I really like it! It's an office position working for a company that does assisted living for seniors. It feels rewarding and relevant, and it's far enough into the "human services" field that it seems semi-related to what I'll eventually further my education in. Anyway, what I like best about it is the schedule (M-F, 9-5 - which IMO is pretty much the perfect schedule assuming you're working 40 hours a week), as well as the general stability of the whole thing. So yeah, while I could tell you all lots of specific stories about happy happenstances, as well as a few sombre situations, that have been occurring, I shan't bother. I'll just end this on: I'm doing great, everything's going well, and the world's a lovely place! I hope everyone had an awesome New Year's day, and may the coming year bring you all a great deal of peace, love, happiness, and all that other nifty stuff that people like so much Take care all! *before someone points out how irresponsible it is to drink and play with fireworks - which I agree with - I want to point out that the person lighting them was one of our good friends who was not only not drinking, but doesn't drink at all.