AFriendlyFace

Thanks for the advice and support everyone This topic hasn't come up between us recently so I'm not sure if he's seeing/planning to see the ex or not. For now I guess I'll just leave the issue alone.

That does seem plausible, I had read and dismissed the theory for exactly the reason you cite: the authors receiving messages about their books! However, I suppose it does make sense that confused employees might have answered with a canned response. I read GLAAD's statement and I'm really hoping Amazon does make a gesture to apologize:

Why am I getting an image of one of those old supermarket contests for the "10,000th shopper" or something where the guy walks through the door and all the bells and sirens go off and the balloons drop? We've probably scared zako! WOOO HOOOO!! Congrats to GA and to all!

I received this in my email from them: I agree that that certainly seems like one hell of a "glitch". Of course, if they're really sincere about making amends for these 'technical problems' perhaps they ought to feature their top selling GLBT related books for the next week or so. It would only be fair to the authors who lost revenue over this, the users who couldn't find content, and the GLBT community which was snubbed. -Kevin

Thanks for the heads up on this, Jessi. I for one had not yet heard. My own letter of complaint, stating my decision to cease shopping at Amazon until such a time when this policy is removed, has been sent. -Kevin

Well, let's just say I probably wouldn't meet your "doesn't talk too much" qualification Ya know, I actually think I have a couple of exes I could point your way

Hey Luc, I've really missed you around here. I wish I had something clever and soothing to say, but unfortunately I don't. All I can do is wish you well with your physical and emotional recovery. Oh and your feelings do matter. That was the only part of this entry that I felt the need to disagree with you on. For the record and for what it's worth, Interlude is still one of the most evocative and beautiful things I've ever read. Take care, -Kevin

Please let's drop the discussion of bisexuality in this thread. Apart from obviously being somewhat inflammatory it's also mostly off topic.

Well, let's see, most of this is negotiable, but if we're just describing our 'perfect guy' I'll play along. He would probably be about 5'7'' or 5'8'', a little taller or shorter is okay, but my preference would be for under 6' He'd have a slender to toned sort of build. I tend to go for two main 'types' Blonds/red heads and Asians. Any race/complexion type is okay though, but those tend to be the ones I go for the most. I definitely prefer smooth. I generally prefer him to have medium to longer hair, generally not as long as shoulder length. Bangs are usually preferable, but if he has a cute hairstyle without bangs that's okay too. If he's white I do prefer blue eyes or green eyes (obviously I don't expect that if he's Asian, black, or Hispanic). Lately I've also been really attracted to guys with nice fingers, hands, toes, feet. I guess in order to have this they need to be neatly trimmed, hair free, and fairly slender without being bony. I like a nice set of lips too. I'm not overly picky here, but if they're a bit full and pouty that's pretty cute. A great smile is very important! I want it to light up his whole face. Nice teeth are obviously quite preferable too. Generally the whiter and brighter the better. Also, generally the straighter the better; however, I've known several attractive guys whose appearance seemed inexplicably enhanced by slightly crooked, non-perfect teeth. A cute nose is nice too. What makes a cute nose? Well generally not too big, long, or crooked. It should primarily 'fit with the face' though. As far as equipment (and let me remind everyone not to get graphic and to leave very sexual comments out of the discussion) I really don't care very much. I do like a perky butt and really tight, firm abs though Personality wise he should have a good sense of humour that isn't hurtful or offensive. Witty and sarcastic is fine, desirable even, but he mustn't be mean with it (unless there's a good reason, like if the other person is already being a major prick). He should be very intelligent, intellectually curious, a quick learner, and ideally at least fairly knowledgeable in a number of areas. He should not however be a know-it-all or behave in an arrogant or condescending way. He should be obviously intelligent, but not flaunt it or make other people feel intimidated by it. He should be very independent but pleasantly social as well. He should be just fine and happy spending time by himself, spending time alone with me, spending time with one or two other people, or being in large, group settings or party/club type environments. I don't want to feel like I have to 'entertain' him or worry that he's nervous or uneasy. I want a very equal dynamic between us in pretty much every way and I very much want to avoid one of us always taking the lead or always being submissive. In general I want a very 'versatile' relationship in every sense of the word. In terms of hobbies and interests I want there to be enough common ground for us to interact a bit here, but I think it's fine, or even desirable if we each have a lot of our own interests that the other person isn't especially involved with. I do think it would be nice to have a few random ones more or less in common though. For example if we both enjoyed reading things relating to the same topics that would be nice because it would be fun to discuss and debate them. Or if we both enjoyed going hiking that would be nice because we could do it together. In general, I think it's good for both people to have their own interests, but I think there should be enough common ground to facilitate stimulating, enjoyable conversation and shared activities that both he and I enjoy. First and foremost we would be able to have good conversations and communicate directly and effectively about our thoughts and feelings. I would like him to care about and be involved in gay culture and gay issues though. That does not mean I expect him to spend all of his time in a gay bar or carrying a picket sign, but I would like him to be comfortable socializing with GLBT people and be aware of and care about things which impact us. I would also like him to, at least from time to time, watch gay themed movies with me, or read and discuss gay related articles with me. As I said, I think it's good for us to have our own interests and activities, but this would be something where I'd need him to at least make the occasional effort and be legitimately interested. He should be a very kind, caring person and he should have a strong sense of personal values and morals. Ideally one which he's thought about and developed independent of religion or social/civil/legal rules. Obviously I expect a great deal of overlap, but what I want to avoid is being with someone who just takes these things at face value. In terms of religion and spirituality I don't really care at all. However, it would be nice if he had some sense of spirituality in his life, was at least fairly knowledgeable (or willing to learn) about the major religions and spiritual movements, and first and foremost if he were very tolerant and open-minded of other people's beliefs. In terms of education I'd prefer him to have, or be pursuing, some degree in higher education. However, if he were intelligent and learned in general not having the physical degree wouldn't particularly matter to me. In terms of career/job I don't really care as long as he's happy and not doing something I consider harmful to society or himself. I would also definitely want him to be doing something which he actively enjoyed or felt good about doing versus something he thought he 'should' do for whatever reason (parental/social pressure, or because it's financially lucrative for example). Regardless of what it is I'd like him to come home and want to discuss it and not only complain about it. I mean it's fine and good if he can vent about it, but if it isn't something he's ultimately excited or happy about doing, something which he can't say, "overall, this is a good job for me." Then I'd prefer him to find something else. It would be better if I didn't have to financially support him (which sort of goes back to the equal dynamics thing), but depending on the circumstances I'd probably be willing to. On the flip side, I don't want him to have to financially support me either, but if he had a lot of money and we could have whatever we wanted, that'd be cool. Anyway, I don't expect perfection, but since I took this thread to more or less be about describing our perfect partner, that's a brief look at what mine would be like. Take care all Kevin

LOL, allow me to play Devil's Advocate a bit It sounds to me like the politician is simply ticked off because the elephant might not sire a herd. That not necessarily homophobic so much as it is business. If the politician feels like they made a big investment with the expectation of creating a herd of elephants, then it's no wonder that he's ticked off about this (as he likely would be if the elephant were simply sterile or something). I think Ninio deserves to live somewhere where his sexuality will be accepted and where he can be himself, but that place isn't necessarily as the lone male elephant for a zoo with breeding aspirations. On another note: In other words this could all just be a phase.

So last year my best friend was dating this guy and he seemed nice enough at the time. I was friendly and pleasant to him and generally wanted to make him feel welcome in our group. My friend was happy and that's all that mattered to me. Then the boyfriend broke up with my friend, and he did it in a pretty mean way. He ridiculed my friend's interests, hobbies, and values. It was also revealed that the (ex) boyfriend was doing coke and lots of other drugs, and had been, unbeknownst to my friend, the entire time they were together (about a month and a half or so). Later my friend also told me he'd tried to pressure him into having unprotected sex. A week after they'd broken up he sent my friend a text saying how glad he was that they'd broken up because he just met the greatest guy. Anyway, at this point you'd be right if you guessed I'd come to the conclusion that ex-boyfriend was a total creep with a high likelihood of self-destructing and taking those around him along for the ride. So I did the standard 'getting over a boyfriend' routine with my friend. We hung out a lot, had quite a few dinners, indulged in some retail therapy, had some drinks, spent a lot of time laughing and trash-talking ex-boyfriend. You know, all the standard stuff. Eventually my friend got to the point where he was saying he was glad it was over and that he was also relieved that ex-boyfriend had shown his true colors before he'd gotten sucked in any further. Sounds great right? Well not so much... About a month later ex-boyfriend (apparently done with re-bound boy) started texting my friend saying how stupid he was, and how much he wanted my friend to give him another chance. At first it was no big deal and he didn't get very far. However, he's been trying the same thing off and on every couple of months since, and my friend just told me that he's more than likely going to go out with him again. I'm pretty pissed and worried. I've already told him that I want him to make his own decision and that I'll support him regardless, but I also let him know in no uncertain terms what I thought about ex-boyfriend and my opinion of a reunion. So I guess now all I can do is wait and see what happens. According to my friend ex-boyfriend is adamant about how much he's changed, but then again how likely is he to say, "I'm still a massive prick, wanna date me again?" I just feel like my friend is making a terrible decision and it's hard for me to sit on the sidelines and watch. I keep asking myself whether I should get more involved and do more to stop him, but that's completely against my principles regarding interpersonal relationships. I really think people have to make their own decisions. At the same time, I'm thinking maybe I'm already too involved. Maybe I shouldn't be giving my friend quite so many warnings and quite so much advice. Maybe I shouldn't be spelling it out that I think he's making a mistake. Maybe I should keep my opinions more to myself. That's not so easy for me either though. Eh, I don't know. Anyone have any thoughts on this? -Kevin

I know I'm a bit late, but Hedwig is one of my favourite GLBT related movies so I thought it was worth a good comment! I'd love to have done a philosophy paper on it! How did yours come out, Billy?

I can't really add anything to what James already said. I pretty much agree with all of it, except I'm a bit more open-minded about saying the L word sooner than 3 months. Anyway, good luck with everything!

I was just thinking how terrible it would be if a fish crept up behind you in the dark and started tickling you!

Very good strategy IMO! Well, I'll let it go this time Yes exactly! That's precisely what I was thinking. Who's to say he isn't sitting around thinking, "is she serious about me or did she just want to get in my pants and make me teach her more about cars?" OK, so he probably isn't thinking that in so many words, but the point is it sounds very mutual and even if it doesn't work out it doesn't necessarily mean that anyone was using anyone else. However... It sounds like it is working out. Good luck Kevin

Hmm, based on a description of the travails you two encountered, I'd say this is the very reason other people walk the earth (to take pictures for you) Anyway great pic and congrats on the anniversary

That was my impression as well. Hmm, I suppose that makes sense. It seems to me though that the general is going to pick everyone up and get them off the island just before the volcano explodes. In which case the bombs would be with them presumably.

That does sound like a whole lot of wonderful on your plate!

I bet he's adorable! I'm celebrating the big news about gay marriage in Iowa and Vermont!!

I believe that would have been Robbie (Rknapp) Grew up on Whoopie? You can't even get born without it!

Yeah, I pretty much agree with this. Look on the bright side, he didn't take you out again. Why is that a good thing? Because it sounds like he was never interested in something serious, only in sex. He might have been the sort of guy who liked a challenge and strung you along until he did get in your pants. Wouldn't that have been worse? Instead he did the somewhat more honourable thing and decided to leave you alone and let you down easy (probably what he thought he was doing) when he realized you weren't interested in casual sex. James is right in that he probably got mixed signals from you at first. He was thinking, "hook up" and you weren't. When he realized that he probably thought it would be nicer to make excuses instead of being blunt. I can see your point that you'd have preferred bluntness, but bluntly letting someone down isn't easy for a lot of people. I have an ex I broke up with, "because I was too busy and didn't have enough time." That was true, but I also just didn't think it was working. Now, nine months later I still get random calls/texts from him asking if I have more free time now and trying to make plans. It's my fault for not being more honest and direct. I get that. But I really think in the majority of cases if someone keeps making excuses and finding polite ways to say no, it means they're not interested. To make matters more complicated, some people don't prefer bluntness. If a relationship is in its early, getting to know you stage (not later), the I'd definitely prefer for the guy to let me down easy and do pretty much what he did, rather that be blunt with me. Not everyone is the same. Some people prefer to be blunt, some people don't. Some people prefer it when others are direct with them, others prefer it when people are gentle and more evasive with them and let them take the hint on their own. Pick yourself up and try again. There are plenty of guys out there who aren't just interested in sex. Some are interested in dating; he might not have been. Look at it this way, you had a fun time that evening and enjoyed his company and the attention. Take it for what it is, a nice memory to look back on and a chance to be proud of yourself for both having a good time and still being able to uphold your boundaries and feel good about yourself. That's not a bad thing at all. Good luck, dude, and take care -Kevin

Yes, exactly! So just let me say again, Wooo HOOO Vermont!!

Oh how very dreadful! I'm glad they're okay, Lacy

Aww I hope you didn't have too rough a time in elementary school. I'm not particularly intimidated by tall people, but I think in general it's natural and unavoidable to be a bit wary at first when encountering people much larger in size. For most of human existence we spent our time sizing each other up and deciding if the other person was a physical threat. Someone much larger than us would have been, so even if there's no real danger, I think that's at least partly instinctive. Personally I definitely have a preference for guys around my height give or take an inch or two. If it's more than an inch or two then my preference is definitely that they be shorter. That's not to say I wouldn't date a guy who was a good bit taller, but it wouldn't be my natural preference, just not necessarily a deal breaker, lol. If the guy is taller though, I'm more comfortable with him having a very slight build. Tall and skinny is okay, but tall and muscular/bulky tends to not be what I'm attracted to. It undoubtedly has something to do with subconscious power/dominance issues, but it would take a lot more effort on my part to be with someone a good bit larger altogether. Anyway, I don't feel badly about it, because it seems like most tall, muscular guys are in high demand with the ladies and gay boys, so I'm sure they can do without my romantic affections (Anyway, if I fell in love with the guy for other reasons it would still be okay, just not what I'm expecting or seeking).