AFriendlyFace

That's a nifty link, Kitty, thanks! It never ceases to amaze me just how BIG this site is, and all the places on it I still haven't explored!

Hey Joana! Ois Guade zu Deim Geburdstog! (forgive me if that is not quite right ) I hope you have an excellent day, and a teriffic year! Kevin

LOL that definitely had the possibility of offending me. But it didn't lol

Hey Ronnie! It's great to hear from ya; it's even better to hear that things have been going so well with the play! I tend to be cautious and even a tad pessimistic about pursuing things with guys you don't know are gay, BUT Justin from the play really does sound promising! I'd say you should definitely keep in touch with him , and yeah as Michael said, see what happens. I'm really sorry to hear about the trouble with your mom. I hope you guys can patch things up, and that you can find a good Confirmation sponsor. Wishing you all the best, take care, Kevin

LOL alot of those are my favourites too! Oh and go you on number 27! lol as far as 74 goes, I think about the only part of my body with hair that I haven't shaved is my head (oddly I bet some guys have ) Of course I'm fine with having hair in some places like...ya know there's really no need for me to finish this sentence Have an awesome day and take care! Kevin

Hey Kitty!! First off "Kim's a b*tch and you're a doormat" I got a HUGE kick out of that LOL anyway I definitely agree with you, I don't think there is much I can do. Kim just plain wouldn't trust me anymore (and if you think about it in this situation she'd kinda be right ), so I'm sure she'd sway Josh's judgement. And I guess ultimately, even though I think it might be best...I'd probably feel lousy coming between two people....even if it is for their own good....on the other hand I feel...BLAH I think I should just quit thinking about it lol They probably do have to make their own mistakes. LOLOL well from what I hear: cold cream/make up remover ( which I don't know why because he doesn't wear make up....I think she said he liked the way it made his face feel), various moisturizers (goodness knows I can't cast any stones about this one ) lotions (still no stone casting here), bubble bath (geez he's starting to SOUND like me), and scented candles (ah now candles I don't play with **utters butch grunt**) Anyway Kitty, thanks for the advice and have a truly amazing day! Take care (but you probably shouldn't believe everything you see on TV either ) Kevin

Hey Vic! I definitely think you're right; that is excellent advice...I just don't think I can do it . The main problem is that I only ever hung out with Josh WITH Kim. So I don't even know his cell # . On top of that there's NO WAY Kim wouldn't be suspicious if I tried to spend time with him. And I haven't associated with either of them socially for several months now . I really don't mean this in a silly way, but is there a difference between being gay and having gay tendencies? I mean would "gay tendencies" for example mean...uh I dunno, you were careful to make sure your umbrella didn't clash with your clothes? (ok so maybe I got a little silly) Anyway have an awesome day Vic!! and Take C....cable television shows with a grain of salt Kevin

LOL Viv, what "how gay are you" quiz? I love silly quizes

So yesterday evening I decided to walk to my night class. On the way it suddenly begins to drizzle a bit. So I'm thinking "well no problem I'm about to walk by Coressa's apartment complex, I'll pop in and see if I can borrow an umbrella". So anyway who should I see in the parking lot, but Coressa (yeah I guess it's not that big a coincedence since it was her apartment building). Anyway she was actually carrying a pink umbrella at the time, and before I could even ask for one she offered it to me. Then she laughed and said, "but if you'd prefer I have a brown one inside I can get for you". So I said I'd rather have that one, so after we chat a bit I go on my way with the brown umbrella. Then I'm hit with a funny thought, I'm sure she thought I'd prefer the brown umbrella because it wasn't as "gay" as the pink one, when in fact my main reason for wanting the brown one was that the pink would have clashed with my outfit, whereas the brown matched my shoes and belt nicely and really finished off the ensemble. (though actually pink is about my least favourite colour but just because I happen to not like it, not for any cultural/social reasons). So anyway I'm walking along with the umbrella and I start thinking "I guess I'll drop it back off to her at work when I'm on my way to class in the morning". Then I think "oh wait, if I do that I'll have to see Kim". So of course that led my thoughts to Kim, which is what this entry is actually about. If you go back about a year ago Kim had just started and right away we became pretty good friends. In fact in an odd little ironic twist when she first started most people didn't particularly like her and thought she was weird. I was the one who kept saying, "no she's really nice and fun, give her a chance". So anyway when I met her she was always talking about her boyfriend, Josh. Well the first time I met Josh was when we all went out to eat to celebrate Kim's birthday. Now I'm not the best as far as gaydar goes, but I was picking something up from Josh. Besides that he kept looking at me... in a way that suggested more than platonic interest. In fact it was so bad that halfway through dinner Amber noticed and asked him what he was looking at. He said, "oops sorry, just staring into space I guess", and she laughed and said "oh I thought you were looking at Kevin" . Now this isn't the only thing I'm going by, I actually got to know him and he's a really nice guy, I just always got a weird sorta vibe from him. Then a month or so later I was at their house and we were watching Alexander. Well Kim was completely freaked out and disgusted by the Alexander/Hephaistion relationship (She's kinda homophobic, not the main reason we "fell out" but a contributing factor), but Josh seemed completely enthralled by it, and defended it by pointing out that it was very common in ancient Greece/Rome. Not only that but Kim herself is always talking about him, about how he isn't very interested in having sex, and how he never seems to be thinking about it. Also how he likes to use some of her "girly stuff", and how he reads everything including mags she leaves laying around. Now I guess it's possible I'm just completely barking up the wrong tree, maybe all the evidence is circumstantial. Or maybe he's bisexual or something. I can certainly see how he might have fallen for Kim if he is. She's a very "sexual" person. I mean she just carries herself in a very confident, sexy way. She's quite flirtatious and sensual as well. In fact one night we went out to dinner and a movie, just the two of us. I swear she was making it seem like a date! (whereas I was just interested in going as friends) As well as the usual mild flirty stuff, she leaned into me during the movie, and then afterwards we went out for desert and she fed me ice cream. It was...strange... I mean I would never do anything to come between two people dating. I just think that's one of the worst things someone can do, I'm really firm on this point! So I kept my distance as much as I could, and still be polite. That said though there was definitely a "moment" and if she hadn't been seeing someone I probably would have kissed her. I don't even think she does it on purpose. I think it's just her personality and how she naturally interacts with guys. She's always talking about how most of her close friends are guys and how there's usually been something between them at one point. I think it's just a pattern she falls into. But anyway I can definitely see how if Josh were at all into girls she might have ensnared him. Anyway a few months ago they became engaged. Now that I'm not particularly close with them anymore, I mostly think I should just mind my own business. On the other hand part of me feels like...I dunno like if this is going to be a huge mistake I should do something. I mean they actually seem fairly happy, I'm just mostly worried about Josh. She's very dominant, they're not even married yet and she controls alot of the finances, and usually gets her way on other issues. Not that I think she'll take advantage of him, she really is a pretty decent person, a nice girl with a strong sense of fairness, but he's really laid back and just goes along with whatever. She could definitely end up in a very controlling position. Of course mostly I'm just thinking it really sucks for him if he's at all into guys to marry a homophobe. I mean it can't be easy to surpress your feelings anyway, but to then try to redirect them to a person who couldn't even understand in the first place... I dunno, it's not like there's anything I can do anyway. I'm certainly not going to butt into their business, and I probably wouldn't even if I were still close with them. Besides at this point anything I said or did would definitely be perceived as an attack.

Hey everyone, so this isn't really that funny. I didn't agree with most of them, and some I found a tad offensive even. But some were kinda funny, anyway: 100 Reasons to be Gay 1. You truly don't care who Julia Roberts is sleeping with. 2. You understand the difference between 43 brands of imported vodka. 3. You can call anyone "honey" including pets. 4. You know someone who definitely was in the emergency room with Richard Gere and the gerbil. 5. You understand the immense importance of good lighting. 6. You can be at a crowded disco the size of two football fields and still spot a toupee. 7. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit, and truly mean her bathing suit. 8. You can explain the nuances between steady date, boyfriend and lover. 9. You really have "been there, done that." 10. Your women friends will tell you everything you want to know about their boyfriends. And that means everything. 11. You're the only type of male who gets to say "fabulous." 12. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home. 13. You can have naked men you don't know in your home. 14. You know how to handle the telephone like a Stradivarius. 15. You understand why the good Lord invented spandex. 16. You understand why the good Lord didn't intend everyone to wear it. 17. You know how to get back at just about everyone. And have. 18. You know that the most important part of a party's decor is the catering staff. 19. You only wear polyester when you mean to. 20. You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them. 21. You can freeze a troll from 20 feet away. 22. You're good pals with women other people can't stand. 23. You've always got an opinion. 24. You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical. 25. You know how to dress strategically. 26. Your car has an amusing female name. 27. You're the only one at your high school reunion who looks a lot better than you did in high school. 28. You've got at least one framed picture of a pet. 29. If your mattress could talk, it would be Joan Rivers. 30. You know that sex complicates things. So? 31. You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't actually an insult. 32. There's a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you. 33. Nobody tells you what to do in bed...unless you tell them what to tell you. 34. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion. 35. You have at least one movie musical on video. 36. You're not embarrassed to sing in a piano bar. 37. You're embarrassed by people who sing in piano bars. 38. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade or two. 39. You know how to make an entrance. 40. You know when to make an exit. 41. You worry about people you don't even know - like Liza Minnelli. 42. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards. 43. You know how to program your VCR. 44. You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level. 45. You have a cologne display worthy of Bloomingdales. 46. You understand, viscerally, Joan Crawford. 47. Some of your best friends are your ex lovers. 48. You know when to play dumb. 49. You know what to do for a hangover. 50. Yes, you do have a condom. 51. You've called someone "girlfriend" who is neither a girl nor a friend. 52. One or more of the following apply to you: a) You adore Judy Garland You hate Judy Garland c) You hate people who adore Judy Garland. d) You hate people who hate Judy Garland. e) You don't give a damn about Judy Garland. f) Who is Judy Garland? 53. You can supply the last names to the following list: a) Bernadette Chita c) Barbra 54. You made Donna Summer a star. 55. You made Donna Summer a has-been. 56. Tanning salons were invented for you. 57. You've made sunbathing a performance art. 58. You know when the party's over. 59. You know where to go after the party's over. 60. You're fearless about fighting the elements, especially gravity. 61. When you hear "a stitch in time saves nine" you think of a) Your grandma Your face lift c) John Wayne Bobbit 62. You know that pigs and bears are not necessarily rural wildlife. 63. Your roommate can be your roommate and not your "roommate." 64. You know that referring to someone as "a real lady" isn't necessarily a compliment. 65. Your favorite dinner accessory may also be your dinner companion. 66. If your cat is a female, you swear it's a lesbian. 67. If your cat is a male, you swear it's a lesbian. 68. You sing along heartily with songs that make most females cringe, like "Stand by your man". 69. You've been to a bris, a barmitzvah, a christening, a first communion and too many weddings and you have a carefully considered evaluation of the food after each. 70. You'll never have to hear your mother complain about your wife. 71. A two-seater convertible seems perfectly practical to you. 72. You have a favorite Disney character and it's usually a nasty one. 73. You've left someone totally speechless. 74. You've shaved something other than your face. 75. All your friends do not have to "get along". 76. You have large collection of anniversary pictures. They may be with different guys, however. 77. Your love handles are actually used as such. 78. When someone turns his back on you, you actually consider it an opportunity. 79. You've got a large assortment of movie-star biographies. 80. You've got the most interesting coffee table books. 81. You know where to find a meat rack and it ain't in your kitchen drawer. 82. You have a sexual persuasion with its own flag. 83. At some moment in your life you've envisioned having back-up girls. 84. You know your enemies. 85. After a workout at the gym, you feel like a new man. And he's right there in the shower. 86 You're Barbra Streisand's biggest fan. 87. You know that Barbra Streisand's biggest fan is Barbra Streisand. 88 Not only have you added spice to your life - sometimes you've added side dishes. 89. You know that "small talk" can be about spirituality or politics, and "important issues" can be about hair. 90. You've actually lived out some of your fantasies. 91. Unlike most straight women, you have no problem being treated solely as a sex object. 92. You have no doubts about the accuracy of the Kinsey Report. 93. You know, by heart, every line in: a) All about Eve The Rocky Horror Picture Show c) Your face 94. You are ALWAYS ready for your close-up. 95. You have 412 ways to tell someone to get lost. 136 are non-verbal. 96. You can lip-sync to at least one Supreme's song. 97. You have a carefully selected Yiddish vocabulary. 98. Even if you're in Kansas, you're not in Kansas anymore. 99. You know exactly how many martinis it takes. 100. When throwing a party, you know how to put out quite a spread. Sometimes after the party too.

Hey Nick it's good to know that I'm not alone with this . I'm also really glad that lately you've been able to open up to people a little more about that stuff. Of course it is good to be careful too, I'm sure you'll be able to discern what is "safe" to tell people and what is too "risky". I just hope your friends are always there for you no matter what! You're right the people at work are great, and I'm lucky to have them in my life I'm touched and honoured if anything I've said in your blog has made you feel better. That truly means a lot to me, and I really hope everything works out well for you and that you have a very happy life Thanks for commenting Take care, Kevin

I think you're right, Camy; sometimes the line between reality and persona can easily become blurred. A change is definitely a good idea for me at this point, and I'm quite looking forward to one . Anyway thanks for the insight, have an awesome day! Kevin

Well just to play devil's advocate a bit. They may simply be protective of Chaz, which while it can be overbearing and go too far, is at least a little noble. For example I could imagine my closest straight guy friends (if I came out to them and they came to terms with it) being really protective of me (they always have been about everything else lol). It's kinda like the big brother/father thing you see, "Just what are your intentions young man?" It just kinda shows they care. Anyway I'm not saying it's right or fair, and personally I tend to make an extra effort to get along with my friend's S.O.'s, and then if I don't approve (which I usually do anyway) talk to my friend about it in private. Failing that I just stay out of it and wait to pick up the pieces or be proven wrong. So I guess what I'm saying is it sucks that they're not treating you right, or being open-minded, and it's completely unfair but in their minds you probably have to "prove yourself"; you don't though. As Rob and Michael said it's ultimately between you and Chaz. So I hope they cool it enough to see what a great guy you are, Green, and I hope you stay calm enough to show them ....but even if that doesn't happen it shouldn't affect you and Chaz. Anyway take care and have a great day, Kevin

Hey David! I'm glad to hear chapter 7 is coming soon! Woo Hoo so probably when I get back from class tonight then I think I'm pretty happy, but who can't stand a little more happiness? So I'll try to check out the Dalai Lama's "The Art of Happiness" sometime. Oh and definitely quit smoking! Take care and have a great day, Kevin

awwww I just finished your last chapter of "From Behind Those Eyes"; I loved it! It was awesome, I just can't wait to see what happens with Jules and Stephan though. I know I shouldn't nag or whine, but when can we expect another update? ***makes his puppy dog face*** Anyway have an awesome day, Viv! Kevin

Hey Camy! Happy Birthday! I hope it's a really teriffic one! WOW 100, that's GOT to be a milestone! I hope you have a really awesome day and a great year! Take care and all the best, Kevin

I just wanted to wish Camy a very special 100th birthday ! I hope it's an awesome one Camy, and may the next 100 years be even better! Seriously, I hope you have a teriffic day and a fantastic year! All the best, Kevin

I don't really know anything about Clay Aiken, but I can't decide if I think he's attractive or not. Sometimes I think "ugly", sometimes I think "cute"...maybe he's cute in an ugly sorta way .

Thanks you guys! Now I know lol I think I'd like to "get into" the show more. Perhaps I'll get the first season on DVD or something. And yeah, is Jack gay in real life? I knew Will was straight in real life. Anyway take care everyone and have a day filled with pleasant happenings Kevin

So today at work a friend/coworker came up to me and said, "you seem quiet today, everything okay?". The odd thing is this seems to be par for the course the last month or so. It seems like lately every time I turn around someone's saying how quiet I'm being and making sure I'm not upset about something. And I'm really not upset, mad, unhappy, sick, or worried. Heck I don't even think I was being that quiet today. I was completely responsive and friendly to everyone. I may not have been forcing my way into every conversation, or regaling everyone with funny stories, but I was exactly shrinking into the background either. No, *gasp* I was actually working. So I dunno, it's crazy. I mean I feel fine, but with everyone fussing over me like I must be upset...I'm begining to wonder myself. I really don't think I am...but who knows? If I can't think of anything that might be bothering me, I usually just give the stock response: " **smile** I'm fine, just have alot on my mind I guess, thanks for asking though". And I really do appreciate it when people ask. I've always said if I'm upset I probably DON'T want to be left alone. If I want to be left alone; I leave. If I'm still there where you can see me and you think I'm upset, it is appreciated if you ask. So I'm certainly anything but annoyed that everyone is checking to make sure I'm okay. It's just I can't figure out what could be wrong so I think I am okay. I admit I'm often quite effusive. I do like to talk. I enjoy one on one conversation, or small group chats. I even like to bring everyone into one large discussion, and I readily acknowledge the fact that I'm often, if not usually, quite comfortable with all eyes and ears paying attention to me (geez that does make me sound like an attention seeker), but on the other hand I really don't have to have everyone's attention. I can be loud and outgoing, but just as often (at least I thought just as often), I'm quite content, to just sit and listen, or contemplate my own thoughts. I'm actually VERY introspective, just not in a shy sorta way. Yet I do wonder if maybe something is off at work and that's why I'm keeping to myself. I really am ready for the door. I feel like an old relic around there. Heck, perhaps I'm even a little jaded. I mean everyone's come and gone so many times since I've been there, I dunno perhaps I'm just subconsciously wondering if there's any point in developing relationships with the new people...I mean even if they stick around, I'll be gone soon enough. Of course intellectually I'd say of course I should get to know them; all experiences or potentially meaningful, and getting to know new people is definitely one of the most rewarding of all. And I certainly don't want my "old friends" to feel like I'm isolating myself from them. I dunno, I guess even if I do feel like being quiet I should just put on my best smile and go laugh and talk up a storm.

Hey Danny You're definitely not alone for this war, and you never have to be. I'm really proud of you of you for making such amazing progress in self-acceptance, and for seeking out a safe, healthy environment in which to find support. That's definitely something which far too many people are incapable of doing . Life really can be a great and happy experience. The hope and opportunities are out there, grabbing and holding onto them, that's the tricky part. But ya know I really think you're going to pull it off. Please feel free to PM me or leave a comment anytime you want to talk. Take care and have an awesome day! Kevin

Hey Patrick, I'm so glad you found something I said helpful I'm sorry to hear that your forum went down, it sucks when people try to ruin something nice to spite other people . I'm really glad you found this site though, and yes I do intend to stay for the foreseeable future Anyway take care and have a really amazing day! Kevin

Awww only 18 chapters for WT **encourages one of the charactes to grab Dom's butt** I'm sure we'll love every chapter though, and you do know best Take care and have an awesome day, I hope you feel better. Kevin

....Myself and technology aren't exactly best friends. Disregard this accidental 2nd post.

Hey Viv I'm excited to hear that you're working on something for the Spring Anthology, and REALLY excited to hear that we don't need to worry about From Behind Those Eyes getting left behind LOL that was a sweet conversation! ....I want one! *sigh* I'll get one eventually Anyway take care and have an awesome day! Kevin