AFriendlyFace

LOL, interestingly enough I am a teacher. Well sorta. I'm subbing. I actually love it, I really like children, I love that I go to a completely different school, grade, and subject everyday. I just walk away at the end of the day and I don't really have to do any prep or make plans for the next day, and best of all I can have absolutely any day off without any notice (I'm only required to take 4 assignments a month, I usually take 4 or 5 a week, but in any case all I do is not answer the phone if I don't want to work). It's most definitely not what I want to do long-term though. To be honest at this point in my life I'm completely chillin' and bumming around. My number one priority is just to have fun and enjoy this stage of my life. I'm enjoying my job though and I am considering getting certified and maybe teaching full time for a bit. The pay would be better and eventually I might like a tad more stability with where I'm going and what I'm doing. For example the hardest part right now is when I leave for the day and realize that chances are I'll never see the same kids again. Even if/when I do start doing it full time though even that would be pretty transitory. In about 6 months to a year (maybe two) I plan to go back to school and start work on my Master's of Social Work. While I'm doing it, and if I can set up my schedule properly I'll continue to teach. If not I'll look for something else. Once I'm done with my degree I'm going to move into my actual *gasp* career and do counseling. I'm actually planning to more than likely specialize in GLBT issues. I'll probably also begin volunteering for support hotlines soon. Still, my goal is simply to have my Master's and get started by the time I'm 30. The next several years are just for me, and I'll pretty much do anything that strikes my fancy. When you create a new topic, right below "topic description" and above the regular text book there's a clickable hyperlink that says "Click here to manage this topic's poll". Just click it and go through the steps to set up your poll. I'll start this one for you with "Yes, very much","Yes, mostly", "No, but I don't hate it", "No, I hate it", and "Not applicable/other". If you want to change it I *think* you can by editing your original post in this thread, but you may not be able to since I'm going to get it started for you (you would normally definitely be able to do that). If you can't and you want to change it just let me know That's pretty nifty! I definitely plan on getting my PhD eventually too, but my only real goal on that one is doing it by the time I'm about 35. I know I could have taken things much more quickly, but I figure I'm personally a lot more likely to look back on my life later and say "Boy, I wish I'd gone out with my friends more" or "Gee, it woulda been cool to do X when I was younger" than I am to say "Man, I wish I had finished my degree sooner" or "If only I'd begun my career sooner". I'm certainly not trying to convince other people to do that at all! It's just what I think is best for me. Good topic, Corvus! Take care and have an awesome day all -Kevin

Wooo hoooo!! Welcome to the forums, Edward!! This is indeed a pleasure -Kevin

Awesome! I hope your luck holds up Wow! No brewed coffee ever!? you poor thing! BTW, I agree with Rose, you are a sweetie Yeah, coffee's really bad for you, nothing wrong with your body having a zero tolerance program in place

Will you share?

May I ask a question, Tris? Just how much do you care about this guy? Someone who is only comfortable having sex when drugs or alcohol is involved most definitely has some serious issues to work through. Typically, it is due to some sort of sense of self-loathing or poor self-esteem. It might also be largely about the sex itself. If at some level he's come to view sex as something dirty, bad, or otherwise disgusting then there's a great deal of escapism in play. I admire your desire to help him, and I'd want to do the same, but it sounds to me like he's going to need therapy and the first step is going to be to get him off alcohol (and any drugs). He may indeed have simply fallen in with the wrong crowd and gotten himself into a rough spot, but if he's internalized it sufficiently that he "won't do sober sex" and isn't interested in relating to you in anything but a sexual way...well then unfortunately I don't think simply removing him from the environment (in a physical, literal way) isn't going to be enough. I've lost a friend to his own form of addiction - which interestingly enough developed after he broke the addiction to drugs and alcohol - it's very sad and it's not going to stop hurting when you think about it, but after they reach a point all you can do is let go and move on, and perhaps try to let them know that if they do want to come back you'll be there to help. If you think inviting him to visit for awhile will help, and indeed I suppose it might, then go for it, but try not to get too involved or invested in something you may not be able to fix. To be honest, based on the description you've given, he doesn't sound like anyone you particularly need in your life at this point, and with the way he's acting I can't imagine wanting him in your life either. I'm assuming it's old loyalty and affections as well as good old fashioned compassion that's keeping you from disengaging completely. As I said, very admirable, just be sure you don't take it too far. Are you sure? I mean have you seen him recently outside of photos? Good luck! I'm pulling for you, and him -Kevin

So I'm not unhappy or frustrated or anything. I wouldn't even describe myself as especially stressed or frustrated. Just...emotionally (and slightly physically) exhausted. Fortunately, things seem to have settled down for me. Unfortunately, they seem to have heated up for most of my friends. Not only am I still trying to be there for Claire, but my other close childhood friend in a lesbian relationship is also having trouble with said lesbian relationship AND going through employment turmoil. The lesbian couple I'm very close friends with that got married and moved last summer, are also going through a lot of life upheaval and stress (their relationship is fine though ). And that's just the girls... Scott and William are each having separate boyfriend complications (but mostly stuff's working out for them, YAY), and they're moving, and there's some slight tension/misunderstanding between them. Luke's going through MAJOR drama with his dad and his dad's boyfriend, and he's going through a lot of work stress, and generally feeling sad and overwhelmed. I'm also re-connecting with my ex (on a friendship level), and he's physically sick. Plus, because Scott, William, and Luke were so busy (they were busy, now they're back in the "need a friend" phase), I've spent a lot of time with a couple of other guys that I've been getting pretty close with. AND, because I've been going out so much with them (versus mostly staying in and chillin with some combination of Scott, William, and/or Luke), I've been running into a bunch of other old friends. Two of whom, I really like and enjoy being with who both seem eager to reconnect and hang out more. As a result, I've been spending nearly all of my free time on the phone with someone, at someone's house, or doing random other activities. I've also been going out (in the bar/club sense) way more than I typically do, as in if I hadn't declined (with good reasons and firm intentions to do it later of course) invitations/requests to go out on three separate nights in the last week it would have been every night! Which is just crazy! Who even goes out on Monday or Tuesday night? Friday and Saturday or a given, Thursday isn't really a surprise, Sunday's always been popular with my friends (it's a big night for gay males in Houston for some reason), and I've accepted that a lot happens on Wednesday too. But now Monday and Tuesday too? Honestly, once a week is quite sufficient for me, but I've felt like I had to accept lately since it's either to cheer up/support a friend, or to forge/strengthen new ties. And I do have fun, don't get me wrong, but I'm the kind of person who likes a lot of down time and a lot of time to myself. I'm happy with people, but I'm happy alone too, but it's even harder to work that out if someone asks if I have plans and I don't...I mean I could lie, or just say, "I really want a quiet evening by myself tonight", but I'd still feel like a jerk. Add to that that I've been doing a lot of sub-teaching, especially for K-2nd graders. The kids are really sweet, and it's very rewarding, and even quite fun for the most part. Plus I know that I'm serious about wanting kids if I can listen to 20 screaming 7 year olds all day and still be thinking "man I want one!", but kids that age are pretty demanding! So anyway, add it all together and it adds up to me being very tired! Plus I hate to complain, it's silly to complain about having too many good relationships and too many fun activities, but I just really want to spend a whole day locked inside without seeing, talking, or texting to a single person! I can't though, being a supportive person is pretty much the most fundamental quality I see in myself, so not being there, even if they understand, would cause me more guilt and stress than it would be worth.

Oh most definitely! I love it when stories make me cry! (or experience any emotion deeply) Vance's got me too! They're really awesome! BTW, if you guys haven't emailed him to let him know that you liked them and you get around to it, I know that would mean alot to him and make him happy Have an awesome day all! -Kevin

Ohhhh, Nifty links Myr!!! Thanks Good to know about David Hernadez!

Tough call! I have a very complicated and conflicted history with each of them. I very much enjoy them both, but I try to avoid caffeine. As such I most frequently drink herbal tea. Occasionally I "cheat" and have green tea since it's quite healthy as well as tasty. When it comes to what I like in my tea, I drink all herbal and green blends as is with nothing added. I usually only add a bit of sugar to white tea. As for black tea, I usually go with a very little bit of cream and sugar. Lemon isn't bad (indeed I generally adore the stuff whether in food or beverages), but I seldom actually bother to put it in my tea. It's good when I do though. I rarely break my caffeine rule for black or white tea, although I enjoy both (or at least did several years ago before I quit). When it comes to coffee...well I like regular coffee (I drink it with just a very little bit of sugar and cream, and can do it black). I generally prefer a coffee flavoured blend of some kind. I like mochas, lattes, frappacinos, etc. Really though, my favourite is to mix a coffeeish drink with alcohol. In fact, I just got home from one of my favourite restaurants where I had several. In any case, I avoid coffee and all it's variations as much as possible, but purposely cheat about once a month for fun. Yuck! I can't stand Millerlite! I'm not a big beer drinker in the first place, but I actively like a few beers (Coors and Coorslite, Sapporo, BudLite, Corona and Coronalite, and a couple others). Most I just don't care much for either way. LOL, however I do quite enjoy tequila on occasion Just wanted to say: night new avatar, Gary!! OMG! The smell is the best part! Well I certainly like that as well! (and no I'm not going to specify whether I mean hot chocolate, chocolate in general, or sex :boy;) Take care all and have a great day! -Kevin

YAY! Congrats on the big day, dude! I hope it's every bit as nifty as you are May you find and maintain a direct path to happiness and fulfillment as you enter your (legal) adult years! All the best, Kevin

Don't knock it! That's the strategy I intend to employ in my third decade of life as well I hope it's an absolutely fabulous birthday, Dan! May the coming year bring you all the joy and fun that only eight 29th birthdays can All the best, Kevin

Happy Birthday, dude! I hope you're having/had a fantastic birthday, and may you find the peace and happiness that you deserve in the coming year All the best, Kevin

It's awesome to see you, Luc! I've been wondering what you've been up to and how you've been doing. I hope you can break your dry spell soon, but even if you can't, make sure to look us up, for a chat sometime -Kevin

Happy Birthday, Kashka!! I hope you had a really terrific day and may the coming year bring you all the joy and happiness that you deserve! Take care and have a great one! Awesome!! -Kevin

Sounds like you're really dedicated to finding this story! So it's definitely not celery and carrots then?

Happy Birthday, Jakob!! May your birthday be even a fraction as special as you are Take care and have an awesome day! -Kevin

I'm inclined to agree with Graeme! Right down to the "I'll vote when I'm sober" bit I should think that indeed they might be, in much the same way that someone who is buying a prostitute might be charged if there were a raid or something. Also, there have been a few cases of individuals who downloaded music being charged.

Well, I'd love to post a very long, thorough discussion of my thoughts on this, and I probably will later, but I don't have time now, so I'll just make a few quick points, all in this case regarding music. If I like an artist I will support them. I will buy their CDs, I will speak positively about them whenever they come up, and if it's convenient or I really like them, I will go to their concerts. The way I discover artists I like is from the radio, word of mouth, youtube, and downloading songs. Once I discover that I do indeed like an artist, even if I've already heard all the songs on the CD, and can easily hear them again, I'm still inclined to buy the CD. To me the "process" doesn't feel complete until I do. I also like the feeling of "owning" it, and not only that but usually I prefer the quality of the songs on CD, and I also admit that I simply like the fancy packaging, and inserts. Plus it does make me feel good to support an artist I like. Thus, for me, downloading music, or otherwise being exposed to it for free first, makes me more likely to eventually support the artist. I'm unlikely to have bought the CD in the first place if I didn't have a good indication that I would like several of the songs, so the more I get to hear, the more likely I am to buy it. Conversely, artists who make a big deal about piracy completely turn me off. Even if I do like them I refuse to listen to their music. I wouldn't think of buying their CDs or supporting them in any way, and every time they come up in conversation I'll make it clear that I don't like them. The perfect example is Metalica. I did like their music, but after they spearheaded the Napster thing they completely and permanently lost me. Whereas I'd have probably spoken positively about them and bought their CDs otherwise. I'd be very likely to just go ahead and buy songs on iTunes or something if I had an iPod or other MP3 player, but I'm very very slow to embrace new electronics, and I'm still not really comfortable with owning an iPod/MP3 player just yet. I mean I guess if someone bought me one, loaded with a bunch of songs I liked, and spent some time slowly and thoroughly showing me all the features I might get on-board, but I like to live a "simple life" with regards to electronics, and I just don't see myself initiating introducing these things into my life on my own (not that I want or expect someone else to do it for me; that's just ridiculous). As for whether or not it's legal, that's mostly irrelevant to me. My system of morality is tied to doing what I feel is morally correct, and making the best and fairest decisions I can make on a personal basis. Not hurting anyone is paramount in this system. So while my morals and code of ethics usually align with laws and conventions of society I'm not particularly concerned if they don't. In this case, I have no doubt that my listening to the music first for free (be in on radio, illegally download, youtube, or a friend's CD) is actually better for the artists and for myself. So it's an obviously appropriate moral choice for me to make. I benefit, the artists benefit, and no one gets hurt. I'll readily concede that this might not be the case for many if not most other people, and that is more complicated and troubling, but that would be beyond the scope that I intend to explore with this post. -Kevin

Well I'm pretty comfortable dressing for effect, in fact I do it quite often, but that's usually in the form of quickly altering styles, hair colours/cuts, and in general pushing the envelop with clothing choices. As most people around here know, I love fashion and am very interested in it. However, while I'm probably quite well dressed the majority of the time, I have no doubt that on many occasions I've strayed onto the wrong side of the line. This doesn't particularly bother me. I quite like that people who haven't seen me for more than a couple of weeks would usually be quite hard pressed to figure out what fashion I'll be wearing, or what look I'll be sporting. As for revealing outfits...no problem there either. I was at a party recently and when I walked in a good friend of mine laughed and said, "you know you might as well just take that off", in response to the skin baring outfit I had on. Still, the most recent time I "dressed up" in the costume sense, was for Halloween. I was attending a friend's costume party and the theme was "Pirates" (it was shortly after the 3rd installment had come out). So, I didn't want to go with the standard sorta outfit, so I eventually decided on a "Slutty cross-dressing pirate". Standard pirate hat, skull black leather choker, standard pirate shirt, black glove on one hand, skull ring on the other, black panties, with fishnet stockings over black pantyhose, and then high heel black boots. I think it turned out whether well. My costume (and butt) received quite a bit of positive attention Anyway, I wouldn't describe myself as an "exhibitionist" in the strictest sense, I mean I don't strip, or purposely walk around naked with the blinds open (I've done it by accident a few times though ), but I'm not really shy either. -Kevin

Sounds like a really nice guy with an awesome message! Thanks for showing us this link, Tris

Sounds interesting! Plus I've just settled on what I'm going to have for lunch! **tears open a bag of baby carrots**

Well, you could think of it instead as reading "unwilling to give himself a label". Anyway, it seems like enough people must know what I'm talking about since that choice has a rather commanding lead Actually, I don't see how biology (or choice for that matter) would have particular bearing on this discussion of preferences. That would simply be the reason behind the preference, but the preference would exist all the same. For example left-handed people prefer to write with their left-hand. Most people are inclined to say that this is a biological quality that they're born with, but even if they were choosing to write left-handed as far as I'm concerned they have that preference. The only argument I could see is that some might say that if something is inborn it is thus not a preference, however, I would just flat-out disagree with that definition of preference. Indeed I think that almost all "preferences" regardless of what area is being discussed, are due in large part to brain structures/set ups which are of course in turn due to a complicated mixture of genetics, biological factors, life experiences, personal choice, hormones, pre-natal environment, and other complicated environmental and social factors. I wouldn't argue that his would be an unfair characterization of what determines a person's sexuality either. I've always assumed it would be fruitless (not to mention pointless from my point of view and values) to search for a single cause of a person's sexuality. I would be extremely surprised if it didn't turn out to be a complex mixture of many things which varied slightly from individual to individual. I think all such preference is based on a complex mixture of factors. Well, people are people as far as I'm concerned, but anyway if you like, I almost unilaterally prefer whites across the board to reds (indeed I used reds as an example because it was more challenging for me). I'd generally prefer a white, but sometimes I branch out and get a red such as Shiraz or Pinot Noir (which I do enjoy, but crave much less often than whites), and sometimes I branch out even further and get a Merlot. Of course I might not get wine at all, I may instead order a mixed drink. I enjoy mixed drinks and wines almost equally depending on my mood, and I enjoy them alot more than beer which I seldom want, but every now and then I will order a beer. Of course I usually just opt for water. Anyway, when it comes to fluids I'm fluid. (except with soft drinks and sodas...I won't drink those at all, but it's not a matter of being closed-minded toward them, it's a matter of them not being particularly healthy or nutritious and me certainly not enjoying to an extent that would warrant consuming them anyway) Well, that would certainly be a perfectly accurate way to describe it I suppose, but to me that's still to "black and white" and constraining. That's why I do prefer a 2 scale system. Let's say for example that I come across 10 average looking males and 10 average looking females. I'm using "average looking" because obviously "beautiful" or "ugly" all of which are subjective of course would nevertheless yield different results. So let's just assume that the people are "average" as I would define it. Let's say I'm at least moderately attracted to 5 of the males and 1 of the females. That would make me 50% "gay", and 10% "straight" in terms of quantity of sexual interest in "average" people. However, even with a two scale system I don't think that gives the complete picture. It tells nothing of the degree or intensity of the attraction just that it was high enough to "qualify" (which in the example I set as "moderately attracted"). So instead let's say I meet these same 20, average looking individuals, half of whom are male and half of whom or female, and instead of just looking at quantity that I'm attracted to PERIOD, I want to find out how many of them I would classify myself as "highly or intensely attracted to". Perhaps that would be 2 of the males and none of the females. That would mean that in terms of how many people I'm intensely attracted to I have a 20% gay score and a 0% straight score. We could further go on and evaluate how enduring the attractions are. So already you're looking at 2 separate scales and 3 different measures. And of course all of this is completely subjective. There's also evidence that people's hormones play a cyclic role in their attractions. What might look good to you at one week, might not look good at all 3 weeks later. You could perhaps argue that this would be covered by the endurance scale; however, to me the endurance measurement would need to be conducted at separate intervals during which the phase in people's hormonal cycles were as near as possible to the same. Of course trying to match hormonal levels would be nearly impossible in the first place since hormones are also influenced by too many external and varying factors that don't strictly have to do with a person's natural hormonal cycle. Anyway, all I'm trying to point out with this excessively long discussion is that I don't think sexuality is simple enough for something as constraining as a one scale, completely lumped together, model which evaluates sexuality under the assumption that there's really only three possibilities: "gay" "straight" and "bi" with a few variations of each. It's like watching black and white movies. Sure there are LOTS of possibilities of shades of gray, but just black, white and "shades of gray" isn't really enough. You don't get the whole picture until you switch to colour. -Kevin

Ohhh, that sounds really good! When you find out what it is let me know! However, this isn't a story I recall having come across in the Archive and I think you might have a better response in The Lounge (our general discussion area) so I'm going to move your thread over there Anyone know the story in question? -Kevin

Thank you Gary! I know that sometimes I tend to get a tad...overzealous when discussing things I find interesting, so I'm glad it made since to you and you enjoyed reading it! Oh my! You're right, I read that as it being time to let people decide for themselves without fear. In that case I wouldn't agree. I'm in favour of non fear-based decisions! I somehow suspect that's what Tim meant to say though, but I could be wrong.

Welcome to the site!! I'm inclined to agree with Graeme that you ought to pick a genre you're comfortable with and go from there! Perhaps others will have some valuable feedback on this point though -Kevin