Ron

The story was dreary and had a generic feel to it. Most of the characters were unlikable. The main characters were flat and the attempts to make them real were not convincing. There were elements that could have made this interesting in a humorous way but it ended up being an awkward read instead. The dinner party was all over the place. The clandestine behavior of dinner guest away from the table would have been better served had it been noted as odd behavior during dinner. Instead it was tacked on, in its entirety, as if after dinner gossip in the kitchen (before the guest left) and lost impact. The ending felt contrived but the nephew and girlfriend, who offered the only real sincerity in the story, saved the ending. And not because they had money, but because they felt genuine.

This is a very professional example of the short story. It reads nearly flawlessly. The ease with which the different characters are brought in and out of the story is exemplary. Dialogue is easily assignable, free and natural amongst the differing individuals. Humor is doled out as befits the situation; again naturally and not forced. What with the nature of the subject matter, it would be so easy to go overboard on the emotion though the dramatic scenes never feel overblown. This seems, as mentioned below, to be a deliberate choice and one that I applaud. The ending left room for possibilities and I found it to be most agreeable. I expect great things from you.

Oh, you manipulator you. It's now amusing how many folks were up in arms in defense against Jesse being pulled away. You quash that and bring back the intrigue from Spin's attack and an unknown half brother with cancer. A fine example of bait and switch and a lesson on upping the ante. Another fine chapter, Andrew.

It was cute. There was a lot of action but not much depth and the story was full of ideas that didn't seem very well thought out. With more work, it might turn out to be a fine story for young adults. As is, it is enough to loosely hold my attention but not much more than that.

I see. Even the various author banners do that. It's something that I never noticed before as I've never had a reason to click or touch on them. Thanks for the explanation, Renee.

I would have thought that the anthology banner on each story page would have linked back to this announcement page rather than the home page. What is the reasoning behind that?

Brilliant writing. I know, I used the word brilliant to describe, in a review comment, your first chapter in this anthology story line. This time it is no less appropriate; perhaps even more applicable this chapter. The connection between the siblings is compellingly believable. Your first paragraphs set the background and tone for the kitchen conversation remarkably well. The kitchen conversation… Well, it was stunningly well conceived. There is a considerable amount of dialogue used in these latter paragraphs, and while in many circumstance that might be ill considered, it is not in this case. Your use of dialogue, and shorter actively descriptive passages, conveying Paul’s anguish and Maya’s empathy, and their inner thought processes, was convincing. Bravo.

A splendid story and one that I enjoyed very much. It definitely had that out in the middle of nowhere feel. You did well to keep the action and descriptions outside of the main town to emphasize this and make it believable. I also like that there were just enough hints at what Blake an Axel looked like physically and to still leave room for me to fill in the blanks with my own imagination. Your dialogue was natural, there when it was needed and then out of the way for the story. There is no need to have been in love with a best friend to recognize the futility of falling for someone who isn't going to return the emotion. Even when in the midst of it, you just know that it isn't going to end well and you captured the emotional sense of that superbly. Ending the story with potential was the best possible outcome. Truly, I wanted to go on and read a chapter two.

I have been following your posts about this, Jeremy. The loss of a friend, no matter great or small, is significant. It changes you. You have my sympathy.

Twelve new stories to read. That ought to cover the holidays. Though if I start at the top, it may take a while to get down to you Bill.

As concerns the POV switch - This is not bothersome in the least. In fact, you could get by with writing Jacob or Josh and leave off the POV, simpler and gets the point across nicely. If you look at Myiege's current story, you will see that she named each chapter after the individual she was showcasing and it works. It would work for you as a point of view denotation as well. It would also allow you to note things outside of the pov without having one or the other need to make a direct observation; more room to maneuver. Ethan is cute but the whole alpha comment. Jeez kid, ever hear of a thing called genetics? So, crushing on your twin is narcissism? -> (Duuude that would be like masturbation). Too funny! The whole trading places thing has been done to death. I look forward to your creativeness to make it different and exciting for your readers, Sammy. Nice chapter!

Kyle did a good thing as far as I'm concerned. Does he know that he has supporters on the web? Lol Seriously though, the school doesn't have any anti-bullying programs, at all? If not, then threat of lawyers may be needed to start a fire under their asses.

Canada could also recoup some money by charging a rental on the Central Mailboxes just as for post office boxes. You don't pay rent, you don't get any mail. I know that Singapore does not deliver on Saturday already and it doesn't seem to bother anyone. I wouldn't be upset if the US did something like this but if I remember correctly, there was a big outcry when it was bandied about that the Saturday delivery might be done away with. A lot of elderly folks were up in arms over it, particularly because of mailed medications, and I can certainly understand the fear of missed medications for those that get them that way. It would put many out of work nonetheless and I suspect that the pensions of mail workers are underfunded so I'm not sure how much that would be affected without new revenue. Perhaps savings from losses could go into to pensions until fully funded. I get and pay no bills through the mail, everything I do is electronic. And for crying out loud, Christmas cards, birthday cards and their ilk; if you don't send or get them, you won't have to send or get them. But we all know what the greeting card lobbyists will do. <-- satire as far as I know. Are there card lobbyist?

Tricky. You. I didn't catch that screwed up address either. I thought maybe the mail account had been deleted. Hard to know sometimes just when it is that it's best to let go. I like this chapter.

I agree. I thought of this as well. If it is in fact real and I am not entirely convinced that it is, he could be in for additional harm.

I hope you mean 'Ha Ha Funny'. Then again it's sort of 'funny' the other way as well.

I like it. I think you have some issues an editor could clear up for you, but over all you have some great descriptions and your dialogue seems natural. Your characters are good as well, except for that no good photog ex-boyfriend. But then again, he serves his purpose. I would like to see the story continue. Good beginning, Jaybird.

I like that ending. Is Noah in the new place or still in the old? If it's the old place, it's probably what's his face. That guy none of us like. Ha!

I can't help it. I think it's just awful. I don't even like the music. I generally dislike things that are too 'over the top' in their design so as to blatantly manipulate my feelings.

Very stream of consciousness stuff. Thanks for reading it and your comments, Aditus.

Yep. Nothing profound going on here. Is the protagonist dreaming or concussed? Who knows. It's a silly fun piece of work. Thanks, Stephen.

For your consideration, 'Not Exactly Wonderland'.

Not Exactly Wonderland By RL Hunter “What the hell?” Rising up from the ground, where I lay splayed out like my dog, Rufus on the checkered tile floor of the bathroom when it’s hot, I find that I am not in Kansas anymore. “I must have hit my head. Hard. I remember following that cute blonde guy dressed in white with the neat bunny t-shirt into a shop. I’m sure I fell, in fact, I’m positive. The memory is clear. And why am I standing here talking to myself.” And why am

I'm not sure how I missed this, Fitz. This story feels like essential reading almost. I love background filler stories when they are good like this one is. Will's dialogue with himself is maniacally comical what with his swinging from the practical self, to the pathetic, to the rationalizer and then his self awareness of it all. That was well done having Will be calculating as to how to get the upper hand by arriving early only to lose when Jason shows up. I found the entire conversation between the two to be natural and when it felt forced, there was reason for it. It didn't feel artificial at all. The guys agreeing to meet again after all of that disclosure feels right somehow.

Happy Birthday Wayne! many happy returns