old bob

I know what you are feeling (It happened four times for me). Welcome to the exciting life of fathers . Enjoy the wonderful moment to meet your daughter for the first time. And many thanks to share it with us.

I look it as one of the best poems I ever have read since I came in that site. Sadness and yet Hope... Wonderful

Poor Nephylim..... I'm praying for you, to be cured quickly. I mean, about your physical pain. For the rest, it makes me more to laugh than anything else .

Some days ago, I read my various entries in GA: 14 blogs in 2011 (not counting all the other since 2006), 1640 posts, and not to mention countless comments ! My only regret is: having just a knowledge of "practice" English, sufficient to communicate in my business work and my travels, but not to allow me to write in the language of Shakespeare all the events that happened to me and to convert them in stories I could write for my pleasure and perhaps for that of a reader. Despite these shortcomings, I was able to participate in this wonderful site, to get myself a place and meet many friends, many more than 35 friends who have done me the honor of accepting my friendship on their profile. I then wanted to take stock of the past five years with you. A balance always has two sides: an asset and a liability. On the liabilities side, few things: I was haddicted to GA, and I spend many hours that I could possibly spend on more useful activities, such as tidying my desk and participate in household chores (?). The naivety of some comments, especially of the youngest of us, certain policy positions, particularly from American members, bristle me and shows me how we are distant from each other, on both sides of the Atlantic Ocean. But I keep to myself these negative opinions and I forget them very quickly! On the assets side, many more things: Both either through the stories themselves or through blogs and comments, I got to know, more intimately than I could do it by meeting them "physicaly", hundreds of men and women, individuals of all ages and all backgrounds, living in every corner of the planet. Each participant, often protected by his anonymity, is ready to "let it go", shows himself in his true light and appears as he really is, with his faults and qualities, while in the life of every day, it often look far to know who is really in front of you. While each is marked by the place where he comes from and where he lives, we all have a lot in common, our expectation of life is the same for all. Yellow, black or white, male or female, gay, bi or straight, young or old, our hopes, our joys, our fears and suffering are the same. Through our participation in this site, we show that we belong to the same community. For me it is not a group with same physical attractions (!) , but rather a community of spirit, characterized by openness to the others, by an acceptance of ourselves and hope of a better life. For most of us, we are all people of good will, who want to live together and ready to share our deepest thoughts, even more when we recognise that we are protected by the site's privacy. I know of no other place that offers so many opportunities to meet so many people and have friendly exchanges with so many different personalities in every corner of the planet. If I had not met (by chance!) this site, I would not be what I am today, wiser, more comprehensive and full of indulgence for the world in which I live. Long life to GA! .

To be in peace with your father is not an easy task. The best is to distance yourself from him, to accept him as he is, and even more to accept yourself, with mixed feelings about the past and the present. As time passes, it is always much easier to feel more clearly his own feelings and coming off the moments of a bad mood. Believe me, wisdom comes with age, even if it only comes slowly. At the end, only the good memories remain. It is my wish for you and your family. Remain hopeful, as I did many years ago

The world news are bad. European governments are unable to control the financial crisis. American politicians are fighting to death for power. Africans are unable to overcome the famine in Somalia and Kenya. Everyone is fighting to retain privileges accumulated over the past decades instead of trying to solve problems together. Here in Europe, everyone expects a major economic crisis, but the leaders of the European Union are unable to agree on a quick fix , each preferring to defend a selfish policy, forgetting the common good. Even my country, after struggling years after years with success for a balanced budget, while being one of the few countries in the world with a booming economy, is struggling against speculators seeking to save all of their assets by taking refuge in the Swiss money. With a such strong currency, our exporters can no longer fight successfuly against their competitors in the Euro zone and the crisis is spreading to my country. Yet all these difficulties could be resolved within a few years. That would require that each country gives up some of its sovereignty in favor of a new agreement, restating its finances by raising taxes and reducing the expenses of its administration. The citizens of Europe or even of USA should learn from the Swiss. Our constitution allows us to propose our own laws to the parliament and to force MPs to refer to the people. The citizens have than to vote on such proposals and make the decision by their votes. Unfortunately, we are the only ones in the world with such a system. Another difference between Switzerland and other countries: much of our MPs are not professionals. They are citizens like everyone else, practicing a profession and being politicians only "part time". Does anybody of you want to live in our country ? Unfortunately, it's not that easy. We have also here a party that fights against foreign immigration, especially against foreigners without identity papers or without private means. Nobody is perfect !

Good luck for your future . I wondered about your wonderful sense of humour. You are quite a MAN, able to resolve all your problems and ready to live a new life. I'm sure you will find a nice new place. Go on with your blogs. It's a fun for me to read them .

:worship:Joyeux anniversaire François ! I cann't imagine that a mod would do anything against me if I use our common mother tongue . I wish you to be happy, to enjoy days and nights, and to find in your life what you need to be yourself : friendship, gladness and love

My name is Robert, called by my friends as "Bob". Last June, I celebrated my 82th birthday, so maybe I'm the eldest here. My life story is a long one. It was already the subject of several blogs since I came here on april 2006. I studied as a management engineer in the Swiss Institute of Technology, same school as MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology), worked as a consultant, first as employee during 10 years than as a manager of my own company. At the same time, I became the head of several companies in the film Industry in different countries, made a huge lot of money and lost almost everything through different mistakes, trusting crooks and losing the overview of all my business. Having hit rock bottom, I was able to back up the hill and since 30 years, I work for myself as an independent consultant for a few small firms, whose leaders have all become friends. I have always lived a double life, on one hand, I've been married 60 years with a woman I still love and who still loves me. Not only we had four children who made us happy but also I was lucky to have my wife with me as a collaborator and adviser in all my businesses, especially after my slump. Two of our children died, the eldest boy 3 years ago (he died of a heart attack at age 56, killed by the smoke of 10 cigarettes he smoked each day) and our only daughter 8 years ago (after a long struggle of 20 years against AIDS). A I said in my profile, I'm bi and that's the other side of my double life. I had a lot of friends and a lot of fun, using all the opportunities brought by business travels all around Europe and the freedom I got from an "understanding" wife. Today, I'm too old for this "other side", bur the memories are still alive ! I'm now living with my wife in a small flat at the uppest floor of an old building in the center of Geneva, with a large terrace full of flowers and my deckchair, still working with a few old friends as clients. I work by pleasure, not to make money. I do work only for people close to me and my ideas. I like to work at my rate/rhytm, with the pleasure to make a break when wanted of needed. I have 6 grandchilden and 2 great-grandchildren and the family meetings with all these people (my 2 sons and 2 grandchildren live with wifes, husbands and partners) are always another part of my pleasures in today life. I'm not religious and don't practice any religion, but I feel that there is an "Afterward" and I'm curious to see it (but the latest possible !). As i said in a former blog, the life is never easy but I always found in myself the force necessary to rebound.

Neph, what a nice comment twice. But my mood is changing like the tide following the moon phases. I dreamt a few weeks, and now I'm well rested . Day-dreaming will have to wait, work is in the spotlight again. I cann't any more imagine myself in slippers sitting in a rocking chair and watching the sunset. The pipe is the only thing that suits me, unfortunately I had to promise my wife to slow down my smoking until I am clear about my cancer, that is, until October ! It only remains for me to smoke my pipe in secret, at my desk and in front of my PC-screen ! So the Old Bob is back again, strong and ready to conquer the world, at least for a few weeks, until he will disappear again . As I said once, I'm a young old chap and my statistical life expectation increases day by day. "Provided it lasts" as the the roofer said, falling from the 147th floor of the skyscraper .

How time flies.... My last blog is already 2 months old. At that time, I felt superior, giving advices all around and flattered by all the positive comments that responded to my blogs. Today, I see the months passing, with too many days of work hard to bear, and my fatigue increasing day by day. I'm apparently no more the same as I was only months ago. Most of my momentum, which came from my feeling of always having the same strength as I had 30 years ago, is slowly disappearing. On the one hand, I regret it and I'm worried for those awaiting the results of my work, but on the other, I feel happy to let me go, to stay longer in my chair, without doing anything, just dreaming about the world around and about myself. About myself ? Who am I ? What is my personal assessment ? Physically, my strength muscle and my short term memory decrease a little more each day. On the other side, I remember more and more memories of a distant past and I know better how to manage my time and take breaks when I feel the need. Morally, I feel obliged to worry about the legacy of past mistakes but I accepted once and for all that both good and evil exist. So all my actions, good and bad, have both a sense and are both useful. I acted for the good and for evil and I feel fully responsible for all my actions, good and bad. In my dreams, I relived my past, all my actions, good or bad, watching the movie of my life, analyzing each image and giving it a rating, as my teachers did it at school. In all religions, belief in life after death is accompanied by a heavenly way to court. The good and bad deeds are weighed and the balance determines the fate of the dead. All these religions are foreign to me. But anyway, if there is really such a court, I think I will be both the judge and the accused ! So my ratings could be a good preparation for my appearance in court ! Several important advantages in accepting oneself : First, we know ourselves better, we know our limitations, physical and moral, next we accept that others have the same limits, And the most important : we can forgive the mistakes of others because we forgive ours Interesting dreams, isnt it ?

The Cure : 27th of July The Cure II : 28th of July The Cure III : 2th of August... Please James, dont let us wait too long Cure IV I'm like Neph, loving it .

Direct, short, not a word to much, clearing all the questions from the first chapter.... :worship:. and a fine program for the next chapters : " loocking for answers" ,

a fight Sawyer- Hess against Roth Pharmaceuticals, with Nazis and Soviets in the backround ! James, you have a wonderfull gift to mix all the dark history from the last 70 years in your stories . And a lot of us are asking : WHO IS KEVIN ?

A usual, a story very well structured. I just found chapter 5, and will enjoy this afternoon (it's Sunday) reading all the previous chapters. But I didnt want to wait till then to congrat DK

Take stock of his life by writing, as you do it here, is the best way to see yourself as others see you. You said you made a major step towards switching from the straight lifestyle you had maintained up to that point, to an open and well accepted gay life. That's nice and I'm happy for you. But the most interesting is what one can read "between the lines" . They are two aspects, one negative : Without going into details, I feel that, like many others who have traveled the same path, your transition from a public life in the closet to an openly gay life could be for you a much bigger problem that you supposed it to be. The other, a positive one, is also to be found "between the lines" : You will be fully accepted, by yourself and by the others (straight ot not), when you will be able to walk anywhere, for instance on the quays along the Seine or on the Pont Neuf, walking hand in hand with your boyfriend, and even, why not, sharing a modest kiss with him, despite the people going on around you. I wish I could be there to see it and applaud .

Mark, your blog and all the comments brought here are are a good illustration of the importance of GA and the reason why the Gay community is stronger thanks to the links we establish through our exchange. When I discovered your blog, I was happy, -that you could find such a nice way to express your feelings (You are a born writer ), -that so many people took the time to answer your concerns and brought you the help asked for. I dont know if I can bring myself anything more, but I would be happy to become your friend. You are really an extraordinary person.... Good luck for your future and take care of yourself

It's much better than any TV screen . You are a lucky man, to be able to laugh as you do about yourself .

Thanks for your comments . I hope to keep my smile as long as I live. Day by day, it becomes easier to keep it.

Its not the same to find someone sexy when you are 20 than when you are 82 like me . For me it's just an esthetical point of view. I like to see people (guys or gals) around me and appreciate their looks, wihout any other intention to "move to action".it is a rather passive feeling, I do not need to get involved. I am at peace with myself..

Once upon a time..... I found this pic of me as "glamour boy" from 1948 in my archives. I was just 19, ready to "conquer" girls (and guys ). BTW, I succeeded many times .

congrats for your success in your fight against bureaucrats and good luck for your new life without worry !

I dont know if my answer could be also yours. Here as answer a little story about myself : Perhaps you know that I'm Jew, still a very liberal one, but anyway proud to be. I met once a nice guy. He became a friend. One day, I told him that I'm Jew and got as answer : "I hate Yids, I'm anti-Semitic, I hate the Jews as a race, but you are not like the other Yids, I'm your friend". I left him immediately. It was years ago, but even today I am sure I acted right . I cannot be friendly with someone who hates you.

Certainly not ! Your reaction is a defense of your mind to protect you against too much sentimentality You are just collecting more experiences, making more hard decisions than any other guy of your age. Support responsibilities is often difficult and tiring in the long. You are just tired ans setting priorities about whom you care. Think of a soldier in the middle of a battle, you care about your life and the life of your comrades around you, and that's enough, no need to care about all the people engaged in the battle !

Neph, you are not alone among them who couldnt adhere. You can count me among them .