Jdonley75

None of us are truly alone. I have my family and I have my faith. I have people I work with who respect me and care about me. And you are not alone either. You might not like some of the memories of the past when it comes to the holidays but that just means there's space in your heart to create new memories this time around. To find new reasons to smile and to laugh. Throw out the past with its pain and misery and embrace the good things you have around you now. Deny that abusive man from your past one more victory over you and truly celebrate a new beginning in your life instead of mourning what's been lost. So many other things I want to say. lol. You're well on your way, Albert and I am so happy for you. You might think all you have left are the ashes of your past but before long I just know a phoenix will arise from them and it is going to be a beautiful moment to behold. All my love and thoughts for you for a wonderful holiday tomorrow.

1. Finish writing "Tyler's Story" no later than August and hope to be able to start releasing it in September. 2. Get back to figuring out my dastardly plot(s) in a new series about vampires, witches and all around evil. That's been slow going but I've made progress in the last couple weeks. There is one other story I want to write about Kyle and Jacob, making it the third and final book regarding that setting but that's likely a 2020 goal.

Talking about it with your loved ones is very healthy for you in the long run. A burden shared is a burden lightened. It's not all that easy for you now because it's all so new and fresh in your psyche that it's painful to go back and touch it. But, each time you share it, you're letting go of some of that pain. You may not think that's what you're doing but in time you will feel better for it. I'm really glad for you that you're writing all of these feelings down now. In time, you'll be out of this darkened moment of your life and be able to truly see just how far you've come.

This is a great start to what will no doubt end up being a compelling series. Looking forward to seeing more in the future.

Really sucks I can only like that once... I didn't intend to create an ensemble cast but it just happened that way. I meant to just write a story about Kyle and Jacob. I had figured Kyle was a semi-popular guy in high school so I gave him friends (poof, there they are.) Then somewhere along the way these friends started growing and exhibiting personality, emotion and most importantly, they became the link between past and present. They had their own stories to tell and each of them effected the main plot in ways that made the story much better overall. The story really wouldn't have worked if it had just been Kyle and Jacob on their own. Also, I needed some moments to lighten the tone so it didn't come off as one emotional roller coaster and then another. So, it helped to have someone like Brian to be a good support character to add a little cheeky humor here and there when needed while at the same time bringing his own story to the table that blended well with everything else. Now, having done it, I can see the appeal of writing future ensemble stories.

Well, to me it looks like you're doing just about the best thing you can do right now and that's writing about it. Talking about it honestly and openly. That takes a lot more bravery than I ever had so, like I said before, you're doing a lot better than you think you are. Your pain dealing with your ex is still very fresh and that's why it all feels as bad as it does. That's the proverbial thorn in your soul that's infecting the rest of your spirit. It'll take time to get it out but it will come out time. I promise, better days are ahead of you and someday you are going to look back at all this with a smile and see it all as the learning experience it will end up being. I've been down in this hole before and I know the way out.

Awesome story! Gave me the warm fuzzy feels at the end.

I'm really glad you're making progress towards defeating your opponent. And, yeah, that's how I used to see it when I went through pretty heavy anxiety issues in my 20's and 30's. I haven't had a really bad episode in about two years now so I guess I'm better...? I dunno. All I know is I personally hated the slower, creeping attacks because I would never see them coming until it was too late and suddenly I'm off on a serious emotional bender for a day or two before I recognized what was going on and be able to beat it back into submission. I tended to use a lot of visualization in my mind of the great big horrible beast and use any weapon I could think of to slay it. I figure, why waste my imagination when I get it to work for me instead of against me? But, then again, I'm weird like that...

Always nice to read a story that isn't a complete happy ending but more of the dawn of potential better times ahead. Chester's reactions to his abuse is understandable and his reactions to the cage his world became over time are powerful in this. It's a testament to the human soul that Chester has a chance to heal from his scars if he allows himself the chance. It's weird that halfway through reading this I thought about how my mother cried when I called to tell her my dad died. They'd been divorced for over twenty years and he had treated her poorly towards the end but still she grieved for him on a level she couldn't explain.

Totally agree. It's good to point out some relevant things that gives the reader an idea on the kind of lifestyle someone lives (rich, middle class, poor) by giving a modest description of a room or what kind of clothes they're wearing but writing everything down to the minuscule details takes up page and time and energy best served keeping to the narrative. Conversely, sometimes you need to point out those kitchen knives in the room because in a few minutes a fight with a vampire is about to break out and they will come in handy. 😜

Always looking forward to reading these. I tend to avoid sex scenes now, that's for sure. I've written one and it took me over a day to write it because I felt... I dunno... like an intruder in their personal moment as I'm writing down for the readers what's going on. After that (purely to save time) I would just segue to what one of my favorite authors would call "a boot scene," and just get back to the main plot. I agree that it's a lot easier to let the readers fill in the details for themselves. When it comes to physical descriptions of my characters I usually limit it to hair color, eye color and a general height assessment along with an idea of how they are built. Brian is still trim just like he was when he was in high school. Troy has a dad bod going on being a happily married father of three now as opposed to when he was the captain of the swim team. Andy bulked up during his time in the marine corps and has a goatee now. Jacob went from teen heartthrob to fat to nearly body builder proportions. Kyle kept his good looks but lost some of his old body definition and is just a handsome every-man now. The rest I leave up to readers imagination to fill in because I got better things to do than constantly keep describing how the characters' bodies look. And, boy, if the comments were any clue, the readers were perfectly fine with that too.

Full disclosure: I have not read the previous sections of this series. That aside, this story is able to stand alone on its own merits. The author did a wonderful job expressing all of the individual characters' motivations and kept just enough back to keep you invested in wanting to read the next chapter. While maintaining continuity with his previous works, his ability to insert the past into the present made it easy to identify and learn about the shared past of all the characters. It is a wonderful and remarkable story on how, even in the darkest hour, there is always hope that there will be a better day coming. And in that, the author kept Dustin's plight realistic as to how far he has to fall before he finds the faith in himself and in his friends to rise up. A wonderful tale and while the author may be done with this series, I hope he has other stories in mind for the future.

This was a great read and had a good solid ending. I could say more here, but I think I'll put my efforts to better use elsewhere.

Healing takes time. It's never as easy as they want to make it look on TV or in the movies. There are no easy fixes for what you're going through but from what you've written I get the sense that you are improving more than you would allow yourself to believe. I've been in a similar circumstance and I remember crying for a full year over my heartbreak. It's almost embarrassing to me that I spent that long reliving it all over and over. It took me even longer to find my own self-worth again. But, I have no friends who cared enough to want to help me other than telling me I just needed to, "get over it." I can't blame them since they never saw what it was he was doing to me. Emotional abuse doesn't leave bruises or scars for the world to see, you know. And, yeah, I can smile about it all now. Because I found my way out of that hole and I am happier now than I ever have been in my life. You will find your way back to happiness and you'll end up smiling again and not just to hide the tears you're holding inside. Give yourself a hug and remind yourself that winter doesn't last forever.

No worries. One of the wonders of sharing thoughts and ideas on an international website is that no two people are ever going to see a subject from the same viewpoint. It's important to give yourself over to the concept of looking at the world in other peoples' eyes and see things from their perspective. Not unlike how while writing a story can make us look at a subject with an entirely different perspective outside of our own for the sake of one of our characters. I feel it's the only way we can truly grow as people and learn to appreciate those who are different from ourselves. I don't think you're entirely wrong about the movie. I agree there should have been more... oh, I dunno... gay people in some of the roles. Gee, what an amazing concept, huh?? I also think Hollywood doesn't help us that much from time to time. Actually, most of the time. They're fine with making money off of LGBT consumers and their lives as turned into art. However, employing them in front of the camera seems to be as much of a problem now as it was in the 50's and 60's.

I saw Brokeback Mountain twice in the theater and I own the DVD as well as a book that contains the short story it's based on and the screenplay in it. I've only ever watched the DVD once so I've only watched it three times. I recall leaving the movie theater the first time feeling emotionally dragged. I had no idea what to expect so the ending really threw me and it bothered me for days. That aside, the thing I remember most about that time when the movie was out was the website they had. On there, thousands of men and women all shared their stories that were similar to Jack and Ennis. They were heart-wrenching stories of love, loss and grief. I used to read them when I worked third shift by myself. They were real people who finally found the courage to share their stories because someone decided to bring that short story into the mainstream and shine a bright light on an age where being gay in rural America wasn't just scorned, it could cost you your life. I'm just a year older than Matthew Shepard and I remember very well what happens to LGBT people outside of the comfy confines of The Castro, West Hollywood, Greenwich Village or Capitol Hill. I myself live in a relatively small town (100,000 and falling) in a very conservative part of a "blue state." It's not easy out here because there's still many people who just go with the typical stereotypes they've been accustomed to over the years about who gay people are. But it is easier than it used to be. I'll never forget being in a restaurant late at night with a couple young friends and the people in the booth directly behind me started loudly talking about how they think all gay people should just be killed. I feel the movie, while imperfect, showed straight America what's been a mostly positive thing for those in the rural parts of the country. But that's just my opinion, looking at things from my own angle.

That was probably the best thing I've read in a very long time. From start to finish this chapter kept my attention. I'm looking forward to how this ends.

What will be will be, dear. Remember what you said the other day about just letting the fear go through you instead of fighting it? Don't be afraid and ignore all the lies your fears try to whisper in your ears.

See? I've been paying attention.

One of the smartest things I ever did for my own well being was to just stop trying to control everything. And most certainly stop worrying about the things I have no control over. Just take care of me and whatever happens happens.

Panic attacks are the hardest times to defend yourself from Fear. But allowing yourself to acknowledge it and let it go instead of clinging to it like it wants you to is the greatest show of inner strength you can exhibit. For some reason, this brought to mind the end of the movie "Labyrinth" where she faces the Goblin King and with one sentence, undoes all his magic. "You have no power over me." That's what undoes your fears. To know that they only have power over you if you let them. It's a lot easier to say than to do, I know. I've had slow burning panic attacks that have lasted days and made me a yelling screaming maniac in the past. I've had overwhelming attacks that left me feeling paralyzed for no reason other than I allowed it to. That you're starting to understand that and really take it to heart means you are healing. And that's always a good thing. May the gods keep you safe.

I agree. Though, he still has the gun and I'm not comfortable with that.

.... Ok. the ride stopped right? It's okay to get out? *whew*

I understand part of what you're going through. I've been in a similar situation in my past. I survived and so can you.