Will Hawkins

and peeked his head through

Homophone: Drew slammed on his breaks. in breathless exhaust (exhaustion)

I have enjoyed reading your chapters so far. Yes, there is violence, but it is not excessive considering the era and the location. The veneer of m-m sex is well handled too. Sometimes it is nice not to have your nose rubbed in it. All in all, good work, even the few grammatical errors are not overwhelming and do not disturb the reading. I look forward to the continuing tale. Misterwill

What follows is Professor Hawkins 30 second history of the Iberian Penninsula (including some references to Brazil along the way) The end of the Roman Empire was not a sudden catastrophic demise. It just grew so big it was impossible to govern from a central location. If there was a revolt in some corner of the empire, with the communication depending on the speed of a galloping horse or the vagaries of wind power on the sea, it could be months before the Senate in Rome was even aware of a problem and perhaps a year before the centralized government was able to contain it. As a result of this, the unified Empire of Rome broke up into kingdoms, each under independent rule with nebulous connections to Rome. This was true on the Iberian Penninsula just as it was in most of the known world. These smaller kingdoms, ruled by jealous potentates, engaged in nearly constant warfare as they developed conflicting claims to bordering lands. One of the many conflicts that developed arose between the kingdom of Castile and that of Portugal, starting a series of wars that lasted many generations. Each of these kingdoms developed its own language based on the Latin Vulgate, the spoken language of the Roman Empire. Italian, French, Portuguese and several other countries of southern Europe. Because they were a sea-faring race the small kingdom of Portugal grew rich with the products of many parts of the world from Brazil, their colony on the continent of South America in addition to established outposts in Africa, India and the coasts of Indochina and the Orient. Shipping quantities of gold, gems, and slaves as well as spices and cloth from the entire known world to the little country located along the shores of the Western Sea. This wealth made this small kingdom a valuable prize to the other kingdoms of the Iberian Penninsula, especially the Moors of North Africa, leading to a period of conquest that lasted for over 700 years until Castile and Aragon were united by marriage and were able to drive the Moors from the Penninsula. If you have not yet fallen asleep, just reply to this lengthy message and I can continue to rationalize the gown and relationships of Portugal up to nearly the present day, but I will do so only if you are interested.

This s not a rant!!!!! Ever since I received a somewhat snarky reply to one of my rants about English usage I have been a very good troll and have not nipped at the toes of the author as he walked across my bridge. This is just a point of information. The name 'Thiago' (a Portuguese variant of the Spanish 'Diego, but don't say that to a Brazilian") is a popular one in Brazil the country from which the character in this story comes). The Portuguese variant is frequently spelled 'Tiago, with no 'h', but it is the same name. This factoid comes from Jose, my Portuguese BF. Hugs, Misterwill

The first president I remember was FDR. In my youth, he was president for so long I thought he was permanent. It was a great upheaval to my political beliefs when he died, but Harry Truman restored my faith in American government. Since that time living and growing up have interfered with political interests and I have not felt strongly about who was president from time to time until Trump destroyed my faith in the American electoral system. To my mind, he has neglected or insulted every friend this country has had in the world and many domestic groups as well. He has destroyed whatever respect my country had among nations and most of the minorities in this land as welll. Hugs, Misterwill

I have alternated in my voting record between parties so much that I cannot say whether I am a Democrat or a Republican, but I truly echo CJ's reaction to the thought of Trump being president. I have had to vote absentee in the last several federal and State (Washington) elections as I now reside in northeastern Brazil (Bahia, about 90 clicks north of Salvadore), The reaction of my friends here is much the same as mine, I cannot believe that nearly a third of the North American voters are so blind as to elect that clown even to dogcatcher. I am surprised that he has been in office a year without involving the USA in one or another of the wars on the surface of my planet. Any respect that my homeland may have held internationally in the past has gone right down the tubes. Okay, end of political ranting. Hugs, Misterwill

That means Papa and I Papa and me' would be the better choice here, Dude, If you have a question about whether to use the nominative or objective case for a pronoun just leave the noun out and see what sounds best, 'That means I', or 'that means me'- When you do that the choice is obvious.

Troll alert. There is a story told of a statement supposedly made by Winston Churchill to the effect that ''a preposition is something you should never end a sentence with''. Ending a sentence with a preposition is not the great English crime it was once considered, but if it is possible with just a little rewriting to avoid it, it is to be preferred. For example, 'Ellis Island’s the type of place we could spend most of the day at.' Might just as well be estated as 'Ellis Island is the type of place at which we could spend most of the day' Avoiding terminal prepositions is a rule that comes into modern English from its Latin forebears where the propositional form of a verb was considered to be just another tense and was not separable.

Whoops, Troll alert! A 'divot' is a piece of turf usually raised by a golf club striking at a ball. Do you mean 'davit'? That is a device, one of several different types, used to fasten a small boat onto a larger craft, like a lifeboat onto a freighter, which aids in lowering the smaller boat to the surface of the water.

You are totally correct--there are three different levels of cats. They are generally classified as domestic, medium and large and tigers and some leopards are classed as big cats, lack the development of the hyoid bone that permits small cats to purr, but. roar instead. Intermediate cats like cheetahs and mountain lions can purr though their purr is slightly different in tone from that of the domestic feline--it comes out as more of a 'chuff, chuff, chuff sound. The problem then comes out from your description of Vash as a lion shape, But I would guess that not one reader in a hundred would not know that lions do not purr. So it is only to an old troll like me that it becomes a point of interest in the story. Hugs, Misterwill

Whoops, Troll alert: Secret Service regulations do not allow the Sitting President and the Vice President to ride in the same vehicle (either automobile or airplane. However, I realize the simultaneous death of both executives is necessary for the storyline. Misterwill.

Whoops, troll alert having nothing much to do with the story. Big cats like lions and tigers do not purr. They do not have the little flap of flesh in their throat that a smaller feline like a house cat has that can vibrate when the animal is relaxed. It seems that cats have a choice between a 'small cat purr' and a big cat roar.

Okay, first comment from the troll under the bridge. You need an editor, man. There are still about one grammatical error in each posting, E

I have been lurking on the GA site for several months now, reading and enjoying the contributions made by several different authors, especially the lengthy series. ('Bridgemont' is an example. By the way, that series seems to have slid to a stop just as it was going into a new area of 'ice and snow'. Is there something wrong there? An illness perhaps?). But back to my question, in my opinion, the efforts of an 'author' as a creative person, should be directed to what they do best, that is, to create. But for the enjoyment of their audience, their work should be rigorously edited to remove the errors that creep into any written work. That editing should be the job of another person; perhaps one not so creative, but able to suggest corrections to avoid errors in the mechanics of writing. The creative person should create and the 'editor to clean up the mechanics of a story. At this stage in my life, I do not feel like a creative person and would have to do a lot of learning to express any creativity, but I feel I could add editing skills to the creativity of an author to make the published work read more smoothly, correcting obvious errors such as 'homophones' (as an old 'homo', I love that word!), tense of verbs and sentences that lack enough structure to be sensible. As an old troll, I have much leisure time to offer to an author in helping dust the spider webs out of the corners of their work, but I do't know how to do so. I am by any interpretation not a computer expert. I am barely able to open up a writer's series for reading and enjoyment, but there must be instructions somewhere in GA on how an editor can work with the output of an author to do so. Can anyone lead me to the proper instructions; how to work with an author to edit their work then return my suggestions to the author for their approval and publishing on the GA site? I am eager to contribute, but just don't know the mechanics of the process. Hugs, Misterwill

The there/they're/their controversy: words of this nature in English are known as 'homophones' I do not know whether homophones exist in other languages (somehow that word make me feel that they are more popular on GA than on other sites, hehe) but they are difficult for an author to avoid, but should be easy for an editor to spot. Punctuation rules are more difficult. It seems to me that for every 'rule' there are so many exceptions that it makes editing onerous. The only rule in punctuation that I try to follow without exception is that there are only three ways to end a sentence: a full-stop (period), a question mark or an exclamation point. A dash or ellipsis is never used. Active and Passive voice: We habitually write in the active voice and that is a very normal method, but remember that passive voice is used for a 'condition contrary to fact' so both tools should be in your workbox.

Whoops, anachronism alert! While there was gelatin in various forms available in this era, the ttrademarked name 'Jell-O' as applied to a fruit flavored dry granular powder suitable to being dissolved in hot water and then chilled to take on the wiggly form with which we are familiar was not trademarked until 1897, 100 years later.

"Toe the line" is often misspelled "tow the line", substituting a familiar verb "tow" for the homophonic but unfamiliar verbal use of "toe." "Tow" does not accord with any of the proposed etymologies, so "tow the line" is a linguistic eggcorn.

Whoa! Magic!!! Okay, I quit -- magic and science fiction in one story. That is too much for an old man like me. I'll wait for the next bus.

Okay, I can well understand why in the heat of creativity an author might be a flop as far as grammar and punctuation are concerned. The author's job is to be creative, to set a storyline, establish an environment wherein the activity can take place, to describe characters and their responses to the environment and to one another in a manner that is exciting and draws the reader in. He should not have to nit-pick the details of grammar and punctuation, that is the job of the Editor and the Beta. That said, it is the author's name that appears on the finished work so he is ultimately responsible for what appears in print. Most of the time an Editor's name or a Beta's name does not even appear in the completed listing. So, ultimately it is the author who bears the onus of simple errors in his work. I have heard from many authors that after the fading of the creativity in a work, the real work of writing begins, rewrites, editing changes, etc. Not just once, but time after time until the published work is as nearly perfect as possible.

Because any comments I might make here would be several months after the chapter was originally published, I do not know whether they will be read by the author, but I cannot resist the opportunity to comment anyway. Excellent beginning for a SciFi tale, I especially like the side comment about ' his parents must have spent a fortune...' It certainly establishes his appearance. The only rant I have is the choice of the captain's first name; Jules is a male sounding name and in this case, just adds a small level of confusion to her characterization. Might the name Julia been a better choice?

Okay, I am a troll -- I think that is the correct designation or maybe it is 'lurker' -- I read a story, even one like this that I enjoy greatly, and pick it apart! This story has great possibilities, Aeris, as a character in fiction shows great promise, but my reaction is that he is heading for a mentor role for John in his career as a, shall I call it space cadet? The introduction of Aeris as a mentor is well done, though I feel that the jumps from one age to the next in John's life are a little sudden. I was pleased, however, to find only one or two grammatical and spelling errors in the paragraphs. When I say I am a troll that's what I do -- I sit under my bridge and pick out the errors. In this case, only a few. Recommendations: find an Editor that is not afraid to make corrections and suggestions and a Beta Reader that is a snot and will dump all over your storyline (constructively, of course). Good luck and keep up the good work. Misterwill

Just because this article of advice was written several years ago does not mean the suggestions it contains are outdated. I have only in the last 5-6 months discovered GA and have been reading several stories. I have discovered that even stories submitted in recent days have many of the same 'speed bumps' that are described herein. I place the blame for these oversights, however, on a different person -- okay, the author of a story, caught up in the throes of creativity, is supposed to be inspired and may, therefore, slip up in grammar or punctuation from time to time, but the EDITOR is selected to find and correct these slips. So when I am reading a story and encounter an error in grammar or punctuation, I blame it on the editor. Though the author may have some residual guilt for having selected a bum editor. Two of the most common errors I have discovered are too many or too few commas, but that is a small error and may be forgiven, and HOMOPHONES! (Editors, look it up!). Misterwill

First a little background about me, not because I am conceited (ha), but to give you my Bonus Fides for comments. I am an old, retired Community College Instructor, who, for financial reasons is living out the waning years of my life in the wilds of Bahia, Brazil. To keep my mind active, I have been reading series stories on GA, and, from time to time making comments on them. At this point do not recall how I got started with 'Circumnavigation' but it has been one of the highlights of my declining years. Begining with southeast coastal Florida in which I lived as a teenager (Hollywood Beach) , then Lisbon, with which I am familiar as my partner is Portuguese born and we toured that country from one end to the other at one time, then Australia, though my familiarity with the Northwest of that country is limited, I did tour much of the East Coast from Sidney to Cairns with the Seattle Men's Chorus at one time and finally, but not the least with the North Island of New Zealand o that same tour. All of your story that touches on each of those areas is so true to my experiences in those locations, it is like going home. I have nothing but good things to say about Circumnavigation. Thank you for lightening my isolation here by carrying me back to those locations. Misterwill

I don't know how you do it! With just a few paragraphs of dialog (or dialogue for you limeys), you get inside a young man's head and it sounds so real. Congratulations. '1.30am' this is totally correct, I can even live with the English decimal point in between hours and minutes 'cause I know that how you guys do it You hate shopping Are you sure you're gay?