Talo Segura

Wow! Those last two chapters were so exciting I was on the edge of my seat reading every line full of tension it was better than watching a film and it's not over yet. I'm glad you decided to break the story up into three parts, because this is a natural ending to the story so far. I'm very happy to know it will continue, This is one of the best stories I've read on here and an absolutely fantastic Sci-fi novel. Congratulations on finishing part one of an epic masterpiece, I really, really, enjoyed it so much!

There are a couple of things I noticed here, writing style and the subject of coming out. Writing style, and it isn't unique to this story, you wrote: "He'd quickly glanced around himself as they entered the room, taking in the scene before him." For me those strikethrough words are extra filler words that aren't required. We all do it, pad out the story because we are writing the flow of words that comes out of our head as we imagine the scene. However, if you re-read it, these extra words stick out. Coming out was essentially the theme of the chapter, it was the subject of the gay youth group, and we heard the different stories. It is a shame there was no one who hadn't come out, or had a different story. It's fiction, so it is the writer's prerogative to make up the story. Nevertheless, authors often like to impart knowledge and or advice to their younger audience. Such may or may not be the case here, maybe it is simply a given, accepted that all gay people have to come out. That is up for debate. I think at one point in time it was true, as true as the need for gay ghettos, and gay liberation. I hope we've moved on a bit, and whilst not opposed to the notion of coming out, I'm not certain it is a necessary right of passage for all gay people, not anymore. That doesn't mean one stays in the closet, but that you simply don't have to go around saying to friends and family, I'm gay! The story, it's doing nicely, I'm pleased to have a new chapter, it is one of my top stories.

A look at some stories topping the readership list in the teenage romance genre. @Dabeagle topped a record on comments with his just now finished publishing That certainly was a story packing a powerful amount of drama and if just a little heavy on the rollercoaster of events, revelations and emotions, it was/is a fantastic read. Still in progress and for me, much closer to a real, real life drama, focusing on the trials and tribulations of two teen boys in love, and their family problems is: It promises and is an engaging story with lots more to come. The characters grab you in all these stories, but in this one, the shy Harry is particularly cute! I have still to catch up with: This is the on going lives and romance of a small group of British college kids, which gives a distinctly different flavour being set across on the other side of the Atlantic. I have enjoyed and am enjoying all these teenage romance dramas and recommend, if you haven't yet, you go check them out. There are other great stories in other genres, but teen romance has a huge following on here and so these are my picks of what I've found.

My observation is that all the world has come out as gay. We have gone, with the arrival of Tracy next door, from a lone boy in the closet with no real friends, to realisation and a potential boyfriend, with a best friend revealing he's also gay and even if he was a shit about gays in the past, he really enjoys sex with Jack and any other available boy. Well it's fiction and fun to read, but a little removed from reality to be anywhere close to a real life drama.

This was a very well written chapter and I am happy that you are taking the time to plan out where the story might be going. No doubt it will twist and turn, change a little along the way, but it is better to take the time than rush it. I had no problem picking up the story from where I left off. Your writing seems to allow an easy flow and create the kind of story which has the right mix of heavy and light. Perhaps its the pacing, but there are strong emotions and conflicts, yet the whole is easy to read.

You could pose the same question to yourself, me, and all the other authors on this site. How (should you even want to) do you write stories with a gay theme that might appeal to a larger audience than only a gay one? The image question facing Alex is more difficult. For me, he is faced with a choice, be true to yourself or create a fake persona. If I were in his shoes I would go with being true and the challenge of gaining a huge following whilst being true. The opportunities exist: love is love, and there are any number of huge gay artists with worldwide followings so Alex could be another and maybe Harry could play a part. I hope so.

I am really enjoying the complexity of this story and confess I have no idea where it's leading too, except I do think Danni will come up with a plan. And I love the monkey Okja... chitter, chitter!

I checked out both Wesnoth and Stellaris, for what it may be worth here are my brief thoughts. Wesnoth looked the more interesting, but it is a conversion from a PC game for Android (I'm only reviewing the Android version, I don't have a PC). As such it is done on the cheap, you imitate mouse clicks on a touch screen and move a cursor about. I suppose you could live with that, but it really is last century. The biggest problem is it's big. You need a memory card to download it to or you risk filling your entire drive. Although I say that's a problem, only for tablets and phones, on a PC it would be fine and actually means there must be a huge game in there. Still, although I loaded it, I really can't play on a touch screen imitating a mouse. I took it off to try Stellaris, the beta test version for Android. I've played this before, it's a clone of another game whose name I can't think of, but it's the same, even the graphics of attacking the pirate ships, circling around, exactly the same. However, the rest of the look and feel of the game is greatly improved. Nevertheless, it's another of those so called strategy games which are limited to building a space station and sending out a fleet of ships, waiting ever longer to build stuff so that you will end up paying real money. The winner is the guy willing to spend the most money or someone who can wait an eternity for something to happen. It's Forge of Empires or any other of hundreds of games that use the same format and quickly become excruciatingly boring.

Thanks. I'll check it out.

There is a right arrow to scroll back through the picture gallery at the top of the forum, it doesn't work. Using Chrome (Samsung) browser running Android.

There is a lot of colour reading of emotions, but contradicting @drpaladin you wrote, "It wasn’t like he saw auras or anything;..." that's a little confusing. I was thrown into a world of emotional colours without the least hint of explanation about their significance, which left me largely ignoring this aspect. I found it kind of bizarre to get hit on for date at a job recruitment agency, especially straight off, right from the outset? Then the interviewee, ex. cop is describe: "Spencer took the time to look at the man himself and not just the colors surrounding him. The smile reached his eyes, even though they seemed haunted in a way. They were dark, mysterious eyes, hiding something deep and hurt by the world. His dark hair was straight but tousseled a bit, like he’d been running his fingers through it. And he was tall—taller than Spencer. He had to look up to catch his eye. He was well-built, like a cop should be." The first part of that description, about his eyes, grabbed me. I rather thought the rest, dark, straight, toussled hair, tall, and well-built, was too much description and detracted from the mystery evoked by describing his eyes, something which worked very well. You use the expression, eye-fuck: "Spencer took a sip of his coffee, hoping Mr. Parsons didn’t notice the eye-fuck he was performing." I found it brutal and felt it left the story, coupled with the detailed description of Parson, the pick up, Specer's sexual reaction ("A feeling began creeping up Spencer’s spine, unfurling in his cock, his belly, until it reached his whole body.") bordering on a sex story. If that is what is intended, fine, but for me it was at the loss of the mystery, drama, and suspense, too much to the fore, if you like. In brief, I would have given a clue to the reader about the emotional colour interpretation, what the yellow, gold, signifies, and played down the sexual attraction to bring that into the story when the characters and plot were more developed.

"The doors slid open." And we are about to discover an alien city and what happened. I think if they survive and maybe Dinah won't make it, she's such a bitch, but if they survive, they might find a way off this planet. Will Danni take Everest to Earth? Or am I dreaming.

I haven't made this in a very long time, but it is simple. Take a large cooking apple Remove the core to leave a nice empty space in the middle Stuff the apple with peanut butter (crunchy or smooth, I prefer crunchy) Pop it on some grease proof paper and put in the oven to bake Mmm, delicious! Of course you can stuff apples (just like potatoes) with anything, just don't burn them...

@Zombie a very British humour!

Currently reading: Minding Others' Business by Anjin ONGOING Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy, Anti-Hero Lead, High Fantasy, Magic. In a world of magic, monsters and violence, sometimes you need strong, valiant heroes to champion your cause, to fight the good fight, and to rise up against tyranny. Sometimes you just need your favourite mop found, or want to know who your wife went home from the tavern with. Of the two kinds of jobs, Gabriel and his team would always much rather take the latter. The mercenary life is all well and good, but it's so much the better when you get to sleep in a soft, fluffy bed each night and wake up without any troublesome perforations in the morning. They might live life on the safe side, but the team is not without their merits. Their archer is a passable shot, their brawler is feisty, their leader is, well, also there, and, most importantly, they have a mind-mapper. A mind-mapper is a wielder of a rare and ancient power. With his unique understanding of the soul, and how it can be manipulated, he alone could change the course of history, influence global politics, and bring fame and fortune to himself and his allies. Unfortunately for everyone, he's just a bit of a d***. THIS IS NICE, WORTH IT REVIEWED AT: MOB - CHAPTER 11 BY AVERY LIGHT4/3/2020, 3:31:12 PM Amazing work, I'm very impressed by the author's way with words. So this story is about a band of misfits doing jobs as mercenaries in a fantasy world. The stellar point for me is the interactions between characters. They are diverse and alive with personality, the author did a good job delivering that in writing. I guarantee you'll get a laugh, even the most stoic of you. HUMOROUSLY HAPLESS MEDIOCRE MERCENARIES REVIEWED AT: MOB - CHAPTER 20.1 BY ASVILOKA5/18/2020, 5:18:32 AM This is a fun, barely directed ramble alongside a truly entertaining bunch of characters, each of whom has a clear place in their little group, a well developed personality, and almost certainly minimal ambition. They want to make enough money to survive, and they want to do it with minimal risk to life and limb. (haha) ALMOST PERFECT REVIEWED AT: MOB - CHAPTER 13 BY HI&HELLO3/23/2020, 10:36:58 PM This is a thoroughly enjoyable work that comes close to being dang near perfect (as far as any story can be called that). The Characters are where this story really stands out as you follow a cast of flawed misfits who enjoy making jibes at each other and are a beautiful mic of inept and hilarious ass-hole. They also possess the kind of common sense rare in fantasy MC's. On top of that, the characters have dimension: Even the most Assholish of the lot, Vish, gives the impression that there might be more to him than being a skeevy selfish bastard.

Great chapter, interesting learning about Juan. Danni seems to act older than his age, but then he feels a lot and wealth brings with it an access to oblivion, whatever he wants, although wanting Juan had nothing to do with who they are, more a fatal attraction!

Underpants

Probably the most powerful chapter so far, charged with emotions, and summed up in one word rejection. The understated tone of the narrative made it so very, very, powerful. Daniel is forced to confront a life he is forever trying to bury and not acknowledge. With good reason, he doesn't want to be taken into care. Faced with this rejection comes impotence, no one can do anything. Daniel's mother does nothing, Daniel can't help himself, the school can't help, Stephen (Mr. Griffiths) isn't allowed to hug Daniel, Daniel's stepfather is an abuser. All hope is gone, Daniel collapsed, I cried. The one glimmer of hope, Michael, Liz, maybe Michael's parents.

Funny, I thought it was Michael, maybe a bit of each? Lightening the mood, in keeping with the chapter, "but I was in a breakfast-y mood today." Now you've shown yourself as a true Brit (even with those Scandanavian links). I don't think anyone other than a Brit would say "breakfasty!" 😁 Michael said, "She looked good, her hair tied back into a large, curly bun to show off large gold hoop earrings. She wore a short, blue dress and tasteful heels with gold buckles." Funny how he notices all those things, I probably would only have noticed she looked nice, and maybe copped the large earrings. And, for that wonderful person who translates (explains) British: copped (slang): to get hold of, to notice, catch.

Any tiny, miniscule, sense of worth he has in himself. The thought that Michael might reject him. How the hell would you tell a teacher. Many rape victims blame themselves and a lot of people think they probably let it happen. Some comments here suggest it's not so bad, might even be a welcome sexual exploit. You might let it happen for any number of reasons. Trapped, fear, even thinking it's what you deserve, the list is endless. The BIG thing is - it is wrong. If Loz decided he couldn't be gay and Daniel threatened his being normal, he might go one step further and kill him. No, Daniel is not at fault, he is trying to survive. Michael, is a different topic. Harder to believe. I basically don't see people acting entirely altruistically, and indeed, Michael isn't, because he fancies Daniel. It's a dangerous situation. Difficult to imagine Micheal in bed with Daniel without Michael being turned on. Twice they have slept together and nothing has happened. Maybe Michael has a low sex drive, but I doubt it. Nothing is completely clear, not with Daniel, Michael, or Loz. You might need years of psychoanalysis to get to the root of things. Michael is the simplist, the other two are full of hidden influences, needs, longings, and fantasies.

If Loz had not said, "Later, much later, I would recognise these moments as panic attacks." I seriously imagined he might kill himself. Forgiveness may not be easy, it is much easier to condemn, but there is good in everyone. I rather think saving or condemning Loz rests with the victim, Daniel.

I think there is always a reason, it may not be home life, but there is a reason why people act the way they do.

Loz has his own personal problems, but forcing sex with Daniel, and I do mean forcing, remember his wrists, it's totally unjustifiable and inexcusable. Thinking that every Monday you are at the mercy of a monster who is thinking only of himself is impossible to live with, god knows how Danny survives.

Gruelling chapter that pulls no punches. I really can't put the story down now.

I don't think Loz is confused, just in denial. As for Jason, Aziz and Alec, they need to grow up, but I'm sure they each have problems at home. Violence breeds violence, unless you were born a psychopath.