Talo Segura

I lost track of this story some four months ago, but found it again and re-read it from the start. Funny how you can lose a story then pick it right out again from all those others. Anyhow, it's developing nicely, I don't believe guys ejaculate seven or eight volleys, but never mind, otherwise it's believable. Jarren, of course, really has a huge problem if he can't tell a guy who has just said he is gay, that he is himself. His brother told him, acting straight hurts people, keeping hidden is hurting himself.

And, you know, what is great about that, is that all these years later you remember that first encounter like it was almost yesterday. Where does all the time go? You can meet the love of your life anytime, anywhere, and falling into bed together is just as perfect (if not better) than dinner at a nice restaurant!

I was thinking the same, but I don't want to test it by unpublishing a chapter, just in case the whole story goes. Whether or not it's relevant, I added the Prologue when the story was complete, not at the outset. This was because of a suggestion to explain the story, subsequently, someone else said the Prologue was a distraction. Torn between opposing points of view, I decided to unpublish it until I could figure out what to do.

I clicked MANAGE CHAPTER - UNPUBLISH for the Prologue. The entire story, every chapter was unpublished.

Today I wanted to delete the Preface/Prologue to my story, I am editing the chapters and wanted to take this out of the book. I clicked the Manage Chapter - Unpublish Chapter option. My entire book, every chapter, was unpublished. So I had to put back each chapter one by one by clicking Publish Chapter. Either the action Unpublish Chapter is wrong or the label should read Unpublish Story?

I can understand a ménage à trois when three people have a romantic and or sexual relationship. It's probably very difficult to maintain, but I see no problem with the idea. There is no reason that every relationship should be one to one. Friends with benefits seems like a neat term to encompass playing around (sexually) without responsibility. I find that more difficult, not the playing around, but the no responsibility. I can't see having sex with anyone I don't love, so in a threesome, I'd love both of the other boys, I wouldn't just use them for sex, I'd have feelings. This all makes me think the boys have little idea about relationships, saying if two of them fell in love the other would back off. This conjures up all sorts of emotions including jealousy and hurt, with someone losing out. I think they should look a little deeper into their feelings for each other, but I guess they are just led around by their cocks

The relationship is forming slowly, but they're getting there. One small point about the dialogue, I think very rarely do people use each other's names when talking together?

So now I know how Callan is checking out Chris, by changing a few significant words to I've Just Seen a Face. The most significant line of the chapter: "The woes of having to hide or mask feelings that society is unwilling to accept. But then if he doesn’t have similar feelings for me, he probably won’t even get it. Safe. Right?" Sets the whole background for the novel.

Callan is to me quite brave and relaxed about approaching (picking up) a complete stranger. I know he isn't asking Chris back to his place, but he is either very clever or just lucky at finding a route to a guy he's interested in. I wonder how he will find out more and if Chris might be interested?

There was a lot of introspection. The previous chapter was about Greg and Kiegan and their possible developing relationship, it contained all Greg's doubts. That chapter ended with Greg and Kyle, which brought up more self-reflection about how Greg felt and the impact of his past with Richard. This chapter emphasised the importance of Nate to Greg, which we kind of already knew. Their relationship is very unusual. The sessions with the psych, Uncle Farid, rehashed the whole of the last chapter, it was rather long and drawn out, I didn't get anymore insight than before, only the knowledge that Greg was coming to terms with himself, but that we already knew. The chapter did finish on a strong ending, but it was way too long. Two whole chapters and some 7000 words on the problems Greg has moving into a relationship with Kiegan, resolving past issues affecting him and Kyle, and letting go of Nate, it's very slow and didn't push the story forward much.

Could not have put it better myself. Of course there is a certain frustration, because the reader can see more about what's going on than Greg, the main character, can himself. The man is so consumed by those past events that he is locked up, struggling to escape his own reactions, and blinkered by fear and his all consuming need to somehow break free and surface, to finally breathe freely. It's dramatic and he is very emotionally fragile.

There have been a whole host of reactions to this chapter and not surprisingly to the character of Richard, aka the fiend. I think you have done a great job as an author in both recounting the story and getting inside the head of an essentially evil character. I don't find the portrait of Richard, the fiend, makes me any more uncomfortable than Anthony Hopkins portrait of Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs. Actually I read another story on this site that was way more sickening in its description of an attack described in gruesome detail. In the latter case I questioned the author's mental state and stopped reading, that was not at all the case here. Quite the contrary, I think you prove yourself a talented writer by the way you narrate these events from the past and gradually draw the character of Richard as a three dimensional real person, not simply an evil prop that everyone can hate and despise.

You wrote this chapter with sensitivity and portraited a very realistic scenario without falling into any sort of simplistic solution. You added some light touches at the restaurant and brought in the support figures of Darren and Jack's sister. You explored the scenario of being gay and being discovered, coming out and dealing with parents and you did this through the inner reflections of Jack and his reacting with those around him. I do really think this was a super chapter that offers insight and help, it is not just a great story.

I feel sorry for Simon, of course I do, as you would for anyone in that situatuation. I'm also worried about him, because he is very introverted. How long was he alone at college before meeting Freddie? Worse than simply being a loner, he blames himself for everything. Now he's blaming himself for creating this problem with his dad, which he didn't create. He is I think a very fragile person and it would not take much to drive events towards a catastrophy. Simon is being ripped apart from all sides and from within, he keeps it all bottled up, he really is very vulnerable and I'm not sure anyone around him realises just how vulnerable.

I read this as a free ebook years ago and I highly recommend you read it also. A brilliant and moving history, very well written. It is great that it is available here.

I liked that you chose to write an adult murder mystery, it makes for a welcome change, and the scenario is interesting. The language I found sometimes difficult, like when you wrote "Thom commented to the ever growing impatient detective." But I liked that you didn't explain 'dick dock.' Of course, I had no idea what it was, now I do. Same thing with EMT, had no idea it meant Emergency Medical Technician, not sure if that is the same as a paramedic? Anyhow nice start, I'm reading it!

I don't think it's indulgent at all, I love the whole interplay between the four friends and their reactions to the outside world. Each of them brings something to the party, of course led by the flamboyant Freddie. I like the whole group and I think you've created some great characters. You know, one thing which is difficult to do is give each character their own voice and stick to it. You've managed it very well, I think of them as real people not simply characters in a novel.

You've got a great sense of humour, not only was Freddie worried about being forced to have unprotected sex if he allowed anyone to tie him up, but more importantly, they could mess with his hair

Darren, the mystery hunk! And how are things going to turn out with Jack's parents? Will he be out to the world? We just have to wait as Ronyx winds it up tighter and tighter. I just know something explosive is around the corner...

It must be a busy Emergency department at that hospital with all the people needing treatment. I'm glad Danny is okay, but I'm seriously wondering what sort of person Bill is, who he knows, and where he gets his drugs, but most of all, if things hadn't gone wrong, what was Bill intending to do with Danny. Whatever he had planned it looks like nothing good, in fact it seems to me he was intending to pass poor Danny on to some dubious people. All very dark and sinister!

The story is engaging because the characters are well drawn in this little group of gay friends. We want to see what happens to each of them and how things will develop, especially on the love interest side. I do see that the world of college life you have drawn is a very polarised dynamic of only two sides. There is the little group of gay friends and the rest, who are Neandrathals. The rest are very one dimensional, they only seem to exist to threaten and verbally abuse the little gay group. There is no doubt that teenage life can throw up stark contrasts, even so I think you could have been more generous with your Neandrathal characters, there must be more depth to some of them than simple cardboard cut outs whose immediate aim in life is to get off with a girl and throw abuse a gays. They are essentially in the same place as Simon, struggling with their emerging sexuality. I'm sure there are some nice straight boys and girls along with the scared and narrow minded. Looking forward to more of the story and seeing how our friends confront the outside college world.

I should not respond, but I have to repeat, there was never any desire to implement a negative reaction. A negative reaction is perhaps the ANGRY button, but not the I READ IT button. You don't anyhow have to click it. I am very sorry you see it that way and I am very sorry that you are so upset about it. If you can accept my apology perhaps we can leave the debate and leave people to use it as they feel like or if they feel like. Thanks.

This chapter raises important issues some of which @droughtquake highlights, maybe not all, and maybe it's not the same for everyone. Jack says: "I don't want to be gay." I never thought that, but I'm sure a lot of boys do. Instead I thought I don't want to live in a world that hates me. That could be a dark thought, it was, but I was NEVER going to kill myself, I was stronger than that, I would survive, Jack will survive. The sadness of coming out, balanced with joy at no longer hiding. It wasn't like that for me. Sure, when you tell a friend and they're okay or don't mind, you feel like it's good they know, but I never felt joy. I had to tell people, and tell more people, and on and on, till I said to myself, stop... this is ridiculous, I can't keep coming out to people. It's a fact of life, everybody assumes you're straight, unless you adopt gay mannerisms, which I never had inside me, I don't think so, anyhow. Then parents, maybe if you have fantastic parents, yes they project themselves through you, expect, got thrown a curve ball when you say you're gay. Do they adjust? God knows. For me it was never talked about, the elephant in the room! Thanks for a thought provoking chapter, it opens up a lot of stuff.

I would like to express the right to reply as it came up in my notifications, comments on the new READ IT option to add to story chapters. It rather surprised me that anyone would take this negatively, but that only goes to show that you can't predict reactions or cover every angle. The intention of READ IT is to allow two things: to bookmark where you've read to (without necessarily liking, loving, being angry or sad), and perhaps more importantly to be able to tell authors I read your chapter (page views don't equal read chapters). If I click the READ IT button I'm letting the author know I'm reading his/her story, I'm not telling the person who wrote it, "your story is shit." Really, if I thought that, I wouldn't be reading it, and I'd keep those thoughts to myself. I might think it's shit, but other people may love it. I was told my first venture into writing was absolute crap, to go away and come back when I'd learnt how to write, so I know what criticism feels like. I'm sorry if you interpret READ IT as a negative impression for a story, I think it adds value to the other buttons, when you click LIKE or LOVE, and all I can say is what was intended. The symbol of a tick is surely positive. We wouldn't really add a negative button, but obviously some of you see it that way, perhaps you might try to see it positively?

You're all ears, but not really, you have other bits. I could tell you, a read through by someone else would pick up a few little errors, but it doesn't matter, because it's a great short story. It was so full of emotion my eyes were wet with tears. You captured the fall from grace and redemption of a young man beautifully. This is a classic theme that has been repeated throughout the ages and you managed it supremely well with so few words. I immediately empathised with Jack and hoped nothing bad would overtake and destroy him. I didn't even think about the ending, which arrived all too soon, but tied it all together cleverly. This could have been a novel, but was a perfect short story. Well done, I loved it ❤️.