peter rietbergen
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Everything posted by peter rietbergen
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Matthew likes the guy, just not in that way
peter rietbergen commented on Robert Hugill's story chapter in Matthew likes the guy, just not in that way
as I wrote - it seems the system got things mixed-up: "Hurray, another Hugill". It seems many agree... -
Hurray, another Hugill.
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A perfect chapter. Moving and convincing. Bravo
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Impressively moving!
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A perfect chapter. Moving and convincing. Bravo.
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Idyllic. But: how old was "David"? And; something is wrong in the paragraph(s) after "When they finished....
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This is very good indeed. The mixed emotions, needs, expectations. The story keeps us wondering - as it should. Thanks.
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Chapter 5: At the Wolf's Table
peter rietbergen commented on BrokenBoundariesGayErotica's story chapter in Chapter 5: At the Wolf's Table
Psychologicaloly interesting - the more so since that kind of submission is totally alien to me. But: too many repetitions in this chapter - emotions and actions. And some contradictory moments, too. -
Chapter 2 A Clanging Cymbal
peter rietbergen commented on Tomkin Watts's story chapter in Chapter 2 A Clanging Cymbal
A painful process. -
I think this is a beautiful story. I also think it could do with some editing. Not (only) the typos. More importantly: the repetitions, of emotions, of feelings. And of descriptions. If it is made more compact, it'll be far more compelling, still..
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Chapter 1: The Old Oak Tree
peter rietbergen commented on Tomkin Watts's story chapter in Chapter 1: The Old Oak Tree
Another evocative chapter. However, I must assume that the apisode in which the hero overhears his parents occurred before his mother turned 'really' religious. For once having given herself to Jesus, she hardly would have given herself to her husband anymore: no sex without the intention to procreate, not even in the marriage.... -
Prologue: That Smile She Gave Us
peter rietbergen commented on Tomkin Watts's story chapter in Prologue: That Smile She Gave Us
In a few lines an entire world of the 'power' of religion - and the ways it (also) can destroy human happiness. Well-done. -
well done, if only because it doesn't rush to whatever it intends to tell us.
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Undoubtedly a promising start.
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There are some repetitions in the text, e.g. about the hall where the wake is held. And why is John surprised about Linda's presence at the funeral? She was at the wake, too!
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The Man in the Mirror
peter rietbergen commented on Tomkin Watts's story chapter in The Man in the Mirror
a fascinating 'essay' in convoluted narcissism. But why rate it "mature"? It deprives casual readers of the pleasure to enjoy it. -
I just hope that, albeit across the water, you yet can hear my very satisfied sigh... Thanks..
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The letter Alex left for John is, compact as it is, a monumental text of love - and of help. Kudos to the author. Yet, in this chapter, a few things seem strange. Why would John ask Nancy to read this most intimate of texts? She may have been a strong support, but yet... And then, a few sentences later, he tells her there is a letter... And as he leaves the hospital room after having watched Alex, and spoken to, with him, she tells him it was a lovely good-bye. But she wasn't there - she had remained outside.
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Again: a very satisfying - yes - chapter. As to "going commando", and the kilt-story... [And yes, a decent kilt, i.e. one not made in China or by children in Pakistan is hideously expensive!] I recently spent three weeks hiking in the Highlands, and had occasion to ask about the "no underwear under a kilt". Each time I was told it is a "myth". Any connoiseurs in that field reading this who care to comment/elucidate?
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A nice-enough story, with a nice-enough mixture of swimming lore and sex. But... I cannot really accept that at 18 these three boys (rather: young men...) do not know/acknowledge (at least to themselves) they are gay, or, to put it otherwie: that at that age they're still pretending not to be...
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Funny and clever - and, moreover, not unconvincing...
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It’s called real life
peter rietbergen commented on Robert Hugill's story chapter in It’s called real life
Normally, in any comments I make I never "engage" with the characters in a story (that I like...), asking, speculating about the "how's" and the "why's" and the "what if's..." of their thoughts and actions. It is, after all, a job for the author to decide what he's going to write and, thus, share with us. Yet in this case I cannot understand why Vince doesn't immediately ask Gray - or, indeed, why Gray in his wool-gathering hasn't asked himself... - what HE feels, in this relationship with Matt.. Surely it cannot be a matter of/depending on dick-shallowness, only? But then again: maybe this essential information/emotion is saved for the grand finale that surely is coming. -
This is, I feel, the most convincing chapter as yet. Whether or not I'm "taken" by the incest triangle and its emotions, I am convinced and, idneed, moved by the scene(s) that show us the father/lover trying to accept himself: his growing decrepitude, his growing awareness of what being physically powerless means for one's self-image, one's self-realization. Therefore: bravo, and thanks.
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"That Place Only We Know (Part 3)"
peter rietbergen commented on CasualWanderer82's story chapter in "That Place Only We Know (Part 3)"
As always, this chapter tries - mostly succesfully - to use words, form phrases to evoke an atmosphere that is laden with compelx emotions. I sometimes feel, however, that some moderation in the use of descriptive adjectives would tie the story more tightly together. And, if I'm being honest: to tell us that Bobby put his cock, all seven inches of it, in N's mouth, is a stylistic anomaly, precisely in a story crafted with such care. -
Chapter 2: Student Body
peter rietbergen commented on BrokenBoundariesGayErotica's story chapter in Chapter 2: Student Body
Two consecutive moments/sessions (into) the/a campus cafe?
