A couple of times in chat, I've heard a teen complain about how well (or not so well) their parents are taking the news of their gayness. Then someone in their blog discussed a recent encounter with his mom. I thought it was an interesting topic, so I'm starting this thread here in the lounge.
I've been out to my family for about 11 years and while there were some initial bumps in the road, I thought they have come to accept me for who I am and that they were happy about it. A recent encounter with my father made me realize that the folks were not truly as accepting and understanding as I had once thought.
I realize now that I *assumed* they were okay with the gay thing, but looking back, we've never really discussed it in detail. I never really took the time to explain or answer their questions (not that they brought any up). I took their silence and smiles as acceptance. Apparently, I was wrong.
So for those of you struggling to tell your own parents, this is to let you know that even some of us who have been 'out & proud' for years continue to struggle with parental acceptance.
Now I'm certainly not saying that every parent deserves a relationship with their gay son/daughter, but if you want to maintain a good relationship with your folks, you'll need to educate them. You can do it directly, send them to websites, send them literature, or even send them to PFLAG meetings.
Here's my recent encounter that threw me for a loop:
My dad was in the hospital a couple weeks ago because they were going to remove a tumor in his head. I went down to visit and was in his hospital room with my mom. We were discussing various things and then my mom starts asking me about the boyfriend (BF). Well, unknown to them, I had split up with the BF a couple months ago. I hadn't had the opportunity to tell them yet (heck, I was embarassed and maybe in a bit of denial).
The BF was basically part of the family, he was always included and welcomed at all the family functions. When my parents took all of us on a cruise, there was no question that the BF was invited and paid for. I had always thought that they were okay with the 'gay thing'.
So anyhow, as my mom continues to ask me about the BF, I decided that I didn't want to lie. Also I thought selfishly, 'hmmm, everyone's worried about my dad, I can slip this bad news in with less impact if I tell them now.' So I told them both that we had split up.
My dad, who's a little fatigued and loopy from the drugs and the pain says 'Vic, now's the time for your to consider having a relationship with a women. You can make it work.'
Well, I was a little shocked and downright mad, but in a gentle voice I said 'No.' and left it at that.
After I left, I was a little torn. I was sad and worried about my dad (and whether he would come out of the surgery okay), but I was also pissed that after all this time, they still don't understand.
His surgery went okay but he's also scheduled for a triple bypass at the end of the month. I'd really like to address the issue that he brought up, but now is not the time.
So that's my acceptance story (or should I say 'lack of acceptance' story). Anyone else have one?