JamesSavik

You Ought to Know hit me at a difficult time. The guy I had been seeing, no had been living with for nearly a year traded me in for a lawyer. I came home from work one day and he had just moved out. All his shit was gone (and some of mine). I was devastated at first. Then I ran into him at the grocery store a few weeks later and he told me to grow up and quit stalking him. He turned out to be some shit I stepped in and it took me a while to wipe him off my soul. I told him where he could stick his celery. So- I could relate to the angry, pissed off eX in that song. A few years later I was grateful that he was gone after seeing that he had turned fat and bald. Am I really a bad person for giving him the finger? After all- he did inflict the Cranberries on me.

The Lessons of Steel Steel has some very profound lessons to teach. It is hard and cold sometimes but, if you learn these lessons, they will serve you well. Steel is not magic. It's work is not accomplished overnight. It takes commitment and continuous, sustained effort to make that magic happen. In the beginning there will be pain. You will be sore and want to quit but, if you persevere, there are rewards. It won't happen overnight, over a week or even a month. With every repetition, the steel makes you stronger inside and out. Sometimes your muscles will feel like they are on fire. That's the ante for the bet you are making on yourself. That is who you are competing with- no one else. You are competing with the urge to skip a set, or a day or a week. You are competing with the voice inside that asks isn't this enough? You are competing against the inertia of mediocrity. You are competing against all your of your failures and insecurities that make you feel small and weak. If you can surpass your SELF, then you become master of your SELF. This is something far too many people never accomplish. The reward is confidence. The sure and certain knowledge that you can push yourself to the edge of your physical ability and beyond. You will push yourself to the very edge and find that it is not a barrier- just a new horizon.

4 the comic book geeks

Smeagol Gollum Smeagol- Well, at some point I suppose some one has to look at it. Gollum- Never, never my precious! They can't have it's mine, mine, mine. Smeagol- If no one looks at it, what are you supposed to do with it? Gollum- Add it to our hoard precious. Never let's the nasty Orcs or Humans'es sees it. Smeagol- What good will it do there? Gollum- They can'ts be meanz to us if they don't sees our precious. *Gollum* Smeagol- If we hold on to it there may be errors that we never see. Gollum- But if we holdz onto it, we can work on it and make it perfect precious. *Gollum* Smeagol- If we hold on to it forever, well that's just silly. Gollum- Maybe for you precious, but we has plenty of time.

Not bad for guessing by memory.

I seem to remember these... Staind - It's Been a While Seether - Broken Puddle of Mudd - Blurry Linkin Park - In the End

That part is complicated. There are things that you can easily reason out with your head that it takes a long time to get your heart to accept.

A ton has been written on the subject of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Unfortunately, most of it is quite abstruse and to make matters worse, it has a vocabulary of its own. In this blog entry I want to give my readers a basic understanding of PTSD, what it's like and how it's treated. PTSD is a psychiatric condition that effects millions of people world wide. It is quite literally a mental scar left on your consciousness by traumatic events. When I use the word trauma, I'm not just talking about a bad day. The sorts of trauma that lie at the root of PTSD often involve physical injuries, intense fear, panic and are often life threatening. Many different things can cause it. PTSD was first recognized around the end of World War I in soldiers coming home. It was called shell shock. When these soldiers came home, they brought the horror of that war with them. Many had been horribly wounded and had lost limbs. Others had seen their friends chopped up by the score. It is no coincidence that drug abuse and addiction entered the national consciousness of the US, UK and Canada about this time. While war is most often associated with PTSD, it can afflict anyone. Accidents, violent crime, assaults, rape, sexual and physical abuse can all cause the symptoms of PTSD. What is PTSD Like? Imagine that your brain with all of its memories is like YouTube. You have your favorites list- those favorite memories you like to think about like your favorite Christmas, meeting your true love, graduations, vacations and so on. You can chose to think about any of them whenever you want. Then something horrible comes along like a car wreak in which you are badly injured. That memory causes something like a glitch in your favorites list. Many of the good memories go away and that painful memory is stuck on repeat. You re-live that memory over and over. It's like the pain and fear of the traumatic event are stuck in your head. Whenever you close your eyes or your mind wanders- there it is in all of its horrific glory. PTSD sufferers get flashbacks of these events- just like high definition video in great detail with all of the emotions attached. Events that trigger PTSD are the worst day of many peoples lives. It's the very sorts of things that people would rather forget but it's stuck in your head in living bloody color! Talking about it and coming to terms with it is the only thing that will make it any better. The Two Types of PTSD Simple PTSD is defined around a single incident like an accident, crime or natural disaster. Obviously this is the easiest to treat and the prognosis is good. Complex PTSD is a much more vicious animal. This is caused by a LOT of trauma over an extended period of time. Examples of this are Soldiers in war, children abused over periods of years or people who have experienced multiple traumas. This is a much harder to treat and requires a sustained effort. Symptoms of PTSD PTSD symptoms are generally grouped into four types: intrusive memories, avoidance, negative changes in thinking and mood, or changes in emotional reactions. Intrusive Memories- we discussed above. It is the high definition video of the trauma replaying itself in your head. Nightmares, flashbacks and severe emotional reactions to reminders of the event are all part of the recurrent nature of intrusive memories. Avoidance- trying to not talk about the incident and avoiding places or activities that are reminders. Negative changes in thinking or mood- negative self image, inability to experience positive emotions, hopelessness, feeling emotionally numb and difficulty maintaining close relationships. Changes in Emotional Reactions- irritability, hyper-vigilance, guilt, shame, insomnia, trouble concentrating and being easily startled. Drug and alcohol addictions are common coping mechanisms to people suffering with PTSD. Yeah- all in all, it can be pretty miserable. The worst part- it is progressive. Untreated it only gets worse, causes all sorts problems and is at the root of a great many suicides. Why Is It So Hard To Treat? Talking about the causes of PTSD are the last thing a person suffering from this wants to do. I could try to shock you with some god awful examples but I think you get the picture. No one wants to talk about their worst day. It is very much like an old wound that has become infected. It has to be opened up and the infection drained out before it can really heal. It hurts. It's painful but it is the only thing that really works. The very thing that you most want to forget is what you must face. The memories of that trauma never really go away but you can take the power to destroy you by inches away from those toxic memories. There's no magic. It takes time, courage, effort and, you will have to do some things you will not like but it can be done.

Let's have a look at the dictionary: melodrama- An extravagant drama in which action is more salient than characterization Duh... hey wait a minute! Isn't some of the most effective characterization presented by a characters actions? Emotional drama- is like trying to define p0rn. I don't know the definition but I know it when I see it.

With the nick name of a transuranic radioactive metal with a half life of only 11 hours(266LW), you've got to be a real live wire. Welcome and have fun.

Anything by Comicality or Dom Luka would be a winner. I suggest: Comicality - New Kid in Town or My Only Escape Link to Comicality's story page Dom Luka - The Log Way or Desert Dropping Link to Dom Luka's story page I'm sure their partisans would argue for some of their other works but they're my favorites

While new elements make the chemistry of this place more interesting, just how radioactive are you? OK. Geek joke of the day. I'll go hide now. Welcome.

poor kitty!

Wow. That poem wold have worked on me. Well done Conner.

Inspiration! Getting story back from beta / editor

The Parson's Project is great! I really love Ammonia Avenue.

Here I am again. It's really late or, maybe it's early. It depends on how you look at it. Sometimes I think I've done a lot of healing and I've come so far. Then nights like this my ghosts come to me. I don't know which ones are the worst. Sometimes its the ones that tell me to blame myself. Or maybe the ones that tell I should have done better. Then there are the ones that make me wonder why I'm still alive when so many others are dead. Me and my ghosts have a merry old time. I roll over. I toss and I turn and they are still there. If I really am due some punishment, I'll go to sleep and they're there and I'll get to relive one of the seven layers of hell I've been to. That I'm messed up- well that's a given. I'm not even sure how to define getting better at this point. I've been trying for so long, is it even possible? They say it's possible and the tooth fairy will bring you candy and lollipops and everything will be okie-dokie. They aren't around when all paths lead back to this place where I'm alone in the dark and afraid. It's times like this that I really miss not drinking or getting stoned. Oh, it would help for a little while but as beat up as I am, it wouldn't take me long to go down that drain. PTSD sucks. It never really goes away. It like a sea monster lurking in the depths. When it gets hungry, just when you think you are doing OK treading water it comes up from the depths and takes another bite of your soul. Mostly what it does is just wear you down- one bite of soul at a time until there's nothing left. I'm not just exhausted. I'm sick and tired of the whole damned thing. I want to close my eyes and see nothing. Not the dead and the dying asking me why are you still here and we're gone? What makes you special? You weren't any different. I can't answer that and it is driving me crazy.

My editors usually help me to avoid drinking.

Maybe it's just me but I do better if I skip phase 4.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hG_n6MtWbiE Honorable mentions: Synchronicity by the Police Let's Dance by David Bowie 2112 by Rush

No. The cRazY one.