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JamesSavik

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Everything posted by JamesSavik

  1. I'm not so sure about that. If you dare suggest that there are gay rights issues OTHER than gay marriage or that you vote for something other than the democratic party, the BIG GAY ORTHODOXY calls you an Uncle Tom.
  2. My favorite gay thing is that since I've had to be different and swim upstream against a generally hostile society, I am comfortable with having my own mind and ideals. I don't need validation or acceptance. I am comfortable in my own skin. If I run into opposition, I have the self-assurance to fight go around or tell the opposition to go f**k themselves.
  3. OK- you can hate me. I say let 'em starve. That's right, let them starve. It's the KINDEST thing to do. After the do-gooders drop some off some food and move on, they will again be at starvations door. What then? Over the years humanitarian organizations have given MANY BILLIONS of dollars worth of food and other kinds of aid to countries in the developing world. In some places food aid has lead to overpopulation in regions that can not support that number of people. In others, the aid is stolen and given to the military and supporters of the government. Another large chunk has to be given as bribes to allow access to the regions where people need it. Typically- Aid organizations are very lucky if half to a third of the food aid they provide gets to where it is needed. By giving food and other sorts of aid to these countries, you are probably inadvertently supporting the governments that use starvation as a tool to stay in power.
  4. I plan to give Obama the EXACT SAME CONSIDERATION that the Left gave Bush. _______________________________________________ OBAMA IS EVIL! So is anyone he may appoint! OBAMA is a f-ing liar [get used to this one lefties, you're going to be hearing this one a lot] I will discuss the FAILED OBAMA PRESIDENCY in an upcoming blog. I'll give Barak the f-ing little commie b*tch boy in a $2000 suit a few weeks to find a f-ing helmet.
  5. Did anyone actually read what I wrote or did they simply react to the mention of Bush. Here's the Cliff's notes version: When Bush is gone we'll have to find another national scapegoat for everything that goes wrong because Obama will not be held to the same standard.
  6. I am suggesting that your most "sacred held beliefs" are media and pop culture inspired drivel. Slap! Snap out of it. What you have bought into wholeheartedly is collectivism. My generation bleed to stop it and you punks elected it. If you think the economy is bad now, what till you get a load of triple digit inflation and the taxes that are coming despite Obama's promises to the contrary. All I ask is that you hold Obama to the same standard that you held Bush. When his lies start to surface, call him a liar with the same piss and vinigar that you called Bush. As for expecting more, Life sucks, wear a f-ing helmet.
  7. Yep. That's right. You are going to miss him. Fat chance. You will miss him. Just give it time. I sincerely doubt it but you are welcome to try to defend King George. Oh no- I'm not going to try to defend him. In many ways his generally incoherent style of public speaking made him one of the most ineffective presidents in living memory because he simply failed to explain his policies. Don't you mean the worst in history? No. I'm older than most of you and remember Jimmy Carter. I'm better versed in history than most of you too and I remember some real losers that have occupied the White House like Grant, Coolidge, Buchanan and Andrew Johnson. I said ineffective. Not worst. Bush's problem with communication made him an easy target. He tried to speak plainly but this backfired on him terribly. His style of speaking and his propensity to verbally stumble were easily misunderstood, taken out of context and generally made the man look like an idiot. For instance- his use of with us or against us in regard to the War on Terror was a particularly bad choice of words making some friendly countries feel like they had to take sides and lead directly to poor relations with traditional allies. Well he was an idiot. Bush got his undergraduate degree at Yale, his law degree at UT and his MBA at Harvard. He is no idiot. Over and over his political rivals have failed to take him seriously and he defeated a string of democratic notables- Ann Richards, Al Gore and John Kerry. OK genius. Why are we going to miss him? First- Bush's actions were always a product of his beliefs and/or ideology. He did not fly "trial balloons" or consult focus groups and see which way the wind was blowing. He made the decision, popular or unpopular, took the heat for it and did not make excuses. Second- For years democrats have blamed everything on Bush from bad weather to bad luck. His style of refusing to get into bare-knuckle partisan brawls and simply refusing to acknowledge charges that he considered ridiculous made it look like the man was hiding from his critics. Now we are about to have an administration which will be held accountable for nothing. Third- What Bush has done in Iraq, Afghanistan and the rest of the world is to protect America's interests. Period. If you think the economy is screwed-up now, consider carefully what would have happened if Bush had failed to answer the challenge of Al Qaeda. Had Hussien stayed in power, how long would it have taken for him to cause even more trouble in the Gulf? Of course the Chinese, Russians and French didn't like it. They were getting rich and America was getting screwed. Bush's actions in Iraq have reset the table and if we play our cards right, we'll be sitting at the head of that table if the new administration does not squander the opportunity. But he lied... Oh horsesh*t. By 2003 when we started Operation Kick Saddam's Ass II, Saddam had pissed off half the world and was bribing the other half. So many people wanted him dead that he never slept in the same place twice. The Kuwaiti's had a price on his head. The Iranians had a price on his head. That sort of thing happens when you start two wars of aggression and kill a million people. Did Bush lie about weapons of mass destruction? He had people telling him everything from Saddam was rearming to Saddam was becoming a pussycat. He had to use his best judgment. Judging from Saddam's past history and the way Iraq was playing pussyfoot with inspectors- the smart money was on there being fire behind all the smoke. OK. But he fu-bared the economy... As a republican and a believer in free markets, Bush believed that the way to allow the economy to grow was to get out of its way and let it grow. The problems in the economy came from governmental meddling in the lending markets which occurred in a prior administration and high level cooperate malfeasance. Could regulation have avoided these problems? Probably not and you can bet that regulations would cause more problems than it would solve. If he was so good why does everybody hate him? He wasn't that good. He was unapologetic plain vanilla pro American moderate republican who didn't like partisan bickering and put his foot in his mouth at the worst possible moment. Not everyone hates him. OK: if he was so great, why did things seem to suck while he was in office? Bush's presidency was very much a product of the times. No President has ever had to cope with the complexity of the world situation that George W. Bush stepped into when he was sworn in Feb. 2001. Twenty years after, the world is a very chaotic place in the wake of the Cold War. Allies and alliances are changing out of national and economic interests, the rise of the European Union, China and even India's emergence as a regional power, petro-politics, terrorism, rouge states like Iraq, Iran, North Korea: you have to consider it a success to keep the whole thing from exploding- or at least controlling most of the explosions that did occur. The majority of Bush's Presidency is mired in the Middle East because the problems festering there had been ignored for far too long. You can count on chaos because that's the world that we live in. What do you mean we're going to miss him? For years it has been something of a national excuse to blame Bush for whatever goes wrong. Now- for better or worse, the Presidency, house and the senate are solidly in the hands of the democrats. The buck stops there. It is in their hands- now lets see them take responsibility for it and defend the national interests of the country without surrender. Furthermore- since we can no longer blame Bush and the media won't allow you to blame Obama, you'll just have to blame yourself for whatever goes wrong in your life.
  8. I suppose you could start drinking heavily. It worked for Hemmingway.
  9. You mean there's someone who is more amoral, self-absorbed and sociopathic tha me!? I demand a recount.
  10. think metaphores for the movie like "Rear Window" for the guy with the telescope looking out a window or Alien for the alien in the belltower.
  11. 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree. 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine. 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. 15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River. 18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. 19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. << My favorite
  12. Why do writers write? Why do painters paint or sculpters sculpt? I believe that there is a drive in some prople to create. If they don't write, they simply use another media. It does come from the same place whether its done on paper with words, on canvas with oils or in carved marble. Others have a message or want to be understood. Or they read a paperback at $5.75 + tax that is such drivel that they think I couldn't do much worse and this clown got paid..
  13. BTW Dom: did you ever find a new home for the tall pretty boyfriend with a cat?
  14. JamesSavik

    .....

    Hey Dom- Think canned. It's a lot less trouble and most people are used to them.
  15. In cases where there needs to be a serious legal definition, you'll see a lot of ANDs, ORs, BUTS and language like TO INCLUDE, EXCEPTIONS and EXEMPTIONS. IMHO the defining characteristics are chromosones which do not lie. XXY's and other anamolies are different.
  16. Dude- Don't worry too much about the history class. Do your best and MAYBE he'll grade on a curve if everyones avarage is low. I had a class like that. Hard as heck and everyone was panicing. I knew I had a D and was one of the tops in the class. Well- I ended up with a B (2 letter grades better than I thought. When I asked the teacher about it he said: because its a 300 level class, its hard as heck, you guys learned a lot simply by hanging in there. Not saying thats how this guy will work out but it is possible. The key is to show effort, ask good questions and participate in class. Many teachers ARE grading on more than just test results. Best of luck, James
  17. This is dangerous ground. The smells of a person are usually never noticed unless it is either fair or foul. You can easily step in it by describing someone's smell: he smelled like... a stockyard a redneck politician a polecat in heat the dirty laundry of the universe the south end of a north bound garbage truck
  18. Joe- No words of wisdom from me. Just my sincere hope that both of you make a smooth landing. The game of love is a contact sport which leaves bruises in curious places. James
  19. S S N "Martin Greenberg, Tom Clancy" Action 0425173534 2000 The Gulf (Dan Lenson Novels) David Poyer Action 0312050968 1990 Clear and Present Danger Tom Clancy Action 0399134409 1989 Debt of Honor (Jack Ryan Novels) Tom Clancy Action 0425147584 1995 Executive Orders Tom Clancy Action 0399142185 1996 Red Storm Rising Tom Clancy Action 0399131493 1986 The Bear and the Dragon Tom Clancy Action 2000 The Teeth Of The Tiger (Jack Ryan Novels) Tom Clancy Action 0425197409 2004 Without Remorse Tom Clancy Action 0425143325 1994 Modern Man in Search of a Soul (Harvest Book) C. G. Jung Arcania 0156612062 1955 Astrology Arcania 1865155128 2007 Hubble Atlas of Galaxies (Carnegie Institution of Washington. Publication) Allan Sandage Astronomy 0872796299 1984 B stars with and without emission lines (Monograph series on nonthermal phenomena in stellar atmospheres) Anne Barbara Underhill Astronomy 1982 "The Milky Way, 5th ed (Harvard Books on Astronomy)" Bart J. Bok Astronomy 0674575032 1981 An Introduction to Radio Astronomy "Bernard F. Burke, Francis Graham-Smith" Astronomy 1996 Flight to Mercury "Bruce Murray, Eric Burgess" Astronomy 0231039964 1977 Active Galactic Nuclei (Cambridge Astrophysics) "C. Hazard, Simon Mitton" Astronomy 0521224942 1979 Cataclysmic Variable Stars - How and Why they Vary (Springer Praxis Books / Space Exploration) Coel Hellier Astronomy 1852332115 2001 Protostars and Planets II (Space Science Series) D. C. Black Astronomy 0816509506 1985 Satellites of the Outer Planets: Worlds in Their Own Right David A. Rothery Astronomy 0198542909 1992 "Uranus: The Planet, Rings and Satellites (Ellis Horwood Library of Space Science and Space Technology)" Ellis D. Miner Astronomy 0139468803 1990 Introductory Astronomy and Astrophysics (Saunders Golden Sunburst Series) "Elske V. Smith, Michael Zeilik, Stephen A. Gregory" Astronomy 0030316979 1992 Far Encounter: The Neptune System Eric Burgess Astronomy 0231074123 1992 "Pioneer: First to Jupiter, Saturn, and Beyond" Eric Burgess Astronomy 1980 Astronomy in Depth Gerald North Astronomy 1852335807 2002 Universe & CD-Rom "III William J. Kaufmann, Roger Freedman" Astronomy 0716746476 2001 "Stars: Their Birth, Life, and Death" Iosif S. Shklovskii Astronomy 0716700247 1978 The Milky Way As a Galaxy "Ivan R. King, Gerard Gilmore, Pieter C. Van Der Kruit" Astronomy 0935702628 1990 "Cosmic Clouds: Birth, Death, and Recycling in the Galaxy (""Scientific American"" Library)" James B. Kaler Astronomy 0716750759 1997 Extreme Stars James B. Kaler Astronomy 2001 Stars and their Spectra: An Introduction to the Spectral Sequence James B. Kaler Astronomy 0521304946 1989 The Hundred Greatest Stars James B. Kaler Astronomy 0387954368 2002 Galactic Astronomy (Princeton Series in Astrophysics) "James Binney, Michael Merrifield" Astronomy 0691025657 1998 How To Use An Astronomical Telescope James Muirden Astronomy 0671664042 1988 The Cambridge Atlas of Astronomy "Jean Audouze, Guy Israel" Astronomy 0521363608 1988 "Astronomical Spectroscopy: An Introduction to the Atomic and Molecular Physics of Astronomical Spectra (Imperial College Press Advanced Physics Trends, Vol. 2)" Jonathan Tennyson Astronomy 1860945295 2005 The Space-Age Solar System Joseph F. Baugher Astronomy 0471850349 1987 Spectroscopy: The Key to the Stars: Reading the Lines in Stellar Spectra (Patrick Moore's Practical Astronomy Series) Keith Robinson Astronomy 0387367861 2007 Messier's Nebulae and Star Clusters (Practical Astronomy Handbooks) Kenneth Glyn Jones Astronomy 0521370795 1991 The Formation and Evolution of Planetary Systems (Space Telescope Science Institute Symposium Series) "L. Danly, H. A. Weaver" Astronomy 1989 The Constellations Lloyd Motz Astronomy 0385176007 1988 Structure and Evolution of the Stars Martin Schwarzschild Astronomy 0486614794 1977 The Classification of Stars "Mercedes Jaschek, Carlos Jaschek" Astronomy 0521389968 1990 "Observing Variable Stars, Novae, and Supernovae" "Nick James, Gerald North" Astronomy 0521820472 2004 Atlas of the Solar System Patrick Moore Astronomy 0517001926 1990 End in Fire: The Supernova in the Large Magellanic Cloud Paul Murdin Astronomy 0521374952 1990 Galaxies (Harvard Books on Astronomy) Paul W. Hodge Astronomy 0674340655 1986 Nearby Galaxies Catalog R. Brent Tully Astronomy 0521352991 1988 "Chemistry of Atmospheres: An Introduction to the Chemistry of the Atmospheres of Earth, the Planets, and Their Satellites (Oxford Science Publications)" Richard P. Wayne Astronomy 0198555717 1991 "Burnham's Celestial Handbook, Volume 1, Rev. Edition" Robert Burnham Astronomy 0486240630 1978 "Burnham's Celestial Handbook -- An Observer's Guide to the Universe Beyond the Solar System, Volume 2, Chamaeleon through Orion, Revised and Enlarged Edition" Robert Burnham Jr. Astronomy 0486240649 1978 Burnhams Celestial Handbook Volume 3 Robert Burnham Jr. Astronomy 0486240657 1978 Galaxies: Structures and Evolution Roger John Tayler Astronomy 0521367107 1993 "100 Billion Suns: The Birth, Life, and Death of the Stars" Rudolf Kippenhahn Astronomy 0465052630 1983 Galactic Dynamics (Princeton Series in Astrophysics) "Scott Tremaine, James Binney" Astronomy 0691084459 1988 Pulsar Astronomy (Cambridge Astrophysics Series No. 16) "Sir Francis Graham-Smith, Andrew Lyne" Astronomy 0521326818 1990 Solar System Evolution Stuart Ross Taylor Astronomy 0521372127 1992 Supernovae and Stellar Wind in the Interstellar Medium (Translation Series) Tatjana A. Lozinskaya Astronomy 0883186594 1991 The Solar System (Astronomy and Astrophysics Library) "Th
  20. The Machiavelli personality test has a range of 0-100 Your Machiavelli score is: 92 "high Mach", you endorse Machiavelli's opinions. Most people fall somewhere in the middle, but there's a significant minority at either extreme.
  21. Remember that Horrible Little Johnny B@st@RD???? Stick It Out Johnny One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants. The Teacher asked, "Johnny, what are you doing?" Then, Johnny said, "It hurts down there." "Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home", said the teacher. A little while later, Johnny came back to classroom and sat back down. Then the teacher came to the back of the room again, and he had his dick haging out of his pants. The teacher said, "Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants?!" Then Johnny said, "My mommy said if I can stick it out until noon, she'll come and pick me up." LITTLE JOHNNY'S DAY AT THE ZOO Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!" LITTLE JOHNNY'S DROP IN THE BUCKET One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could. "Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked. "I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for years, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!" LITTLE JOHNNY AND FATHER JOSEPH Little Johnny was on his way back home from the store with a loaf of bread in one hand, and his other hand in his pants pocket. Off in the distance, Father Joseph sees little Johnny and realizes this is the perfect opportunity to go preach the gospel of the Holy Bible to the young boy. Father Joseph approaches little Johnny and says, "I see that you have the "Staff of Life" in one hand." "Yep," replies little Johnny. "And I have a loaf of bread in the other!" LITTLE JOHNNY CRIES On the way home from the christening of his baby brother in church, Little Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quiet and sad. His father noticed him crying and asked, "What's wrong, little Johnny?" Between sniffles little Johnny replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you!!" LITTLE JOHNNY HAS HIS FATHER'S EYES A Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you believe in the Devil?" "No," said Little Johnny. "It's the same as Santa Claus. I know it's my daddy." JOHNNY'S SOLUTION The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months." Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?" Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend." LITTLE JOHNNY IS A STRAIGHT MAN Little Johnny was asked by his teacher to spell "straight," little Johnny did so without error. "Bravo," said the teacher, "now, what does it mean?" "Without water in it." LITTLE JOHNNY: MORE THAN A MOUTHFUL Little Johnny's teacher says, "Class, today we are going to learn multi-syllable words. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Little Johnny raises his hand, "Me, Miss Finch!" Miss Finch turns towards the eager young lad, "All right, Little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?" Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate". Miss Finch smiles and says, "Well, little Johnny, that sure is a mouthful!". Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Finch, you're thinking of a blowjob". LITTLE JOHNNY: MY DOG Little Johnny's teacher said, "Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's." Did you copy hers?, she asked. Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!" LITTLE JOHNNY PLAYS SAFE Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," says his mom, "of course not." Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!" LITTLE JOHNNY TAKES IT ALL OFF Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls. Could you please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this." So Little Johnny's mother takes him by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door. "First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse..." So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. "Take off my skirt..." Little Johnny takes off her skirt. "Take off my bra." He takes off her bra. "Now, Johnny, please take off my panties." When Little Johnny is finally done taking off the clothes, she says, "Johnny, Please don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!" LITTLE JOHNNY TELLS A STORY Little Johnny sees his father's car passing the playground and go into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees his father and his aunt Jane "hugging" in the parked vehicle. Johnny finds this very exciting and can barely contain himself so he runs home and starts to tell his mother, "I was at the playground and I saw daddy's car go into the woods with aunt Jane. I went to look for them and I saw daddy giving aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then aunt Jane helped daddy take his pants off, then aunt Jane lay down on the seat, then daddy..." At this point, Johnny's mother cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story. Suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the dinner table, Johnny's mother asks him to tell his story, so Johnny starts to talk, describing the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and... "...then daddy and aunt Jane did that same thing mommy and uncle Richard used to do when daddy was in the army." THE WEE CHARMER A door-to-door salesman comes-a-knocking and 10-year-old Little Johnny answers, a beer in one hand and a lit cigar in the other. The salesman says, "Little boy, is your mommy home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What the hell do you think?" UNDER THE BED Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed putting a condom onto his penis in preparation of sex with his wife. Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it, bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asked curiously "Whatcha doin daddy?" His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed, to which Little Johnny replied "Whatcha gonna do, f*@#% him?" LITTLE JOHNNIE ANSWERS THE DOOR Little Johnny comes home from school one day and asks his mother what "sh*t" meant. Thinking fast she replied "food on the table". Next day he comes home and asks his mother what does "son of a b****" mean. Again, thinking fast again she says "It's a priest". Next day he comes home a asks what does "f****'" mean. She says it means "getting dressed". That same night a priest was coming over for dinner. Johnny is just finished setting the table when he hears the doorbell ring. He yells "got it". He opens the door and says "Hey son of a bitch, shits on the table and mom and dad are upstairs f**kin'". MOMMY'S BALLOONS Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions. A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming! BIRDS AND THE BEES Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?" "I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong. Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really f**K, I've got nothing left to live for!"
  22. 1. Opening Credits: All Mixed Up by the Cars 2. Waking Up: 1979 by the Smashing Pumpkins 3. First Day At School Whip It by Devo 4. Falling In Love Happiest Days of our Lives by Pink Floyd 5. Fight Song Revolution by the Beatles 6. Breaking Up: Goodbye Blue Skies by Pink Floyd 7. Life: America by Yes 8. Mental Breakdown: Institution by Suicidal Tendencies 9. Driving: The Sad Cafe by The Eagles 10. Flashback: Riders on the Storm by the Doors 11. Getting back together: Shattered by The Rolling Stones 12. Losing your virginity: Are You Experienced by Jimi Hendrix 13. Wedding: Wake me When September Ends by Green Day 14. Birth of Child: And the Cradle Will Rock by Van Halen 15. Final Battle: Baba Oreilly by the Who 16. Funeral Song: Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Bizkit 17. End Credits: The Man Comes Around by Johnny Cash
  23. Cake is pretty erotic. Bake me one and I'll have tender feelings for you.
  24. Moist- ya mean like a cake?
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