James you are awesome. You're right... we've all screwed the pooch... not the same one obviously but hey...
Family relationships are hard. Maybe you should ease up on your father and accept him for what he is, even if that is a complete asshole, instead of beating youself up wishing he was someone, or something else.
The fact that you have accepted you made a mistake at all is awesome and majot cudos to you. Too many of us spend too much time trying to convince others and themselves that they were right, and not accepting the consequences at all. That makes you special. It seems that there are people around you who see that. Turn to them and take what you need to recover, turn away from those who are simply adding to your pain until you are strong enough to face them again and THEN tell them how they failed you.
As has been said before... someday they are going to be in the same position and you will be the strong one.