Second Shot - 11. Chapter 11: A Week is Not Enough

Jason woke up alone in Peter’s bed. The iPod clock he bought Peter said, ‘11:52.’ Peter’s absence surprised him. Normally Jason woke up when Peter got out of bed, but today he had no recollection of his boyfriend leaving. Listening for any sounds that would tell him where Peter was, he heard nothing. If he wanted to find Peter, he realized he would have to get out of bed.

Late as it was, he was still tired. He and Peter were up late the night before having gone to Harrisburg for dinner and to go clubbing. Unlike Peter, Jason skipped the nap during the day so he could go back to his apartment to drop off his dirty clothes and pick up clean ones.

New Year’s Eve and they had no plans. Normally he would have thought that sad, but spending it alone together appealed to him. What did make him unhappy was tomorrow was the last night he could spend at Peter’s without having to find an excuse. Darryl’s email said he would be back at their apartment Friday night. Clearly his bonding time with the family reached its limits.

When he went to use the bathroom he found a note from Peter telling Jason to call when he got up. What was so important he had to do this early Jason wondered? He knew Peter didn’t have to work, he never mentioned needing to go to his mom’s and shopping for anything other than food wasn’t Peter’s thing. Of course noon wasn’t exactly ‘early.’

Pulling a tee shirt and cotton pants from his bag, he searched for his phone.

“Up, where did u go?” He sent.

Walking around the empty apartment, Jason marveled every time Peter left him alone to snoop anywhere he wanted. Peter’s actions spoke of the trust he had in Jason. It humbled him to know how vulnerable Peter left himself because of his feelings for Jason. That he was prepared to give Peter the same power was only slightly less scary.

Scary yet exciting. Only someone he cared deeply for, someone he loved, could evoke such feelings from him. Peter’s unqualified trust exhilarated him because he felt the same. How did this happen to him without him realizing it? What did it matter how it came to be? The important thing was it was real.

Smiling he walked around the small apartment as if for the first time. Somehow it felt different now than the first time he walked around. Where before he might have been an outsider viewing a snap shot of Peter’s life, now he was a part of that life. Jason felt slightly more possessive of the surroundings today than he did before. These feelings were a new experience, but he liked it.

Vibrating, his phone ended his musings. “on my way back.” The message didn’t answer where he was or why he went out, but Jason didn’t mind. Peter could tell him soon enough.

Although he felt more at home, he still felt a twinge of discomfort when he poured himself some orange juice. Hopefully the more time he spent here the more at ease he would become.

Walking back to the futon, Jason opened his book bag. Sitting on top was the card with the check from his grandparents. He never got around to going to the bank to cash the check. Looking at the amount again, his euphoria vanished.

Money, or more specifically his family’s money, seemed destined to be an area of discord for him and Peter. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand Peter’s point of view, he did. But there were so many things he wanted to do, places to go, things to experience together that cost money; money he knew Peter didn’t have to spend. However, if Peter didn’t let Jason pay sometimes, they wouldn’t do half of the things they should.

Now, while they were young and relatively free of obligations and responsibilities, was the time to enjoy themselves. Waiting until Peter could afford to do things would mean after college when they were working and didn’t have the time. Much as he didn’t want to make Peter uncomfortable, he also knew their window to be carefree was small and shrinking all the time.

Taking a deep breathe he tried to calm himself. Peter might be agreeable to some modest excursions if Jason couched them right. It didn’t make sense to forgo everything when Jason could spring for them both. Maybe if he proposed multiple things, he could cut it down to a few without too much of a fight.

Who was he kidding? What Jason envisioned using the money his grandparent’s gave him was to go away together for a few days. Peter would never go for that would he?

Remembering to dial down his anxiety, he resolved to wait for Peter and gently raise the issue. Gently raise the issue, he laughed to himself. He was so bad at being tactful he couldn't gently swing a feather.
Rather than keep rehashing this, he laid back and closed his eyes. When Peter got home he would find a way to raise the issue as best he could. Peter would understand his desire even if he didn’t agree to the proposal.

Mere seconds after he closed his eyes, at least it seemed like seconds, he heard the lock turn. Despite his anxiety he couldn't help smiling as Peter entered his apartment.

“Hey sleeping beauty.” Carrying the canvas bag he used to get food, Peter shut the door.

“Hey yourself.” Jason got up to greet him. “What’s the deal? I wake up and you’re gone. That’s not how I like to start my morning.”

Peter’s face was cold to the touch, giving Jason a shiver when they kissed. “Ha, yeah well don’t sleep the day away.”

“Where did you go?” Jason followed Peter into the kitchen.

“Picked up a few things to eat. We are finally out of the food your grandparents gave us.” He explained. “Not that I’m not appreciative of the gift, but a man can only eat leftover Christmas turkey for so long.”

“Tonight we’re going out for dinner so it wasn’t going to be leftovers.” Jason said cheerfully. Peter’s face confirmed his money conversation wasn’t going to go well.

“Yeah, dinner.” He busied himself putting things away.

“Peter come on,” Jason complained. “It’s New Year’s Eve. What’s so bad about that?”

“Nothing.” Peter cheered up. “Really, nothing. I told you I need to get over my issue with other people’s money.”

Jason nodded, but went back to the futon to lie down. Closing his eyes, he tried to push the whole idea of money, dinner, trips, everything out of his mind.

“Even resting that’s not a happy face.” He heard Peter say.

When he opened his eyes, Peter was staring at him from the foot of the futon. “Sorry, this is what happens when tired, happy, concerned and in love all vie for face time.”

“Face time is it?” Peter laughed sitting on the edge of the futon near Jason’s chest. “Ok, so tell me about tired.”

“I should have taken that nap with you.” They both laughed.

“I said you would regret not taking a nap.” Peter lectured.

“You did,” Jason agreed. “And you were right too.”

“Happy? What’s that about?” Peter seemed to be going through his list.

“Being here, seeing you, touching you, who wouldn’t be happy?” He smiled.

“That’s a good answer.” Peter kissed Jason then began to massage his temples. “So what’s got you concerned?”

“Can’t we skip that and go to being in love?” Jason suggested. “I like that better.”

“Nope.” Although he laughed, Peter sounded serious. “You chose the order, I’m just following it.”

“Please?” Jason pleaded. “It’s going to ruin the day.”

“Really?” Peter stopped rubbing. “What’s so bad it’ll ruin our day?”

Before answering, he reached down and picked up the card from his grandparents. “Did I show you what my grandparents gave me for Christmas?”

Handing the envelope to Peter, he watched as Peter opened the card and read the check.

“twenty five hundred dollars?” Peter said slightly awed.

“Read the card,” Jason insisted.

“Dear Jason,

This money is not for bills, it is for fun. Spend it on something frivolous, something fun, something you will remember as special. Being young comes only once, enjoy it while you are.

Love Grandma and Grandpa Henry.”

Peter looked at the card and the check long after he finished reading. “That’s pretty amazing.” He handed the envelope back to Jason.

“Yeah it is, but you probably won’t let me spend it on something fun and special for us will you?” Jason asked.

“That’s what has you upset?” Peter looked annoyed. “You know how I feel about this. Having someone pay for things makes me uncomfortable.”

“I know Peter, I really do understand.” Jason wanted him to know his feelings were not lost on him. “And I also see that I keep saying, ‘just this,’ or ‘this is special,’ or ‘this one time.’ So I won’t do that. But I need to know we can do things that might cost money even if you can’t afford it. I’m not talking about luxury cruises or European holidays at five star hotels. What I want to know is we can take the train to Philly or New York, see a game, go out and experience the night life, then stay over in a hotel and come home the next day. Or take a long weekend somewhere like Boston or Chicago and just have fun.

“This,” he waved the envelope, “was meant for just that. It would really suck if I can’t use it to do something special with you.”

Jason tried not to get preachy or let his frustration show, but he also wanted to do things they would enjoy, even if it cost money. Judging from Peter’s face, he wasn’t sure he succeeded.

“Yes,” Peter nodded slowly. “We can do some of those things. Your grandparents were right, we only get this chance once. I won’t say I’m fine with it, because it still makes me uneasy. I also know you compromise sometimes especially for the person you love.”

Jason’s face broke into a smile. Now it was up to him to not push Peter too far. “Thanks Pete.”

“Your expression was all the thanks I needed.” Peter grabbed for Jason’s hands. “When I said, ‘okay,’ your face lit up like a child’s at Christmas.”

“Peter,” Jason brought their hands to his lips. “I know this is a big deal for you so I’ll try hard not too ask too much. Agreeing to this makes me embarrassed I doubted you.”

“You were right to doubt me.” Peter conceded. “Until you made your pitch I was ready to say, ‘no way.’ First dinner, then trips, this was exactly what I didn’t want to happen. But if I expect you to adapt to my lifestyle, and you have, I can’t say no to everything you want to do.”

“I promise not to spend more than this check on us.” Jason felt so much better now that this was resolved.

“Deal.” Peter nodded. “That leaves being in love.”

“Yes it does.” Jason pulled Peter closer. “That’s easy. I can get used to being in love if it feels like this every time we’re together.”

“I think it wears off over time, but this is a first for me too so I can’t be sure.” Peter kissed him several times. “If we keep this up, we might never make it out of the apartment.”

Weighing his options, Jason kissed Peter again before getting up. “Save it for tonight.”

“Planning to welcome the new year with a bang?” Peter tried to keep a straight face, but didn’t succeed.

“Even for you that was awful.” Jason groaned. Grabbing both of Peter’s hands, he pulled him off the futon. “Let’s get cleaned up. We can even get messy in the shower first if you like.”

“Wicked, naughty Soccer Boy,” Peter laughed. “How did I ever get along without you?”

*****

Shifting his backpack before unlocking the front door, Jason wondered if Darryl was home. How absurd to be sneaking around his own apartment. Maybe he ought to tell Darryl what was going on.

That idea was quickly squashed. This was supposed to stay quiet, that included Darryl. If Peter were here he would ask what he thought would happen if he told Darryl. He would tell Jason he got a good feel from Darryl and that he would be okay with it. Peter also added not to listen to him since if something went wrong, he, Jason, would be the one to suffer.

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Darryl. Hell they had been through so much together he was sure they would be okay. Then the ‘what ifs’ started; what if he freaked out, told the team, asked him to move out, told his parents? In the end he always held back.

Their apartment was dark and Darryl’s door was open. “D?”

Flicking on the lights, he confirmed his roommate was not home. One less excuse to make up. Tossing his bag on the couch, he decided to play Grand Theft before going to sleep.

Three weeks back and he was going crazy. Finding time to spend alone with Peter without raising suspicions was proving difficult. Worse, the week they spent together made Jason aware of what could be, but wasn’t. Every time they couldn't meet just added to his frustration.

Not that Darryl was being intrusive; far from it. He and Peter agreed not to press their luck by making up silly reasons to be together. Because of that, they managed to spend one night alone together.

For appearance sake, Peter spent a Saturday night on their couch after the three of them went out with some friends. They both agreed afterwards it was worse being that close than sleeping in separate apartments.

Tonight wasn’t much better. Study, a little making out, then Jason had to go. He could tell Peter was getting as frustrated as he was. Despite their optimism they could handle Jason being in the closet and they would be careful, it was proving harder and more taxing than either expected.

Telling Darryl might be the best solution. If they didn’t have to hide it from Darryl, it would be easier to handle. At least they could spend the night together at Peter’s apartment. If only he could be sure Darryl wouldn’t freak out. If, if if. He reminded himself this was always the sticking point.

Not concentrating on the game, he lost in record time. “Fuck it!” He said, shutting the game off.

Getting some water, he decided to go to sleep; at least when he was unconscious he wasn’t frustrated. As a bonus, if he was asleep Darryl couldn't ask what he did before coming home. Tomorrow Jason had an early class and Darryl didn’t. By the time they finally met up, Darryl would probably forget all about asking.

Brushing his teeth, Darryl came home.

“Yo, yo J.T. is in the house.” Darryl sounded in a good mood.

Spitting, Jason smiled and said, “It’s an apartment D. What’s got you so happy?”

“Nothing.” Darryl tossed his stuff in his room. Standing in the doorway, he smiled as Jason finished getting ready.

“Dude you’re so lying.” Jason laughed. “Spill, what happened? No wait, I know. Who is she?”

Darryl only got this happy when he was in love, or, ‘in like’ as he characterized the first few months of dating.

“Ha!” Darryl knew he was busted. “First I have a question.”

“No way!” Jason pushed Darryl from the door so he could get to his room. “I asked first. Don’t think you can deflect me like that.”

“Well it’s sort of related.” His best friend explained.

Frowning, Jason considered the request before nodding in agreement. “Fine.”

“What’s up with you and Peter lately?” Darryl’s question struck Jason like a slap.

Hoping his face didn’t give him away, Jason tried to look confused. “What does that mean?”

“Two Saturdays ago he slept over and since then you’ve barely talk about him.” Darryl shrugged. “I though you two were friends, but now, nothing.”

No longer trying to act confused, Jason was stunned by the question. “Um, well, nothing happened. We’re still cool. Just don’t have time to hang out.”

“Are you sure it doesn’t have anything to do with his being gay?” Darryl asked

“Okay stop.” Jason turned his back to compose himself. Was this really happening? Did Darryl think Jason was avoiding Peter because he was gay? “What does this have to do with your new like interest?”

“Peter introduced me to her yesterday,” Darryl explained. “Said he hadn’t seen you much and asked me how you were. He shocked me with that question so I starting thinking how, after you fell asleep there during finals you’ve been drifting apart.”

“He introduced you to someone?” Jason ignored the rest of Darryl’s comment. Peter never mentioned anything about trying to fix up Darryl. “Like a blind date?”

“Nah, not like that.” Darryl flopped down on the end of Jason’s bed. “We ran into each other after class yesterday. We were talking, just b.s. really, when this girl walks up. She was a friend of his. He introduced us, then when she and I started chatting he diplomatically excused himself.”

“So what you mean is you used him to meet this girl,” Jason laughed.

“Sorta something like that.” Darryl didn’t seem fazed by Jason’s characterization. “She’s smoking Jason. See if you weren’t such a homophobe, he could’ve hooked you up instead of me.”

Ever since the episode in his car on the way back from the train, Darryl jokingly called him homophobic. Jason knew it was all designed to get a reaction. Still, it was stunning that Darryl thought he and Peter were on the outs. Guess they were doing a better job of hiding things than he thought.

“That’s me, Jason ‘Gay Basher’ Tellerman,” Jason laughed. “Or as Myers calls me, Tellerfag.”

“So what’s up with you two?” Darryl persisted.

“Nothing,” Jason answered. Since he wished they were able to meet more, he was able to be convincing without trying. “We’re still good, met up with him tonight to get something to eat when you weren’t around. Studied together for a bit before I came home to play GTA.”

“Really?” Darryl sounded relieved. “That’s cool. He’s a good dude.”

Jason couldn't suppress a laugh. If Darryl only knew how much Jason liked Peter, this would be a very different conversation. “Yeah, he is. We’re cool. So who is this mystery woman he connected you with?”

“Her name is Laura.” Darryl’s eyes almost glazed over as he talked. Jason wondered if he got that way talking about Peter. “She is tall, blonde, great eyes, plays softball for the school. She and Peter met as freshman. They seem tight. She talked about how great he is. Way she talked, Peter told her he has a new boyfriend he’s really into.”

Jason froze. How much did this Laura know about them. He was sure they never ran into her when they were together.

“There you go,” Jason said dramatically. “Now you know why he isn’t hanging around me much. He has a new like interest.”

“Nah, she said he isn’t from around here so they don’t see much of each other.” Darryl confirmed. “But from what she says, it’s a bit more than like.”

“Jesus D, did you two talk about anything other than Peter and his boyfriend?” Jason hoped to steer the topic away from Peter’s boyfriend.

“Yeah, but that’s private.” Darryl sat up. “I don’t kiss and tell.”

“When did that happen?” Jason gave him an incredulous look.

Moving toward the door, Darryl looked back. “Since I don’t want what I say to find its way back to Laura via Peter.”

“Yes, I’m such a gossiper.” Jason shook his head. “Go away dude. And when you want to talk to me about her, don’t.”

“Damn, Jase; are you jealous?” Darryl’s eyes mirrored the amusement in his voice.

“Try frustrated,” Jason corrected. “You tease me with a few scraps then walk away. What do you expect?”

“Okay.” Darryl turned serious. “Nothing happened other than we have a date tomorrow night. But it’s still cool.”

Jason smiled. “Nice. Have fun D.”

“Thanks bro.” Darryl slipped into the bathroom.

Shutting his door, Jason found his phone, Peter had some details to provide.

*****

“I don’t think she’s going to be into him,” Peter said as they cleaned up after dinner.

“Why do you say that?” Jason felt like he was defending Darryl.

“Forget that you want Darryl to be attached so we can try to use it to our advantage.” He accepted the dried plate from Jason. “Laura tends to go for the nerdy smart guys.”

“Then why did she agree to go out with him tonight?” He was already mad she was playing his best friend.

Peter shrugged. “She said he seem like a nice guy, which he is. Look I’m not saying she told me he wasn’t her usual type, I’m telling you that’s what I have seen from the guys she points out as being cute. Laura might not even know she has a type. All I’m saying is, don’t get your hopes up.”

“Drats!” Jason only used that word when he was being childish. “It was such a good plan too.”

Peter laughed. “Drats? Is ‘egads’ next?”

Jason threw the dish towel at Peter. “Shut up.”

Peter tossed the towel back to Jason. “You’re not done drying.”

Rolling his eyes, Jason picked up another pot. “What did you want to do tonight?”

His question was met with a leer. “Do you need to ask?”

“Besides that.” Jason let his frustration be heard in his answer.

“Wow,” Peter stopped putting things away. “Are we already at lesbian bed death?”

“What?” Jason had no idea what Peter just said.

“The joke is that when two lesbians move in together sex ends.”

Putting the explanation together with the original phrase, it took Jason a moment to get what Peter said. “Whatever, that’s not what I said.”

“I was teasing.” Peter wrapped his arms around Jason, kissing the back of his neck. “Your voice was so irritated. It sounded like, ‘do we really have to have sex again.’ What’s wrong?”

“The usual.” Jason enjoyed being in Peter’s arms. “I hate not being able to go to a movie or a local restaurant or anything that resembles a date in public because I’m worried someone will find out. Staying in is fine, but I want to be able to go hang out with you in public sometimes too. I know I’m to blame for why we can’t, but I still get frustrated sometimes.”

“I know you do, Sweetie.” Peter rarely called him ‘sweetie.’ “It’s not ideal, but I’m glad for the times we do get together.”

“Me too.” Jason turned to kiss him. “It’s just that Darryl going on a date makes me jealous that we can’t and even if we can I can’t tell anyone.”

“You can tell him, you choose not to,” Peter pointed out, rubbing the side of Jason’s face.

This was the same argument they always had when he mentioned not telling Darryl. “True, but you know what I mean.”

Peter looked as if he was going to speak, but took the pot from Jason’s hand instead.

“What?” Jason followed behind him in the small kitchen.

“We’ve been over this.” Peter put his hands on Jason’s chest. “I don’t need to say anything.”

Taking Peter’s hand in his, Jason brought them to his lips. “I wish I shared your optimism. Telling my cousin Michele felt so liberating that I want to tell Darryl. Then I remember that she’s not my roommate, not my teammate, not on campus.”

“C’mon Jase, do you believe Darryl would ever out you?” Peter stared into Jason’s eyes as he spoke.

“Probably not, we have too much history,” Jason agreed. “But I can’t say he won’t be uncomfortable, won’t want a new roommate etc. That will tell the world there’s a problem with us, which would lead to questions that demand answers. Those answers are what worries me.”

Peter nodded slowly. “Let’s go watch a movie.”

“What movie did you rent?” Jason didn’t see a video.

“I didn’t rent one, I have this one on DVD.” Peter told him. “I saw it a while ago, but think you’ll like it.”

“Is this one of those, ‘there’s a hidden meaning in this that is applicable to your life,’ kind of movie?” Jason was always suspicious when Peter ‘had a movie Jason would like.’

“Maybe,” Peter said shyly. “But the boys are really cute so it’s worth watching.”

Jason let Peter lead him to the futon. Watching cute boys on film sitting next to his boyfriend wasn’t so bad. “Fine, but I don’t promise to watch it for the message.”

“So long as you watch it with me I don’t care,” Peter said with his back turned as he sorted through the movies.

*****************

“C’mon Darryl, keep up.” Jason exhorted when his best friend joined him at the stop sign.

“Dude, where do you get your legs?” Darryl was breathing hard.

They were on the home stretch of the same run Jason took when he made his first date with Peter. This was the second to last stop before they made it back to campus. Already they were behind Jason’s schedule. Normally Darryl didn’t slow him down, but today he seemed off.

“You doing okay D?” He asked, worried that Darryl might not be feeling well.

“Fine.” Darryl nodded for them to keep going. “Just haven’t been working as hard as you.”

“It’ll come back.” Jason said. Resigned he would either need to ditch Darryl or give up on making his time, Jason set a slightly slower pace to accommodate his friend. “But next time you better be ready to keep up or else I’m going to leave you in my wake.”

“Roger that.” Darryl adjusted to their new pace, matching Jason.

Maybe now that Laura and Darryl didn’t work out, their two week failed romance ended just as Peter predicted, Darryl would resume training in earnest. Jason was ahead of his friend because he used ‘going for a run’ as a cover. Often he would run to Peter’s place, spend a few hours, then head back. If Darryl was around he would make up some reason why he stopped to account for his time. Normally Darryl wasn’t around when Jason left or returned so it was only an issue twice.

Unlike Darryl’s last girlfriend, Laura never stayed over; they never got that far in their relationship. That didn’t stop Jason from using her to his advantage. Claiming he had nothing to do on the night Darryl was on a date, he would ‘see what Peter is up to tonight.’ After Darryl’s inquisition over his and Peter’s status, this didn’t raise any question with his roommate.

Lost in his thoughts, Jason didn’t realize where they were until Darryl took off toward their next target. The last traffic light was in sight and Darryl had a few steps on him before Jason made for the intersection.

Normally a two-second jump would make it hard for Jason to catch up, but not today. Darryl really was out of shape; out of shape for him at least, and it showed. Halfway to their goal, Jason ran past his roommate.

When he reached the intersection, he didn’t slow down to wait for Darryl to catch up. This close to campus, they were less than ten minutes from the end of their run. Rather than scale back to Darryl’s pace, Jason decided to salvage what was left of his run. It would give Darryl motivation, he thought. Motivation to push himself today and get back in shape.

Checking over his shoulder, Darryl was pushing himself, but not gaining. Rather than slow down, Jason raised his effort a notch to burn off his excess energy. Knowing Darryl couldn't catch him today, he refrained from looking back. It was one thing to point out how lax Darryl had been; it was another to rub it in. That and Jason knew there would be days when he wasn’t feeling strong and Darryl would smoke him.

Reaching their building, Jason broke into a sprint once he made it to the parking lot. Sweating despite the cold weather, Jason kept his hat on while he waited for Darryl to finish.

His effort visible on his face, Darryl pushed hard as he ran toward Jason. One thing Jason knew, Darryl never gave up.

“Bro, what are you eating?” Darryl gasped for air. “You crushed me.”

“It’s not what I’m eating D, it’s what you haven’t been doing.” Jason handed him the water bottle he retrieved from the car. “You’ve been lazy this winter.”

“Must have.” They walked around to cool down before heading inside.

“Plans for tonight?” Jason asked, closing the door behind him.

“Nada.” Darryl left unsaid the absence of Laura from his plans. “What you got going on?”

“Nothing really.” Jason took off the sweaty sweat shirt and the tee shirt underneath. “Pete called and asked what we were doing, so did Eric. Why don’t we all get dinner, then coffee or a movie?”

“Sound good to me.” Darryl practically downed his water in one gulp. “Set it up and I am there.”

“Of course Mr. President,” Jason mocked. “Is there anything else you want me to schedule for you?”

“If you were the president’s social planner, the country would be in trouble,” Darryl joked. “Everyone called you, not me. That means you get to schedule it.”

Jason nodded. “When you put it that way, it makes sense. Any plans between now and then I need to know about or is your calendar clear?”

Darryl took a swipe at him that Jason used to sneak into the bathroom first. “Dips on first shower.”

“No way,” Darryl protested. “You knew I was heading in. Besides you need to set up the plans.”

“Sorry dude, not only did I call it first, I also was first to make it back.” Jason pushed him gently out of the bathroom. “You want to go first, beat me home next time.”

Closing the door, Jason planned how to set up tonight. Shouldn't be too hard, right? It would be good to hang out with Darryl. They hadn’t done much the last two weeks so this would be good.

*****

Key in hand, Jason unlocked the door to his apartment without saying a word. Coming home without even a good night kiss made him grumpy.

“Yo Jase,” Darryl called out. “What’s bugging you?”

“Nothing Darryl, just tired,” he lied. “Maybe my uber training isn’t such a good idea if I want to go out at night.”

He heard Darryl turn the top lock as he walked toward his room. Throwing his keys on the dresser, he turned to go to the bathroom to find Darryl in the doorway.

“Bullshit,” Darryl said. “I know you too well. You are mad or angry about something.”

“Not tonight Darryl.” Jason eased passed his friend to get to the bathroom. Mindful of his roommate, he didn't waste time. After brushing his teeth, he opened the door to find Darryl leaning against the doorframe to his room.

“C’mon D.” Jason knew Darryl was going to renew his question.

“Jase, we’ve been friends for too long.” Darryl followed Jason into his room. “All night you were off.”

Jason wanted to blurt out, ‘how would you feel sitting inches from your boyfriend and not able to touch him?’ “Seriously, I’m just tired.”

‘Tired of pretending,’ he left out.

“No it’s not that.” Darryl’s eyes narrowed as he shook his head. “I’ve seen tired Jason before, many times. This isn’t tired Jason. This is upset Jason.”

His heart racing, Jason fought with himself again over whether to tell Darryl or not. Changing into shorts and a tee, he walked passed Darryl to get some water.

“When did you become such an expert on my moods?” Jason laughed. God he wanted to say it and get it over with. Why was it so hard to say? Darryl was his best friend. He knew Darryl better than his brother or Peter.

“Dude, I was just asking if you’re okay.” Darryl shook his head. “Something is bugging you, we could all tell you weren’t yourself all night.”

Why couldn't Darryl let it go? Couldn't he tell Jason didn’t want to talk about it? “You won’t like the answer D, so drop it okay?”

Jason knew he made a mistake the moment he finished speaking. Presenting Darryl with a mystery situation, telling him he wouldn’t like what he will hear, only piqued his interest further. The expression on Darryl’s face told Jason he crossed the point where he could back away.

“Jason, how can you say I won’t like what you tell me?” Darryl didn’t hide his desire to draw this out of his best friend. “Nothing you can say to me could get me mad.”

“I never said you would be mad,” he corrected. “I said you won’t like the answer.”

Darryl put his arm against the wall when Jason tried to walk back to his room. “C’mon man, what’s bugging you? I haven’t seen you like this in forever.”

“If you’re really worried about me, stop asking.” Jason ducked under the arm blocking his way. “Really, I’m fine.”

“This ain’t you so I know you aren’t fine.” Darryl’s voice held a mixture of worry and hurt that stopped Jason in his tracks. As he thought, once he presented Darryl with a hint something was wrong, he opened a door he couldn't shut. If keeping a secret from Darryl was going to cost him their friendship, telling him couldn't be much worse.

“Sit down.” Jason told his friend as he turned back.

He watched as Darryl plunked himself down on the couch. Was it too late to change his mind? Maybe he could make up some stupid ‘issue’ to tell Darryl that would answer the question. Of course that wouldn’t solve the real problem.

“Damn this is hard to get out.” Jason stalled for time. “It has to do with Peter.”

“I knew it!” Darryl almost jumped up as he spoke. “I knew his being gay bothered you.”

Jason shook his head at the absurdity of Darryl’s statement. How could his best friend be so clueless? “That’s not what I said.”

Darryl didn’t look convinced. “Whatever, I’m not the one who told Brian to bugger off.”

“That’s so different,” Jason said defensively. “Brian and Peter are nothing alike.”

“Jase, I know you better than that.” Darryl sounded so confident. “I can tell you’re uncomfortable around him.”

Jason wanted to laugh, but he was too scared. “After I finish you’re going to feel really foolish.”

“Lay it on me then, I’m listening.” Darryl’s skepticism didn’t help Jason. This was going to be a total surprise, how was Darryl going to take it?

Drawing a deep breathe, he tried to say, ‘I’m gay,’ but the words wouldn’t come out. Turning away to avoid his best friend’s eyes, he tried twice more without success.

“I knew it.” Darryl crowed. “You can’t deny it ‘cause it’s true.”

Darryl’s insistence that Jason was homophobic helped him find his voice. “Darryl, I’m not a homophobe.”

“Okay if his being gay doesn’t bother you, what is it?” Darryl seemed less sure of his position. “How was Peter the problem tonight? You two barely talked.”

“I know, that’s the problem.” Jason’s voice tailed off as he spoke. It was too late to back off now. He knew he was all in, he had no choice but to show his hand.

“What?” For the first time since they got home, Darryl looked confused. More than confused, his face revealed the first hint he knew where the conversation was going.

“The problem was,” Jason closed his eyes, digging deep inside for the strength to get it out. “I mean is, that Peter’s my boyfriend and we’ve been trying to hide it.”

The words came out in a rush, maybe too fast for Darryl to understand. Jason stared at his best friend as Darryl digested what he heard. Darryl mouthed the word, ‘boyfriend’ twice, looking right at Jason. Even then Jason could tell he was struggling to process what he heard.

Using Darryl’s silence, Jason pressed on before he lost his nerve. “I’m gay, Darryl. I’ve been trying to hide it and Peter for months. That’s what made me miserable tonight.”

“Gay? You’re gay?” Darryl sounded like someone who thought what he heard might be a joke.

“Yeah D, I am.” Jason couldn't look at his friend. Since he came to the realization he was gay, he did everything in his power to hide it from Darryl. “You want me to disappear for a while so you can sort this out?”

Darryl’s silence twisted Jason’s stomach in knots. Just as he always feared, Darryl wasn’t taking the news well. All the doomsday scenarios he imagined began a rush to be heard in his mind. Darryl was going to kick him out, renounce their friendship. After that, he would tell all their friends and Jason’s family. Everything he feared would happen was going to.

“No Jase, I don’t want you to get lost,” Darryl finally said. “We’re cool.”

“Really?” Jason asked skeptically. “You look freaked out.”

“Stunned is more like it,” Darryl admitted. “All this time and I can’t believe I never knew.”

“I didn’t want you to know.” Jason’s voice got quiet.

“Why not?” Now Darryl got defensive. “Did you think I would stop being your friend if I found out?”

“No,” Jason only half lied. He didn’t know what to expect. “For a long time I didn’t want to accept it myself so what was I going to say? ‘Hey Darryl, I might be gay but don’t worry, I don’t want to be so maybe it will just go away?’”

This evoked nervous laughter from them both.

“It wasn’t until I met Peter that I was truly okay with it.” Jason shrugged.

“When did . . . .” Darryl stopped before he completed his sentence.

“It was a few after that incident at the field house. . . ”

“Yeah I remember that night.” Darryl interrupted.

“He rode by when I was running. I got the balls to ask if he wanted to go to dinner.” That night was still so clear in his mind. “During dinner the staff acted like we were on a date. That was when he told me everyone knew he was gay so that is why people acted like it was a date. One thing led to another, I told him about me and well, the rest is sorta private.”

“So you guys were dating when we went to Philly?” Darryl spoke slowly, drawing out the question. “All that stuff about sleeping in the car?”

“I didn’t plan that with Pete,” Jason shrugged, slightly embarrassed. “When he started asking I almost shit. Had no idea where he was going at first. But I never slept in my car.”

“Really?” Darryl mocked him. “I can’t believe I fell for your crap about ‘don’t ask cause you might sleep in the car.’ That was all a head fake so you could sneak over and spend the night with Peter.”

Jason could feel his face get flush. “Yeah, that was the first time I spent the night with him.” Jason smiled thinking about that first. “The day we got back from Philly, you and Wendy did all the work for me. You two were practically forcing me to stay over. Gave me all the cover I needed.”

“Damn, I need to be more careful around you two.” Darryl shook his head. “Way more cunning than I gave you credit for.”

“Not as naive as you keep saying, am I?” Jason began to relax enough to joke with Darryl about it.

“No you still are,” he laughed. “Just never suspected you were so good at misdirection.”

Jason couldn’t find it in himself to laugh, but he did manage a thin smile. It felt like he and Darryl were good, but was that just wishful thinking? At least Darryl didn’t wig out on him.

“So are we still good?” Jason finally asked.

“I can’t believe you’re asking me that.” Darryl sounded annoyed for the first time. “Jase, of course we’re still good. We’re a team.” Darryl laughed. “Minger and Tellerman, Co-Captains.”

Jason gave him a rueful laugh. “Thanks D. We’ve been friends so long, I couldn't imagine us not getting along.”

Jason held out his hand but Darryl hugged him instead. “We’re still cool bro. This changes nothing. I still love you.”

“I love you too, like a brother of course.” Jason smirked. Relief washed over him, making him almost giddy.

“Of course,” Darryl laughed. “I can’t believe you were worried I would ditch you.”

Though he was joking, Jason could hear a hint of disappointment in Darryl’s voice.

“Aside from Dean there is no one I don’t want to lose more than you.” Jason tried to explain what played out over and over in his head. “I know this sounds fucked up, but it’s because I didn’t want to lose your friendship that I worried about you the most. Even though I knew you would be cool, I still couldn't shake that tiny feeling of what if I was wrong.”

“No, I get it.” Darryl’s tone softened considerably. “If it helps, I feel the same toward you. I wouldn’t want anything to come between us.”

“Thanks D.” Jason felt an enormous sense of relief. “I mean it.”

“You bet.” Darryl’s silence told Jason he was still processing everything.

Not sure if this was the right time to ask, Jason decided there was nothing to lose.

“D, I need a favor,” he said softly. If his voice spoke of half the apprehension he had, Darryl couldn't miss it. “A big one really, so don’t rush to answer.”

“Jeez man, you stress way too much.” Darryl laughed. “Just ask already.”

“I’m going to need you to cover for me.” Jason watched to see what reaction he got.

“Cover?”

“Yeah, if I’m going to spend time with Peter, I need you to cover for me if people ask where I am,” he explained.

“Why not just tell folks the truth?” Darryl asked.

Hearing it from his best friend, it all sounded so simple. “Just like that?”

“I don’t mean place an ad, but so what if you’re gay?” Darryl’s suggestion created another period of silence.

“Since I met Peter I’ve wanted to tell everyone.” Jason’s smile lacked any mirth. “Then I hear ‘Tellerfag’ in my mind and remember what I can expect from the team.”

“C’mon Jase, Myers is a jerk,” Darryl protested. “Not everyone is an asshole.”

“Only takes a couple for there to be a problem.” Jason shrugged. “So much for Coach’s team unity if this gets out.”

He let Darryl mull that over before he continued. “Then there’s Barbara Tellerman.”

“Oh yeah.” Darryl’s face let him know his friend understood immediately.

“She will NOT take this well,” Jason added. “When she finds out, I’ll be lucky if she doesn’t disown me.”

“That’s harsh Jase, she wouldn’t do that.” His voice held enough doubt that he didn’t need to add, ‘would she?’

“Take away perfect families don’t have gay kids, the church has been slamming gays hard since the whole pedophile scandal started making serious headlines.” Jason had no doubts of his mom’s reaction. Other people close to him were questionable, his mother was not. Too bad he wasn’t Darryl’s brother, Evelyn would not wig out like his mom.

“Yeah, I forgot about Saint Barbara the Evangelist.” Darryl made a face that made Jason laugh.

“I forgot we used to call her that.” At least his best friend understood the problem. “It will be bad enough when she finds out, but if it becomes public knowledge, that will be it. She will only have one child when that happens.”

Darryl didn’t disagree with his assessment. “So you need me to help you keep it quiet so she doesn’t find out?”

“I’m hoping to make it through school before telling them.” As much as Jason had thought about this, verbalizing it was still hard. “By then, I hope to have a job and be able to support myself.”

“Don’t you have a trust fund your grandparents set up for you?” Darryl asked.

“Twenty-five before I can get the income.” He shrugged. “Gotta live five years before I can touch it.”

“Royce won’t cut you off,” Darryl stated with conviction. “Your dad ain’t like that.”

“No I don’t think he would, but I’m not sure he’s willing to take on this fight with mom.” Jason knew his father wouldn’t disown him, but he was sure he would not let Jason ruin his marriage either. “So will you help me keep this quiet?”

“Yeah man, I got your back.” Darryl smiled like they were embarking on some scandalous adventure.

“Thanks, I so owe you.” Jason could hear the relief in his voice.

“Remember you said that,” Darryl told him. “Next time I need the place to myself, you better make yourself scarce.”

“Dude, I’m going to make myself scarce a lot.” Jason laughed. “Pete has his own place. The only reason I haven’t spent every weekend there since New Year’s is I had no good explanation for where I was going and why.”

“Damn, how come you didn’t tell me sooner?” Darryl laughed. “I could have put your absence to good use more than a few times.”

Jason laughed; laughed at the comment, in relief at finally having told his friend, at being able to finally spend time with Peter. For the first time since the week he spent at Peter’s he felt truly happy. Ignoring the little voice at the back of his thoughts that said, ‘remember to be careful,’ he stood up.

“Where you going?” Darryl asked.

“Going to call Peter, pack my bag and start making myself scarce,” Jason quipped. “If you only knew how many times I wanted to . . .”

“I don’t need to hear the details man.” Darryl held up both hands in mock protest.

“. . . spend the night there.” Jason finished despite the objection.

“Go,” Darryl held his arms out. Jason hugged his best friend again. “Nice to see you happy again man.”

“Darryl,” Jason stopped when he got choked up. “You have no idea what this means to me.”

“Bout time I get to repay you for what you’ve done for me.” Darryl answered. “Go before we both start crying like girlie men.”

Darryl almost didn’t get the last word out. His eye got wider and he appeared about to apologize.

“Dude, if you treat me different I will kick the shit out of you.” Jason shook his head. “Girlie man.”

Jason danced out of the way of Darryl’s punch as they both laughed.

“Watch it D,” Jason warned. “My boyfriend can kick your ass without breaking a sweat.”

It took an effort to say, ‘my boyfriend,’ but he managed to get it out.

“Peter isn’t going to fight your battles mate,” Darryl laughed. “You better start taking lessons if you’re gonna talk shit like that.”

Laughing as he walked, Jason made his way back to his room. If his mood was sour when he walked in the door, it was decidedly upbeat when he left ten minutes later. Finally he could have a normal relationship with Peter. Almost normal, they still couldn't do too much together around school. He could live with that so long as they could be together whenever they wanted.