Button - 3. Three to a Bed

Three to a Bed

“So what did the lawyer say?” Craig asked putting down the magazine as Graham crawled into the bed with him.

“Well, you were wrong about me becoming Button’s parent when we get married,” Graham sighed. This was much more complicated than he’d imagined. He’d been planning their wedding when this hitch came up. It all started when the photographer explained how adopting his stepdaughter had been a nightmare.

“That sounds like bullshit,” Craig said, his bluster coming to the forefront.

“I know. Aimee is still Button’s mom, legally. I can’t adopt him unless she agrees to give up her parental rights or a court removes her.”

“Why can’t you just adopt him without telling her? She abandoned him for fuck’s sake,” Craig said.

“Daddy, up?” they heard and Graham looked angrily at Craig.

“I told you to stop swearing in front of him.”

“Come ‘ere then Button,” Craig said and leaned over to pull him onto the bed with them. Button snuggled himself between the two men and into Graham’s side.

“As a parent, she must be informed about any proceedings,” Graham explained.

“Why can’t we just add you as an adoptive parent? You’ve been a father to him almost three years now, as long as me,” Craig asked carefully brushing Button’s hair. He had a mean cowlick on the top and it always tried to stand straight up.

“Minnesota only allows two people as parents.”

“That’s bull-er-crap,” Craig modified his response. “I’d think more people as parents would be better for a kid.”

“I asked, Chandler said there are two reasons why they only allow two people to be a child’s parents, legally. One reason is traditionally it’s only two. The other is more complicated. He said sociologically two parents must come to a consensus when making decisions for a child. With more than two, it would be a majority vote on what to do. That would leave a parent out,” Graham explained. It was far more intricate than he thought necessary but the lawyer had been pretty sure of himself.

“I’m worried if we contact Aimee, if we could even find her, she might try to involve herself again,” Craig mused. “I don’t want her messing him up.”

“I know. Maybe its best we leave well enough alone,” Graham said. Not being Button’s father legally worried him. But, since the engagement, it didn’t seem as pressing a matter. If for some reason he couldn’t be with Button, his mother was right. It would kill him.

“Let’s just let it be for now,” Craig said kissing the top of Button’s head and then kissing Graham. “I don’t want to rustle up any trouble.”

“Okay,” Graham said quietly. He knew this was the best he could hope for, for now.

“On a happier note, did you sign the contract with the photographer?”

“I did. The cake is ordered. I’m having Jason do the flowers. We just need a place to have it and a caterer,” Graham said snuggling closer to Button.

“Papa, eat?” Button said into his father’s shirt.

“Somebody’s hungry,” Graham said giggling.

“Somebody’s always hungry. Should Daddy make tacos?” Craig said tickling Button’s little sides. The boy giggled and squirmed between them.

“Daddy, stop. Tacos,” the little boy sat up nodding. “Tacos yummy.”

“Okay, I better get our boy fed then,” Craig said sliding off the bed. “Don’t tickle Papa! Whatever you do, don’t tickle him.”

On cue, Button immediately attacked Graham sending the man into gales of laughter. “Stop it. Craig, I’ll get you for this.”

Craig was already in the hallway heading toward the kitchen, chuckling all the way.

***********************

Graham watched as Button toddled toward the sandbox. He stopped at the edge, pail in one hand and scoop in the other. Watching the other three year old kids jump the edge and dive into the sand, Button looked unsure and squinted to his Papa. Graham nodded encouragement. Button set his tools into the sand and then sat down on the edge, swinging his legs across.

Graham made a note to himself to get Button to the eye doctor. His pediatrician thought his eyesight might be a problem.

“Which one is yours?” a woman asked sitting next to him on the park bench.

“The little boy with the pail and shovel sitting on the edge of the sandbox,” Graham answered.

“How cute!” she exclaimed. “What’s he, two or so?”

“He turned three a couple of months ago,” Graham answered, his teeth set on edge. People always assumed Button was much younger than he was. It irked him.

“Oh, he’s so little,” she said. “Mine is three as well, the little girl, Josie, with the braids over by the slide. “She’s quite the dancer already.”

“Oh, that’s nice,” Graham said and watched as the little girl climbed the three steps to slide down into the soft sand. Button was just barely walking and his talking was limited to a few words and expressions. Seeing the other children Button’s age chatter and run made him want to sulk. This woman wasn’t helping his mood.

“I’m Nancy, pleased to meet you,” she said holding out her hand and smiling broadly. Graham hesitated because the sting still hurting but then reached out and shook her hand. She hadn’t meant anything by her remark. Button was small. It didn’t matter. He was perfect the way he was.

“I’m Graham. Did you just move to this neighborhood?”

“We did. My partner Sally and I moved here from Washington, Tacoma to be exact. You live here with your wife?” she asked politely but Graham could see she was fishing.

“Craig and I moved here earlier this year. It’s our first house, right down the block from this park,” Graham said giving her what she was looking for.

“Oh good. My gaydar wasn’t as off as I had thought,” she said with a sigh. “We’d heard this neighborhood was pretty open and friendly.”

“It is. The old couple next door brought us a cake with the words “His and His and His” on it. Pretty funny!” Graham answered.

“That’s good. We just didn’t know for sure, being in a new place,” Nancy said. “So, tell me about the neighborhood.”

Graham told Nancy about which bakery was the best, the easiest driving route to Southdale, and of course which hair salon was the best and cheapest. The two chatted easily for some time and then Button appeared before them.

“Papa, owie,” he said holding out a scratch on his hand. Graham took out a tissue and gently cleaned it with some spit. He kissed Button on the forehead and the little boy toddled back to his pail and scoop.

“So, he’s special needs huh?” Nancy said her voice low. “I think that’s pretty cool of you.”

“Button isn’t special needs,” Graham barked. “He’s just a late bloomer.”

“Of course. I’m sorry,” Nancy said uncomfortably. They sat in silence for a moment and then she said, “I heard Josie’s daycare aide tell someone about a special needs playgroup. It might do your son some good.”

Graham tried like hell to keep his temper in check. His face grew hot and finally he realized he couldn’t still his tongue. So, he got up, marched over to Button, grabbed him and his pail and raced from the park.

“Papa, home?” Button asked. “Papa mad?” he said, his face looking scared.

“Yes Button, we are going home. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad that some people make assumptions about others. Assumptions they think will help people,” Graham huffed and walked home quickly. He made Button a snack and chewed on a pencil end fuming at Nancy and her helpful “suggestions.” It was hard enough to watch Button struggle with even the simplest playground tasks. Graham couldn’t imagine watching a whole park full of kids doing so.

He felt humiliated.

****************************

“I can’t stand the word ‘special’ anymore,” Graham ranted. “Everything that is ‘special’ now means something is wrong with them.”

“What exactly did this Nancy person say?” Craig was being remarkably calm given Graham’s outburst. Button had been put to bed and now the smaller man was giving his fiancé the story at the park.

“First of all, this nosy lesbian wanted to know how old Button was and then she started judging how small he is and how he walks. I hate fucking lesbians. They’re so bitchy,” Graham said his face reddening again.

“She asked how old Button was and that became judgmental?” Craig asked quietly. “Are you sure you’re not reading something else into it.”

“Of course I’m reading something into it. She said Button should go to a ‘special’ playgroup like he’s not good enough for the regular one.”

Craig got up and hugged Graham tight. He was breathing hard and hot angry tears splashed onto Craig’s shirt.

“I feel like I’m doing this all wrong,” Graham cried. “It’s poor Button who has to live with my mistakes.”

“Whoa, Gray, what does that mean?” Craig said leaning back and wiping the man’s tears away. “You’re doing exactly what the pediatrician has suggested. We both are. We read to him all the time. We take him places and joined a playgroup. You’ve read about a million books about his delayed development. Don’t blame yourself honey.”

Graham sniffled and looked at Craig. “You’re right. We should be blaming his mother for getting all drunk and drugged up during his pregnancy. It’s that bitch Aimee’s fault he’s having trouble.”

“Calm down Gray. We don’t know that either. It could be that my genes are the problem. Maybe something else happened when she was pregnant. She could’ve had an illness or it could just be something no one could anticipate. Besides, it doesn’t help to blame her,” Craig said. Seeing Graham calming down, he could see the pain on his face.

“You know, I’ve been reading some of those books you bought,” Craig said. “In one of them a Russian dude, Vig-something said that children develop best in the area where they are okay at things and challenged on others.”

“It’s Vygotsky. You’re talking about the ‘zones of proximal development’. What does that have to do with Button and that bitchy lesbian?” Graham snorted.

“Maybe a group that isn’t developing as quickly would be good for Button. If he plays with kids who also struggle with things, it’s possible he’ll feel more comfortable and gain some confidence. I don’t know. It’s worth a shot,” Craig said moving his boyfriend toward the couch. As soon as he had Graham seated he caressed his cheek. “What do you think?”

“I guess we could ask his pediatrician. I just don’t want people calling Button stupid or slow,” Graham said. “I’m really trying.”

“I know you are and so am I. Trust me, I’ve beaten myself up about it lots of times. You know that. You helped me get through that. Please, let’s just consider it,” Craig kissed Graham and he could feel the tension ease from his boyfriend’s lips.

“Thanks for that. You always make me feel better,” Graham said as he pulled away. “I don’t know why I let people get me all upset. It’s just difficult when people judge him and look at me like I did something wrong.”

“We’re both doing the best we can. He’s a very happy little boy and you’re one of the main reasons why. Button simply adores his Papa,” Craig said. “And his Daddy really loves him too.”

Graham blushed and cuddled up to Craig. “Wanna go to bed a little early tonight?”

“Sure, got something else on your mind?” Craig teased and brushed across Graham’s lap. “Wait a second. You do have something on your mind and I’m going to help you with that.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Graham said and kissed Craig with a growl coming up from his throat.

******************

Dr. Ramp, Button’s pediatrician, had fully endorsed the idea of the little guy joining a special needs playgroup. He told Graham it wouldn’t hurt anything regardless and perhaps Button would gain some confidence around other kids like him. The doctor gave the two men a list of playgroups in south Minneapolis for them to contact and research. Graham found there was a group that met at the same park they always went to but at an earlier time. He told Craig that was good because then Button wouldn’t know it was a “special” group and therefore it couldn’t hurt his feelings.

Craig knew it was Graham’s feelings that were in play, not Button’s. But, he’d learned to edit his sentiments around his boyfriend in this regard. He didn’t want to feel the full extent of Graham’s wrath.

When Graham and Button got to the park, he saw a group of parents at the picnic table. He approached them tentatively but a very loud, very big woman greeted him warmly.

“Get over here. I’m Natalie. We talked on the phone, Graham, right?”

“Yeah, and this is-“

“That must be Button. How are you my dear?” she said and crouched low to address the little guy. Button grasped Graham’s leg as hard as he could. Natalie was kind of scary.

“No need to worry about me. I wouldn’t hurt a fly,” the large woman said heaving herself up. “Come, meet the others.”

Graham was quickly, and warmly, greeted by the other parents assembled. Not one of them used the word “special” for which the man was incredibly relieved. They had filled the table with snacks and the kids were all on the playground engaged in various tasks. Some seemed to be more successful than others but all the kids were laughing.

“Button, would you like to play in the sandbox?” Graham asked him. Button, still traumatized by Natalie, shook his head no.”

“Let’s just get comfortable first,” Natalie said and called out, “Andy get your butt over here.”

Graham watched as a little boy, as small as Button, came staggering over to them. He had black hair and pale skin and as he neared, Graham noticed his upper lip looked a little, well, off. Instead of having the indentation below his nose his upper lip was smooth. He also had a kind of squint to his eyes. Little Andy was all smiles though. Button seemed to perk up as he approached.

“Button, this is my boy Andy. He can show you the ropes around here if you’d like.”

Button looked up at Graham. “Papa o-tay?”

“Yes, you can go with Andy. It’s okay. I’ll be right here,” Graham said with relief. Button had never shown much interest in making friends. He was pretty solitary in his play. Already there seemed to be a good reason for joining this group. If it helped Button socialize a little more, it couldn’t be all bad.

“He’s a little stunner isn’t he?” Natalie said. Andy had taken Button’s hand and they toddled over to the sand box. Andy watched as Button sat on the side and swung around. Then he did the same.

“Mommy sand!” Andy cried out. “Got in!” He seemed genuinely thrilled at this.

“My gosh, your little one just taught my boy the trick of getting in. Will wonders never cease,” Natalie said grasping Graham’s hand. “He couldn’t quite step over the side. I always had to lift him.”

Graham could see tears in the woman’s eyes. It made him feel a little teary too but in a great way.

“He’s never gotten into the sandbox by himself?” Graham asked.

“Not until your boy just showed him the trick,” Natalie cried. “Oh my gosh!”

Graham watched as the two boys dug into the sand and let it fall through their fingers. They seemed to be talking as well. Whatever it was, Button was laughing and Andy did so as well.

“It’s hard isn’t it?” Natalie said. “Every day I wake up and hope it’s just a dream. I think of how everything Andy does is a challenge and it’s all because of me.”

“I don’t understand,” Graham said. “How is a birth defect your fault?”

“I’m an alcoholic. I did this to him and when we go to the doctor or I watch him try to walk and talk, it just slices me into pieces,” Natalie said. “Sorry, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m just that kinda gal I guess.”

“So Andy has FASD?” Graham asked. He’d tried so hard to hide his suspicions it had never occurred to him someone would confess it to another.

“Yep, I drank myself stupid while I carried him and now he pays the price for my sins,” Natalie said with a sigh. “But I’m on the wagon now and as they say, you gotta live up to the consequences.”

“I’m sorry,” Graham said softly. This brash woman was teaching him a lot about himself. He’d just torn himself apart about poor Button and this woman faced the actual results of her behavior every day. Graham was humbled by her attitude.

Maybe it was time for him to come out of the closet about what Button was experiencing.

“The worst part is he also has heart problems. Andy’s had two surgeries already. His delayed development is a challenge but he can’t really exert himself much either. That’s tough on a boy. I tell you one thing though. Andy is the happiest child on earth and every dang day I thank God he gave him to me,” Natalie said her eyes shining brightly.

“He’s a really good kid. Button seems to really like him,” Graham said.

“He’s the best thing that ever happened to me,” Natalie said. She wiped her eyes. “Enough of that. Welcome to the group. I better get the games organized,” and with that the large woman was gone.

Graham mulled what the woman had told him. It was heartbreaking to hear.

“So, the welcome wagon told you her story huh?” a man about Graham’s age said. He was tall and heavy set grinning from ear to ear. “It’s like a baptism by fire with Natalie. She’s like a missionary spreading the word that it isn’t the kids who are flawed, it’s us.”

“She was certainly open with telling her story,” Graham said looking up at the man. “Why is that?”

“Natalie told me it was her way of paying Andy back for the wrong she’d done to him. It’s her own Step Nine,” he said. “I’m Richard by the way.”

“Graham’s mine. What is Step Nine?”

Richard looked around and leaned over to the smaller man. “Step Nine of the Twelve Steps of AA. She’s not the only one here who has problems.”

With that Richard nodded a farewell and headed toward the swing set and a little boy who couldn’t get up onto the seat.

Graham watched Button and Andy for a while and then brought the little pail, shovel, and plastic truck over to them. Button looked up at him and grinned, a thoroughly happy and excited one. “Papa, fwiend!” he said hugging Andy.

Andy looked up at Graham and said, “Wiend” hugging Button back.

Graham went back and sat and thought about what he’d seen. He couldn’t wait to tell Craig.

******************

As they said their goodbyes and began leaving the park, Graham saw Nancy and her little girl Josie come from the street. He waved to them but Nancy hung her head and hurried Josie.

“Nancy please, let me talk to you,” Graham said and picked Button up. He trotted toward the two of them as Nancy cringed at his approach.

“Nancy, about the other day-“

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. That was rude of me,” the woman gushed. “I feel terrible.”

“Don’t be. You were right and I was being an ass, errr, an especially sensitive person. I’m glad you said what you did. It got Craig and me talking and we decided to try this group,” Graham said.

“How was it?” Nancy asked, relief settling on her face.

“It was great. Button made a friend even. He never really did that with the regular playgroup,” Graham said. “I wanted to apologize for blaming you. I really should thank you for being so blunt.”

“Don’t tell my wife that. I’d never hear the end of it.”

“I won’t. But, maybe we could have you over for dinner some night. You must not know many people here yet,” Graham asked. He hadn’t planned on the invite, but given his reaction, this might be a good way to make some new friends.

“I think we’d like that. I’ll talk to Sally. That would be fun.”

And with that, Graham and Button headed back towards their house. Graham noted both of them were on the way to making new friends.

“Should we make Daddy’s favorite tonight?”

“Tacos!” Button said proudly.

“Yes tacos.”