Button - 18. Eighteen Wheeler

Eighteen Wheeler

“Are you ready for this? We don’t have to do it now. We can wait. I don’t mind,” Button said trying to catch his breath.

“No, I’m ready. I’ve been ready for a while and I think it’s time,” Mirabelle puffed. The excitement was plain on her face.

“If you’re sure,” Button said with his heart racing.

“Let’s do this,” Mirabelle said grabbing Button’s hand as they ran across the street into the tattoo parlor. They were getting matching tattoos, small ones. Both were getting a heart wrapped in barbed wire on their left hips.

The idea came from Petey and Josie. They got their names on each other’s back. It was so sweet. When Button brought it up to Pop, he laughed at them.

“Craig will never go for it,” he snorted.

Button thought for sure Pop would have a cow and his dad would cave.

“Dad won’t care,” Button said frowning. “I’m eighteen so I can do it if I want.”

“That’s true but I know your father and he’s going to go through the roof.”

In the end, Graham was right as usual. Craig had refused to hear it but not for the reason Button supposed.

“If you want to kill a relationship, get your names tattooed on each other. It’s like couples’ poison,” his dad said. “Dumb idea.”

Button thought for a moment. His dad was pretty superstitious. “What if it’s just a matching one without words?”

“It’s a stupid idea,” Craig growled. “But it’s not as bad as names would be.”

In the end, after Mirabelle’s eighteenth birthday, they both decided to do it.

***************

As the tattoo artist put the last barb on the wired heart, Button heard his phone buzz. Mirabelle was still waiting to get hers done, so he ignored it. It was probably Petey or Andy asking about how it went.

When it was finished, Button and Mirabelle listened to the care instructions. Mirabelle was about ready to get into the chair when her phone rang.

“Can you get that?” she asked settling into the chair.

“Hello,” Button said.

“You have to come to the hospital right away Button. It’s Andy,” he heard his pop say. His voice was very somber. “It’s bad.”

“Shit. Mirabelle we have to do this another time. Andy’s in the hospital,” Button said loudly. “Pop said it was bad.”

“Let’s go,” she said getting out of the chair.

***********************

When they got to the hospital, Petey and Josie were arguing with the front desk lady. For some reason she wouldn’t give them the room number.

“Guys. I’ll call Pop. He’ll know,” Button said pulling on Petey’s arm.

“I told you to call Graham. You had to make trouble with them instead,” Josie sniped at the red haired boy.

“Our friend’s in the hospital and all you can do is hound me,” Petey snorted. “You’re getting to be like your mom, bitchy and snotty.”

“Don’t you bring my mom into this. I’m telling you Peter Jesse Simon I’m tired of the way you treat me,” Josie said sharply.

“Would you two settle down?” Button said. “I want to see Andy.”

“Fine,” Petey said walking away from the group. “Where to?”

After Button called Graham, they headed towards the ICU heart unit. Andy had a bad heart attack and was in critical condition. While talking to his pop on the phone, Button could hear Brent crying in the background. It surprised him though Brent was pretty sensitive.

“Mirabelle, Josie,” he said as they got off the elevator. “Brent sounds pretty upset. Do you want to talk to him? Help him cope?”

“Of course,” Mirabelle said. She kissed Button softly. “He’s not going to take this well.”

Josie turned to Petey. “I’m sorry I got upset. We need to be here for Brent and Natalie now.”

Petey nodded.

The four of them walked into the waiting room. It was terrible.

Graham was holding Brent in his arms. The boy was crying softly into his shirt. Natalie was sitting quietly with Craig, her face was ashen. She looked up as they entered but didn’t say a thing. Her eyes were empty, dead, with none of the usual liveliness they always had. It was the look on Natalie’s face that made Button realize his best friend might not make it.

They knew this was coming. They all did though they never spoke of it.

“I can’t lose him,” Brent said sniffling. “I just can’t.”

“It’s okay. He’s stabilizing now the doctor said. We’ll get to see him soon enough,” Graham murmured to him. “Don’t give up hope okay?”

Brent nodded and then saw the girls. He let go of Graham and ran over to Josie’s arms. “What am I going to do?” he said.

Josie held him and Mirabelle hugged his back.

Button felt numb, like this couldn’t be happening.

Andy was his best friend, his confidante, his rock. As upset as Brent was, Button was petrified. No one was supporting him. Pop had walked away from Brent and had gone over to console Natalie. Almost seamlessly, Dad had left Andy’s mom and was talking to Brent, Mirabelle and Josie.

What’s with that? Sure Brent and Andy had become best buds. Andy had let Button know a few months ago that the two of them were now best friends. Since his birthday party, Andy and Brent were inseparable though hardly a couple. When the gang got together, Andy would joke around with the guys while Brent would hang out with the girls.

At first Button had felt some pangs of jealousy but Andy had quickly dismissed those fears. The two of them had a lot in common. Both of them loved to watch comic book movies and read far too much. Brent was always the one to pick up Andy and bring him to things. They liked to hang out. That’s all it was. Andy and Brent maybe kissed or something but it didn’t really mean anything.

Button sat down in a chair and watched the group talking amongst one another while he was left alone stewing in fear.

A white coat clad man came into the waiting room. Button looked up expectantly. It was clear something was happening, finally. Mirabelle gravitated to his side sitting right next to him and clasping his hand. He could hardly feel it.

“Andy’s awake and the medications are working, for now,” the man said. “He can see people but he’s really tired so only two at a time please. He’s asked for you Mrs. Johnson and for a guy named Brent. After you see him, I’ll do some more tests and then we’ll try and let the rest of you visit with him briefly. He’s stable but we’re keeping him in the ICU for now.”

Button started weeping silently. Mirabelle pulled his hand up and kissed it. “Are you okay?” she asked.

“Why doesn’t he want to see me?” he muttered.

“I’m sure he does. We’ll just have to wait our turn,” she said kissing him. Her lips were like salve, covering his heart with warmth and comfort. It ached a little less with her presence and Button felt he needed her right next to him. At least with her near, he wasn’t falling to pieces.

Brent and Natalie followed the doctor down the corridor.

“How are you doing honey?” he heard Pop ask. Button looked up and saw his fathers hovering over him.

“I’m okay I guess. I knew this was coming I just didn’t know it would be so hard,” he choked out.

“Andy’s gonna be okay I think. They wouldn’t have made an announcement if they thought he wasn’t going to make it,” his dad said crouching down. “He’s awake and asking for his mom so it can’t be all bad.”

“Why didn’t he ask for me?” Button asked, his eyes filled with sadness.

“You’ll get to see him,” Craig said. “Just be patient. This is very sudden.”

“It’s okay Button,” Mirabelle said kissing him again. “I’m here.”

It was better. Having her lips against his, her front pressed against his side was reassuring. She was so warm and soft, her curves fitting against him perfectly. Dad and Pop laid their hands on him. Button felt the painful tension begin to ease. Andy would be fine. He had to be okay.

He needed him.

Natalie and Brent returned and the group approached them.

“Can we have a minute alone?” Natalie asked, her eyes begged for acceptance.

“Take your time,” Craig said and herded the others away from the pair.

Button sat back down and watched as Natalie whispered to Brent. The slim boy shuddered and nodded as her words hit him. What the hell were they talking about? Jealousy was again twisting his insides. Andy was his oldest friend. Button suppressed the feelings but it wasn’t easy.

Natalie stood in front of them, Brent next to her his hand in hers, she took a deep breath.

“Andy’s heart is enlarged and it put a strain on the blood vessels feeding it. The scars from his earlier surgeries are causing complications. They’ve got it under control right now. He’s very tired but he’s awake. He wants to see Button.”

Button’s tears fell unimpeded. Natalie sounded so wooden, like she was talking about someone other than her son. Brent’s theatrics from before were gone. He was smiling grimly and stood close to her side. He was nodding along with her comments.

“Can we go in to him?” Pop asked her.

Natalie gave him one quick nod of assent. “Just make it brief.”

Button took his fathers hands in his and walked down the hallway. There were so many machines lined up against the empty walls. The sting of medicine assaulted him.

They paused at the doorway to Andy’s room and looked through the window. Andy was hooked up to so many machines like the ones they’d passed. It reminded Button of scenes from Star Trek; The Next Generation. Andy looked like one of the Borg. It was creepy.

Graham pushed the door open and pulled them in. Andy’s eyes opened as they entered.

“Hey,” he said hoarsely. “Button did you get the tattoo?”

Craig chuckled as they neared the bedside. “Yeah, what he asked.”

“I got it but you saved Mirabelle from getting hers,” Button said. It was hard seeing his friend like this but it wasn’t the first time.

“Can I see it?” Andy asked his eyes twinkling.

“Sure,” Button said. He pulled the waistband of his track pants down an inch. Carefully, he pulled back the gauze covering the artwork so his friend could see it.

“That’s cool looking,” Andy said softly. He gestured with his hand. “I want a tattoo now.”

“How are you feeling?” Graham asked him. Button could hear the tremor in his pop’s voice.

“I feel like I got hit by a truck,” Andy said evenly. “Button, remember that movie where the guy got hit by the semi, the eighteen wheeler and flew out of his shoes.”

Button smiled in remembrance. Andy and he had watched the scene over and over. It was ridiculous because afterwards the guy got up off the pavement and searched for his shoes. They’d laughed about it over and over.

“Yeah. I remember,” he finally said.

“I know what the guy felt like. That’s what it feels like.”

Button stepped forward and took Andy’s hand. “Are you okay?”

“I’m really tired but I wanted to see you,” Andy said. His hand was limp in Button’s. But, it was warm and dry. Years ago, Andy’s hand had felt cold, clammy even. Perhaps this wasn’t as bad as before.

“Craig?” he said softly. “I need to ask a favor.”

“Sure,” Button said getting closer to his friend. “What is it?”

“When, if I’m gone, you’ll take care of him.”

“You’re gonna be fine,” Button whispered to him. Hearing Andy’s request hurt so badly. He was worried about Brent. This wasn’t just a ‘best friends’ thing. Button realized he’d blocked the whole thing out and tears gushed down his face again.

“Promise me,” Andy said closing his eyes. “He’ll need you. You gotta promise me.”

“Okay,” Button said awkwardly. “Just get better, k?”

Andy nodded slightly. He looked more at peace.

“We’re praying for you honey,” Craig said softly. “I’ve been praying since I heard you got sick again.”

“Thank you,” Andy said and closed his eyes. “I just needed to see you guys. I’m pretty tired now.”

“We’ll let you get some rest,” Graham said. He leaned over and kissed Andy’s forehead. Button watched as Andy’s breathing became slower, more relaxed.

“We should go,” Craig said nodding at Pop. “He’s out of it.”

“I don’t wanna go,” Button said. He could hear the whine in his voice but he felt so horrible. What made him feel worse was he didn’t want to stay. All he wanted to do was run back to Mirabelle and hold her. He wanted her to tell him Andy would be fine. He needed her voice to soothe him.

As they left, Button heard Andy weakly cough. “I need Brent,” he said. “Please ask him to come back.”

Button’s pang of jealousy was back but it wasn’t as bad as before. His need to get away and find Mirabelle had changed it somehow.

“I’ll tell him. He’s in the waiting room,” Button answered.

“I miss him,” Andy said drowsily. “I need him here.”

Button looked up at his fathers who were looking at him, gauging his reaction.

“I don’t think I could keep him away,” Button said. The jealousy was gone that instant. The balance of emotions was altered by Andy’s words. Everything changed. Everything.

After they got to the waiting room, Natalie and Brent’s faces looked up as if in sync. “How is he?” Brent asked, his voice cracking.

“He wants to see you Brent,” Button answered. “Take care of him will you?”

Brent got out of the chair and walked quickly towards the hallway. He paused for a second and turned. “Thank you Craig. I’m not sure I…”

“Go to Andy,” Button said lowering his eyes. “He needs you now.”

Button sat next to Mirabelle and laid his head on her shoulder. She took his hand in both of hers. They sat there quietly as if no one else was around.

“How long?” Button whispered into her ear.

“How long what?” she murmured back to him.

“How long have they been together like that?”

Mirabelle chuckled and kissed his forehead. “Since your last birthday party silly. Didn’t you know?”

Button shook his head against her shirt. “It was always me,” he said. “All the other times he’s been in the hospital, it’s always been me he needed.”

Mirabelle sighed. “He’s got Brent now. He’s had him for quite some time.”

“I didn’t know,” Button said. “He never told me.”

“You didn’t see the signs?” Mirabelle asked.

Button nuzzled her and put his arms around her. “They never kissed or held hands.”

“Andy never wanted to make it a big deal,” she said. “They’re in love Button. They’ve been in love for quite a while.”

“I’m glad. It’s a relief,” Button said pulling away. “Andy was so afraid he’d die alone. He’s got someone to love.”

“Yeah. But he’s got you too. You just need to let him know.”

“I’ve been a bad friend.”

“No, you’ve been a good friend to him. He’s gonna pull out of this,” Mirabelle said. “You’ll see.”

And he did.

************************

Six weeks later…

“You were looking at her,” Josie said angrily. Her hands were clenched in fists of rage as she confronted Petey at his locker. “I saw you flirting with her.”

“I was just talking with Carmel. I don’t want her,” Petey said but he wouldn’t look at her.

“Why would you do that to me?” she shuddered with disgust. “I’m getting so sick of you.”

“You’re smothering me,” Petey yelled back. “God, just leave me the fuck alone!”

“You two need to chill,” Button said closing his locker. “I mean, jeez.”

He looked down the school hallway and saw Andy and Brent walking hand in hand towards them. Since his best bud got out of the hospital, the two of them were acting like a couple. Andy kissed Brent when they separated. They held hands and whispered together. It was like a whole new thing. He’d never seen Andy happier and any residual jealousy had flown away. Brent was good for him, and good to him.

“Guys. Andy and Brent are coming so can the talk,” he said to Petey and Josie. “I don’t get you two. What’s going on?”

“You know,” Josie sniped to her boyfriend. “Jamar is single again and I think he’s totally hot.”

Petey looked at her with fury, his face growing redder by the second. “If you think…”

“Hey guys,” Button interrupted as Andy and Brent neared. “How was your chemistry quiz?”

“I aced it,” Brent said brightly.

“I did okay,” Andy said putting his arm around the smaller boy. “I’m just glad it’s over.”

“Guess the basket case is out of the hospital again,” they all heard someone say. They turned and saw a smirking Kevin Dooley hovering behind them.

“Shut up Kevin,” Brent snapped.

“I don’t think so tramp,” Kevin said back. “It’s a free country.”

“Just ignore him,” Andy said kissing Brent’s nose. “He’s not worth it.”

“I still can’t believe my old pal is boinking some special ed loser,” Kevin said loudly. “It’s disgusting.”

“Don’t you have some basketball player to lie under?” Button said quickly.

“Yeah Kevin. Isn’t there a dark corner you need to lurk in?” Petey said with a smirk.

“Have you worn out your last set of knee pads yet Kevin?” Josie growled.

Kevin turned red at the assault. Brent pulled Andy closer and scowled at him.

“Just keep moving bitch,” Button said. “We don’t have time for your skeezy ass comments.”

“You two are nasty,” Kevin said but he marched down the hall away from the group.

“I’m sick of people like…”

And that’s when it hit.

Button watched as Andy’s face became ashen. He’d always thought people having heart attacks would clutch at their hearts, like in the movies. Andy didn’t. He just got a very faraway look in his eyes. It was like he couldn’t see anything.

Andy started to slump forward but Brent’s arms were around him so his body swayed instead. Then, his knees started to buckle. It was happening so quickly but in Button’s eyes it took an eternity. His best friend slid from between Brent’s grasp onto the floor.

“Call 911,” he heard himself scream out. Josie’s mouth was an ‘O’. Petey was reaching for Andy as his head cracked against the floor.

“NOoooooo!” Brent shrieked. “You promised.”

Button fell to his knees and took Andy’s head in his hands. “Andy, you alright?” he asked.

“I can’t see anything. It’s so gray and…”

“Andy!” Button yelled. “We’ve got help coming.”

Brent was next to him. “We need to give him mouth to mouth.” He leaned over and pressed his lips to Andy’s. Andy wasn’t responding.

“Get back,” Brent hissed. He started chest compressions but the vacant look in Andy’s eyes told Button everything he needed to know. His friend was gone. That didn’t stop Brent though. He was pounding on his chest and giving him breaths of air. Button sat back on his haunches and watched in despair. A conversation they’d had just a couple of weeks ago came back to him. It was too much.

“I don’t think I’ll survive another eighteen wheeler heart attack like that,” Andy said. “You have no idea how much it hurts.”

“You can’t do that. You can’t give up,” Button said. “We need you. Brent needs you. I need you.”

Andy looked at him sadly. “I’ll try. I really will but I don’t think I can keep the promise I made to Brent if it happens again.”

“You’ve been through this before,” Button said. “You’ve been through worse than this one and lived. You’re gonna be fine.”

“Don’t forget to take care of him if it happens. Brent’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“I will,” Button said. “It’s not gonna come to that. Okay?”

“Sure,” Andy answered but his voice was so soft and distant.

Andy Johnson was gone.

****************

Button could feel Sarah next to him. She was talking about Andy but the words didn’t make any sense. All he could do was watch as Dad and Pop walked around and finished getting things together. It was so strange how Pop would hand Dad something and without a word he’d take it and finish the task. They weren’t big things, just tiny insignificant things.

Like handing him an empty juice glass.

Pop picked up the glass and handed it to him. Dad took it from him and placed it in the dishwasher. Then, Dad approached Pop and fixed his collar so it laid flat. They never said a word. It was like a dance. The two communicated their intentions with their eyes not with words. Button couldn’t figure out how they did it.

Dad kissed Pop as he adjusted his tie. He made the knot tighter and more even. Pop smiled at him and that was all.

“Is Brent okay?” he finally heard something come from Sarah he could understand.

“He’s a wreck,” Button said. His voice sounded empty. There was nothing left inside.

“We should have him over,” Sarah said and then she pulled his tie tighter. “He’s gonna need us.”

“He is,” Button said. “I promised Andy.”

“Mirabelle is here,” Pop said looking towards the front door. “Can you get the door?”

Button was on his feet and moving quickly. He opened the door and she was in his arms. For the first time today, he felt something. Mirabelle’s arms closed around him and he felt comfort.

“Thank you,” he said. “I needed that.”

“Me too,” she said hugging him back. “We’re going to need lots of this today.”

“Brent too,” Button croaked. “I promised him.”

“Brent too,” she said softly.

**********************

The church was pretty full when they got there. Button held Mirabelle’s hand tightly while his other grasped the game. They’d talked on the phone and everyone in the whole gang was going to bring something special to place in Andy’s coffin.

Mirabelle had a hat that Andy placed on her head at Button’s last birthday. Sarah had brought the book ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ because it was Andy’s favorite. Petey had a feather from camp that Andy put in his headband and Josie brought a baby jar full of sand from the park where the three of them had met.

Button brought the old paintball game that only he and Andy had ever played. He’d never play that game again. It would be too painful.

Brent wouldn’t tell them what he was bringing.

The whole family walked to the front to pay their respects. As Button stepped up to the coffin and looked in, he could see a necklace with a heart shaped pendant around Andy’s neck. He picked it up. There was a clasp on the side and he opened it. Inside the little heart was a miniature picture of Brent and Andy. Both boys were smiling broadly and a little note was tucked in the other side.

Button shuddered and closed the pendant again. He placed the game cartridge alongside his friend’s body next to a small box of Cocoa Puffs. Button wondered who put that there.

He sighed and watched as Mirabelle whispered farewell to him. Sarah followed and finally it was just Pop and Dad looking forlornly into the opening.

“He looks so peaceful,” Craig said brushing away a tear.

“He’s so young,” Graham sobbed.

“We were lucky to have him as long as we did.” They turned to see Natalie was standing there, all in black with a white handkerchief in one hand dabbing at her eyes. She looked very pale and her eyes were bloodshot. Behind her was Grandma T. She had a hand on Natalie’s shoulder.

“He was very special to us, like another son,” Graham said quickly moving in for a hug.

“He just had a shorter expiration date than most. We knew that. Hell, the doctors didn’t think he’d live past twelve. God gave him to me for a lot longer than that,” Natalie sniffled. “You’ve been good friends to him and I thank the stars you were there for him.”

“He’s the best friend I ever could’ve imagined,” Button croaked.

“Well, he loved you so much. Even after meeting Brent, he would prattle on about your exploits,” Natalie said. “You were very dear to him. You all were.”

Button hugged Natalie and then he and Sarah engulfed Grandma T in a double hug. “Take care of her,” Button whispered in her ear.

“I will,” she said smiling at them both. “I’m very proud of you two.”

Button stepped away from her and Mirabelle took his hand.

“I think Brent needs us now,” she whispered in his ear.

Button nodded. They walked over to the other side of the church. Brent was nestled in the front pew with his parents on either side. He wasn’t crying. He was staring at the coffin, his lips tight.

“Brent, are you doing okay?” Mirabelle asked reaching out to him.

Brent’s eyes never wavered from his stare.

“We’re here for you buddy,” Button said.

Brent’s eyes flickered for a moment. Then he sighed and shook his head. “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

“It’s gonna be okay,” Button said grasping his hand.

Brent just pulled away and stared again at the coffin.

**********************

“How do you guys do it?” Button asked Craig and Graham. The service had finished up hours ago and after lunch they’d sat around and talked about their memories of Andy. It had actually been kind of interesting how other people saw him.

Brent and his parents had left after the burial. He wasn’t handling it well.

“Do what?” Graham asked handing Craig a freshly washed and rinsed pot.

“Just do things together without talking about it,” Button said. “I’ve been watching you all day and you just work together like a machine.”

“I guess we’ve been together so long we know how the other’s gonna react,” his dad said with a smile. “Why?”

“Do you think Mirabelle and I will be like you guys some day?” he asked.

“Probably,” Pop chuckled. “This blonde doofus is pretty easy to predict.”

“I just say, ‘yes dear’ and do what he says,” Craig laughed.

“Pop doesn’t even tell you what to do. You just do it,” Button said. He cocked his head and looked at them washing the pots and pans without a word between them.

“I guess once you get into a routine, it just happens,” Graham said. “This isn’t about us finishing each other’s sentences is it?”

“No, I guess not,” Button said. “I just don’t know how it works, a relationship.”

“We’re best friends and partners,” Craig said. “We like being around each other but we also respect our differences.”

“What does that mean? Respect your differences?” Button asked.

They both seemed lost in thought for a minute. Then, Graham looked at Craig and he nodded.

“How many times have we had liver and onions?” Graham said. Craig was giggling.

“Yuck!” he said. “But I know you like it.”

“Exactly. Your dad can’t even stand the smell of it but I love liver. I gave up having liver at home but sometimes I can have it when we go out to eat. I’ve sacrificed that because I respect your dad’s sensitive nose,” Graham explained. “We’re a team and so we sometimes have to give up something to make it work.”

“What’s this all about?” his dad asked.

“Nothing. I was just wondering,” Button said and he went to his room.

******************

It was a week later before they saw Brent again. Button tried talking to him but he wouldn’t respond. He’d just scurry off to class or something. Josie had been calling him but he wouldn’t answer. Not even Sarah could get him talking and she could usually cajole him out of his moods.

He was avoiding them.

“If you don’t stop wearing that stupid bandana, I’m going to rip it off your head,” Josie said.

Petey tried to ignore her and just took another bite of his pizza.

Their fighting had only gotten worse since Andy’s death. It was annoying the entire group.

“He only wears it because I hate it,” Josie groused to Sarah. Button’s sister was only a freshman and usually ate at a different table but after the funeral, she was joining her brother’s friends more often.

“It’s not that big of a deal. If he wants to wear a frickin’ dew rag, let him. It doesn’t affect you.” Oscar sighed loudly.

“He’s making me the laughingstock of the senior class,” Josie said. “It’s bad enough I’m dating a junior, but does he have to be a total dork too.”

“I think my dad was right. Having your names tattooed on each other is like the kiss of death,” Button said taking a drink from his milk.

Josie and Petey looked at each other in a blank stare.

“I wish you’d stop bickering and realize how much you love each other. Someday you might lose the love of your life and then you’ll feel bad all the time. Like me.” They all turned to see who said that.

It was Brent. He’d quietly walked up on them. They were first words he’d spoken to them since Andy’s funeral.

“Join us,” Button said moving to the side on the bench and patting next to him. He gave Brent an encouraging smile.

“No. I’ve got something to say to you all first,” Brent said. He took a deep breath.

“The last thing I said to Andy before he died is he needed new clothes. I said he looked like a homeless person. I’d give anything to take those words back and tell him what I really felt. I’d tell him how much I loved him, how he made me feel special.” Brent paused to breathe. “He died in my arms and my last words to him were about his fucking shirt.”

The group looked down sheepishly from the impact of his words. Button looked up to see Brent was weeping and the tray he was holding was shaking.

“Josie, how would you feel if the last thing you said to Petey was he embarrassed you? And then he was gone forever.” Brent set the tray on the table but he didn’t sit down. He looked at them one at a time, his eyes gleaming with tears.

“I’m sorry Brent. I guess I’d feel pretty bad,” Josie answered. “I haven’t been thinking about how you feel.”

“You wanna know how I feel?” Brent said slowly through clenched teeth. “I’ve been pissed as hell at him. He promised he wouldn’t leave me and then he did.”

Nobody knew what to say to that.

After a long minute, Josie broke the silence. “He died Brent. He didn’t leave you.”

Brent closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. “I know that. I’m telling you how I feel not what happened. I was so mad at him because I’ve never felt more loved in my life. Andy made me feel like I was his whole world and I’ve been beating myself up for what I said to him. I’ve been mad at him for leaving me alone. Now, it’s over. I’m okay though it hurts so much sometimes I just start crying for no reason.”

The gang rushed him and held him tight. Button could feel Brent’s sobs coming deep from within. The guy was a wreck.

Button thought about the way things worked. Love wasn’t just an emotion. It was something so powerful you’d sacrifice part of yourself to keep it. Love was action not just feelings. It wasn’t just kisses or going out. Love was giving up things and doing things you didn’t want to do, sometimes.

Button wanted to rush out to his car and race to see Mirabelle. He needed to tell her, finally, that he loved her. He’d do anything for her. Button hadn’t wanted to admit it quite yet. He was afraid she’d go away if he did. Now, he thought he’d better do it before it was too late.