Children of the Dust - 8. Epilogue

Very good, very tight and extremely fast paced, it hit the required marks and makes me look about for some more. Thank you for sharing this little snippet.

On 6/8/2015 at 6:15 AM, Dathi said:

Very good, very tight and extremely fast paced, it hit the required marks and makes me look about for some more. Thank you for sharing this little snippet.

Thank you!

It was a struggle to limit the size of the chapter describing the plight of Amerasians in Vietnam and after they left the country. The story was about the package so it all had to get back to it, so a lot ended up on the cutting floor while editing.

Guess it worked, I'd rather leave a reader wanting more than bored because I went on too long.

Thanks for taking the time to comment!

On 06/09/2015 07:37 AM, Reader1810 said:

The chapters were few and not long in length. The fact that you were able to say so much with so few words is amazing.

Thanks!

The story's about 3,500 words, about the length of a normal chapter in my story Summer. Since each of the sections was distinctive enough, I liked the idea of separating them into chapters and titling each one.

Too often, stories get bogged down when an author starts rambling and delving into characters' thoughts too much. I have one editor who keeps telling me to simplify. Another one claims I give the essential information needed to tell the story and allow the reader to fill in some of the details using their imagination.

I do know my tales are the type you need to pay attention to, they're not good for speed reading. One of the reviewers of this one mentioned he was expecting something to happen and at the end I surprised them. My 3 or 4 words that led him to think he knew what was coming were probably missed by many. I'm so damn glad I was able to surprise at least one person!

I usually save my comments for personal conversations, but thought this particular one belonged here.
Excellent sir! Very well done! My only wish would be to learn how they got from a package @ mom's house to their children being married!

I really like how you crafted this story Carlos. The snippets of life in each short chapter was ideal, as were the components of that period of Vietnam. Well done.

On 06/09/2015 10:17 AM, Kitt said:

I usually save my comments for personal conversations, but thought this particular one belonged here.

Excellent sir! Very well done! My only wish would be to learn how they got from a package @ mom's house to their children being married!

Thank you!

You mean you wanted me to tell y'all about how Vince and Drew ended up in LA, living together and having children? Don't you like a little surprise twist at the end?

You, better than most, know I can always return to the scene of the crime. Look at what happened to the Furballs!

On 06/09/2015 10:19 AM, Defiance19 said:

I really like how you crafted this story Carlos. The snippets of life in each short chapter was ideal, as were the components of that period of Vietnam. Well done.

Thank you...

I think the format was different from anything I've done before, yet similar in a way. I like the idea of giving the reader a short burst of information, and then letting him or her digest what I wrote and fill in what I omitted by using their imagination.

I don't think a story is ever entirely the property of an author. It's always a collaboration with the reader, and the end result varies with each one. That is, if the author has done the job properly, and engaged the reader sufficiently.

This story as it is, worked for me. I get told I dont include enough details... not sure how the colour of the bathroom helps.. but whatever. Then of course there is all the show vs tell thing.
I liked this Carlos... and yeah I've read some about what vets went through.. awful. Now we call them warriors...
Thanks for a great read,

tim

On 9/27/2015 at 2:48 PM, Mikiesboy said:

This story as it is, worked for me. I get told I dont include enough details... not sure how the colour of the bathroom helps.. but whatever. Then of course there is all the show vs tell thing.

I liked this Carlos... and yeah I've read some about what vets went through.. awful. Now we call them warriors...

Thanks for a great read,

 

tim

Thanks, Tim.

The story started as a propmpt and as with most of the other responses I've written, it was an experiment.

I tried to focus on giving wide brushstrokes instead of details on this one. The general atmosphere of a baseball crazy town, of a city in the midddle of a war. The bathroom colors may have given the reader a clearer view of a specific place but that's not what I was shooting for here. I saw all those memories by both men to be fuzzy around the edges, enveloped in the fog of time.

You may have noticed it was entirely a narration except for the final chapter which was all dialogue. I tried to keep sex and sexual orientation out of it, wanting the reader to reach their own conclusion about the type of relationship the two men had over the intervening years.

Children of the Dust is my homage to survivors. Those who have battled the streets, the demons of any war--armed conflict or otherwise--and have come out in the other end to make a difference in the world.

The Vietnamese War divided the country, not somewhat unlike the present political situation.  I remember all the war dialogue and draft signup!  Most former soldiers ("warriors?") will not and DO NOT speak of their experiences over there.  It was brutal.  I agree and applaud you for addressing this issue which to me was and is a partial means to address this deplorable situation.  Can you imagine trying to "import" these Amerasian kids in the present contentious conditions -- it would NEVER happen due to "THEM" being NOT the "RIGHT" color,  facial featured, etc. individual.  What a travesty.  You have addressed this issue with integrity and compassion.  Thank You!

5 hours ago, Cowpuncher said:

The Vietnamese War divided the country, not somewhat unlike the present political situation.  I remember all the war dialogue and draft signup!  Most former soldiers ("warriors?") will not and DO NOT speak of their experiences over there.  It was brutal.  I agree and applaud you for addressing this issue which to me was and is a partial means to address this deplorable situation.  Can you imagine trying to "import" these Amerasian kids in the present contentious conditions -- it would NEVER happen due to "THEM" being NOT the "RIGHT" color,  facial featured, etc. individual.  What a travesty.  You have addressed this issue with integrity and compassion.  Thank You!

I read an article about Vietnamese-Australian kids which tugged at my heart strings. After a little research, I wrote Children of the Dust. Kids with a black GI as a father had even more difficulty than those with a white father.

For me the ending came too soon would have loved to read about their first meeting  and .....   children? How did they come about?

22 hours ago, mansexlover said:

For me the ending came too soon would have loved to read about their first meeting  and .....   children? How did they come about?

The story was inspired by an article I read. Although it has multiple chapters, it's a short story and as such certain things are left open for readers to imagine.

Hello Carlos!

I am not certain how I missed this story. It is back in what I assume is your early writing days. I liked the format: mostly narration and each chapter a bundle of information. I see a lot of what I think of as the characteristics of your writing. Your story blends facts and information into the narrative without them getting in the way. The characters you create tend to be appealing and I want to know them. Your dialogue is amazing and very realistic.  When you write descriptions you tell enough and don't drag it on. I'm sorry I got a little long winded. I mostly meant to say I really enjoyed this story! Thanks.

Jeff

12 hours ago, JeffreyL said:

Hello Carlos!

I am not certain how I missed this story. It is back in what I assume is your early writing days. I liked the format: mostly narration and each chapter a bundle of information. I see a lot of what I think of as the characteristics of your writing. Your story blends facts and information into the narrative without them getting in the way. The characters you create tend to be appealing and I want to know them. Your dialogue is amazing and very realistic.  When you write descriptions you tell enough and don't drag it on. I'm sorry I got a little long winded. I mostly meant to say I really enjoyed this story! Thanks.

Jeff

Thank you, Jeff.

This was one of my earliest efforts and compared to later works it's rough. But you're absolutely right; even back then I was fascinated with setting fictional stories in the real world and incorporating real-life events. I think between Solcar and Children of the Dust, I established myself as a historical fiction writer. So what if some of the history is only a couple of years in the past. LOL

Glad you enjoyed this one.