Toph's Empty Year - 7. Late November

Skirmishes.

I arrived home in the morning after work. I felt lucky to get here. My car didn’t want to wake up today. Not a first. I’d better visit my credit union again and plead my case!

Anders was arranging things in his attaché case, preparing to leave for work, when Gary came out of his room.

“Oh no. The axe suit. Are you about to fire that employee?”

“Not her. It’s someone else. Actually things seem slightly better with her. She’s looking at wedding books during lunch.”

I supposed if you were going to get married, things would seem to be ‘slightly better’ with you.

Finally, when they were safely on their way and I was all cozy in bed, my mind kept working. Instead of drifting off right away, I went back to the employee of Gary who was getting married. I’m not sure how I would feel about such a commitment myself. What if Steve proposed to me? What would I do? Not that it was legal to be married yet, but the handwriting was clearly on the wall. Gay marriage's time was about to come. Was I the type of person who would be compatible with married life?

I wanted to say, “No! Of course not.” But some things have been changing within me. I didn’t know exactly what it was, and I’m not sure Steve was the cause, at least not the sole cause. I really believe New Glory was the cause. People here were real. But I wasn't. At least not yet. The old Toph wasn’t real. I could see that plainly now. The new Toph isn’t here yet, at least I hoped not. There were fleeting moments when all my shields were down. I did enjoy those moments. But it was too difficult for me to live that way all the time. At least so far. I hope I’m making sense.

Back to Steve’s hypothetical proposal. I’m not sure what my response would be at this juncture in my life. Luckily, it would never happen, of course. We weren’t in such a relationship. At least not yet, and probably never. I don’t know. I hope I’m making sense.

But the thought did intrude until I fell into fitful sleep.

. . . . . . . .

Betty looked past me as she served my tea. “Oh-oh.”

Oh-oh slipped onto the stool next to me, the one Big Joe usually occupied.

Oh-oh smiled at me, then ordered a cup of coffee and “whatever he’s having.”

“Good afternoon, Niles.”

“Good afternoon, Toph. Do you mind if I sit here?”

I blushed, then whispered, “No.”

Niles broke into a broad smile. While I became lost in the moment and his smile, I noticed Big Joe claiming a stool several down, giving us just enough space for privacy.

“What brings you to town, Niles? Tracking some other poor refugee from Euphoria?”

“You, Toph. I came to see you.”

“Your mission?”

“I had to see you again. That’s all. It’s the entire mission.”

“Niles, just out of curiosity, did I ever meet you before you found me here? I have no recollection, but you seemed to know me somehow.”

“Yes.”

“I did?”

“Yes. See if you can guess.”

Our lunches arrived, delivered by a smirking Betty who winked at me and then returned to Big Joe. I could only imagine their conversation. Eating gave me the excuse and a little time to think.

“How old are you, Niles?”

“Twenty-five.”

That had me even more perplexed. It surely wasn’t at school. He certainly couldn’t have hung out in the same places my high school group did. Maybe we played tennis? But I would have remembered someone as stunning as Niles. There was only one connection I had to the remote world of twenty-five year-olds.

“Clarissa?”

“Good deduction, Toph. They weren’t kidding about your intelligence.”

“Niles, please tell me you’re not going to marry my sister!”

He laughed. “No Toph, I’m not going to marry Clarissa.”

“Whew! Now please fill in the details, I’m worn out from your little game.”

He laughed again. “I was part of Clarissa’s crowd, starting in high school. We even went to Princeton together. I was at your house a lot. I remembered you as kid of about eight or nine. I think it’s when I first met you. You always intrigued me. You were unlike any kid I’d ever met before. You were certainly nothing like my younger cousins. When we were in college, you were in high school. I saw you mature into an independent young man. I think, in a way, I admired your ability to be such a person in our type of community, where everyone grew up in sync. By the time you were a senior, you were also incredibly hot. When Clarissa mentioned your little exit scene, I contacted Nico. I knew you two were friends. Everybody in Floria knows all the Popendropolis connections. Nico was, of course, stunned and hired me on the spot. I would have found you for free, but no one can turn down a Popendropolis, or his money.” He smiled.

“Have you mentioned me to Clarissa?”

“Of course not. I would never do that to you. She is concerned though.”

“Unlikely. And you are here because?”

“I mentioned you were incredibly hot, did I not?”

“You’re looking for a roll in the hay?”

“That’s the last thing I’m looking for, Toph.”

“Hmm. Well, what do we to do next?”

“When we’re finished here, let’s take a walk to that park we enjoyed before. We’ll talk and get to know one another a bit more.”

We did.

The very first thing I explained was Steve. Niles was slightly disappointed, but we continued our little chat. At least I learned he worked for an influential law firm in the city as an investigator. He also did private work, hence Nico’s request.

He was interested in me, my painting, my gym and tennis. We had a short discussion of my apartment mates. Once he called Gary ‘Garrett’ for some reason. We finally completed our chat. Niles made no attempt to hit on me or hook up. That sort of made me happy. It demonstrated he was a decent guy. I was painfully aware he had previously admitted in both word and writing he was interested in me.

Niles gave me his card in the event I needed his services in the future. He didn’t make clear exactly which services he was referring to. I assumed he meant any I needed.

. . . . . . . .

“Steve?”

“Yes.”

“He looks cute.”

“Anders, you’re straight.”

“Then what should I say?”

“Mmmm. How about, the background color is too dark?”

Anders smiled. He was looking at the painting, which was nearing completion. Gary walked in.

I gave him a quick stare, then threatened. “If you say he’s cute, I’m going to throw this brush at you!”

“Don’t worry, I heard you with Anders. By the way, when are we going to meet this ‘cute’ fellow?”

“Never!”

Anders seemed hurt. “Why?”

“I like him too much. You guys are not nice”

They both came over to hug me from each side. I enjoyed these two more every day. We were constantly kidding and fooling around. I’d never had relationships like this before. I could honestly say we were becoming friends. It felt warm. It was so new to me. I always felt good being here. I wished this slice of my life could remain untouched forever.

I still wouldn’t trust them with Steve though. I didn’t believe Steve had the experience of using defensive shields. I was such a veteran of Euphoria, I could raise or lower them in a flash. Thankfully, I didn’t need them much anymore here, around my home, but from time to time they still protected me.

. . . . . . . .

“It’s a girl, Toph!”

No, no one had a baby. Naomi was simply noting the unusual emergence of a female in my latest painting. She didn’t see it yet, but I did. It was Joanne.

Several days later, even Naomi couldn’t miss the fact it was Joanne, who she certainly knew. Joanne was emerging nicely, but there was some little spark missing. Joanne has a lovely temper. It showed on her face in the subtlest of ways. When one of us upset her, the look appeared. What made it most interesting was it contained a touch of humor. I couldn’t tell if she was laughing at us or thinking of methods for revenge. But that small lightness, not quite a smile, always appeared when she was sick of our antics. It was quite an endearing look, but I hadn’t captured it yet.

Naomi continued. “You’ve finished Gary, I see. His face looks slightly different from a few weeks ago, more hinting of something we can’t quite put our finger on.”

“You’re right Naomi. I’ve been playing tennis and hanging out with him a bit more, and some quality, which I had never noticed before, slowly emerged into my consciousness."

And so I decided to bring the portraits of Gary and Anders home with me today.

Later, at home, the paintings were well received. I think Joanne was the most impressed.

“Toph, you’ve captured the thing in Anders that makes me love him. You’re remarkable!”

Anders smirked, then asked, “Exactly which thing are you referring to Joanne?”

“Don’t be so crude Anders! But you know, that inner thing you have.”

“Oh? My thing is inner now?”

Joanne emitted a frustrated gasp and stormed into the kitchen. She did it! I tried to memorize that look for her portrait.

I followed her and began helping. After about an hour of enjoyable KP, the pork tenderloin only needed to finish roasting and then rest for fifteen minutes. Everything was under control. Joanne gave me a sweet thank-you kiss and pushed me back into the arena.

Gary sat next to me on the sofa while I was staring into space, or something. I think it was my conversation with Niles gnawing away at me.

“Toph, you’re really very good. My portrait is unlike anything I’ve ever had done before.”

That shocked me back to consciousness. “You’ve had portraits done before?”

“Yes, my father has made me sit for them regularly. They always look so artificial. Sort of like a body at the funeral home.”

“It probably has more to do with ‘making’ you sit, than with the artist’s ability.”

“I don’t think so. You have that something special. You could make a career of this, you know. I can’t begin to tell you how much my father has paid for those awful works.”

I chuckled. “Eh, somehow I can’t see myself being happy making a living by forcing petulant little boys to pose for portraits.”

Gary put his arm over my shoulder and blinded me with one of his smiles. “Not every boy is petulant, Toph.”

Thank God we were called for dinner at that precise, uncomfortable moment.

Later the same evening, as I was preparing to leave for work, both of them were arguing with me to pay for their portraits.

Anders offered to let me forgo rent payments for a few months.

Gary offered a pretty piece of change for his portrait. I steadfastly refused, giving both him and Anders their paintings as gifts. I won this skirmish.

But, as I said before, Gary is a General, not a Lieutenant.

. . . . . . . . . .

The next day, he told me his father was impressed with my work. Gary had showed him the portrait.

“He wants to meet you Toph. My father wants to meet you.”

“Really? When?”

“He’s off on a business trip tomorrow for a few weeks, so early next month.”

“Why on Earth does he want to meet me? I already did the portrait. Please don’t tell me there are other petulant little boys lined up!”

We both laughed at that.

“He didn’t explain. But Father never has meetings for nothing. Be prepared. By the way, your painting is now displayed in my office.”

“At work?”

“Of course.”

“You have a portrait of yourself in your office? Shouldn’t it be the Governor or the President?”

“Oh, they’re there too. Even one with me and the Governor on his yacht.”

“A photo op?”

“No. I grew up with his son. Andy and I were childhood friends. We’re still friends.”

Shit. This was beginning to remind me too much of Euphoria.

“By the way, I already had my last portrait hanging there. Yours simply replaced it.”

I am now schedule to meet with the senior Mr. Blake in early December, when he returns from some business trip. I’m afraid this next skirmish will not go as easily for me. The General has brought in his reinforcements.

My more immediate concern was the current battle. For this, he had enlisted Joanne. I’m afraid my opponent had no scruples whatsoever. Joanne has invited Steve and I to dinner Saturday evening. Well, here’s how it went.

“You don’t work this Saturday night, right?”

“Joanne, darling, I do not work any Saturday night. I thought you already knew that.”

“I was simply verifying. You and Steve will be here for dinner. It’s time the five of us got to know one another.”

“Perhaps Steve has other plans.”

“Not at all; he’s already agreed.”

Naturally, The General would be meticulous with details.

“Have you asked Gary to invite someone?”

“Of course.”

“Wonderful. Who’s he bringing.”

“Naomi Walters.”

My eyes bugged. “As in Naomi from the artist shop?”

“As in Naomi your tutor, yes.”

“Gary’s going out with Naomi?”

“No, you idiot.”

I surrender!

I have already lost this skirmish. The General has outflanked me, subverted my allies, and will--whatever will he do to poor Steve?

. . . . . . . .

“Toph? I didn’t expect you quite this early! Why do you have a backpack?”

I kissed Steve as I entered, then waved to Merle.

“Don’t worry, Merle, I’m not moving in. These are clothes for tonight. I’m spending the afternoon with Steve. I need to prepare him for tonight’s dinner.”

Merle chuckled. He and I got along great. Steve, on the other hand, developed a worried look.

I gently pushed him into his bedroom, and shut the door. I tried to be stoic, but it only lasted about 5 seconds. I rushed to him and hugged tightly.

“Toph, you’re trembling.”

“Relax me Steve. You know how to do it.”

And he did. Sweet kisses led to sweet oral sex. Steve prevented me from reciprocating.

“I’m the therapist today Toph. Relax and enjoy.”

After edging me as close as he dared, Steve gently made love to me. Slow, caring sex. His earlier labor ensured I was but a jolt away from my own finale. The jolt came when Steve pushed in hard and had his. I followed quickly.

I’ve already explained Steve and I were not madly in love with each other. That said, Steve and I were not simply in this relationship for sex. Was there something in between? Yes. I wasn't sure it had a name, but it was what we had. We did have feelings for one another. We did enjoy being in each other’s company, even without the sex. We did have good sex. How long will we be together? Another month? A year? Forever? At this point we didn’t know. I think we were both enjoying each other too much to quantify our relationship.

Lying with him on the bed, I attempted to explain my uncertainty about the dinner we were to attend.

“Anders and Joanne are serious with each other. I expect to see a ring on her finger in the not too distant future. The problem, my problem, is Gary. I don’t know for certain, but I suspect he has feelings for me. He has never told me he is gay or even bisexual. I might be misreading everything, but it’s enough to give me pause and raise my shields. If he is responsible for this dinner tonight, I’m a little worried. I’m worried for you, Steve. If my suspicions are correct, I honestly don’t know what will happen. If you feel the slightest bit uncomfortable, or somehow in the crosshairs, give me a look and we’ll be out of there in a flash. You don’t deserve any abuse.”

I punctuated that statement with a kiss at each period.

“I’m a big boy, Toph. I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can. But neither of us deserve verbal abuse. I lived for nineteen years under verbal abuse and will not suffer it for one more minute!” That declaration began another make-out session, but we needed to get ready.

Showered and dressed, we departed for our unpredictable evening.

Upon entering the apartment, I saw Naomi and Gary exiting my room. I always left the door open; it was no surprise. Anders and Joanne were nearest and I began the introductions. When we arrived at Naomi, she interrupted me.

“Steve and I have already met.”

That surprised me. I quickly looked at Steve, but he looked baffled too.

Naomi chuckled and beckoned with her finger. “Come.”

She turned to re-enter my room. We followed. There, bathed under a soft spot, was my finished portrait of Steve.

Steve gasped.

Naomi spoke.

“Toph, this is the finest work you’ve ever done. You have tenderly captured a slightly impetuous, slightly daring, but loving boy. You have introduced us all to Steve with this beautiful portrait.”

With no hesitation, Steve threw his arms around me and kissed me with ...something new. We were interrupted by polite applause.

The dinner was lovely. All my fears were for naught. Gary was outgoing and friendly. Naomi related their first meeting.

“Gary entered my shop. I immediately knew who he was. After all, Toph painted his portrait right in my studio. He was a bit surprised when I greeted him by name. Once I explained, Gary had no trouble understanding.”

She looked directly at me. “Gary has great appreciation for your abilities Toph. He was in my shop to seek validation of his belief.”

I have to admit, this caused me a bit of embarrassment, considering my accusation from this afternoon. Steve, the devil, gently poked my ribs.

“It’s when the plot for this dinner was hatched, I’m afraid.” She smiled at me, apologizing with her eyes.

The ‘plot’ was for everyone to encourage me to blossom, as Naomi put it, in portraiture, and to prepare for the daunting task of applying to Abington.

Abington, as in Abington School of Architecture and Design, was located downtown in our city, and was virtually impossible to get into. It was small and prestigious and selective. I was overwhelmed. Steve was there because he was important in my life. As Joanne explained to stupid me, they figured it would be impossible to convince me if Steve wasn’t behind the idea completely. I turned to Steve, only to be met by another kiss.

“Of course. How could I not? Toph, you are incredibly talented. You need to do this.”

I looked around the table, at each of my friends. I’ll admit, I was a little choked up. Steve was happy. Anders and Joanne appeared conspiratorially satisfied. Naomi exhibited a type of proud, motherly mien. Gary was the last one my eyes connected with. He had a faint smile on his lips, an encouraging expression, but I stopped at his eyes. I was drawn to Gary’s deep-turquoise eyes.

In his eyes, there was love.

Fuck!

The General was in love with me.

I was doomed.