Toph's Empty Year - 6. Early November

Niles.

Today, the second letter arrived from Niles.

Dear Toph,

This is but a short note to mention a few things. The first is, I cannot forget about you. I’ve tried, but I can’t. I’ve been able to stay away from New Glory because I believe you deserve time to distance yourself from your past, as you wished. My presence would only serve as a reminder of Floria. But please be aware I have not forgotten you. I’ll show up one day, and my previous offer stands. You can send me away forever with a single word.

The second purpose for writing is to inform you your sister Clarissa is engaged to be married sometime next summer. I thought you should know, that’s all.

Love, Niles

What was I to make of this? I was referring to my sister’s wedding, of course. Does she ever even think of me? Will I be invited? Should I attend? How would she even do it? Maybe things will be different by next summer, although I sincerely doubted it.

What was I to make of Niles? There was something familiar about him, but I was sure I’d never met him before. I can’t deny I’m attracted to him. Of course, I was sort of going with Steve now. We didn’t have an exclusivity agreement, but it was certainly implied, I think. I couldn’t stray while I was with Steve anyway. Come to think of it, I couldn’t stray while I was with Austin, although he had other partners. Maybe I was a one-at-a-time kind of person. Anyway, I didn’t have a lot of experience upon which to build any firm conclusions.

What will happen after Steve? Maybe Niles would be still interested and available. He would surely be a stronger fortress against The General. Niles was at least a Major. Why did my mind even do stuff like this? Here I was, lining up future boys like Gary lines up suits for the week. I needed a reality check. These were people I was dealing with,not clothes. I felt ashamed. There was always this little thing inside me that seemed to need an alternative or escape route from where I was. I could understand why I did it in Euphoria, but why now, why here? I loved my life in New Glory. I shouldn’t be making Plans-B to whatever. I should simply enjoy Steve as long as we’re happy with each other. Whether it’s a week, a month or forever, I shouldn’t make plans to change it.

The General can make all the plans he wants. That’s his life. I needed to start enjoying my life. I mean, I already did! I enjoyed my painting, my love-life, my apartment, my new friends from Happy’s to the gallery. I needed to alter this negative way I'd been used to thinking. Well, all those thoughts were brought to the surface by his simple note. I guess I owed Niles a thank you.

. . . . . . . .

The painting I began at home was evolving into Steve. Unfortunately, I didn’t have too much opportunity to work on it. The real Steve occupied too great a portion of my time. That plus the gym and now tennis, on occasion, and most of my painting experience occured at Naomi’s.

At Naomi’s were the paintings of Anders and Gary, which were nearly finished. Gary had taken a longer time to emerge. I was only lately capturing something in his look which reflected his inner beauty. Gary had plenty of outer beauty, but I’ve been discovering more about him whenever we interacted at the apartment, the gym or on the court. I’m pretty sure I’d found it now. In a few weeks, I’ll surprise my friends when these paintings accompany me home.

Even while finishing those, I finally was able to begin a new painting at Naomi’s. It has a myriad of pastel shades. This was unlike anything I had previously begun. But I somehow felt compelled to launch it in this manner. Not at all sure who or what will emerge, I thought it mightn't even be a portrait. Well, that was unlikely, but only time would tell.

. . . . . . . .

“When are you going to set the date?” I had finally built up enough nerve to confront him.

“I don’t know Toph. I wanted to wait until Papa made me a partner, but Jo and I are getting impatient and there's something else going on. I think we might be pretty close to making the decision.” Big Joe was nervously twisting his stirrer as he explained.

“Is it a financial consideration?”

“No, I’ve been pretty frugal and have quite a bit saved up. Certainly enough for a down payment on a house. I wanted to prove myself first. That might sound silly, but it’s always the way I’ve been. It probably even goes back before I made them stop calling me Little Joe.”

“You were only eight then.”

“Yeah. It’s just something inside me. Maybe because I’m so short.”

“Joe, you realize you don’t have anything to prove. You’re a great guy. I want to meet Jo too!”

At this point, Big Joe caught me completely off guard. “Maybe we should all go out to dinner one night, like a double date.”

“A double date?”

“Sure. Me and Jo and you and your boyfriend.”

“My boyfriend?”

“Betty said you have a boyfriend now.”

I called Betty over.

“I have a boyfriend?”

“I’m guessing since about the middle of last month. Am I wrong, Toph?”

I had to chuckle. “No, that’s pretty accurate, Betty. Who told you?” I figured Anders’ mother must have said something.

“You did, Toph.”

“What? I don’t remember telling you.”

“Did you think you could hide something like that? Not from Betty you can’t! It was all over your face and in your eyes.”

Oh my! I used to be so expert at guarding my emotions from view. There you have it. New Glory at work again!

. . . . . . . .

Speaking of the boyfriend, Saturday had become our day. Steve worked until noon. I usually showed up around four and we found something to do. Dinner, a movie, a game, there was always something to do in the city. Returning home invariably led to sex, often a few sessions since neither of us worked the next day.

I always stayed over. After Steve fell asleep and Merle came home, we would talk or watch terrible late night movies until he retired at about three. I usually read until Steve awakened. I’d make him coffee and share tender kisses until it was time for me to leave. He always asked me to stay and sleep there, but I didn’t want him to feel I was moving in.

The Sunday morning after Big Joe’s little bomb, I mentioned it to Steve.

“There’s this guy I usually have lunch with.”

“Oh-oh, should I be worried?”

I chuckled. “No, nothing like that. His name is Joe, although everyone calls him Big Joe.”

“Big Joe huh? How big is he?”

“He’s actually shorter than me.”

“Maybe he’s big somewhere else?”

I began laughing. Steve had a way of making me laugh. In any event, I explained all about Big Joe and how he got his name.

“And he wants us four to go to dinner? What do you think? Do you want to do that?”

“In a way, I do. I mean, we’ll have fun. Joe’s a great guy and I can’t wait to meet Jo. But there’s something else.”

“Oh? What’s that, Toph?”

“Well, last Saturday night, after Merle went to bed, I began thinking. My life seems like a suburb, divided into little yards. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was always that way--even when I was younger back where I came from. Now I’ve got my work, my apartment, my boyfriend, my painting and my New Glory friends separated by little picket fences.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. Being together with you, in all the places we go, I think has shown me something I never realized before.”

“Which is?”

“It’s artificial, what I do. It’s why I think this dinner is a good idea. It will sort of take down one of the little fences. Now, Steve, I’ve got to be honest with you. This is not easy for me. I’ll need your help and support as I attack these fences, one at a time. But you’re the first person I’ve ever known who I feel I can rely on.” I gave my boyfriend a kiss.

“Where’s your family, Toph? Why are they missing from your little yards? You never talk about them. Ever.”

I was quiet for a bit. I needed to think about what Steve asked. Finally, I responded.

“My family is not behind little fences, Steve. It’s behind a large, forbidding wall with razor wire on top. We’re not anywhere near ready for that assault. Maybe never.”

This revelation made Steve draw me to him in a warm hug, another thing new for me. I think it was the very moment I looked at Steve differently. I did not see him as my current boyfriend. Maybe we did have a future. Having a future with Steve was something I had never considered before. It was such a novel idea that I had trouble fully embracing it. But for the first time, I did embrace it.

. . . . . . . .

For the first time, I was able to join two of my yards. I accepted the invitation. Dinner with Big Joe and Jo was a total triumph! Jo is a dynamite girl. She’s short as Big Joe but as fiery as he is laid back. Jo’s dark eyes flashed when she got involved in the conversation, which was always. She was like a force of nature. I didn’t know how he’s been able to keep from being married for so long. Steve fit in easily with both of them. My usual reserve even vanished. This was so different from my Euphoric life. For the first time, I was euphoric.

The dinner was at a pretty nice restaurant in the city. Big Joe informed us, up front, he was paying.

“I don’t want any haggling over the bill when we’re finished. It ruins the aura. Dinner is on me because I invited you. If you invite us, dinner will be on you. I like to keep it simple.”

I had Nico’s perfect fake ID, but decided against using it. I chose iced tea instead. Big Joe bought a bottle of wine, which the other three shared. I’m certain Steve hadn't had too much experience in elegant dining. I caught sight of him checking which utensil I used and other unconscious habits which were bred into me from my former life.

It’s funny, but the more imposing the restaurant, the more lightly I choose to eat. It’s always been that way. Maybe I should visit a shrink to have it explained. In any event, Big Joe thought I was doing this because he was treating. I calmly pointed out the price of the meals were similar. I was content with confit of duck breast, which did look lonely on the plate. Maybe I was too nervous to eat more. Steve certainly didn’t appear nervous. I hoped his stomach would be able to withstand the heavily creamed sauces which drowned each thing on his plate.

As I had previously implied, the purpose for me wasn’t about the food or even about the company--although Jo was a gem--but the merging of two of my yards. In that respect, it was a smashing success. More so than I had any right to expect because I could feel a change take place within me.

Later, when we were alone, Steve too said he saw a change in me. He thought the dinner brought out a new me. I’m sure something happened. The warm feelings I had led to surprise sex, for the first time initiated my me. It was new sex with new feelings. The only negative being after such a wonderful high, I had to go to work. For the first time, I wished I had a day job, when I could spend my nights cuddled with Steve.

It was an era of firsts for me.

. . . . . . . .

Speaking of firsts, I received my first letter not from Niles. It was an invitation. I had a flash of worry, once I saw the size of the envelope. My worry was it would be an invitation to Clarissa’s wedding. Then I got a surge of hope. Perhaps it was an invitation to Big Joe’s wedding. But it was neither. It was an invitation to a Tea.

Really? Me, invited to a Tea?

The very concept sounded so bizarre and antiquated. But it was from Luke, who ran our gallery, and so it was certainly legitimate. Clearing my schedule for Wednesday, three o’clock saw my arrival at Luke’s house. The gallery was closed Wednesday, so it made perfect sense. In fact, most everything closed Wednesdays in New Glory.

The “Tea” wasn’t quite what my mind had envisioned. Luke’s house was large. Certainly another relic from the eighteen-nineties. Luke explained it was his family home, which he had inherited. In a large drawing room sat a most ornate table of heavy, highly polished, wood. Around it sat Naomi, Abigail, a gentleman I had yet to meet, and two empty chairs, reserved for Luke and me.

Luke introduced me to Oscar, a writer who lived in town and seemed to be the approximate age of everyone else. I was in the process of greeting Abigail and Naomi when suddenly Oscar exploded. “Toph! You’ve provided the perfect final letter!”

We all looked at him in wonder.

“The ‘T’ makes our group T-A-L-O-N, simply perfect!”

I certainly could spell, but I couldn’t imagine what he meant by ‘perfect’ until the ‘Tea’ evolved. It turned out to be a monthly meeting of old friends, stretching back to their high school days. No one drank tea. Oscar and Abigail sipped martinis, which were actually crystal goblets filled with ice, Tanqueray, and two olives. Naomi sipped a Hungarian Tokaji Aszu, from a similar goblet. Luke, and then I, sipped Costa Rican coffee from fine china cups. Its supply was from a large silver urn on the table. Oscar was the bartender for himself and the ladies. The bar was just behind the table along a wall of dark wood and light marble. A fire crackled at the end of the room.

Luke smoked some type of colored cigarette from a holder. No one paid the smoke any mind. Oscar kept a small pad with a smaller pencil. Every so often he would jot down a few words.

The ‘Tea’ was a swirl of one witticism after another. It was difficult to keep up, but I tried. It was also difficult to keep from laughing. These folks were good. However, we were allowed only smiles of recognition for one bon mot after another.

Oscar was certainly the king. “TALON” made perfect sense, as he ripped into one golden calf after another. He even edged me into this territory. It was unusual, because I already do this all the time in my brain. Finally it was allowed to spill out of me. It was like therapy. Perhaps it’s why they’ve kept at it for so many years.

Finally, the thought which had been eating at me was allowed into the open.

“I have a question for you all. Why have I been invited to your private little club? Not that I haven’t thoroughly enjoyed it, but I’m so much younger and much less educated and experienced than you. Why me?”

Oscar chose himself to be the spokesperson. “I’ve had to sit here for weeks listening to these people talk on and on about you. When even Luke said he met you, I insisted you be invited. I’m sure I speak for the group when I say you will always be welcome to crash or little club, as you call it. We meet the second Wednesday of each month, so circle it on your calendar, or whatever it is you young people do with the calendar on your phones.”

Then Abigail spoke. “In any event, we were getting bored with one another and thought it was time to lower the average age. You’re only beginning your life and education, Toph. We believe there will be great times ahead for you. Call us the talent scouts of New Glory.” Then they all had a rare chuckle.

More firsts for Toph. It was turning out to be a surprising November.

. . . . . . . .

I did visit my credit union to talk about a new car. They were most helpful, providing me with pamphlets describing repair histories and bottom line prices I should aim for. Everything was moving well until we got to the part called pre-approval. This was what they did before one went shopping. You could confidently conclude a deal, knowing you would be able to borrow at least a certain dollar amount. Everything sounded wonderful until they ran what they called a credit check. They did this to determine the interest rate on the loan, allowing them to figure the monthly payments.

I’ll need to discuss this with Merle. No one in Euphoria, teacher or family member, had ever explained this side of finance to me. It seemed I was frowned upon because I had never borrowed money before. I thought not needing to borrow money in the past would be a big plus, but the elves of finance think differently. In fact, I discovered a shocking little secret. It seemed the more you owed other people, the happier the elves were and the more likely they would allow you borrow even more money from them.

That seemed so counterintuitive!

Suppose I had enough money to loan some to a friend who needed help. I would be more comfortable with helping out someone who had never needed help before, as opposed to someone who was constantly hitting up all his friends for loans. I wouldn’t think the latter person was safe at all. However, the elves of finance thought exactly the opposite. They were more worried about the person who had been prudent, never needing a loan, than they were about the person who always lived beyond his means. I supposed I would never understand the world of finance. I concluded I would need to nurse my car a longer, too.