After The Past - 6. Chapter 6

After The Past

Chapter 6

I knew I was dreaming. Jae and I making love morphed into an argument then into swimming in the river—laughter in bed, smiles as we snuggled together—then tears because I was alone.

There was pain and I wanted to open my eyes but couldn’t. And there were gentle hands, and damp coolness but I couldn’t get to a conscious place. A deep voice spoke to me, then a woman. I was turned over, I would cry out, and then just sleep.

Then I was awake.

I could see light but I knew I was not in my bed. Jae was not with me. I tried to move but there was so much pain. Slowly it came to me; I wanted to get up, I had to find Jae! I had to fix everything.

Attempting to sit up brought groans I could not stop, like they came from someone else.

“Damn it!” I heard someone exclaim, and then I heard footsteps running on stairs. Finally I figured out I was still at the Petersen’s. I was trying to lay back down when Barry came in followed by Cathy.

“Oh God, no, you can’t get up, Dave.” Barry helped me lie down. “You’re still pretty bad, you need to rest.”

I felt frightened and desperate. I was having trouble swallowing and my mouth was like ash, “Where is Jae?”

Cathy helped me sip some water.

That was better. “Where is Jae? Is he okay? Oh God, please tell he wasn’t hurt or killed. What happened Barry?”

Cathy and Barry regarded me and then at each other. I was getting very agitated now. “Please, please tell me where Jae is.”

They both sat down on chairs, on either side of me. Barry took my hand. “He’s gone, Dave. I tried to stop him. I begged him to wait so that you guys could talk. But he said, it was too broken … said he had to move on.”

I just stared at him, and then at Cathy. “He left me? We had a disagreement and he left me? Where is he?”

I knew what he’d been through, knew what he’d done to survive. And I should have gone and found him that night. But no, I let my pride get in the way. I judged him for things he’d had no control over.

Cathy put her hand on my forearm, but it was Barry who spoke. “He left a few days after the fight ended, Dave.”

I was starting to realize he’d been gone for a while. “What day is it? How long have I been here?”

“It’s Thursday, Dave. You’ve been here for three weeks. You’ve been very, very ill. We weren’t sure you’d make it,” Cathy said softly. “Jae left two days after the fighting stopped.”

I wanted to cry—scream, or something. “So, he’s been gone two and half weeks. Did he say where?”

“He only said he’d try and find Jim.”

“Jim?” I thought about that. Jim, yes. “Was he on foot?”

Barry just shook his head. “He took one of the asshole’s horses. Said goodbye to us and rode off. Terry and Joe have been to your place a few times to check the horses, but there was no sign of Jae.”

I tried to sit up again, this time not caring about the pain. “I need a horse, Barry. I’ll find some way to repay you. I need one.”

Barry took me by the shoulders. “You’re not ready to ride anywhere. I’ll give you any horse you want, Dave. But you are not ready yet. You need more time”

“I have to find him, Barry. Can’t you see that?”

Barry sat down on the edge of the bed and put his arms around me, like I was one of his boys. “I know you do. I know this is painful but you’d be dead in a couple of days Dave you just aren’t healthy enough.”

“I’ll wait three more days, Barry. Then I’m going.”

Barry and Cathy just nodded, but I meant it.

Over the next few days, I found out that the barn I’d been on had burned to the ground which is why Barry’s horses were still at my place. No one is really sure how the fire started but someone realized I was still up there and they pulled me off before I died in the fire.

They’d used the dynamite. I guess it killed a lot of them. Barry said it was horrific—so many dead and dying. After that our guys managed to capture two of the ringleaders and once they had, the rest of the people gave up. We had one death and a few injuries.

Barry and Samuel told the men from the gang who decided to stay on, they were on probation, so to speak, and that to be part of this community you had to work hard and contribute, like we all do.

There was talk of building a large community centre, where people could trade food and get together to talk or maybe have dances and things. I understand that no one has interest in bringing back money. People don’t seem to want to go back to how life was in the Past. Life ain’t so bad now; it’s a lot work but it’s honest.

The third day came but I knew I still wasn’t strong enough to ride very far. I gave myself another three days. During that time, Terry drove me into town and we got some maps and I managed to find some new clothes, and I found some for Jae too. There wasn’t any ammo or weapons left in the gun shops but I managed to find a couple of good knives, and something to carry water in. Terry took me to a saddlery and we found some saddlebags. I found a decent hat too.

As we searched through the leftovers in the store, Terry leaned on the counter. “I’m sorry you have to go through this, Dave. I was surprised that Jae left.”

“Thanks. It is what it is, I guess.”

“Dave, if you want … I mean … I’d be happy to ride with you.”

He was so earnest just then. I hated to disappoint him. “I really appreciate it, Terry. I really do. But … this is something I need to do on my own.”

He nodded and turned away and began to examine something on the shelves behind him. I got the feeling I’d really hurt him.

A few minutes later, he turned around with smile on his face.

“Joe met someone, a girl from Davis’ group. He never thought he would.”

I smiled. “What about you?”

He grinned a little. “No, no one for me.”

“No? There were a few nice sweet girls there.”

He was quiet. “Not too interested in girls.”

I put down the book that had had my attention. “You’re not?” Jae had been right. He’d been right about a lot of things.

“No.”

“You told your dad how you feel?”

“He knows. He said he loves me, and wishes me the best.”

I gave him a brief hug. He was a nice young man. “Well, now there are lots of nice guys around too.”

He nodded and said seriously, “Yeah.” We left the store and I put my stuff in the back seat and we drove back to the ranch.

Barry helped me select a good horse. I collected supplies I thought I’d need and I decided that I’d accept Barry’s offer for a few riding lessons, and I’d leave the next morning—Jae had nearly a month’s head start.

I didn’t know if I could find him, but I knew I had to try.

The morning I’d chosen to leave was bright and warm. I donned my hat and carried my backpack. Cathy made me food to take and I ate breakfast with them. I felt like I was leaving home for good. After the boys had said goodbye, Cathy did too and she hugged me. Barry walked me out and we waited while Joe brought out the nice dark bay horse we had chosen. Barry insisted I give him a name. So after some thought, I decided on Mersey, like the river.

It was from one of the super old songs from the past—Ferry Across The Mersey—I’d always liked it. My mother played it for me on her old piano before she passed on.

Joe and Barry showed me how to secure my saddlebags, and a few other things. Then it was time. Joe shook my hand and wished me luck again. “I’ll keep an eye on your place, Dave. I hope we’ll meet again.”

Joe walked away and met up with the young woman he was courting.

Cathy had hugged me and she waited on the porch. Barry stood beside Mersey and said, “Dave … shit what can I say? You are welcome here always; you know that. I hope you find him and can work it out.”

I found I couldn’t speak, my throat tightened and it’s all I could do not to cry. I just hugged my dear friend, then turned away and mounted Mersey. I adjusted my seat and the leaned over to shake Barry’s hand. “Thank you … for everything.”

Barry grasped my hand and held it until I met his eyes, “Dave, you come back okay? No matter what, you come back. I’ll help you get you back on your feet.”

I nodded, now unable to hold back the tears. “I’ll come back. I promise.”

Barry wiped his eyes and released my hand. He patted my thigh and Mersey’s rump. I tipped my hat and asked Mersey to move forward, with a squeeze and touch from my heels.

Mersey walked down the long driveway. I turned around, wanting to remember everything here as it disappeared behind me.

After a few minutes, up ahead I saw a figure on horseback, as we were about halfway up the driveway. As we drew closer, I realized it was Terry. He dismounted as I got next to him, and so did I.

He gazed at me. “You sure you want to do this alone?”

I gave him a tight smile. “Yeah … yeah I’m sure.”

“Okay.” He reached for me then, drew me in close and tight. “Be careful, okay? Promise?”

I finally pulled of his embrace and shook his hand. “I promise, Ter. I promise.”

He nodded and mounted his horse, and then with a small wave turned his mount toward home.

I climbed back into the saddle, and Mersey walked us out to the road. I turned him north and started on my search for the man I loved.

My plan was to try and make twenty miles a day to in the beginning. Barry said not to push the horse too much at the start. Let him get stronger and then push up to twenty-five to thirty miles. Barry lent me a book of articles by Marc Ferrador[1] on how to care for the barefoot horse. He also made sure I had some hoof related tools, a brush, and for me a poncho, a small tent, a cup and plate. I had food for a couple of days, but I’d have to start to live off the land. Food was actually plentiful if you knew where to look and I had learned quickly when I first left the city. Rivers were full of fish again and the forests held small game if you’re willing to set snares.

There was just overgrown highway before me. I was leaving what was just outside the old city of San Francisco. Canada was a long way away on foot. On the map and the odd sign said this was the I-5. It didn’t take long before nature took back the world; it was nice to see, if I’m honest. I’d read books about life in the Past and I know I wouldn’t have enjoyed it.

The first couple of days I rode Mersey, but the third day, I remembered that Barry said to give the horse a break. He seemed tired so I walked with him. He was good company and a good listener. He seemed to be learning his name and I found he didn’t need leading after a few days—he just followed me.

I figured we’d average about twenty-five miles a day and our trip would be about nine hundred forty miles, give or take a few, depending on where Jim really was. So I was looking at a trip of six weeks or so. Barry told me I had to let the horse graze fairly often and give him a break every few days, so he could rest. It would be good for me too.

The first week was long and tiring. We’d go off-road sometimes to stay in an abandoned house or barn. I’d fish, scavenge for edible plants and fungus, sometimes we’d see some wild chickens and find eggs, but not often though.

About three weeks in, we were on the highway and there was a sign ahead. I’d checked all the signs we’d seen so far, but there was nothing from Jae or Jim. I saw another ahead and turned Mersey around so I could read the back of the sign.

I peered at the metal, lots of people had left notes: John, meet Karen at Cass’s Family Restaurant, 2 miles north—oh, we’d have to check in there! Maria, I love you, and I’m still looking-Rog xoxo, and then, there it was as promised: Jay and David, still travelling north, staying on this rd. Will write soon. Jim.

Foolishly I’d hoped Jae would write something, but why would he? He’d left me, and had probably hooked up with someone new by now. That ate at my heart.

We arrived at the parking lot of Cass’s Family Restaurant. The place was smashed and busted up. I doubt if there was anything edible in there. I rode Mersey around the back, keeping away from the front and a whole lot of broken glass. I tied him to a tree and pulled open the rear door.

“Hello? Anyone home?” I did not want to hear a reply. I glanced behind me and Mersey had turned his head and was watching me. I said, “Don’t worry. I won’t be long, I promise.” Mersey tossed his head and nickered at me.

I took a step inside; it was a wreck—torn apart. But the front of the place didn’t interest me; I went into the kitchen, there was no power, of course, and flies buzzed around the still-rotting food. There were food bins sealed in the storeroom. I found some oats in an intact package so I took a box; it’d be a treat for Mersey. Shifting stuff and digging around, I found an unopened can of something. There was no label but I’d take it—it sounded wet, when I shook it. I found a package of salt and a baggie full of sugar packages, all of which I shoved into my backpack. I hunted through the janitor’s closet and found a roll of toilet paper, rare stuff now, and it joined my other loot in my backpack.

Walking back through the restaurant I thought I heard something. As I got through to the back I had to stop. Filling the doorway was a very nervous horse.

“What are you doing?” I grabbed his bridle, placed a hand on Mersey’s nose, and pushed him gently until he took several steps backward. “Were you worried about me?” I patted him and moved around him. I loaded a couple of things into the saddlebags. “I found something nice for you. Well, I’m gonna check and make sure they are still good before you get any.”

Mersey reached around and gave me a little shove with his nose. “Heey!” I caught the reins and stood for a minute to stroke his broad head and soft nose. “Come on, we need to move on a bit before we settle for the night. I hope we can find a nice barn to share.”

Still holding the reins, I led him out of the parking lot, avoiding as much glass as I could. Once out of there, I stopped and checked Mersey’s hooves just in case. Yes! Okay call me paranoid—but I couldn’t afford to not be.

Before mounting again, I peered through the trees and thought I saw some buildings, I decided to take Mersey through the forest to see what was over there. I walked with him through the trees. There was a house and a barn. If they were abandoned, they were in pretty good shape.

I left Mersey in the trees, walked forward and called, “Hello in the house.”

Walking on, I could see the yard was tidy and there were vegetables growing. I moved on toward the barn. “Hello? Anyone home?”

“Stop there, please.”

I did and raised my hands a little. “I’m not armed. I just want a place for the night.”

“You alone?” Came the reply. It was a man.

“I am, mostly.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“Sorry. It’s just me and a horse.”

“Keep your hands up,” the voice said. “I’m coming out.”

I nodded. “Not gonna move.”

The man came out from beside the house. He had his rifle trained on me, but he was likely in his sixties. Not that that meant he wasn’t dangerous, after all, he had the rifle, but I kind of hoped he’d be reasonable.

He lowered the rifle to a two-hand carry. “What do you want?”

“Just a place to shelter for the night. I’m riding north, just wanted to stop and rest.”

“It’s just you?”

“Yes, sir. Just me and the horse.”

He motioned toward the house with the muzzle of the gun. “Go sit down.”

“Okay.” I walked up the three steps and sat down on an old Adirondack chair.

He walked by me, into the house and returned a few minutes later with two tall glasses of greenish water and some cookies on a plate, all carried on a nice tray.

“I’m sorry, but I have no tea. It’s mint with honey and then I chill it as best I can. The cookies are oatmeal and honey. No more sugar.”

I accepted a glass and sipped it. It wasn’t bad at all. “Thank you. It’s nice. It is hard to keep things cool. I built a cold room in my crawlspace, but it’s not the same as a freezer.”

We sipped and chatted a bit, introduced ourselves and were getting to know each other when I heard a rather plaintive whinny.

Gareth smiled. “Seems your friend is missing you. Why not fetch him and we’ll put him in the corral. There’s water there. I can share some hay with you.”

I stood. “Thanks, that’s kind of you. I’ll get him.” I trotted off the porch and out to where I’d left Mersey. “There you are. Come on, and you can drink and rest awhile.”

Gareth met us and we walked to the barn. “He’s a fine animal, Dave. In good shape but he needs a rest I think. You both do.”

I pulled Mersey’s saddle and blanket off, led him inside the corral and slid off his bridle. He tossed his head and trotted over to the water tank to drink.

We watched Mersey for a few minutes. “He needs a good brushing and a wash,” Gareth declared. “Let him eat and rest and then I’ll help you with him. It’s been awhile since I had a horse here.”

We sat on the porch again. Gareth finished a cookie, sipped his drink and asked, “Why you going north? I heard there’s a gang of men causing a lot of trouble.”

“Not any more. They’ve been stopped—at least for now.” I paused for a second. “I’m looking for someone. Someone I lost and I need to find.”

“Your man?”

“Yeah. Have you seen anyone in the last month, Gareth? He’s slim about, dark hair, has a small tattoo on his face.”

Gareth eyed me carefully. “You sure he’s your man and not your slave? I know why they put those marks on boys.”

“Oh, wait a minute! NO… no, he and I lived together. We had a small farm, we helped to fight off that gang.” I’d tried to hold back my tears, but they fell freely now and I didn’t hide them from Gareth. “I love him. We argued and I got hurt—shot—as we fought that gang. When I woke up, he was gone. I just want him back. I just want to talk.”

Gareth reached over and rubbed my back as I leaned forward. Sobs wracked my body. “Dave, I believe you. Let’s groom and settle that beautiful horse of yours and then fix us some dinner.”

I nodded as I wiped away my tears. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be, son. Love’s a wonderful thing. I haven’t seen anyone matching that description. But I hope you find him and can work things out.”

We stood and walked over to pamper Mersey at little bit.

After settling Mersey for the night in a nice box stall, Gareth and I made a simple but enjoyable meal and then settled in his sitting room with some very smooth moonshine. We got a little boisterous and silly and I wasn’t sure that he wasn’t planning on making a pass at me. If he had I’m not sure I would have said no. In any case I went to bed feeling no pain and slept through the night.

In the morning after feeding the horse, having breakfast, and then getting Mersey ready for another day, I said goodbye to yet another friend.

“You stop by anytime, Dave. It was good to meet ya,” Gareth said. He watched us ride away and at the end of the drive I pulled Mersey to a halt, turned in the saddle and waved goodbye.

“Come on, boy.” I asked Mersey to move on. I no longer had to give him many physical cues; he just knew what I was asking. I bent forward, lay my head on his muscular neck and stroked the soft smooth hide. His rough black mane absorbed the tears that fell.