Change of Heart - 33. Chapter 33

Jeff looked up and grinned as Paul appeared in the doorway of his home office. “So, how did schmoozing your clients go this afternoon.” Paul had again spent the afternoon making rounds with Dave to inform and reassure his patients that his affiliation with the Veterinarian Care Clinic would benefit them through faster urgent care services as well as enhanced and speedier lab results. None of the ranchers today had expressed any reservations regarding his competency in caring for their animals. Although a couple looked like they were curious. It was as though they had never seen a gay man in the flesh. Paul offered, “I think one or two were confused that I had never displayed any of the television stereotypes they ascribed to gay men. I actually got the impression a couple wanted to flat out ask me if I really liked to suck cock. Not as a proposition mind you, just out of curiosity. I guess it's hard to juggle the stereotypes of an effeminate gay man with the man who gelds your livestock.

“What have you and Maria been up to while I had my nose to the grindstone”?

Jeff had moved from behind his desk to greet his lover with a kiss. While still holding him in a loose embrace he began, “Well, after we got back we worked on training Fugly how to fetch. That really means we chased him around the yard a lot. Then we watched “Frozen”. How many times has she seen that movie? Oh, and we do have some folks coming out to conduct some family business. I have rescheduled them a couple of times already, due to changes that have arisen. I will feel better once this is completed. I told Rosarita, you, Maria and I would have dinner at the diner. She has plans with Fred.

“I also confirmed we’ll pick up our Tuxes tomorrow in Dallas. I also talked to Bradley Roberts in Chicago. As you know he’s, er, was, my boss. He had texted me asking when my flight was to arrive so he could pick me up at the airport. I have the feeling he’s going to try to pressure me into staying. Bradley has always looked out for me, even when I was still in school. I spent some time with him and his family. He has two daughters that I got to know a bit when I was an intern. His wife was courteous, but I had the impression she didn't really like me. They had an indoor pool and it seemed that Bradley, the girls and I wound up horsing around in the water each time I visited them. His wife, Tiffany, is a stereotypical stepmother and a certified trophy bride. I suppose Bradley told her I was gay. That didn't keep her from eyeballing me and hitting on me when I went swimming the first time. I ignored her advances. After that, she seemed to leave almost as soon, if not before, I arrived. Bradley made excuses for her absences. I don't think she’s happy in their marriage. At least not when I saw them together. I haven't been out to their place in almost a year. Bradley is constantly bugging me about spending the weekend, but I felt like an intruder, even more so, once Tiffany began avoiding me.”

“If Bradley has a trophy wife, how old is he”?

“I don't know, 45, 50 maybe. Tiffany is about half his age, of course, plastic surgery could make a liar out of me. Bradley stays in pretty good shape. A few of us worked out together once or twice a week. Most of the associates use the same health club. The firm gets us, er, got us a discount. Why do you ask about Bradley’s age? I mean, the man is attractive, in a middle-aged kind of way, but he never even blipped on my gaydar. A twice married, still married, father of two would have never made my list of potentials. I can understand a gay man marrying once, but twice married? Any gay man that marries twice has issues I don't want to have to deal with.

“With you in my life, I don't need gaydar or a mental list of men with potential. But, I do need you. It's like you and Maria fill up places in me I didn't even know were empty. Sometimes, I feel like my love for you just gushes out of me.” They stood silently embracing each other and embracing their newly interwoven destiny.

After a moment, Paul began to chuckle. The lover's released their embrace. That chuckle soon gave way to an all-out belly laugh. Jeff was a little put out that his expression of overwhelming love was greeted with guffaws. Paul realized that Jeff wasn't laughing with him and tried to sober up. “Your love gushes out!” He couldn't help himself, Jeff’s look of innocent incomprehension sent him again into gales of laughter. Paul tried again. “Your love gushes out! Out... every… time… every time we have sex. Your love gushes so much it's sometimes hard to swallow it all.” He noticed that Jeff didn't really see the unintended humor in his metaphor.

Dave knocked lightly on the door facing. “Sorry to interrupt. Jeff, the company you were expecting has just turned in off the road. Thought you might want to know.”

Jeff took a deep breath. “Thanks Dave. Show them into the den and let them know we will be busy for a while.” Dave grinned at the almost recovered Paul, nodded to Jeff, and moved off toward the kitchen. Jeff closed the door, took another deep breath and grasped Paul’s hands. “Paul, you have to get serious for a minute. Let go of the locker room humor. I get the gushing cum reference. But that doesn't alter the fact that I find it hard to express just how much I love you.” Paul let his laughter drift away as he realized how serious his lover was being.

Jeff continued, “The first time I saw you I was overwhelmed. My heart started pounding in my chest, and I couldn't catch my breath. I actually thought I might pass out. I was afraid I was having a heart attack. I remember thinking, ‘I’m too young to be having a heart attack’. When we touched, it became crystal clear that I was reacting to your presence. I can't say that it was love at first sight, but it was damn sure something at first sight. I have never felt so desperate to just be physically close to someone. I love you Paul. I can't imagine my life without you and Maria in it.

“Oh hell, I had several romantic scenes in mind when I did this. I thought New Year’s Eve atop the Sears Tower would be something special to tell our kids about. But, I really think, given what is about to happen, I should just do it.”

Jeff dropped to one knee and took Paul’s hand in his. “Paul Wilson, I love you with every fiber of my being. I want your face to be the first thing I see each every morning and your soft snore the last thing I hear each and every night. I want that with you for the rest of my life. Paul, will you marry me”?

Paul had had visions of this moment happening in the not too distant future. He had even imagined popping the question himself… in the future. At some point in time when there were no more surprises or conflicts. A future point where they were allowed to be, encouraged to be, a normal happily married couple.

As Jeff waited for Paul’s answer he saw disappointment wash over his lover’s face. His heart fell into the pit of his stomach. A strong sensation of nausea began to build. Then he heard the word that sent a complete sense of calm washing over him. “Yes! Cowboy! Most definitely! I will marry you! This is the perfect place and the best time. It couldn't be more romantic if we were on top of the Eiffel Tower. I will be proud to tell our children's, children how their grandpa got down on his knee and asked me the most important question of my life, right here in our home.”

Instead of pulling Jeff to his feet, Paul dropped to his knees in front of his soon to be husband. Gathering his lover’s hands in his, he searched Jeff’s face as if storing the image in his memory. “Jeff, I think I knew this moment, or maybe I just hoped this moment would come since the first time I saw you. It scared me to death, being so attracted to a man I literally just met. I know I let my fears and doubts flare up. I can't promise they won't ever flare up again, but with you by my side I know that flare-ups is all they will ever be. Jeffrey Grant Adams, will you marry me”?

Jeff captured his lover’s face in his hands and smothered Paul's face in quick, little kisses. Each punctuated with a repeated, “Yes!”

Finally, he stopped and simply stared at his soul mate’s goofy grin, sure that his face wore a mirror image. After a moment, he sobered and said, “Paul, you scared me. I saw the look on your face. I was sure you were going to say No. I’m so glad you said yes. Is there anything I can do to ease your doubts? I swear, I will do my best to make sure you never regret this.”

“Oh Jeff, it wasn't doubts about us. I know we belong together. For a second, I let the homophobia and financial differences and my own self-doubts creep in. Then, I heard my grandpa’s voice telling me, as clear as if he were here again, “Son, this life don't hand a man much of nothing for free, except for air. The rest you got to work for. A man can spend a lifetime making excuses or listening when folks tell him he ain't good enough. But, in my mind, that's just wasted time. It's best to just ignore them sons-of-bitches, put your head down, work hard, and live a life that best suits you. Before you know it, you got your row hoed.”

“He told me that the first week I went to live with him. When that memory flashed through my mind, I realized, we got our own row to hoe. Together. I thought about proposing to you, or you proposing to me, in some idyllic future where everything was perfect. Truth is, you are ‘perfect’ for me right now. The timing couldn't be better or the setting more romantic.”

Their kisses cycled through deep abiding love, inflamed passion and light-hearted, lip-smacking, teenage crush kind of kisses. Neither man wanted it to end, but both felt that sex was not the immediate goal. Eventually, they lay side by side, face to face.

Jeff’s fingertip idly caressed his lover’s cheek. “Paul, as much as I would love to stay right here with you, we have business to take care of.”

Both men stood. Jeff led Paul to the sofa, sitting together he took his lover's hand. “Paul, I know the money I have has been an issue for you and you’ve handled it, probably much better than I would have. You saw how Raymond reacted this morning and you helped him. Paul, if anything should ever happen to me, you and Maria need not worry about your financial future. My personal assets will go to you, as well as my interests in the Adams Family Trust. Individual trust funds have already been set up for both you and Maria. So, no matter what happens to AFT or anyone else, you two will be financially independent. I also want you to be able to act in my stead. Granted, it doesn't involve a lot of work, just attending the occasional meeting and making informed decisions. Paul, we are more than boyfriends, more than lovers, more than partners. We belong together. We are sharing this life together. It's time to make it so it's our money, not just mine.”

Just like the proposal, Paul had seen this coming. Actually, he hadn't seen this coming. When he thought of Jeff's money it had been nebulous and a somewhat oppressive concept. And it had been exactly that, “Jeff’s money”, not “our money”. He figured whatever Jeff had would remain with the Adams family through some prenuptial agreement. Just like the clothes, Christmas gifts, the car, or the trip to Chicago, money would sporadically rear its ugly head. When he saw Raymond blindsided by sudden wealth, he realized money is like animal feces, sometimes you just have to deal with it, whether it meant scraping it off your boots or shoveling massive amounts.

He had never really considered the idea that being extremely rich would be a constant in his own life. In Raymond's case, money was a rightful inheritance. Paul had friends in college who couldn't relate to his struggling to make ends meet. Being associated with really rich people was not the same as being one. Supporting Raymond had been easy compared to this.

Maria’s life would certainly be changed. How would becoming rich affect his little girl? Hell, how would it affect him? No more struggling to afford necessities. No struggling to afford anything. Not having to save for Maria’s education or his retirement. He thought for a moment and realized there was not anything he particularly wanted that couldn't be achieved in time, through his own efforts. His own place. Professional success. A good education for Maria. A comfortable retirement. He liked cars, but he was content, in fact, felt good that he was able to finance reliable transportation. YouTube videos and visiting the occasional antique car show allowed him to dream. Travel? Food? There was nothing that really grabbed him as something he would buy or do if he ‘won the lottery’.

Jeff waited expectantly for Paul's reaction. “Jeff, I don't think that giving me a lot of money is a really good idea. I mean, most lottery winners wind up worse off than they were. What if I buy a Rolls Royce or a gaudy mansion. I could develop a gambling habit or who knows what else.”

“Paul, you could buy a different Rolls for every day of the week and several gaudy mansions and still have plenty of money. As for bad habits, I hope to be your only vice. You're a good man Paul. You’ll be okay. We’re in this together.

“Now, let me bring in the bankers and the lawyers and get this over with. Then we can take Maria into town for dinner and ice cream. How’s that sound”?

“It sounds like you're trying to placate a spoiled child. You can bring them in, but after the ice cream, you have to wash my back in the shower. Oh, and a back rub afterwards… a naked back rub.”

Jeff opened the door, looked over his shoulder at Paul and said, “I know you're trying to tempt me into foregoing this meeting and cutting straight to that back rub. It isn't working, but I intend to hold you to that agenda.”

By the time the three lawyers and two bankers were through, Paul was overwhelmed by the number of zeroes that resided in his, now, multiple bank accounts, investment accounts and the funds he could access through the AFT. Just one of his “readily accessible funds” accounts had enough zeroes to impact a third world nation's gross domestice product. By the time it was over, he had access to enough funds to create his own dictatorship. He could buy his whole hometown and kick his parents out.

Once the others had left, Jeff went to round up Maria. Paul was still somewhat stupefied by what had transpired over the past couple of hours. He found himself mindlessly staring at credit cards he didn't even know existed before today. Who knew ATMs, once accessed with a special card and a PIN number could respond to a second PIN number that gave one access to up to fifty percent of the machines available cash. Paul was definitely out of his element. His life would never be the same.

Jeff and Maria found him still in a trance-like state. Maria tugged on her daddy’s sleeve, “Daddy, are you ok? Daddy Jeff says after dinner I can have ice cream for dessert. You don't look like you would enjoy ice cream right now. Maybe we should just stay here. I can eat ice cream here. It still tastes good.”

Paul shook his head to clear his thinking. “Baby girl, I would love to go to town and watch you eat ice cream while Daddy Jeff and I have a slice of one of Miss Julie’s pies.

Paul shifted around and pulled Maria onto his lap. “You know baby girl, when two people love each other very much they… well… they want to spend their lives together… and well…”

“Daddy, are you gonna tell me you and Daddy Jeff are getting married? Cause if you are, it sure is taking you a long time just to say it. DJ said it was gonna happen like with his two Daddy's. He was the ring baron. I want to be y'all’s ring baron. If you get married does one of you have to wear a white gown? I should have asked DJ. Daddy, even pretend you don't look very good as a girl. Daddy Jeff is taller, so I guess that means you gotta wear the dress. I should have asked DJ which of his daddies wore the dress. But, I’m pretty sure it has to be whoever is shorter. He says there was cake and dancing and then you go to Hawaii for the honeymoon. He says that's where married people go to have S.E.X. I spelled it out cause I know you don't like it when I say sex. DJ didn't spell it out. I don't even know if he can spell it. Are y'all getting married Daddy”?

While Paul’s mouth hung open, Jeff knelt beside their chair. “Yes Princess, we are getting married and you can be our ring baron, if that's what you want. When two men get married neither has to wear a dress. But, you can wear a beautiful white dress, with pretty pink flowers, if you want. In a way, I will be marrying your Daddy and you too. Because you will be my little girl too.”

Maria's face screwed up in confusion. “I thought I already was your little girl when I called you my Daddy Jeff.”

Jeff glanced up to see that Paul had recovered and wore a smirk at Jeff’s predicament. “Princess, I like to think you became my little girl when we first met, because I knew I loved you right away. When we get married it makes it legal. Nothing really important changes, it just makes it legal. Like getting a driver's license. People drive before they get a license, the license just makes it legal. Do you understand”?

“I guess so. I guess getting married makes it legal to have sex.”

Paul felt an intervention was needed. Tickling Maria, he shouted, “Ok Baby girl. Let's head out to the diner. There's ice cream to be ett.”

Catching Paul's eye, Jeff mouthed, “Thanks.”

On the way to town, Maria informed Sam and Dave that her Daddies would soon be “having sex legally”. It took the remainder of the trip to convince Maria that people don't discuss sex in polite company. That led to a discussion about whether Sam and Dave were company or family. As they arrived at the diner Dave offered that he and Sam were friendly employees, better than polite company but not quite family. All the adults breathed a sigh of relief when Maria decided sex was just too confusing. It would be better to tell everybody they were just getting married and leave sex out of it.

///////////// MEANWHILE ////////////////

“CLOSE THAT DOOR!” Raymond shouted. That statement may have been somewhat premature as the door in question had not yet been opened.

A loud, but muted voice through the door called out, “Mr. Car… I mean Mr. Adams, it's me, Jeremy. I got my laptop and keys and Tahoe and I just wanted to leave a thank you note on your desk. It seemed more personal than an email, and… uh, I wasn't sure I could do it face to face without getting emotional. I’ll just wait and put it on your desk first thing in the morning.”

“Jeremy, just wait right there and I’ll be with you in a minute.”

A whispered exchange in the bathroom as they cleaned up resulted in an agreement to share their relationship with Jeremy. Once they were ‘presentable’, Raymond opened the door and invited Jeremy into his office. “Jeremy, I’d like you to meet Sheriff Daniel Lovan.

“Since you are now my personal assistant you are privy to personal aspects of my life that you will be expected to keep to yourself. You’ve signed the nondisclosure agreement when you hired on. That means you may be called upon to convincingly lie about certain details and shared confidences, unless you are under oath and face possible perjury charges. Is that understood”?

“Yes sir, but I thought you were already out? I mean it's common knowledge… I don't understand.”

“I am out Jeremy. Unfortunately, Daniel is not. To protect his career you, he and I must lie about his orientation. Daniel is my, uh boy, er, uh, lov, part…”

Daniel seized the moment, stepped forward, extended his right hand and stated, “Hi Jeremy. It's nice to meet you. You can call me Daniel. I’m Raymond's future husband.” Daniel's bravado faltered, “At least, I wanna be.”

Twice in one day, Raymond was speechless. He searched his lover's face and saw doubt and hesitation. He might have been speechless, but he wasn't paralyzed. He grabbed Daniel's face in both hands and proceeded to kiss the man with his whole heart. If the entire town had been watching he couldn't have held back. His love for this lawman was bursting forth like some tremendous explosion that could not be contained.

Daniel may have been caught off guard, but he understood immediately that Raymond had accepted his ill-timed and awkward proposal. The unmitigated joy that rushed through his soul was like lightning chasing fireworks! It made him want to shout his love from the rooftops. Strangely this thought of shouting from the rooftops brought a sobering reality to the moment. He broke the kiss.

“Raymond, I, uh, as much as I want to… I uh, I can't…”

“Hold on there Lawman. Just one goddamned minute. You proposed and I accepted. Nobody said when. It may not be this month, this year or this decade, but you asked me to marry you in front of a credible witness and by god you’re going to marry me sooner or later. I would have already asked you but for the sake of your career. I’m willing to wait. But, the moment your career becomes a non-issue, we are tying the knot. If you understand that and agree, just shut up and kiss me.”

This time the kiss was like a warm spring rain that showered them with the promise of a fully blossoming love. It went on until Jeremy cleared his throat. It continued. Jeremy cleared his throat even louder. It continued. Jeremy faltered, “I’ll just, uh, put this on your desk.” Placing a sealed envelope on Raymond's desk he continuously eyed the hot men as their kiss took on an air of desperation. They groped each other as if they were alone on a desert isle and kissing was the key to their survival. “I’ll see myself out. I guess I’ll see you in the morning, sir. It was nice meeting you Sheriff, uh, I mean Daniel. Well, goodnight y'all.” Jeremy was glad the two were oblivious to his exit, otherwise, they might have noticed his sizable response to their stimulating activity.

Eventually, they broke the kiss. For more than a moment they were content to simply hold each other. Raymond finally stepped back. “I think Jeremy left.”

Daniel chuckled, “I think Jeremy left a while ago.”

“Well, I trust him. I am confident, if you get outed, it won't be by him. I couldn't help but notice he smiled when you declared your intentions to make me an honest man.”

Raymond engaged a somber note in his voice, “Daniel, I have a proposal of my own for you. Someone once said, ‘the best-kept secrets are those that are kept in plain sight’. I intend to make my ranch a secure compound. No one will be allowed access without my approval. No one will wander in or come snooping around without being challenged. As soon as the main house gets remodeled I will have an empty, smaller house available for rent. I would like to offer the smaller house as a rental to our County Sheriff. With the stipulation that said County Sheriff actually take up residence in the main house with me. Larry and Runt already know about us, as do my family and my guards are screened for and paid to be discreet. No one has to know where you actually hang your hat. Daniel, we could be together, now. Hell, we could go to Vegas and get hitched and not tell a soul. Or we can live secretly in sin. What do you think”?

Daniel took Raymond's hands in his. “My first impulse is to say yes. I want you. I want to be with you. I love you Raymond. I have loved you for years. You were my first love and you’ll be my last love. Just like that old song my Momma used to listen to.

“But, I love my job. I have learned as acting Sheriff, that my judgement, my decisions and my management style are just as sound, just as valid as anyone who might also be qualified to hold the office. I intend to do my very best to win this election. If I don't win, then I will seek other gainful employment. I will also follow through on my promise to marry you, and together we will make it the biggest, gayest wedding this town has ever seen. I know you want an answer right now, but I need to think hard about this. If we move in together, I don't intend to permanently leave you until they take one of us out feet first.”

Raymond found it hard to hide his excitement. “Daniel, I fully expected you to flat out refuse. For you to seriously consider moving in with me, is so much more of a victory than I expected this soon. I thought of this when I first visited the shack Larry and Runt live in. I almost told them to move into the smaller house. I thought of two men living and loving together on my ranch. I wondered why you and I couldn't be like that. It wasn't long before I came up with this idea. That was part of the reason I wanted to see you tonight. Then I saw you across the street and well, I guess things just got out of hand.”

Daniel pulled Raymond closer. “Well, I can't say I didn't enjoy my tour of your new office, but I’m kinda hungry. You think we can continue our talk over dinner.”

Raymond let his guards know he was ready to leave. In the elevator, Daniel invited Raymond to spend the night at his place. It was decided that a guard could give him a ride to work in the morning so he rode with Raymond, in Chiron, to the diner. On the way, Raymond brought up his idea of “transparency” as a campaign platform. Once he was assured an AFT grant would cover the cost of the body cameras as well as peripheral hardware, Daniel was fully onboard.

In the diner parking lot, they met up with Jeff, Paul, and Maria. The guards, almost inconspicuously, sat a nearby table. As soon as the family took their seats, Maria excitedly informed her new Uncle that her Daddies were getting married. Raymond casually opined, “It must be something in the water.”

Jeff and Paul both stared open-mouthed at the outwardly complacent couple. Daniel was quick to point out that absolute discretion would be appreciated. Maria felt sure she was being intentionally left out of the discussion. She loudly inquired, “Is ‘dicks, rec, tion’ part of sex”?

The explosion of laughter around the table as well as at the guards' table did nothing to dispel her sense of being left out. Jeff leaned in and whispered to Paul, “we gotta start writing these down.”

Miss Julie appeared behind Maria’s chair with a glare that had even the armed guards quieting and guiltily shifting in their seats. She quelled the merriment like the proverbial wet blanket. Only after silence reigned did she kneel beside Maria's chair, “Princess, you know how sometimes your Daddies play pretends with you and you have to explain to them every little thing. That's bothersome, isn't it? Or like you have to get their attention so you can make sure they don't miss the best parts of “Frozen”? Maria solemnly nodded and Miss Julie continued, “Well, a grownup conversation is sometimes like that. Sometimes your Daddies get all serious and explain things so you understand. Other times they just laugh it off because it’s something that you just have to grow into. You have to trust your Daddies to tell you the important stuff and learn to laugh at the rest. Okay, Sugar”?

Maria carefully scanned the faces of the two men she trusted most in the world. She looked into Miss Julies’ eyes and said, “This growing up stuff takes a long time. It seems I been doing it most of my life. I just wished I could get there so I could laugh about sex too.”

Miss Julie cast a threatening glance to one and all, at both tables. “Well, sugar one day you’ll be wishing you had never grown up. Seems we spend a lot of time wishing for what we don't have. Then when we get it… we'll it can be a challenge to deal with. It's important to remember this life is like a journey or recess at school. It's always more fun when you share it with those you care about most.” With that, she winked at Paul and moved on to greet her other patrons.

Much later, as Raymond and Daniel were crawling naked, but sated, under the “Starry Night” comforter, Raymond said, “Daniel, remember when we were discussing financial assets and we discussed net worth? Well….”