All About Jake - 4. In to the bedroom

My days spent scouring for the perfect second date venue were ultimately wasted, because we ended up spending most of the night in the coffee shop, with Jake's friends. It wasn't really how I had imagined things would end up, but I liked it. No, that makes it sound like too much of a compromise, it wasn't like that. I had a great time, it just wasn't what I was expecting. Seeing him with all of those people showed me a whole new side to him. As became obvious, Ben and Sam were definitely his closest friends, but there were several more who came in and out of conversations at various times. There was a small group of maybe eight people in total, but never all at the same time. For the third or fourth time Jake was saying to someone I hadn't met before:

"and this is Kaiden."

As if the rest of that sentence didn't need explaining. Maybe it was just me, but I was imagining that people were left thinking 'and who the fuck is Kaiden?'. It felt awkward, so I wanted to talk to Jake about it, but that was hard, with so many other people around. Eventually I managed to pull him to one side.

"Jake, if it would be easier, I mean, if you want to, you can tell people that we're, you know, together?"

I sounded awkward, which is perhaps just an accurate reflection of how I was feeling, starting out as a statement and ending as a question.

"Do you want me to?"

"Yes, I mean, I *can* be you're boyfriend can't I?"

"Ha ha ha, hmmmmmm, let me think about that. Do I want to go out with Kay Walker?"

I knew he was joking because of how he called me Kay. But he still made me wait before answering.

"Of course Kaiden, I just don't want you to feel pressured into telling people."

"Great, and thanks, but people are going to find out anyway. And these people are your friends."

So it was settled. We were, publicly, boyfriends, and Jake wasn't shy about telling his friends. Although I suppose that the two of us kissing probably gave a few of them a hint. Somehow a couple of hours passed by and we hadn't made any effort to move on anywhere else. I got to hear some amazing music, mostly for the first time ever because my tastes were pretty boring and mainstream, apparently, and best of all, I got to be with Jake. His friends all seemed about a thousand times cooler than I could ever imagine being, and were universally properly nice people. In one of the rare conversational and musical lulls Jake looked over and gave me a wink.

"Sorry Kaiden, this wasn't really how I thought we'd be spending the night, with so many other people."

"It's OK, I'm having a great time."

"But I feel like I've had to share you all night."

"Honestly Jake, it's fine."

Even though there was a bit of me feeling the same way, although I'd been the one having to share. Lots of people wanted to talk to Jake, and I was possibly getting in the way a bit. Not that anyone did or said anything like that, it was just a feeling.

"Want to go somewhere quieter?"

"It's getting late, I don't mind staying here, don't worry about it."

"Nope, not convincing. Not convincing at all Kaiden Walker. Come on"

Jake was a little drunk, and so was I. He grabbed my hand and started to head away from everyone else. After a few seconds of manoeuvring past tables of people he left me standing by the end of the shop counter. I was about to start an awkward conversation with his Dad when Jake was at my side again, carrying several beers.

"Come on."

I followed Jake as he went through the door and upstairs. Instead of turning into the kitchen, as we had previously, Jake carried on up another set of stairs. Through a doorway and then we were seemingly surrounded by guitars. Maybe that's an exaggeration, but there were like seven or eight. Who needs that many guitars?

"Is this your bedroom?"

"Yes, but don't read too much in to that! Come on."

He smiled as he said it, which was good. As much as I'd thought about it, jumping in to bed with him so soon didn't feel like a good idea. And yes, I really had been thinking about it a lot. Jake opened the big sash window, sliding the lower section all the way up, and climbed out, briefly disappearing from view.

"Pass me the beers and then follow me."

It was late, but not totally dark because of the general glow of the streetlights. We were on a small flat roof section, which looked like it wasn't at all intended for walking on, but Jake seemed confident enough as he again vanished, this time around the corner. I followed him and found myself slightly stunned. Firstly, the view was amazing. You could see most of the city, and then beyond, past the edge of modernity, into the countryside beyond, miles away really, but it looked close. And secondly, this was a really great private rooftop deck area, with chairs and tables and things. Jake was sorting through stuff in some boxes whilst I stood and admired the view. Of the city, not of Jake, he was behind me. But when I did turn my attention back to him, I was again pleasantly surprised. Jake had produced blankets and cushions and was sitting down, looking up at me, drinking a beer. He had, again, provided the most perfect date night. Two to him, nil to me. I was going to have to seriously up my game next week. But that could wait, I sat down on the roof next to Jake and took the beer he'd opened for me.

We sat, or at least, half sat half lay against each other, looking over the city, drinking beer, and talking. At some point, I'm not sure when, we stopped drinking beer. I found myself just looking at him, probably smiling in that way that slightly drunk people do, feeling like I was falling in to his eyes. He kissed me, but not like we'd kissed downstairs, in front of other people. This was real kissing, full of love, and passion, and a wholly sensual experience. I felt his hand on my back as we closed the small space between us, our bodies now against each other as we lay on the blankets. And then, a new world of skin tingling, mind blowing feelings as he touched me. Actually touching me, his hand on my skin, sliding under my shirt and up my back. I followed his lead and was quickly feeling his hot firm body as we kissed harder. That wasn't the only thing that was getting harder, as we slowly ground against each other.

After what was not long enough of doing that, although how long would that need to be I don't know, I found myself just laying next to Jake, holding his hand with mine as we looked out over the world below us.

There was a comfortable silence, although I'm not sure exactly when that started. After a few moments, Jake spoke.

"I really like how you make me feel Kaiden, when I'm with you."

I turned on to my side to face him.

"That sounds like a good thing then, right? "

"Yeah, it's a great thing. You make me feel warm and squishy inside, and safe, like I can trust you. I like that."

"So, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why does it seem like your Dad hates me?"

There was a distinctly less comfortable silence for a few seconds as Jake closed his eyes and let go of my hand. When he opened them again he looked more serious.

"He's just trying to look out for me I guess, he doesn't want anything bad to happen to me."

"But I've never done anything to hurt you, have I?"

"No, you haven't. I know it's not fair, but it's not about you."

"OK?"

Another pause. Our dream second date was seemingly on the brink of plummeting into disaster.

"I guess it started about three years ago, when Mum died."

You know that feeling you get when you just know that you should have shut the fuck up, but it's now too late. That was how I felt. Jake continued talking though.

"She had a brain tumour, no-one knew, and it all happened really fast. It was a really hard time, obviously. It took me about eighteen months before I even started to feel like a person again, and I guess dad was in the same place really. But things started to seem a bit better, eventually."

Somehow Jake looked vulnerable, uncertain, and easily crushed.

"And they were better I suppose, for a bit. But I made some really poor choices as well, the worst of which was going out with Drake."

"Drake? Wait, Drake and Jake? Seriously?"

It wasn’t really a light moment, but I could help myself.

"I know! He wasn't even black. I found out later his real name was actually Derek."

Just the tiniest hint of a smile flickered over his lips, gone as quickly as it appeared.

"Anyway, I thought he was probably the coolest person I'd ever met, and we got fairly serious fairly fast. I know now that I was just looking for all the wrong stuff in all the wrong places, but back then, I thought he was perfect."

"But he wasn't?"

"Fuck no. Nowhere near. Dad was really cool about it to start with, but eventually he disliked him more and more. I suppose he could see what was going on, but I didn't."

"Jake, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"No, it's OK. You want to know why Dad hates you. Actually no, that's not right, he doesn't hate you. It's because he's scared. Drake turned out to be incredibly manipulative, controlling, abusive, and violent. I just couldn't see it, or maybe just couldn't admit it, not then. The final thing was when dad came home one night, it was when we were still living in our old house, and found me lying on the floor. I don't really remember much of it, but Drake had beaten the crap out of me, basically because I told him I'd made a couple of new friends."

"Fuck Jake, I'm so sorry."

"It's OK, you don't have to be sorry, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't mine either, but it's taken me a long time to realise that."

I don't think I've felt so completely useless, or powerless, as I did right then.

"Dad freaked out, understandably, but took me to hospital to get sorted out. It wasn't as bad as it looked, although it did look pretty bad. The next day Drake just turned up, like nothing had happened. But Dad was home, looking after me, so he called the Police. I never saw Drake again, there was a restraining order for a few months, but he never came back."

"You know I'd never do anything like that to you."

"I know, and it sort of doesn't matter, I'm not like I was back then. I'd never let you do anything like that to me."

"Jake, I never would. I completely freaked out when I didn't hear from you last weekend, I can't even imagine the idea of deliberately hurting you."

"It's cool Kaiden. Wait? You, freaked out? That's kind of funny. No-one would ever believe that Kay Walker freaked out about anything at all."

"Well most people don't know a lot of stuff about Kay Walker. Wow, I'm talking about myself in the third person now, how wrong is that?"

We both laughed, and then there was more silence, slightly less uncomfortable, but I tried to change the conversation a bit anyway.

"So you're friends seem like good guys, it's been great meeting them all."

"Yeah, they are. And they all like you."

"They do?"

"Yeah, they've been wanting to meet you for ages..."

"Cool, wait, what? We only went on our first ever date last week."

"But I might have mentioned you a few times, you know, before then."

"Oh?"

"Don't say it like that! I just mean, well yeah, I mean I mentioned you before then, when I first knew I wanted to ask you out."

"And when was that? That week you gave me a free biscuit? I remember that week."

"Oh, no, definitely before that. It took me a few weeks to find the nerve to actually talk to you."

Somehow, in the course of our conversation, something had shifted, between us. I felt closer than ever, not just because of what Jake had shared with me, but maybe because he had. I put my arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug. I kissed him again, feeling more than ever that I meant it more than ever. Jake rolled on to his back, pulling me with him, so I was laying on top of him. This was new. And fuck, it was good. Jakes hands were again under my shirt, touching and feeling my back as we kissed. The way he ran his fingers down my spine, making me tingle and shudder slightly was just unreal, but thankfully very real.

Feeling him underneath me was sort of intoxicating, I'd never felt like that before. It wasn't really a sense of power or control or anything like that, if anything, I was aware of the fact that Jake was letting me be there. And then his hands were on my arse, squeezing and pulling me even tighter against him. I'm fairly certain I moaned as I lifted myself up with my arms, keeping my hips tightly pressing into him. And yes, I was also feeling harder than I had ever been in my life. Jeans are just not designed for that kind of moment. Looking down at Jake, I couldn't quite believe this was really happening. He was looking up at me, apparently enjoying it just as much as I was.

"You are so unbelievably sexy Kaiden."

And I believed him, because I felt it. I mean, I could feel 'it' underneath me easily enough, but Jake made me feel sexy. It's hard to describe how that happens, it's not like I suddenly looked any different to usual, but I felt different with him. I was about to tell him how beautiful he was but I ended up just moaning again as Jake’s hands were pushing my shirt up, running over my abs, up my chest, and brushing over my nipples, causing us to grind into each other even harder.

Things were on the verge of going so much further, in all of the good ways that such things can. Except, I couldn't. I don't mean physically, there was plenty of evidence to testify just how much my body was having a great time and wanted more. I didn't know exactly what 'more' would entail, but it would be fun to find out.

Unfortunately, my brain wasn't quite so on board with the whole 'seize the moment' thing. Carpe diem it wasn't. Without warning I was feeling guilt, and fear, and something that was horribly like disgust. What was I thinking? If we went much further then that would make me totally gay, right? If we did anything more, and definitely if I ended up cumming, then there would be no going back. It didn't make sense to me even in the moment, I didn't want to go back, I am gay. But that's easier to say in hindsight. I'd stopped breathing, and as soon as I realised this I rolled off of Jake,
laying on my back, fearing another panic attack style meltdown. Jake seemed to catch on to what was happening pretty quickly, and gave me a moment to calm down. When his hand was on my chest, it was with concern and compassion, and nothing more.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me."

"Kaiden, relax, it's OK, there's nothing wrong with you, like, at all."

"You think?"

"I know."

I was too embarrassed to look at him, so I closed my eyes. No-one would ever believe that Kay Walker had any kind of hang-ups, least of all about sex. Not that we were necessarily at that point, but I knew that's what was bothering me. I think most people at college just assumed that I'd fucked nearly every girl I'd ever met, which couldn't be further from the truth, being a virgin. But you know how people are, they make all kinds of assumptions based on nothing meaningful at all. I felt Jakes head on my chest, and my hand automatically found his hair and held him close to me as we lay there in silence for I don't know how long. My heart rate slowed down to a more normal speed really quickly, and breathing was happening. Nice one Kay, you didn't die, again. You just made a bit of a twat of yourself. Again.

"It's getting cold, shall we go back inside?"

Jakes voice brought me away from wherever my head was, back to reality.

"Jake, I'm sorry, you know this isn't you, right? You're honestly the most amazing guy ever, and I really do want to... well, you know... but... I don't know what happens to me."

"It's OK Kaiden, I know this is a pretty big deal for you. There's no rush, honestly."

I smiled, not totally believing that Jake could really be being honest, it must be very fucking annoying. But he was being so sweet about it.

"Besides, you've made it even more difficult for yourself, choosing the sexiest boy in the city for your first ever boyfriend, that's a lot of pressure. Maybe you should go and find someone, you know, uglier?"

His arrogant, confident, and actually just really awesome smile was back, and I knew he was joking, as we both laughed. Jake stashed the blankets and cushions back into boxes, and we climbed back into his bedroom.

We hung out a while longer, whilst Jake explained in the kind of detail that only a true devotee can manage, about the different guitars he had.

I followed as far as the difference between electric and acoustic, and everything after that was just words. But it was really great just spending time with him and listening to him talk about stuff that he's really in to. It was late, so I decided that I should probably head home. We kissed again, with less drama from me this time, but with no less intensity. There was no sign of his Dad as Jake led me out, which was probably a good thing. I felt as though I wanted to say something to him, to explain to him that I'd never, ever, hurt Jake. But I also realised that I probably couldn't ever say enough to convince him, he'd have to come to that decision himself.
My walk home was uneventful, save for the ongoing head-fuck I was putting myself through about getting so freaked out about getting intimate with Jake. OK, more intimate. When I got home, Mum 'just happened' to still be up, 'working'. Subtle as ever, like a brick.

"Oh Hi Kay, how was your night?"

"Yeah, erm, OK Mum, it was OK."

I had to walk past her to get to the fridge, and as much as I didn't want to talk about it, I did want some water. I tried to avoid her eyes, as if that was going to work.

"Kay? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah Mum, great, I'm just tired, why?"

She gave me one of her patented looks. The 'that's obviously a load of crap and we both know it' one.

"It's fine!"

"Oh, should I get you're Dad, do you want to talk to him?"

"No!"

I was a little firmer sounding that I meant to be. And seriously, no way, ever. I didn't want to talk to anyone about this, let alone my parents. What did she think was going to happen? 'Oh hey Dad, yeah, so the weirdest thing, I got totally freaked out by the idea of Jake touching my dick and making me cum, any thoughts on how to handle that?'.

I don’t think that kind of conversation ever actually happens, does it? Not in any kind of normal family I've ever met. Although, apparently I did know exactly what was bothering me.

"Honestly Mum, it was great, I'm just tired."

It wasn't a lie, just not all of the truth either. Laying in bed later, I realised that I had literally no-one I could talk to about this stuff. Which wasn't even true. I could talk to Sarah about absolutely anything, so I suppose I just didn't want to. Guilt and regret were becoming much bigger parts of my life than I had ever expected. I was feeling guilty mostly because it didn't seem that I was being very fair to Jake. He definitely deserved better than what I was able to offer him. And regret, well, that's even more shameful. I was regretting him telling people that I was his boyfriend, because now, it was out there, in the wild, uncontrolled. Which maybe would have been slightly better if I was actually able to deal with that reality, which apparently I was not. But ultimately, I was just feeling confused. Because despite all of that stuff going around and around in my head, thinking about Jake, seeing Jake, being with Jake, always felt amazing, and always made me horny. If only people knew what a fuck up Kay Walker really was. I don’t remember exactly what I was worrying about when I finally fell asleep, things were getting all mixed up in my head.

As it turned out, apparently even some of the worst sounding advice might have some truth to it, as things really did feel different in the morning, and as I got dressed to head down for breakfast with the rest of the family I gave myself a little reality check. It was exactly two weeks and one day since my first date with Jake, and two weeks since I told my family I was gay. I really didn't have to have this all figured out so quickly. Breakfast was all good, as usual, although a bit more hurried because as Josh reminded me, we'd agreed to spend the day together and he wanted to go in to town. When I say we'd agreed, what that means is that Josh had just kept asking me again and again, and in a moment of weakness, or desperation, or just not fully paying attention I'd said yes. To be fair, we get on really well, and for a younger brother, he's not too annoying at all. We look kind of similar, but he's incredibly fashion conscious, taking way longer than me to get ready, so it was late morning before we even left the house. It's fair to say that I was feeling a little distracted by my own thoughts, but also, I was running out of enthusiasm for Josh trying on T-shirts. I do think about how I look, and I try and make sure I always look good, but Josh, he's in a whole different league. He must have tried on literally thirty T-shirts between the five shops we'd already been in, several of which I'm fairly confident were exactly the same. Finally, he bought one, so we were 'allowed' to go for some lunch. Because I was with Josh, that meant there wasn't even a discussion about where to go, there was only one option. Burgers. I don't know how he can eat so much crap and still be so skinny. It was now well in to the afternoon, so we didn't have to wait long for our order to arrive. Eating is one of the few things stat stops Josh from talking, so I was enjoying the respite of relative peace. It didn't last long.

"So what's up Kay? You're all quiet and weird."

"What? Nothing, I'm fine."

"Whatever, you don't have to tell me. I just wondered."

"I'm OK, don't worry about it."

"Right. Is it 'girl trouble' bro?"

I looked up, confused. Josh was laughing, thinking he was being hilarious.

"Fuck off. No, I just have a lot on my mind."

"You're not going to dump him already are you?"

"What? No! Nothing like that."

"So what happened? You were all happy last week, right up until last night, now you're all, I don't even know what you are, weird."

"Nothing happened." Which was basically true. Sort of. Nearly. I wanted to move the conversation away from me.

"So what else do you want to do today?"

"OK, whatever. When you've finished eating we're going over to Page Nineteen, and then Doug's, and maybe the cinema later."

"Great."

I said it with as much un-enthusiasm as I could manage. Page Nineteen is a comic book store. Except apparently, you're not allowed to use the c-word, they're 'graphic novels'. I totally don't get it, but Josh has been into them for years. If you imagine the kind of people that you would stereotype into going to a comic book store, then you're probably about half way to imagining the people that actually go there. They know Josh in there pretty well, and he drags me in sometimes whilst he endlessly look through stuff I don't understand. I can't even pronounce most of the titles, the Japanese ones anyway. So that's where we were, for at least an hour. I wandered around for a bit, and then just sat in a corner waiting for Josh to buy something. The problem was, despite it being a shop, it was also a whole social world, so there was more talking than buying going on, which I was not a part of. I have tried to understand, I usually flick through something while I wait for Josh, but I just don't get it. Why can't you just read a book? I don't know what he bought in the end, it was volume 63 of something. He has literally hundreds in his bedroom. You'd think I'd be grateful that we could finally leave the home of the socially ill-equipped. But the next stop was going to be even worse.

Doug's. It's hardly even a shop. OK, so it is a shop, but it's messy, chaotic, and odd. It doesn't even have a proper name, Doug is the name of the guy that runs it, and he sells records. Lots of records. Like, he has thousands. But mostly not in any kind of order whatsoever. Josh has recently realised that vinyl is a thing, and he thinks it's super cool. And so, he's really in to it. Yet another shop full of just slightly too weird people. Although when I say full, that usually means about 10 people. Like the comic book store. I'm not sure how they ever make enough money to stay open. And there's a very particular smell in there too. I'd been once before with Josh, and it was sort of fascinating. There are shelves, as you would expect, all filled with records. And there's notionally a system, so that very broad genres are near to each other, but alphabetical order has definitely not made it this far. But then there are just other random boxes, and sometime just piles of records. I think the chaos unnerves me. There are several record players dotted around, and like the comic book store, there's not as much actual buying going on as you'd imagine there might be in a shop.

At any given moment, most people appear to be spending most of their day in there, just talking to each other, and listening to music. I was notionally following Josh around, sometimes picking through a pile of records looking as if I knew what I was looking for, and occasionally being interrupted by Josh to listen to something or other.

It was as I was stood on one corner of a shelf, idly looking through records that mostly didn't even have proper covers whilst Josh was just ahead getting excited about something that one bit of my reality randomly stumbled in to another.

"Oh wow, hey Kaiden, what are you doing here?"

I didn't look up for a second or two, although I was definitely smiling. An unconscious reaction to hearing that voice. Feeling happy, but also wondering how this was going to work out.

"Hey, I'm here with my brother, he's into all this stuff."

I turn towards where Josh had been, but he was already stood right next to me.

"Kay, come listen to this, it's really old but so cool. You'll love it I bet."

"This is Josh, my brother." I said. "Josh, this is Jake."

"Cool."

I could tell he hadn't made the connection straight away. Josh made the tiniest turn away, to head back over to the record player, before stopping, and looking from me to Jake a couple of times.

"Ohhhhh, cool! Hi Jake. Kay talks about you all the time!"

I punched Josh on the arm to shut him up. It didn't work for anywhere near long enough. I felt as though I had zero skills to manage this moment, but it didn't matter because Jake was doing just fine on his own. He asked Josh about the music he was listening to, and sent him off to listen to some things had recommended, creating a few minutes without him.

"I had a great time last night Kaiden, but I promise we'll actually go out next time."

"Yeah, me too. And, look, I'm sorry, that it's not easier, being with me."

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean, I know I'm being kind of weird but..."

Jake's hand found mine, his fingertips stroking across the back of my hand. A very pleasurable electric shock radiated out across my whole body from where he was touching me, causing me to shudder ever to slightly. The moment was abruptly ended by Josh's reappearance and enthusiastic chattering about the music Jake had picked out for him to listen to. At the point where he should have just left us again to go and pay, he carried on talking, to Jake.

"So Jake, we were just heading to the cinema, are you coming?"

"Josh! He probably has other stuff to be doing?"

"No, actually, I don't. I mean, if you don't mind?"

"Why would I mind? I just don't want you to feel like you have to."

"I don't."

So somehow it was settled, Jake was coming with us to the cinema. As we walked over to the multiplex Josh was not very subtly walking just ahead of us, so as to leave Jake and me sort of alone and together. We decided on a film, and were in the queue to get tickets. There was about five people in front of us and we were moving up fairly quickly. Josh pulled out his phone and swiped at it a few times.

"Oh no, Kay, I just remembered, I agreed to go and meet, erm..., some friends, later, so I'm not going to have time to watch a film with you guys. Sorry, I'll see you at home later. Or tomorrow. Nice meeting you Jake!"

And with that, he just walked off. Jake and I just looked at each other and started laughing. I don't think I've ever actually seen anyone be so fake in real life ever!

"Does he think that that was subtle?"

"Josh? No way, he doesn't understand the concept of being subtle."

"So what do you want to do?"

"We could still watch the film, if you want?"

All the time, we are edging closer to the front of the queue.

"Sure, if you want."

That settled it, I didn't really want to, and I didn't think Jake did either. Realising that this had evolved in to one of those moments that I could already imagine regretting later for being a total wuss, I pushed myself to take a risk.

"Actually Jake, I don't want to. Come on, let's go."

As we left the queue and walked back outside I took hold of his hand, and didn't let go.

"So what do you want to do instead?" He asked.

"Do you want to come back to mine?"

"Are you sure, I mean, yeah, but is that OK?"

"Yeah, it'll be totally fine."

Jake let go of my hand, but smiled that incredible smile so I was happy. Walking back to my house we mostly talked about my family, since mum and dad might both be home, I didn't want Jake to be surprised by them. I mean, they're both fairly laid back really, but if you're not used to them, they could be a little intimidating with their ability to ask really hard questions. As I closed the front door behind us mum appeared in the doorway through to the kitchen.

"Hi mum."

"Hi Kay."

Her eyes not leaving Jake for one millisecond.

"Mum, this is Jake. He's coming over for a while. If that's OK?"

I knew it would be OK, but it's polite to ask.

"Of course. Hello Jake, it's nice to meet you."

"Hi Mrs. Walker."

"Oh god, you can't call me that, it makes me sound like an old woman. I'm Michelle."

"Great, lets go up to my room."

I turned to leave, about to push Jake back down the hall. My mum's voice was positively commanding.

"Boys, wait."

"What?"

"Are you staying for dinner Jake?"

Jake looked to me, with the most adorable expression of not knowing what to say.

"Yes mum, he is. Aren't you?"

"Yeah, sure, thanks."

"OK, try not to make too much noise."

I'm sure she wasn't really referring to what I was thinking about, but I could feel myself blushing. I took hold of Jake’s hand and led him away, towards the stairs.

"You're house is massive."

"Oh, erm, yeah, I guess it is. I'll give you the tour later."

It's not as though we lived in a mansion or anything, but we were fairly well off and both Mum and Dad have offices at home, so you know, it's bigger than average. We hadn't exactly rushed home, but as we passed Josh's room I could see that he wasn't back yet. Walking in to my bedroom I closed the door as Jake just stood there, scanning the walls. The three walls without a window are all filled with shelves of book, I have a lot of books. And trophies. I've won a lot of stuff. Nothing major league, but still, there's probably fifty or so.

"Wow."

"What?"

Jake laughed a little.

"I'm in Kay Walker's bedroom. Do you know how many people would be jealous of me right now?"

"Ha ha, we probably have different ideas about that. But you want to know something?"

"What?"

"You're the only one who's ever actually been in here."

"Really?"

"Well, almost. Sarah has, obviously, but she doesn't count."

"Sarah? Yeah, I remember her."

I turned on my laptop to find some music. I don't have CD's or anything, it's all in iTunes. And even though my subscription gives me about 10 million songs or something, I was aware that my music tastes were nowhere near as cool as Jake’s.

"Oh yeah, sorry, I keep forgetting you used to be at Heartlands. Where do you go now?"

"I had to move to Christ's after, well, you know, I wasn't in a great place, but Heartlands wouldn't let me go back part time, so my Dad just moved me to somewhere that would."

I gave up trying to find something incredibly cool to listen to, deciding to leave the selection to Apple Music instead. It doesn’t seem like a good sign when a machine is cooler than me.

"It's really good actually. But there's not as many cute lads."

"Oh really? You're spending a lot of time looking for cute lads are you?"

"No, actually I'm not. Not for a while now."

I closed the space between us and kissed him, like I'd been wanting to do all afternoon. My fingers running through his hair, pulling his lips against mine as our tongues licked against each other. Jake's hands were under my T-shirt and feeling all over my back. It felt even hotter than the previous night, without the beer dulling my senses. After several minutes of this intense feeling fun, I pulled away slightly.

"Sorry, do you, erm, want to play videogames or something?"

Jake's eyes were staring right into my soul as his hand slid down my back, over my hip, and squeezed my obviously already hard cock.

"No, not really. You?"

I shook my head, and we ended up on my bed, with Jake beneath me. It was undeniable, I wanted him, in every way imaginable. My hands were exploring his chest, which was rapidly becoming too infuriating because of his T-shirt. Struggling to pull it up an off, I couldn't help thinking it would have been so much easier if we'd done that whilst standing up. But the sight of him, even just half undressed as he was, was beyond attention grabbing. My enjoyment of that sight was briefly interrupted by my own T-shirt coming off, and I was then having to decide if I wanted to look at, touch, kiss and lick, or if I wanted to enjoy the feeling of proper skin on skin contact. We managed to get quite a lot of both, shifting and changing positions frequently. Up until then, I hadn't really thought about having sex with Jake. Well obviously, I'd thought about it, however, it had really only ever been the idea of it, which was enough to turn me on, and to see me through to the end of every wank over the last few weeks. No, what I'd never really thought about were the practical details. But that all changed. I was laying on my bed, my head and shoulders up against the headboard, and Jake was laying on my chest, his back against me. I was kissing and licking his neck and Jake was grinding his arse against my hard cock, as I squeezed and stroked his through his jeans. We were both getting into it, but the
realisation that I might be the one to end up fucking Jake, well that was just mind-blowing. For his part, judging by the grinding and the moaning, he seemed to be just as excited by the idea. It wasn't going to happen right then, I knew that, I didn't even want it to I don't think, but I was suddenly feeling a lot more impatient for that time to finally arrive. And also, in that moment, I wanted more. I slowly, though only through clumsiness, not deliberately so, unfastened his jeans and slid my hand down, discovering two things simultaneously. Firstly, Jake wasn't wearing any boxers, which was the sexiest and coolest thing I hadn't even imagined. And secondly, wrapping my hand around someone else's cock feels quite a lot like doing it to myself, only, obviously, slightly different.

"Oh fuck Kaiden!"

God how I loved hearing him say my name like that. My proper name. He turned his head towards me and we kissed again, deep, and with a vague sense of urgency. Jake pushed his jeans down a little further, allowing me to more fully explore his body and cause him to moan into my mouth. Relying on instinct and lust, probably more the latter, I started to stroke him as we continued to kiss, whilst my left hand rubbed his chest, abs, and nipples. Subjecting Jake to what I know I enjoy doing to myself seemed to be having a similar effect, and there was suddenly only one way to go, my grip tightening slightly and stroking him faster.

"Kaiden, ohhhhh, oh god, I'm going to... Kaiden!"

I could feel Jake's body become tense, his breathing rapid, and then almost vibrating, shaking, as the spasms of pleasure took over. The realisation of what had just happened, what I'd done, what I'd caused, it was fucking hot. For a few seconds we just lay there, a few seconds that could have easily been a few minutes, or a few hours. No, it definitely wasn't a few hours. I was still painfully hard, and Jake wasted no time in returning the experience. My hand and his body were both covered in his cum, but neither of us let that get in the way of getting my jeans undone. I was feeling so turned on that as soon as I felt Jake's hand touching me I knew that this wasn't going to take long. Still laying on my bed I found myself gripping the sheets with my left hand, and Jakes shoulder with my right. He was touching me, there. Stroking me, and it felt incredible. My brain wasn't really able to process all of that information properly, which might be a good thing. My body took over anyway, knowing that what was happening was feeling absurdly amazing. Jake briefly grabbed my balls and I totally lost control.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck! Jake.... fuck!"

Such an amazing vocabulary range, but who cared. Jake stroked again, faster, and I shot so hard, getting cum up to my neck and onto the headboard. That had never happened before. But then, this had never happened before. I was thinking that we really should clean up, but instead, Jake was in my arms again, and we were just laying there, enjoying the shared afterglow of out first shared sexual experience. And for me, my first ever.

Thirty minutes, lots of tissues, and an open window later, I didn't want my bedroom to smell so totally of cum, we were back to being properly dressed and Jake, having picked out some much better music to listen to was asking me about some of my trophies. There was a knock on the door followed by unnecessarily loud yelling, presumably meant for the whole house to hear.

"Dudes, please, put some clothes on!"

It was Josh, obviously. I opened the door immediately.

"Josh! What the fuck?"

"Ha ha ha, I was just joking Kay, lighten up."

He looked past me to Jake, who's hair was still ridiculously messy.

"But maybe you guys *do* have something to feel guilty about huh?"

"Fuck off. What do you want?"

"Mum wanted to know if Jake has any weird food issues."

I didn't know the answer, because, as it dawned on me right then, I basically knew nothing about him. Well not nothing, but you know, nothing like that. I looked over to him.

"No, it’s all good, I eat pretty much anything, but tell your Mum thanks for asking."

"OK. Dinner's going to be about 6:30. So you didn't watch the film then?"

"No, we decided just to hang out here."

"Cool, so before dinner I was thinking that we could..."

"No, we're busy."

I smiled as I closed the door, and could hear Josh saying something about being 'dropped' now I had a boyfriend, but he was joking, I think. But still, he was right about one thing. I had a boyfriend, and he was about to properly meet my parents. There was precisely nothing about that sentence that didn't feel scary, even if it was also good.