The Hidden Ones: Resurrection - 3. Dr. Theodore Haner

---Teddy---

It’s not rare for me to think of Mrs. Sullivan every now and again. Maybe it’s a sign that I was never fully over Ryder, but that’s not the way I see it. She was an amazing caring woman who I was lucky enough to stumble across in my life. She always had advice to give and a smile on her face. She was always joking, teasing and laughing. Her life was just as depressing as Ryder’s, hell, maybe even more. Yet, she smiled her way through it, and that, it’s something I’ve always admired about her.

“It’s because you’re born from the same soul.” I heard her words echo in my ears. “And now life is pulling you back together.”

“Dr. Haner!” I heard a nearby nurse shout as I snapped back to reality. “Are you okay? Can you do this?”

“Yeah. Yeah.” I shook my head, shifting my gaze into the big room full of press and cameras. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen this room get used.”

“What about during that flu epidemic a few years ago?” He asked, taking a look in himself.

“Wasn’t here.” I shrugged, turning back to him. “This is only my third year.”

“That’s right, you’re just a baby.” He teased, with a smile. “I guess it just feels like you’ve been here forever.”

“Guess so.” I shrugged hearing the chatter in the other room getting more and more impatient by the second. “I better start before it turns into a circus in there. Wish me luck.”

“You don’t need it.” The nurse winked, giving me a nice supportive pat on the back.

The second I entered the small room I was overwhelmed by flashing lights and cameras. It’s been a long time since I had to deal with anything like this, and I haven’t missed it for a second. I’d spoken with Ryder’s agent to get our story straight, but still the whole thing just seemed, unnecessary. The press knows enough and they’ve been showing the video of the ambulance picking up Ryder over and over. People are smart enough to piece together it was a suicide attempt, and if they aren’t, well maybe they should be spared the story.

“I’m Dr. Theodore Haner,” I began as I reached the small podium. “I’m the head trauma surgeon for the emergency room here at St. James. Late Thursday night Ryder Sullivan was brought to us because of an alleged suicide attempt. However that has not yet been confirmed. Right now he is under my care and is being observed for any alarming tendencies or health issues.” I exhaled, staring at the row of cameras. “Keep in mind that I will not go into detail about the patient’s records or diagnosis, but if you have any questions I will take them.”

“Dr. Haner! Dr. Haner!” the crowd let out before finally once voice rose above the rest. “Why is it only an alleged suicide attempt?”

“Currently we just do not have enough facts to say anything definitive.” I lied, trying my hardest to give Ryder privacy.

“But haven’t you spoken with him?” Another asked, lunging forward. “Isn’t he conscious?”

“He is conscious and in stable health.” I nodded my head. “However any conversations we’ve had are private.”

“So you have spoken?” Another let out as I nodded my head. “How does he sound? Will he ever sing again?”

“That’s a question for him.” I dismissed, turning towards the next reporter.

“How will this affect his attempts at sobriety?” A new reporter stepped up. “Is he still trying to stay off of drugs?”

“Honestly,” I exhaled. “this is a giant fork in the road for him. Whatever this was, he’s lucky to have survived it. If he values his life, he’ll find a way to come out of this sober.”

“So then this was life threatening?” A faceless voice asked.

“Yes.” I coldly confirmed. “When he came in he barely had a pulse. However we have a great staff here, and they worked relentlessly to make sure he would survive.”

“Dr. Haner is there any truth to the rumors that you once dated Ryder Sullivan when he was first getting started in music?” I felt the look on my face change as I heard the question.

I exhaled a deep sigh and eyed down the reporter who asked. “Whatever romantic relationships once existed between me and Ryder Sullivan are long over. Right now I am his doctor, and will treat him in what I believe is the best way possible.”

“So just to confirm, you were the teenager he dated,”

“Have a good day.” I interrupted, seeing the turn the conference had started to take. As I walked off I heard more and more clicks of the cameras, no doubt excited by the twist in drama.

“Where are you going?” The same nurse from before asked.

“To go talk to him.” I sighed, trying my hardest to fight the anger I could feel inside.

“Are you sure that’s the best idea?” He asked, rushing up to my side.

“I need to check on him anyway,” I groaned, as his door came into sight. “might as well get it all out of the way at once.”

“If this is hard for you, if it’s a conflict of interest, you can always swap,”

“I’m aware of what I can do.” I bit, starting to finally lose my patience. “I’m sorry,” I quickly shook my head. “I’m just very stressed right now.”

“It’s okay,” he nodded and forced a smile. “If you want to talk you know where to find me.”

“He was cute.” Mike observed as the nurse walked past us both and to the desk.

I rolled my eyes and quickly walked into the room without answering. “You did good.” Ryder let out, looking up at the T.V.

“Where did you get that?” I groaned, walking over and taking the remote out of his hand.

“One of the nurses.” He shrugged, shifting his gaze to me. “I’m not in prison you know? I can have fun things like T.V. or music.”

“Yeah, well you’re not allowed to have anything with any sort of toxic material in it.” I grumbled, angrily sorting through the cart in his room.

“You think I’ll kill myself with a remote?” He asked, trying to get me to look back over to him.

“Wouldn’t be the stupidest thing you’ve ever tried.” I spit, finally looking over at him.

He let out a sigh, and slouched deeper into his bed. “Still mad at me?”

I shook my head and took a second to recollect my breath. “I’m sorry. Today’s just hasn’t been my day so far.”

“Why not?” He asked, and for the first time since he arrived he captured all my focus.

“Just a long shift, and I had to drive Oli to school this morning because he slept in, then the press conference, and it all just, it’s a little more than I bargained for today.” I cut myself off realizing who I was talking to.

“I’m sorry,” he exhaled, trying his hardest to maintain eye contact. “You shouldn’t have to clean up my mess.”

“Not your fault the press is childish.” I dismissed, taking out my keys and reaching for his arm. “You’ll behave if I unlock this right?”

“I’m not Hannibal Lecter.” He teased, as I finally unlocked his hand. “I get why you’re doing it, but I won’t hurt anyone. Especially not you.”

“Why? Hurt me enough for one lifetime?” I let out without thinking of what I was saying. The small forced smile on his face faded as my words hit him and the normal depressed look took back over. I went through my normal routine of checking him before finally falling back into my chair. “Incision still looks clean, heart sounds better, and you’re a little less yellow. How your stomach?” He stayed quiet and slowly let his eyes drift. “Ryder, how’s your stomach?” I repeated, but once more I got nothing. “Ryder.” I called out one last time. “I’m not playing this game with you. How is your stomach?” Frustration boiled over as his silence filled the air causing me to spike my pen down onto the floor. I sat there for a few more minutes as we both stared off into the distance. “Alright, what is it?” He shook his head and declined to talk once more. “This isn’t working.” I decided, but as I went to stand he turned back towards me.

“Sit.” He exhaled, his voice sounded distant and cold. “I just, I didn’t think you were actually treating me like every other patient. I thought it was a game.” He continued as his eyes fell away. “But every time I try to joke with you, you shut me down, and then, then you’re just left throwing medical bullshit at me.”

“You’re my patient.” I shook my head. “How did you expect this to go?”

“I’m more than your patient Teddy.” He exhaled, still staring off into the distance. “I know you read my letter, I know you know,”

“You know what Ryder?” I interrupted, not caring to hear any more. “That I know you still claim to care about me? That everything you’ve done these past fourteen years was a mistake? That you did it because you were in pain?” I asked but got nothing. “We were all in pain Ryder, and none of us walked away drug addicts.”

“What do you want from me?” He forced out, voice growing lower.

“I want you to stop.” I groaned, falling back deeper into my chair. “I just want you to cut the shit. I want you to stop playing with my head. I want to stop being so angry at you, but I can’t.” He shook his head and turned his back to me. He didn’t have to say anything for me to understand what that meant. I know what he was thinking. “I want you to want to be alive.” I finally let out, grabbing his shoulder and forcing him onto his back. “I want to forgive you. I want to fall for you again.”

“But,” he led, not letting himself be satisfied by words.

“But you really hurt me Ryder. You cut deep.” I shook my head, letting my weight rest back into my seat. “You told me I was your world, then you threw it all away.” He went to respond but before he could I let out a sigh. “And I know that was your way of dealing with everything. I know that deep down that was your way of loving me. I know that you only tried to kill yourself because you thought it would fix everything.”

“I don’t think it will, I know that if I,”

“But,” I reminded him, sticking to my original statement. “That wouldn’t fix anything. It would just break it all over again. We promised each other a lot when we were teenagers, but when I told you I loved you. I meant every last word of it.” I confessed as he stared at me, unsure what to say. “I-I haven’t been the same since we broke up, and as mad at you as I am, if you were gone, like really really gone, I-I’d hate everything about this life.”

“You still care?” he let out, trying his hardest to make sense of what I was saying.

“Yeah.” I admitted, finally being completely honest with myself. “I never stopped.”

“Then what do I have to do?” He asked, sitting up and staring at me. “How do I show you I’m different? How do I get you back?”

“I don’t know.” I shook my head, waiving for him to lie back down. “Just right now, I need you to get better. I need you to get clean and go to the psych ward for a little while. I can’t promise you that I’ll ever be okay with dating you again, but if you show me the effort.” I shook my head. “If I see you’re really trying to change, it’ll go a long way.”

He nodded his head and watched me for a little longer. “How many more days until you’ll sign me over?”

“Tomorrow.” I nodded, pretending to look over his charts. “Psych ward is just down stairs.”

“And you’ll still come visit?” He asked, nervously tapping his fingers against the side of the bed.

I slowly nodded my head and connected eyes with him. “I’ll try on one of my breaks to come see how you’re doing.” He nodded his head, but kept quiet too scared of ruining the moment to talk. I heard the creak of his bed as I got up and sorted through the cart to find a fresh I.V. bag.

“It’s cool.” He finally spoke, seeing what I had in my hands. “I don’t need one. I haven’t had one since the one you gave me yesterday anyway.”

“That’s even more of a reason for me to give you one.” I let out, focusing on hooking it up to the stand.

“I’ve been drinking so much water.” He pleaded as I shook my head.

“Don’t lie to me.” I scolded, glancing back towards him. “If you were telling the truth I’d at least see one or two water cups.” I shook my head and pulled the stand over. “I’m sorry, I’m not leaving it to a suicide patient to monitor their own hydration.”

He let out a long groan but saw my point. “Can you at least let me use the bathroom like an actual human?” I ignored his question as I pulled his arm to me, and focused on hooking it up. “I’m not playing around!” He squirmed, moving his arm away from me. “It hurts! And I, it’s embarrassing!”

“Fine, be a baby about it.” I gave in, trying to straighten out his arm again. “Just let me do this.”

“I’m not being a baby.” He grumbled, finally letting me have his arm. “You shove a tube up my dick, and poke me with needles, I’m not being a baby, I’m just reacting!”

“The only patients I have that are still scared of needles are children.” I let out; accidently missing the vein and having to pull the needle back out.

“Teddy!” he yelped, feeling the needle come in and out. “Just get a nurse, just get a nurse,” he repeated, as I zeroed in for it again.

“It’s Dr. Haner around here.” I reminded him as I finally got the needle into the vein and flipped the block off. “And you’re lucky it’s just needles. After seeing your will I should smother you with a pillow.”

He tried to hide the blush on his face, but there was nowhere for him to turn. “I really was leaving everything I had to you.”

“I know.” I exhaled, finally standing back up. “But like I said when we were younger, money doesn’t impress me.” He nodded his head as our eyes connected for a few seconds. Please Ryder, please give me a reason to chase you again. Please show me you’re changing. Please get better. I need you more than you know. “I’ll go get you a nurse for the catheter and Velcro restraints.” I shook my head, quickly ruining the moment.

“No!” he exclaimed, as I opened the door and waived one over. “Do it yourself! Please! Your nurses are,”

“What is it Dr. Haner?” One of the stronger nurses asked as she walked over to the doorway.

“I want to change his straps to the Velcro ones, and can you get someone to take out his catheter. I think he can handle a nurse accompanying him to the bathroom.” She nodded her head and rushed off to find a new pair of restraints. “A few minutes ago you were crying for a nurse.” I shrugged, as she walked way. “Besides you’re going to need one every time you go to the bathroom, so it’s good to start getting to know them.”

“But this is different.” He shook his head, as the nurse walked back towards the room. “You’re at least gentle!”

“Oh trust me.” I exhaled as our eyes connected once more. “You don’t want me pulling tubes out of you while I’m still angry.”

“Teddy!” He whined as the nurse rushed past me.

“Teddy?” She repeated, rushing to his side. “You two must be close.” She observed looking over to me in hopes I would help.

“We grew up together.” I forced out, walking over and reaching for him. “Come stand with me.” He nodded his head, but the second our hands connected I could feel my heart begin to race. It took some effort, but before I knew it he was leaning against me. It feels like I’ve been waiting fourteen years for this moment, and now that it’s hear I just, I don’t know how to feel.

“Well remind me to start calling you Teddy.” She teased, finishing one strap and working on the other.

“He doesn’t go by Teddy anymore?” Ryder forced out, trying his hardest to stay stable.

“Here it’s either Dr. Haner or Theodore.” She explained, glancing back towards me.

I shrugged my shoulders and forced a smile. “What can I say? After around eight years of schooling I don’t want to be called anything but Doctor.”

“I like Teddy better.” Ryder teased, making sure to take advantage of the moment.

“I’ll drop you.” I threatened as the nurse finally stepped aside for him to crawl back onto bed.

“You used to hate when I would call you Theodore.” He exhaled, as the nurse began to strap him in.

“Still do.” I dismissed, turning towards the nurse. “Alright I’ll leave him in your care for now.”

“That’s alright, I’m done.” She laughed, walking away from him. “We’ll get a newbie to do the rest.”

“They’ll be good though right?” He asked, looking at the two of us.

“Good enough.” I teased, closing the door behind us.

The nurse let out a long hum as we gathered at the nearby desk. “That’s the most lively I’ve seen him since he came in.”

“He’s been like that ever since he woke up.” I sighed, putting away his chart and slowly taking off my white coat.

“With you maybe.” She shrugged, looking back at Mike guarding his door. “But to the rest of the staff he’s been the textbook definition of depressed. Quiet, no eye contact, irrational, sleeping all hours, just, what you would expect from his case.”

“So then why not with me?” I asked, forcing eye contact with her.

“He’s scared Dr. Haner. I know I don’t have to explain that to you. He just tried to kill himself.” She exhaled, looking into my eyes. “But with you, he-he sees his old friend. He’s comfortable with you Teddy. You have a real chance to turn his life around.”

“Names not Teddy.” I raised my eyebrows, ignoring the rest of what she had said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You can’t run from it Dr. Haner, sooner or later it’ll catch up to you.” She warned in a light voice.

I shook my head and kept moving as fast as I could. It’s not that I’ve been trying to forget who I am, I just, I needed to make a name for myself and Teddy, it’s a bit childish. Sure, my old friends and family still call me that but I’m Theodore now. What else can I say? I’m a surgeon that needed something professional, sue me.

*************************************************************************************

As I pulled into my driveway I couldn’t help but shake my head as I saw Blake’s car. I just want to eat and go to bed. I really don’t need this right now!

“What’s up?” I exhaled, walking through the door and seeing him on the couch talking to Oliver.

“Man, do you ever get off of work on time?” He teased, standing up and shaking my hand.

“Emergency room never closes.” I reminded him, leading him downstairs just like I would when we were kids. “You stay up here and do homework or something.” I instructed, as Oli jumped up to follow us.

“Come on!” He whined, looking to Blake for support. “I barely get to see Blake anymore, and he was giving me old bands to listen to!”

“I’ll come talk before I leave alright?” He asked as Oli quickly nodded his head. “For now I need a doctor’s advice about Liz’s pregnancy. Unless you want to hear about morning sickness, swollen feet, cravings,”

“No! No! No!” He let out, jumping back down on the couch. “I’ll see you later.”

“Why does he listen to you and not me?” I groaned, as he shut the door behind him.

“You just have to know how to talk to him.” Blake shrugged, wandering down the stairs and sitting across from me. “He’s just a kid.”

“That’s easy to say when you don’t live with him.” I grumbled, looking away from him.

“Then maybe it’s time to finally move out.” He suggested, leaning forward slightly. I rolled my eyes but didn’t answer. Rent’s cheap, food is free, and I have people to live with. I’m going to trade that all away just to live alone? No thanks. Besides medical school wasn’t exactly cheap, and sure I’ve been making a nice amount of money but that debt still isn’t pretty. “Don’t give me that look, it really wouldn’t be,”

“What’s up with Liz?” I interrupted having heard the moving out speech one too many times before.

“Nothing.” He shook his head as the smile faded from his face. “I just said that so Oli would stay put. I saw your press conference on the news at work today.”

“Has Oli?” I asked, and he quickly shook his head.

“But it’s only a matter of time.” He exhaled. “I think you should speak to him about it. It-it’s not something he’s going to take lightly.”

“Then my dad can handle it.” I shrugged. Blake moved his mouth to the side and sat back. “What?” I let out, seeing the disproval on his face.

“Nothing.” He sighed, looking over at the old pictures of us. “You just never used to be this selfish.”

“Selfish?” I repeated beginning to stare him down.

“Yeah, selfish.” He doubled down leaning forward once more. “You always used to put your family first. Your brother needs you, and you’re just going to leave it up to your parents?”

“He’s not my kid.” I shook my head. “They can tell him what they think is right, and I’ll mind my own business.”

“He’s not your kid, but he is your little brother. That’s family man.” Blake began, clearly irritated by what I had said. “You know you can explain it ten times better than your parents, you’ve seen depression first hand. You know how ugly it is. Hell! You treat suicidal patients all the time! So grow a pair and go have a conversation about it with your brother.”

“Did you just come here to yell at me?” I groaned forcing eye contact with him.

“No.” He exhaled as the anger on his face began to fade. “Liz was supposed to come too but she’s had the spins all day. We just want to see how you’re doing. We honestly had no idea that you were the one treating Ryder.”

“I’m doing fine.” I shrugged, refusing to open up anymore.

“Don’t do this.” Blake shook his head. “Don’t shut me out again man.”

“What do you want me to say here?” I asked feeling a bit of frustration boiling. “You want me to tell you that I watched Ryder’s lifeless body wheeled in front of me? That I have to see and talk to him every day? That as mad as I am, I still, I-I just, forget it.” I groaned, redirecting my eyes to the floor.

A few minutes of silence passed before I felt Blake’s hand reach over and rest on mine. “It’s okay you’re not over him. It’s okay that you have a lot of shit you need to work through. But I-I don’t want you to go back to the way you were after, well after it all happened.” I stayed quiet as he squeezed my hand. “You shut me and Liz out hard. It took us a whole year to even start to recognize you again. I can’t watch you go down that road again.”

“What if I start to fall for him?” I let out, finally looking back up at Blake. “I had to hold his hand today, and it just, it was like those sparks are still there. Like I’d been waiting forever for him to touch me again.”

Blake shrugged his shoulders and thought it over for a few seconds. “Everyone will think you’re crazy. Your parents and Liz will freak out hard. I-I have no idea what I’ll even say, but you’ll become brother of the year.”

“I’m not goofing around right now, I’m being serious, what if,”

“I know.” He interrupted in a somber tone. “It’s funny. All those years ago I listened to you ask the same questions. What if I date Ryder? What if everyone at school hates me for it?” he mocked in a high pitched voice. “But you followed your heart and did it anyway. And sure, it didn’t end well.” He sighed, looking back into my eyes. “But I’ve never seen two people more in love than the two of you were, and maybe, if the universe put him back in your life, I don’t know man. You do what’s best for you but don’t fight your heart. You’ve done enough of that these past few years.”

“I’m so scared.” I confessed shaking my head. “I’m so worried he’s going to crush me again, but, do you know what I did today?” Blake tilted his head and nodded for me to continue. “I promised that if he gave this an honest chance, that if he showed me he was trying to change, that maybe I’d be okay with giving him another try.”

Blake fought off a grin as he stood up. “That’s the Teddy Haner I know.” He nodded, walking over and giving me a light push. “Always seeing the good in people, always helping people.”

“Stop!” I yelped, shoving him back as if we were kids again. “I need advice here!”

“The problem is you’re not asking for advice, you’re asking for an answer.” He shrugged, slowly moving towards the stairs. “But only you can answer that question, and I-I’ll support you no matter what.” I nodded in gratitude as he started the short descent. “And for fucks sake actually talk to your little brother. He’s not a bad kid.”

I rolled my eyes but fell back in my seat thinking it all over. Is it really this simple? Do I really go back to falling for Ryder? Can I go back to falling for Ryder? I get it, him leaving was what he thought was the best, but what if he does that again? What if he has another depressive episode and calls it quits? I just can’t trust him, and that, I don’t know if it’s something I can overcome.