In love with my brother - 19. Chapter 19 - A new beginning

Anikin dropped me off at school Monday morning on his way to work. I was fine by now and I needed to figure out what to do with my future.

“Will you be fine getting back on your own?” Anikin asked across the seat. I leaned on the open car-door after getting out and smiled reassuringly.

“I’ll be fine.”

“Give me a call if anything comes up, okay!” I nodded and closed the door. Anikin pulled away from the curb and I started off towards the school.

Sean met me at the gate and walked with me to the student council before heading to class.

“Thanks, Sean.”

“No bother. I’ll see you around.” With a friendly slap on my shoulder, he was off.

I knocked on the counslors door before opening. I’d made an anpiontment so he should be exspecting me.

“Dominic. Come on in. please, take a seat.” Mr Johnson stood up, pointing towards the chair on the other side of his modest desk.

“Thanks.” I smiled and sat gratefully.

“So, you said on the phone that you were unsure about you studies, due to the accident and recovering, right?”

“Yes. I missed about half a year of studies, so I find it quite unrealistic to continue from here if I wish to graduate. Also, I need to think about the permanent injury for my further choice of education, only, I don’t know which kind of direction I could go.” Unconsciously my hand slid to my thigh to rub the along the scar, I sighed at my own insecurity and crossed my arms instead.

“I agree that continuing with your present studies wouldn’t be beneficial for you. But you could always start over. Do you have any kind of education in mind, since you think your injury might become a hindrance?” I thought that question over for a moment. The memory of my dinner with Anikin at Danny’s suddenly sprang to mind.

‘That’s right’ I thought, had been thinking about photographing back then. “Photographer?” I answered hesitantly.

“Why do you think you couldn’t become a photographer because of a leg injury?”

“I don’t know, just… watching the staff at the agency where I work part time, they move around a lot while shooting, and in different positions. I’m just unsure if I will be able to perform that kind of work. I’m still recovering and have no idea how much my leg will be able to pull off, even if the doctor told me there would be no problems. Everything is just so unsure at the moment, but I cannot postpone my decision much longer.”

“Well, I would recommend starting over at the beginning of next semester, even though you don’t know what exactly it is you want. Most educations today require that one has at least finished college. But in the end, the decision is yours.” After that Mr Johnson helped me find out what I would need to become a photographer, just to have something to go for.

I left the office about thirty minutes later feeling not so much wiser about my options. I didn’t feel like starting over, neither did I feel like not taking an education. I made my way to the bus, just to finally getting there as the bus left. It felt like the back end of the bus was mocking me as it disappeared into the distance. I took the one seat available at the bus stop, needing to rest my leg, just to get up the next moment, leaving the seat for an old woman who seemed to need the rest more than I. I looked up and down the road, sighing. What to do, I had to wait another thirty minutes for the next bus but I was tired, mostly mentally though. I pulled out my phone and found Anikin on my call list. My thumb hovered over the call sign for a long moment before I decided against it and put the phone back in my pocket. Anikin was probably working now and if I just walked down the road, the other bus to the agency went every ten minutes.

Halfway down the road, I had to take a rest, the muscles in my thigh were starting to throb. I took a seat at a large rock keeping cars from entering an off-road path. With a sigh, I pulled my phone back out and called Anikin.

“Dom? Are you alright.” He picked up on the first ring.

“Can you come take me home? I missed the bus.” It couldn’t quite keep the annoyed grumble out of my voice.

“Sure. I’ll be there in ten.” He hung up and I stared at the blank screen for a moment before pocketing it once again.

‘This sucks.’ I sighed again. As promised, Anikin pulled up by the curb ten minutes later.

“Why are you all the way down here?” He asked as I slid into the car.

“I’d planned to take the bus, up by the intersection.” I didn’t offer any other explanation and Anikin didn’t ask for one. “I’d like to start work again tomorrow,” I stated after a while of silence.

“What about school? What’d they say?”

“I need to start over at by next semester.” Saying it out loud had my mind twirling right back down into frustration, “So I think maybe I’ll stick with my decision to become a photographer, then I won’t need a college education, but one is still good to have just in case. So I’m still indecisive on what to do. I think I need some time to figure it out.” Anikin didn’t offer a response and silence fell over the cabin for a while. “Anyway, I’d like to see how much work I can handle before I make a final decision. Maybe it’ll be better once I fully recover.”

“You’ll be all right. You’re not alone in all this. I’ll do whatever I can to help you.” He offered a reassuring smile and I felt somewhat better.

***

Work was a lot harder than I’d imagined it to be. I had trouble keeping up and often made people wait. No one ever complained about me or looked at me with annoyance or pity, everyone was very patient. However, it didn’t make me feel better. I felt increasingly depressed and I knew Anikin started to notice. At home, I was very quiet and compliant. I did my best not to trouble and worry him, but I didn’t seem to succeed.

One night I crawled under his duvet and snugged close to his side for comfort.

“I wish you wouldn’t force yourself, Love. How about taking some time off?”

“No – what would I do all day?” I hugged him tighter. I knew I was being stubborn, but what was I to do? Anikin rolled over, pushing me onto my back and settled atop of me.

“I worry about you. Where did my happy and carefree boyfriend go? I’d rather have you back to normal than having you trying to accomplice things, just to not be a burden. Please tell me what to do to help you through this.” The agony and despair in his voice hurt my heart and made me feel bad about trying to be strong on my own, but I didn’t know how else right the wrong.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine, I just need some time. But – I know one thing that would make me feel better,” I cued, flexing my hips against his. Anikin’s eyes went big.

“What?” Anikin hoist up and looked down, “You got a cramp?”

“What? A cramp?” I snickered. Why would he think I had a cramp?

“Are your hips sore? What have you been doing to get a cramp there?” Anikin crawled under the duvet as he spoke. “Did you engage in some sort of activity lately? Want me to give you a massage?” His asked, his words muffled by the cover.

“What?” Then a startled cry escaped me as his hands grabbed my hips, flexing.

“See, I thought you had a cramp. Does this help?” he asked and continuously flexed his fingers on my sensitive skin.

“Argh,” I cried, “Stop, it tickles!” I writhed and laughed with no chance of escape, as he dug his fingers into my muscles again and again. My hysteric laughter suddenly turned into a deep wanton moan as Anikin’s tongue slid along my groin. Anikin poked his head back out from under the duvet.

“I’ve missed your laughter.” He leaned in and kissed me.

Pulling back, I looked deep into his eyes. “I love you,” I whispered and kissed him again. I slid my hands down his back and grabbed his backside, pressing his hips against mine, earning a contented groan. With a smirk, I flip him over and got on top. Engrossed in the pleasures of my boyfriend, my worries were forgotten for a moment.

***

Despite Anikin’s attempts to cheer me up, I had a hard time dealing with my self-destructive mind. Time and time again I pushed myself, believing I would succeed this time, just to be disappointed when I found I couldn’t handle whatever I put my mind up to. It was not my fault, I knew. And it was no one else’s fault, I knew that too. But I didn’t know how to pull myself back up after each failure. I was starting to question everyone’s patience with me and suddenly I saw people shooting disapproving glances in my direction. In the end, it turned out to be Tamaki who said stop.

I was in a storage room looking for a box of satin wraps, for a shoot I was attending and found it on the top shelf. Sure I could get it down, no props. I reached up to pull it over the edge. Suddenly the box slid a little too fast. I shifted my weight onto my right leg in an attempt to gain the upper hand of its course, but my leg buckled under me. I grabbed onto the shelf to catch myself, only, the whole shelf gave at my weight and tipped down over me with a loud crash, supplies scattering all over the place.

“What the hell?” someone cursed from the hallway. I was cowering under the case, still covering my head, trying not to panic. “Dominic, Jesus Christ! What the hell are you doing?” Tamaki’s voice sounded above me, and the weight of the case eased as he pulled it off, setting it upright.

“I… I was just trying to get the box.” My voice was shaky, the words catching in my throat.

“For fuck sake Domininc. You shouldn’t push yourself like this.” He kneeled beside me and began checking for injuries.

“But… I don’t want to be a burden. I feel like I’m in the way everywhere I go. I even feel like a burden at home.” I suddenly realized what I’d said, and my eyes darted to Tamaki’s “— Don’t tell Anikin I said that please!” Tamaki only patted my shoulder reassuringly at the dark panic in my voice.

“Don’t worry. But Dom, enough is enough. You need to go home and get better, and I think you might need to see someone to talk to, someone who’s not close to you.” A shrink – he meant a shrink, great. But maybe he was right, I needed to get my head straight, and obviously, I wasn’t getting anywhere on my own. “Come on. I’ll take you upstairs.”

“But, my work…” I pointed to the box. Tamaki moved to put the content back inside. Leaving the rest of mess lying on the floor, for someone else to tidy.

“We’ll bring it on the way.” He tipped his head towards the door, gesturing for me to follow. “Come on.”

Back at the studio I meekly apologized for all the inconveniences before leaving with Tamaki. He pulled out his phone and put it to his ear.

“You need to take Dominic home. Meet us in the lobby.”

***

After scolding me for not letting others help Anikin set up an appointment with a shrink he knew beforehand. I was hesitant at first, both because Anikin knew him – that made him not a total outsider, and because I found the whole thing about shrinks weird, and it took an actual session for me to realize that Dr Mills was first of all totally professional and it did help that he knew Anikin beforehand which meant I didn’t have to describe him all that much. I also realized that I actually did need it, it was hard to talk about, but it made me feel lighter, come to terms with my “handicap” which wasn’t actually a handicap.

“You have to remember, Dominic: you are not worth less at your job and not loved less by those around you, just because you are not physicallyt the same as before. As your doctor said, you will be able to do all the same things you did before, you just have to be patient and with time your body will heal itself.” Dr Mills smiled his gentle smile witch always made me feel valued. To him, I didn’t seem just one patient out of many, and it always made me remember Anikin; to Anikin I was one of a kind, I was truly special.

“I am starting to believe that things will be alright. However, I still have difficulties finding a solution to my education problem and it’s still affecting me.” I was down to having one appointment a week and today’s session was coming to an end.

“Let’s make a note to talk more about that next week. In the mean time, take a deep breath and think about what you want – Not what you will or might need in the future, but what you want!” Dr Mills got up.

“Thank you, Dr Mills, I will. I’ll see you next week then.” Dr Mills let me to the door and opened it for me.

Outside Anikin was waiting by the car. I ran over and threw my arms around him, burrowing my face into his chest, his smell making me smile. Anikin hugged me back for a moment without saying anything and I nuzzled even closer. My heart swelled in my chest and I knew things were going to be okay now.

“Everything alright, Love?” Anikin finally spoke. I pulled back, so I could look at him, a delighted smile spreading across my face. “Love?” Anikin wondered.

“Let’s go home and have sex!” I chirped happily. Anikin laughed, really laughed.

“Let’s do that.” Anikin continued to chuckle as we got in the car.

From that point on I only got better. I no longer felt a burden to Anikin at home. When I’d regained some of my mental strength and could do exercise, my body slowly began to follow, until I eventually came out on top. Anikin and I agreed that I should start work again three months later. Even though Anikin had agreed, I knew he was uncertain because I’d ended up with a permanent limp that kept me from moving as fast as I used to. I too was uncertain about it, but there was nothing I could do. At least it no longer caused me pain.

***

I walked up to the sliding doors of the agency and stopped in front, my access card halfway to the check in. I suddenly felt nervous, even though I’d told myself earlier that morning that all was going to be fine. I’d even told Anikin not to worry since I didn’t find my limp a problem. The truth; at this point, I was concerned about how it would affect my work — I was hired as an errand boy, which meant I should be able to hurry and I couldn’t. I shook my head in an attempt to get rid of the depressing thoughts. Anikin hadn’t mentioned anything about handing me a different position, so I should be alright just getting back to work as usual. I slid the card though the lock, the little green lamp lit up with a beep and the doors opened. I entered the building with my head bowed dejectedly and I almost made it to the front counter before I noticed the silence. I stopped and looked up.

“WELCOME BACK!” My heart skipped a beat by the surprise. Everyone was gathered in the front lobby. smiling faces and laughter suddenly everywhere. Anikin came towards me and pulled me into his arms.

“Took you by surprise there, didn’t we?” The smile on his face was so big, his eyes were mere slits.

“I almost had a heart attack,” I said breathlessly.

“No! No more accidents, please.” I swung around to find Tamaki coming towards us, a rather large box in his arms.

“So…” he began but suddenly seemed too emotional to talk.

“What’s with the box — a present?” I asked when I saw the green bow and card on the lid.

“Yes. I had a talk with Anikin and we were both concerned about your wellbeing since none of us thought you could continue your job in your current state. And so, we thought this present could help you along.” He handed me the box and I opened the lid. Inside was a brand-new camera, one of the expensive once the professionals at the agency used.

“Wha… what is this?” I was speechless and a tad confused.

“Anikin told me you’d mentioned about taking up photographing… Everyone threw in a little to get this for you.” Tamaki fell silent and Anikin took over.

“We know how much you love working here and I want to offer you the best I can. Since being a professional photographer doesn’t need a college degree, it’s up to you whether you wish to finish your education or not. However, both Michael and Günther has offered to take you under their wings, should you choose not to — Günther was quite persistent actually, claiming he’d be the best choice.” He finished with a laugh.

“Wow… this is really amazing. How can I turn down such an opportunity, but…” I lowered my voice, “I’m not sure Günther will be such a great teacher for me — I can’t understand what he says.” Anikin and Tamaki shared a humorous glance before they answered in unison:

“But you muss then deutch lernen!” Then they both cracked up laughing.

“Don’t worry, Günther has agreed to make sure you can understand him,” Anikin reassured chucklingly.

“So, what are you going to shoot first?” Tamaki asked eagerly. I looked at him and knew he was hoping I’d ask him to model, which then had me thinking of a better idea. I smirked at him.

“It’s a secret.” The pouting face he gave me was priceless.

“Shall we get to work, then?” Anikin asked gesturing for everyone to get back to it as well. “I’m sure Michael will give you a lecture while he works for today’s paycheck. Hm?” I hugged the box to my chest and grinned widely before following him down the hall. In the blink of an eye, all my worries had vanished and all the people passing in a hurry suddenly didn’t matter anymore. Happily, I could pursue my dream at my own pace.

That night Anikin lay in the bed, naked under the silken sheet I’d put on that morning, slumbering while I sat in the chair, fidgeting with my camera.

“Ah.” Finally, I figured out the lightings setting. I raised the camera to my eye and snapped a shot of Anikin.

“Hm?” drowsily he raised his head and looked at me questioningly. With a sly grin, I stood and moved to a position where I could get a better angle, snapped another picture. I lowered the camera to look at the two pictures I’d taken. They were a little dark and I corrected the settings before raising it again. I zoomed in on Anikin’s face. He raised a brow at me, challenge in his eyes. I didn’t lower the camera again.

Anikin posed for me in the bed. I couldn’t help my breathing getting ragged as he writhed on the sheets, his arousal poorly hidden by the thin covering. He moved to the side of the bed and slid his head over the edge. I snapped another shot.

“There is something oddly satisfying having you behind the camera.” His voice was low, almost a whisper, sensual. He seemed completely at peace, the only other time I’d seen him like this being when I had topped him. Satisfied, completely devoted — to me, the feeling it gave me had me floating with happiness and love.

For a moment, I worked with focusing the camera and when it finally did the look in Anikin’s eyes left me breathless. I pressed the button.

“Marry me.” My finger froze on the trigger. While shot after shot of Anikin looking at me in that intense moment was stored in the camera’s memory, my brain tried to process what he had just said. I finally snapped out of it and let go of the trigger, but didn’t lover the camera, still frozen in surprise.

“Excuse me?” My brain was still in its comprehension process, but I managed to lower the camera.

“Will you marry me?” he asked again, his voice soft and solemn.

“Will I…” Then my brain snapped back to reality. “Yes — Yes!” I jumped up and stepped towards him, almost falling on top of him when my leg gave out from the sudden movement. Anikin worked himself into sitting position, pulling me onto his lap and our lips collided in an eager needing touch.

“Yes, yes” I echoed my answer between kisses, not giving a thought to how ridiculously I sounded. I had been wrong, I could be happier — much happier.

Four months later:

Tamaki

“We could just leave this loud party and start a small, private one. Just the two of us. Back at my place.” The party was big, no surprise there, and there was a lot of beautiful women. I’d set my eyes on this cute-looking brunette who’s name I’d already forgotten. But she seemed willingly enough.

“You are such a flirt. We can’t just leave now. The best part hasn’t even begun yet.” She giggled and leaned in, suggesting we might do it later though.

“Seriously? You are supposed to oversee the schedule, Tamaki. Stop flirting and get up there, it’s your turn!” At the sound of the voice with the British accent, I rolled my eyes and turned.

“If it isn’t the maiden” I teased as I found myself face to face with Sean. “I’m just securing my chances of a good time later.” I looked at the brunette with a smile. She fluttered her lashes at me and I took it as a sign that my plan was in house.

“Yeah? I don’t think so. Go hold your speech, they are waiting. Come on, Sis, don’t waste your time on this Todger.”

‘Fuck! Hadn’t seen that one coming’ I watched as the girl followed Sean, laughing at something he said after walking off. ‘Shitty luck. Well, might as well get it over with.’ I walked towards the stage and got up on it.

I walked to the microphone and then changed my mind when I spotted a guy, close to the stage, standing with a glass of Champaign.

“Hey, Dude.” I waved for him to come closer. “Give it here.” The guy handed me the drink a little hesitant but didn’t say anything. I straightened and walked to stand I front of the mike.

“Is this thing on?” I tapped lightly on it, but nothing happened. In the audience, I saw Sean slapping his face with annoyance. He was standing towards the back and since he’d heard me, then it had to mean it was working, ‘Good,’ I thought and made a mental note that I might be getting a little drunk.

“We are all gathered here today…”

“Someone already said that.” Someone in the crowd interrupted me.

“Shut up, I’m just warming up.” Actually, I had no memory of anyone saying that but I had peoples attention, a few even laughed which was good – good. I made a mental note that I might be a tad drunk.

“So, I have known Anikin for quite a few years. I would even consider myself his best friend. If you ask him, he probably wouldn’t agree. He’d probably even say that, with all the shit I’ve hauled him through since we first met, I couldn’t possibly be his best friend. But let me tell you a secret; That’s what best friends do,” I finished in a stage whisper, and saw Anikin shake as he laughed. “Yes, I know. I do consider it a talent to make him laugh – and angry – and complaining – but that is a different story. The bottom line is, we are here now.” I raised my class in the direction of the happy couple. “Anikin! I have followed you through a few shitty relationships and past a bunch of idiots, but I have never seen you happier. Who would have thought you would find love so close to home? Cheers, everyone – to the newlyweds.”

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