U-N-I - 2. Chapter 2

When I woke up, I was alone in bed. The previous night’s events came flashing back into my mind almost immediately.

‘Shit, what the fuck had happened,’ I thought anxiously.

I smiled to myself as I grabbed Rob’s pillow and buried my face into it. I smelled his scent on the pillow case. It was soothing and kind of hot too.

I remembered how good it had felt to kiss him….to let my horniness take over and to finally have sex with him. I still felt good about it and I wasn’t even trying to deny the fact that I had loved what we’d done. Yet, I was having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that I had actually had sex with him. Had it really happened?

It also felt incredibly satisfying to know that I had been right… he was indeed gay and he did have feelings for me. I wasn’t imagining anything and I loved the thought that if I wanted to have sex with him again… I could. It was both terrifying and very enticing.

I lay in bed for a long moment and tried to remember every little detail of our conversation and of what had followed. Since Rob didn’t seem to be coming back into the bedroom, I reluctantly got up and wondered if, maybe, he had sneaked out of bed on purpose. I was feeling a bit groggy so I went to the bathroom to take a leak. Then I stepped into the shower, my mind still fixated on Rob. I could only focus on one thing… the sex… the amazing sex and the fact that he had given me the best orgasm I’d ever had from a blowjob. My dick rose to attention but I barely touched it. The thought of having to face Rob soon without quite knowing what to tell him or how to explain my feelings was beginning to scare the shit out of me.

After letting the hot water spray over me for what seemed like an hour, I stepped out and went back into Rob’s room to get dressed. At least half my clothes were in his drawers because I’d spend the night at his place so regularly.

I headed down the stairs and found him in the kitchen, having breakfast and reading the latest NME magazine as I had done the previous night.

It wouldn’t be far from the truth if I told you that we learned pretty much everything we needed to know about rock in that magazine. Back then, we read about the latest groups, sometimes without even listening to their music, just trying to follow their career and to immerse ourselves in the rock scene. Reviews in NME were so well written that even if the groups were bad, they managed to make you hear the music, make you vibrate with the lyrics and the message they conveyed. We were so excited about the whole rock scene! We totally loved it because the teenagers that we were could easily identify with the kind of lyrics that they sang. It talked to us because we felt that the changes we were going through in our life were mirrored in this music. This weekly magazine was our getaway, we could totally lose ourselves in there, dreaming about what it could be like to live like them, wanting nothing more but to enter that world ourselves.

It was Saturday, and apparently, we were the only two people in the house.

"Hey you’re up,” he said as I walked into the kitchen.

“Yeah,” I just responded.

“How you feeling?" he asked.

"Fine. Why didn’t you wake me?"

"I don't think you would've appreciated it if I had."

I sat down at the table and poured some cereals into a bowl. I wasn't looking at Rob but I could feel that his eyes were on me.

I decided to break the silence as I stood up to get some juice.

"I can’t wait for tonight," I said, feeling butterflies in my stomach.

We were to play in a club in Dublin. We played in Dublin every weekend, mostly on Saturday nights in pubs, so we were used to it. We had been doing that for the past eight months or so, and we had a few dedicated fans already. Our performances were often uploaded on Youtube by some of them and we were receiving a lot of support and great comments. We were starting to get noticed.

This gig was a bit different though. It had been scheduled for weeks and we had been rehearsing hard to be ready. It was not going to take place in a small pub as usual, but in a club.

"Yeah, me too. I’m a bit apprehensive though. There’s gonna be a lot of people tonight. I’ve been trying to hold back the nerves since I woke up!"

"You’ll be great, you always are." I told him sincerely as I sat back down. “Don’t be too nervous, alright, we’ll do fine. We’re ready for this.”

He gazed at me with a smile, with those eyes...

“Yeah, I can’t wait to try out “Clocks”,” he said. It was a song we had recently written and that we still hadn’t played live.

I nodded. “No one will know if we mess it up,” I said with a small laugh.

“We’ll know,” he said softly.

I shrugged lightly and then I looked at him. He watched me. There was an intensity in his eyes.

“Well, at least, it takes my mind off last night," he said confidently and somewhat flirtatiously.

I held his gaze and what I saw was hope, and anxiety…. But mainly hope that I’d stop acting as if nothing had happened between us. I felt so nervous about having to talk about it. I didn’t dare mention it yet. I still didn’t want to overanalyze my feelings or to try to understand what was going on with me and what it meant about my sexuality.

I hesitated briefly but asked him, "How d’you feel about it?"

"Me?” he teased. “What about you?"

"I asked you first," I responded with a smirk.

He let out a small laugh. "Honestly?... I wanna do it again … and again… and again!" he told me seductively.

I smiled, feeling a bit uncomfortable that he was flirting with me, but enjoying it nonetheless. I placed my hand behind the back of my neck and rubbed it as I sighed, "I’m so confused."

"I know you are," he said sincerely as my eyes locked onto his.

"I know that you don’t even think you’re gay,” he said, “but you did want to have sex with a guy last night…with me… Fuck, even I’m confused." He breathed. "I’m not sure what’s going on in your head right now and what it is you want out of this."

I looked down at my bowl of cereals as I said, “Neither do I…”

I took a deep breath in and added, “all I know is that…,” my eyes met his again, he looked impatient to hear what I was about to say. “…. I …. I wanted us to… do stuff last night… and I’m not sure why,” I sighed and passed my hands over my face. “ugg, I keep feeling like this around you, and it’s just driving me nuts.” I let out a huff as I tried to explain my feelings to him. “I need to talk about this. And it seems like you’re the only one I can talk to.”

He let out a small happy giggle. “I can’t believe this. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve wanted to get it on with you."

“Fucking hell,” I said with a small chuckle and buried my face into my hands.

He laughed. “I didn’t think you’d be interested in like...experimenting…”

“I don’t even know what it is I want,” I mumbled in frustration.

“How long have you been feeling this way,” he asked cautiously.

“Dunno, a few weeks,” I admitted. “Since you began dodging all my questions….” I began saying.. “and just from the way you’ve been acting…”

He looked up at me with a smirk.

“You’ve been very… let’s say, tactile with me…,” I said.

“Ugg,” he smiled awkwardly. “Mark, you’ve been staying over so much lately, it’s fuckin’ hard to not let anything on…”

I watched him and he looked at me with a bit of lust that made me feel good and gave me an adrenaline rush.

"I can't go out by myself when you need to stay here, besides I wouldn't want to if you're here and I'd never say no to you, ever, but you know sometimes I . . ."

I nodded.

“So…like… last weekend, when you asked me if I was staying over at Rachel’s after the gig,” again, he didn’t let me finish.

“Mark. I didn’t mean… I just needed to spend some time without you…”

“Why, where’d you go?” I asked him, curious to know where he was going without me.

“I… I went to ‘Euphoria’ last weekend.”

“By yourself?” I asked curiously.

“Not for long,” he responded suggestively. I lifted my brows with a nod and wondered how many guys he’d been with.

Then he spoke,

“Look, I’m not gonna lie, I go there all the time,” he explained, “it’s a great club and it’s fucking easy to get in and pick up a guy. I just go to their place.”

“So, that’s what you’ve been doing then, when I’m with Rach?”

“Well, yeah… if I’m not with you, then, yeah, that’s what I’m doing…,” he said with a light suggestive shrug. “I’d rather be hanging out with you and doing what we did last night, but you know, if you’re gonna be with her…”

I didn’t know what to say but I was too curious not to ask. He didn’t speak for a moment so I spoke,

“So, how many guys have you been with exactly?”

He chuckled.

“I dunno, do you expect me to keep count?”

I shook my head.

“Look, I don’t want to freak you out. But…,” he said hesitantly. “shit,” he let out a huff. “look, it doesn’t matter how many times I’ve tried… I can’t…. I’m not interested in them. I don’t want to be their friend, or their fucking boyfriend… because, well, at the end of the day, you’re really the only one I want to hang out with and I just can never get you out of my head,” he admitted wholeheartedly.

“Ok,” I merely said.

“I’m not looking for a boyfriend…,” he paused before adding, “unless it’s you.”

I took a deep breath and for a second, my eyes left his. I couldn’t believe he was saying all this and I felt overwhelmed. He sensed it and spoke quickly,

“Mark, I’m only going out clubbing without you guys ‘cuz, well, you know…,” he said with a chuckle.

I let out a laugh. “Yeah…”

He laughed too.

“I mean, come on, sex is great, I love sex, sex is awesome!” he exclaimed playfully. “But…, fuck,” he breathed out and we looked at each other. I felt the same overwhelming feeling. “What happened with you… it meant so much more to me…’cuz…” he waved his hand softly at me, “it’s you. And I don’t know what it meant to you,” he said hesitantly, “if it was just that, sex, that’s fine, but…,” he sighed and didn’t finish his sentence.

He didn’t need to, I had understood the message.

After a moment, he spoke more seriously,

“Look, if you need to talk, we can talk. I’ll always be here to listen if you need to talk…. Or whatever else it is you wanna do with me,” he smiled.

I didn’t respond immediately and I must have looked nervous because he added with a concerned tone of voice,

“Mark, I really want you to know that I meant everything I told you last night. I…I,” he muttered. “I do love you,” he confessed sincerely again, “for so many reasons. And yeah, I want us to be more than just friends… but if that’s not what you want, it’s alright. I know I can get over you, as long as I don’t lose you as a friend. You mean the world to me. I know we can accomplish great things together… and with the guys… and I won’t jeopardize that by… I won’t take that risk. I can’t…”, he sighed. “I can’t take the risk to lose your friendship. If you don’t want anything more to happen, then I swear, I’ll back off.”

I nodded.

“But,” he continued before I had time to say anything. “to be totally honest with you, I’m afraid… I’m afraid it might be harder to get over you if we…. I don’t know if I’ll be able to…"

I let out a self-conscious chuckle and then I stared at him, even more confused about my feelings. I didn’t know what to tell him, so for a moment, I just stared down at my bowl of cereals and said nothing as I tried to process everything he’d said. I couldn’t find the right words. I finished my breakfast, lost in my own thoughts. Then, I stood up to put the bowl into the sink and I stayed there.

He came up behind me and gently placed his hand on my shoulders. Then he hugged me from behind and I enjoyed feeling his chest pressed against my back. He felt strong and I was loving it. We didn’t move for a moment.

"Are you ok? Do you regret what happened?" he asked me.

I slowly shook my head no. "I loved it last night. I told you, I wanted it to happen. I’ve wanted it to happen for a while,” I admitted to him. “I just, I don’t understand why I feel like this. I never thought of myself as gay…even before last night I didn’t. But now, I just don’t know.”

“I told you, you don’t have to put a name on it, not yet.”

I turned around to face him and he let go of me. "I have no idea what’s going on with me.”

“It’s ok, you’ll figure it out… what it is you want. I can help you figure it out…,” he said, clearly meaning that doing stuff together would help me sort out my feelings.

“Rob. I don’t wanna hurt you."

We were silent for a few seconds. As I watched him, I started to feel those urges again. There was something different in his eyes. He looked beautiful to me. I didn’t know what he was doing to me, but the more I was looking at him, the more I was seeing him in a different light. Knowing that he loved me and that he wanted me was changing my whole outlook, as if it suddenly allowed me to acknowledge how attracted I was to him.

"I don’t mind getting hurt," he said softly and with confidence.

He took my hand in his and rested his chin on my shoulder. We didn’t speak a word. He started kissing my shoulder very lightly through my t-shirt. Then, he raised his head and we looked intensely into each other’s eyes. I moved my head closer to his and he brought his lips to mine.

We kissed gently at first. Then, the kiss got longer, unbroken by either of us. I parted my lips and his tongue slid into my mouth.

Like the night before, Rob started to take control. He pulled me closer to him, one hand behind my neck, the other on my lower back, and started kissing me more deeply. God, he was so fucking good at that. It felt like he was trying to consume me, like he wanted to melt into me. He kissed my lower lip and sucked on my tongue, and I did the same to him. He kept squeezing me to him and all I wanted to do was to give myself to him as much as I could. All my doubts and questions didn’t matter at all anymore. His kisses were too exhilarating, hot and intense.

He pulled back and whispered, "God, I love kissing you. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to feel like this," he told me. I could only moan.

"I love you," he murmured as he kissed my cheek, my response was to press my lips against his again.

He kissed me back with a smile but soon pulled away and looked around,

"We can’t stay here, let’s go upstairs."

I nodded and we quickly ran up the stairs and entered his room. He immediately locked the door behind us and stepped close to me. He placed his arms under mine and brought his hands up to my shoulders and he kissed me full on the lips, which caused my cock to get harder and become uncomfortable in my jeans. We both moaned, wanting each other badly, and he began to nibble at my neck. He let go of my shoulders, put his hands on my hips and they quickly found their way up my back, under my t-shirt and he pulled me toward him. We kept kissing, it was so intense, I could hardly move, we were both breathing hard.

He pulled up my t-shirt and I decided to stop letting him be in control. I did the same to him. I placed my hand on his pec and gazed at his tight chest as I let my fingers run down his stomach. Both my hands reached for his jeans. I surprised him a little by pushing him closer to the bed. He sat on the edge while I pushed his jeans down to his ankles and started chewing on his underwear. I knew I was providing just enough stimulation to turn him on like crazy and all he could do was moan.

“Oh fuck,” he sighed. He fell onto his back and put his face into his hands as I began rubbing his already very hard member through the fabric of his underwear. I teased him a bit before slowly pulling down his boxers. I gripped his cock gently, teasingly, and I stroked him for the first time.

We had never really been in the habit of ‘I’ll show you if you show me’ but I was spending all my time at his place, so of course I had seen him hard before, just not in such a situation. His cock looked a lot like mine, about seven to eight inches, not circumcised, a little bit thicker than mine…and it was beautiful. It wasn’t particularly veiny; his balls were drawn tight to his body and he trimmed his pubes and I couldn’t help but find the sight in front of me just beautiful.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to blow him just yet, but I felt ready to try. I began by stroking him with a nice rhythm and kissed his stomach, loving how hard it felt, loving his well-defined abs, loving feeling his hardness against the palm of my hand, and again, wondering why I was this turned on by him, all of him.

I continued my journey up, and licked his right nipple, remembering how I had loved it when he had done it to me the previous night. I bathed it with my saliva and pulled on it with my teeth and he squealed with delight. I did the same with the left one. He was moaning, his eyes still closed, one of his hands was in my hair. I felt his dick throb in my hand, and I felt the urge to lower my mouth onto it. I didn’t think twice and did just that.

I began licking the head. My tongue played with his piss slit for a second and then I wrapped my lips around it. I rapidly took more of him in my mouth and I was surprised by the softness of his hard member against my tongue. I was enjoying having him in my mouth, so I began taking more of him and slowly bobbing my head up and down, while holding the base. He was so hard that precum dribbled out his slit and as I licked it, I loved the taste of it, I had never tasted my own, and I felt like I was discovering everything about his body. He didn’t move and let me play with him, he could feel that I was enjoying it. He broke the silence though when I took him into my mouth again and engulfed him almost to the base.

"Oh man, I don’t think I’ve ever been this hard,” he moaned.

I could tell he was really trying not to shoot at this point as he had a look of pure concentration on his face.

“Oh please, don’t stop,” he begged.

I didn’t intend to. I started sucking him faster, pulling back sometimes to lick the head and to work my tongue under the short foreskin and taking him down to the base again, tightening my lips around his pole. I had never done that before but I found myself knowing exactly what to do and loving it too. With my left hand, I started playing with his balls, pushing a little on his sphincter and after a short moment, he yelped and moaned,

“Oh fuck, you’re gonna make me cum!”

I pulled my mouth off his cock and jerked him fast. He got rigid and I watched as a river of cum began drenching his chest and stomach. His body was jerking, his eyes were closed and he was squeezing the sheets in his hands and moaning. I just grinned seeing how lost he was in his own orgasm and quite proud that I was doing this to him. When he finally relaxed, I took his chin between my fingers, he panted and slowly opened his eyes. He smiled and placed his hands on each side of my face before kissing me.

“Did you enjoy that?” I teased.

"Fuck, it feels so damn amazing with you, everything does!”

I smiled and he asked,

"Did you feel ok doing that?"

"Well, I did it, didn’t I?" I replied, "First time for everything.…. look, I don’t know what this means, but yeah, I liked it … a lot," I admitted.

He grinned at me, beaming, and in one quick motion pushed me on my back and attacked my neck and my smooth chest. He ran his fingers all over my skin, marveling at my body. His fingers were soon replaced with his lips though.

He frantically unzipped my jeans, pushed them and my underwear down, finally letting my cock free, and undressed me completely. He then slowly kissed his way up my left leg to the inside my thigh. He licked and kissed and moved his way up to my balls. He was making me shiver with anticipation and when he licked them and took them in his mouth, I moaned,

"Oh god, that feels so good Rob."

His saliva and his tongue felt exquisite. He played with my balls for a moment and then he slowly kissed his way back up before making contact with my lips again. We kissed hard, exploring each other’s mouths, sucking on each other’s tongues. He pulled me harder against him and we grounded our cocks together, as he was hard again. I wasn’t even sure he had gone soft at all.

Then he began cupping my ass and I kind of knew he would try to touch me there, I was fearing it a bit, but also wanted him to do it.

He kissed his way down my body again, grabbed onto my pecs or my arms, licked my nipples and finally caressed my abs, and I could feel how much he fancied me, and it was such a turn on. He was worshipping my body.

He lifted my cock and let it slip into his mouth. Like the night before, he swallowed me completely and I felt this amazing feeling coursing through my body.

"Ohhh, you’re so fucking good at this, what’re you doing to me?"

He kissed the tip and chuckled a bit,

"Just enjoy it," he said before licking the wet precum that was oozing out.

I shivered and before I knew it he was deep throating me again and blowing me like a pro. He was keeping his mouth tight around my hard member, using his tongue a lot, making me quiver, and I could not stop moaning.

He sucked hard on the head and I panted,

"Ohhhh, fuck!" when he plunged my dick to the back of his throat again.

He kept at it for a moment and when he stopped, he had me ready to burst. I tried to hold back as he took my balls in his mouth, licking them. He raised my legs up a little and started paying attention to my ass, as I knew he would. He massaged my cheeks, kissed them and started applying some pressure on my sphincter. I was lost in the sensations he was sending through my body when I heard him ask,

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course,” I answered and I felt one of his fingers caress my crack as he said, “don’t worry, I’m not gonna, I don’t wanna fuck you, just trust me, ok?”

I knew what he had in mind but I was enjoying this so much to stop him and I didn’t really care what he would do as long as it still felt good. And it did. I felt his tongue on my hole, licking me in that very private spot and it felt great, so erotic.

“Uhmm, that’s, uhmmmm,” I said, quivering.

I let out another moan as he licked all around my boy-hole, his tongue sometimes trying to push its way inside it. I enjoyed the feeling and tried not to overthink anything. He had me so turned on that I was breathing hard, moaning often, and wanting more.

Then he brought a finger to my hole, moved it around a little and pressed it against it as he started playing with my erection again. His finger popped into my ass and I moaned hard when he moved it back and forth a little, still holding my cock in his mouth. It felt so different, so sensitive down there. His tongue and his finger was driving me crazy and I ached for release when he suddenly pushed his finger deeper inside my rectum. He slid it back and forth a few times and moved it around. As he lowered his mouth onto my cock, his finger hit a spot inside me and he rubbed it. I felt myself going over the edge instantly. My body stiffened and I gasped several times before cumming in his mouth… again. My body kept quivering as I shot in spurt after spurt, feeling like my orgasm would never end.

When it finally did, Rob released my cock and the last few drops finally dribbled from the end. He kissed it tenderly a few times and came back up to lie on his back next to me.

“That was just so fucking hot!” he giggled still breathing quite heavily and wiping some of the cum he had on his cheek.

I laughed,

“Fuck, what did you just do to me?"

"That was your prostate, pretty cool hum?!... Maybe you were not quite ready for that but I couldn't help myself!"

"Are you kidding! I've never shot like that, it was fucking amazing!"

"I know, right!" he chuckled.

"You're just doing this to make me wanna do do it again," I complained jokingly.

"Is it working?" he asked with a mischievous grin on his face that made me chuckle.

"Bloody hell, so far, you’re giving the best blowjobs I've ever had," I answered.

He turned to me and placed his hand on the side of my face and spoke softly, his lips only millimeters away from mine. I could feel his breath and my cum on his lips and he was just so hot,

"Well, so far, you're the best sex I've ever had, you make me feel so good!"

I placed a kiss on his lips and when I pulled back I responded,

"Let's just keep having sex and see where it takes us," and he smiled. "cause I know I'm gonna want to do that every fucking time we end up alone together."

"Music to my ears," he responded seductively.

And then he seemed to realize something, he looked at the clock,

"Fuck, we have to meet the guys at Damon's place in half an hour."

"Really? This early?" I had completely forgotten about that and frankly, it was the last thing on my mind.

"Yeah, we said we'd meet at noon to rehearse," he confirmed, "we should get ready.”

"Oh man, it's gonna be tough to concentrate today," I sighed.

"Hey, let's not behave any differently around them!" he said.

"Of course, what d'you think I'm gonna do? Kiss you?" I joked. "Rachel's gonna be there I think."

"I know…"

"Shit, it's too complicated. She's gonna sense something's wrong," I said, a bit worried; I knew her, if she felt I was behaving differently, she was going to notice.

"Just act normal!"

"Easy for you to say. After what just happened, I don't know how I'm gonna act around her." I said worriedly. "You don't mind?"

"No, I told you, I'm not asking you to break up with her, you can't. I've been seeing you with her for two years, I can handle it."

I sort of felt bad hearing him say that.

We got ready and quickly left with our guitars. When we arrived, the guys were already there, and so was Rachel. She came over to me, and gave me a kiss. I just asked her how she was doing and we started setting up our instruments to rehearse. I was relieved when she came over to me and told me she was going to go shopping and hang out with her friends In Dublin and that they'd go straight to the club for the gig.

"Alright, have fun, I'll see you tonight," I said giving her a kiss.

She smiled at me brightly. "It's gonna be so awesome!"

We rehearsed and hung out all afternoon and left for Dublin to set up our equipment in the club before it opened to the public.

Little did we know that this performance would be the starting point of our career.

When we started playing, we were greeted by a crowd that already knew us and the lyrics to our songs. We knew we generated an online activity and that we were starting to have a larger following thanks to social media, but we but we hadn’t expected this. We played a few covers nonetheless, but we played more of our own songs. We felt more and more ready to play them live. We were starting to find our voice and our sound and we were venturing into the real world.

This gig was our first real breakthrough and it was exhilarating to have the entire crowd sing back to us and be so enthusiastic. This live show was so much better than the ones we had played before because it seemed like the crowd was actually composed of fans and they’d arrived already knowing the songs and ready to sing them. It was astonishing to us. Rob was having a great time singing, he was enjoying every second of it, we were all having so much fun!

When we began playing a song we had called "Shiver", Rob looked at me and smiled. The five of us had written the song together, but I remembered it was mainly Rob who had written the lyrics. It was supposed to be about a girl. We always tried to write about personal things but with a detached approach, so that it wouldn’t be too awkward or personal for Rob to sing them.

However, I realized as he began singing it, that some of lyrics were actually meant for me, and I had trouble concentrating on playing. I listened as he sang,

So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention do you
…

But on and on, from the moment I wake
'Til the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side
Just you try and stop me

And from here, I started really listening, I was trying to stay focused, especially when I had to play a riff near the end, but I listened to him intensely, as if I was hearing the lyrics for the first time. He sang it so powerfully because he knew I could understand his message now, releasing all the frustrations he had to endure, not being able to tell me how he felt. His performance was perfect. It was so revealing.

Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
And it's you I see
But you don't see me
And it's you I hear
So loud and so clear

So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention
And you know how much I need you
But you never even see me

When the song ended, he saw me looking at him. He came over to me to get ready for the next song, and I faked having something to tell him. He brought his ear to my mouth.

"I do see you," I whispered.