Man In Motion - 26. Au revoir, Grandmaman

February 19, 1986

Malibu, CA

We just stared at each other, with Robbie really upset and with me hurt and angry because I'd expected him to be excited for me, and for us. I’d expected him to jump up and down, to tell me how much fun it was going to be to have another kid around, and how happy he was that our family was growing. That’s what I’d been expecting, but instead all I got was an unhappy stare. I knew if I spoke first, I’d just fuck things up, so I curbed my anger and waited for words to come out of his mouth.

“I guess this means that you'll want to marry her,” he observed sadly. I blinked in amazement at that, because that was the last thing I’d expected him to come up with.

“I can't marry her,” I said, looking at him like he was a complete idiot. “I'm already married.”

He gave me a dirty look and tried to get up but I held him down. “Not legally,” he said. “I can tell how much you love her. I mean, she was the one you were with when I was gone. You talk to her on the phone all the time.”

“I don’t know if I love her, but I care about her, and we’re friends,” I said. I didn’t get him. “We talk about once a week so I can check on Darius, JJ, and Grandmaman.”

”Come on, Brad. It’s more intense than that,” he argued. “This is killing me because I never thought I'd lose you to a woman.” I blinked at him, trying to decide if this was just some bad dream.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Who said you're losing me?” I asked, and not all that nicely. “I'm not going anywhere and neither are you.”

He swallowed hard because I was being pretty assertive about this. “Yeah, but shouldn't the kid grow up in a normal, happy family, with two parents who love each other?” I just started laughing at that, which made him angrier.

“What a crock of shit,” I said, then realized that I was being an ass. He was opening up to me, and sharing his fears with me, and even though they seemed idiotic to me, I had no right to rip him up about them. I decided to try humor to calm him down. “You grew up in a family like that and look how fucked up you are,”

He smiled slightly, that little grin of his that was so cute and irresistible. “Alright, you make a good point about that,” he responded more playfully.

“I think he or she should grow up in a happy family,” I said. “I think it is awesome that this family will include three parents, or maybe four if Jeanine finds a girlfriend, and at least three kids.”

“Sounds like a hippie commune,” he joked. “What does Jeanine want?” he asked.

“She wants me to support her and this kid and to help her raise it,” I said. “I’ve promised to do that, but made it clear you’re with me. Your being around is not negotiable.”

“What if she won’t go for that?” he asked.

“If she can't handle that, then she can't live here,” I said, cringing in fear at how those words could bite me in the ass. “I get the impression that she can handle it, and I think she's looking forward to it.”

“You do, huh?” He asked, still not convinced. I stared at him, flummoxed by how badly he was dealing with this, and unsure about what to do to convince him we were solid. He sighed. “I'm just worried. I'm sorry. I see you with Darius, see the paternal instincts come out in you, and they're really strong. What if they're stronger than us?”

I kissed him and he responded reluctantly at first. “This is something we have to do together. I need you with me. You want to review the last five years? Haven't we proven that we love each other, and that we belong with each other?”

“Yeah, I figured that out,” he said. I smiled at him because he was starting to get there.

“I need you to help me raise this kid,” I said earnestly. “I had an extra dad around when JP and Sam were together, and it was awesome.”

“So you still love me more than her?”

Where did he get these fucking insecurities? “Robbie, I'm a fag. She's a lesbo. That's not exactly the best setup for a relationship, and it certainly isn’t enough to lure me away from the hottest guy on the planet. After Jack, of course,” I added, joking.

“Of course.” He rolled over on top of me and kissed me, this time with a purpose. “Besides, I have a tighter pussy,” he joked. His kiss became more urgent, then I made love to him to show him with my body what he didn’t seem to understand from just my words.

“Thanks for an amazing fuck and for helping me understand how this is going to work,” he said as we headed to the shower. “I have to get going though. I don't want to be too late. My boss is grumpier than your boss.”

I followed him into the bathroom. “You are my world,” I told him. “If things get weird, or you get upset, you have to tell me so I can fix it.”

He smiled at me. “Things will be fine. They’ll be great. Unless the kid turns out to be a smart-ass just like you.” I rolled my eyes at him, took a few minutes to get my appearance back in order, then strolled down the stairs, feeling better now that we'd worked things out.

Stefan was in the kitchen waiting for me, and I could tell he was apprehensive. “How did Robbie react?” he asked.

“He wasn't happy at first. He seemed to think I was going to dump him for Jeanine and that we'd be a happy heterosexual couple and he'd be out on the street,” I said, shaking my head. “I don't know where he gets these fucking insecurities, Stef. It seems that no matter what I do, he's not convinced I want to be with him.”

“You knew he had baggage and you decided to love him anyway,” Stef said. “I think you made a good decision.”

“I think I made the right decision too,” I said. “I just don’t know how to convince him it’s legit.”

“Robbie is a truly amazing guy,” Stef said. “I remember when we were on the plane to Paris and you guys made me sleep with you..”

I raised an eyebrow and cut him off. “Made you sleep with us?” I challenged, since that was not what happened.

He ignored me. “I lay on his chest as I had done with Roger in the past, and Jeff before that. At first the similarities disturbed me because he even smells a little like Jeff,” Stef said, and giggled at his own comment. “As much as I loved both of them, neither one of them made me feel as welcome as Robbie did. There is an inherent kindness about him. He has so much love to give.”

“I think that's about the nicest thing anyone ever said about me,” Robbie said, standing in the doorway. Stefan looked aghast, and blushed, a rarity for him. Robbie had tears in his eyes.

“Well it is true,” said Stefan simply, trying to blow it off until Robbie walked up behind him and hugged him and murmured something in his ear, something that made him giggle.

“Stef was trying to convince me you were worthy of me despite all of your insecurities,” I teased.

“Did it work?” Robbie asked.

“Yeah. It was an easy sale.” I got up and went over and hugged him, smashing Stef in between us playfully.

“I have not been in a sandwich for quite a while. You must stop or I will have to change my pants,” Stef teased. We let him go.

“You working late tonight?” I asked.

“No,” he said definitively, then remembered who his boss was. “I mean, I don't think so.”

“I want to do it tonight.” I said, with my slutty look.

“Do what?” he asked.

I made my hand into the shape of the silent duck, the shape I made when I fisted him, and rubbed my fingers and knuckles across his face. “It,” I said. He swallowed and I looked down and he was hard as a rock, tenting big time. Stef started cracking up. “Unless you don't want to?” I asked in a sultry voice.

“I want to,” he said. “Now I have to go to work.” He kissed both of us and bolted for the door.

“So he still likes fisting?” Stef asked. I nodded. “And do you?”

“You know, I didn't mind it, but I didn’t really like it until I talked to Mouse about it. He said he tried it and it was just OK.”

“Wait a minute,” Stef interrupted. “JP fisted Mouse?” I held up my right thumb, telling him that this had to stay between the two of us; he pressed his thumb against mine, even though he was frowning when he did it. “Shit. I would have had so much fun teasing JP about that.”

I shook my head indulgently and went on. “Mouse said that if he’d had orgasms like Robbie has, he'd beg JP to do it all the time. He made me realize how amazing it is that I can do that for him, that we can share something so intimate and I can make him cum so hard he almost blacks out.”

Stef swallowed. “He cums that hard?” I giggled like a fucking middle-school girl then stopped myself.

“Yeah, he does,” I said. “Keep your ears open tonight, you'll hear the roar.”

“I may peek through the keyhole,” he teased.

“And I may leave the door open,” I teased back playfully. The thought of that ignited my exhibitionist streak and made me hard as a rock. Stef just giggled, then we put our libidos aside and got to work.

Greg, Stef, Robbie, Marcel, and I had dinner that night courtesy of Stef’s housekeeper. She was a really good cook. Lou didn’t join us, which wasn’t unusual, because his career was demanding more and more of his time. The rest of us were too big of workaholics to even try to be hypocritical enough to call Lou on that. “I am thinking that we should fly out to Claremont tomorrow and see Jeanine,” Stef said, dropping that bomb on us, just as we started to eat dessert.

“Why don't you go with them,” Greg said to Robbie, in a scene that was obviously choreographed.

“You sure?” Robbie asked. “We're going to get a bunch of set construction re-bids on Friday.”

Greg smiled at him. Stef had said Greg was really enjoying working with Robbie. Robbie was so anxious to please he'd jump into anything, and he was smart, a good problem solver, and best of all, he was calm enough to handle Greg's mercurial temper. “I'm sure. Besides, if I send you, then there's no way I can leave, and then I don't have to go back to that fucking hole of a town again.” He pretended like he made a mistake. “Oh I'm sorry.”

“You are not sorry, and you are right,” Stef said. “We will leave tomorrow morning and we will be back by Sunday.”

“You’re not taking Tonto?” I asked.

Robbie and Greg tried not to laugh at Stef’s expression as he gave me an annoyed look, then sighed. “I will call Tonto and see if she wants to go too.”

Robbie did not look happy about going. If anything, he looked positively unhappy. “We need to do this together,” I told him earnestly. He smiled back supportively, and that was nice, even if it was a fake smile.

We finished dinner, went up to pack for our trip, then did our evening routine like we were an old married couple. When we were done with all that, we climbed into bed and I kissed Robbie lovingly. I ended the kiss and backed away, then smiled at his handsome face. I was laying on my left side, so my mouth was brushing against his right ear. “I want you to blow me, and then I want to do it.”

“You still want to?” he asked, surprised

“I want to be inside you,” I said in a sultry way, trying to get him fired up.

“We don't have to do this, Brad,” he said, and seemed kind of reluctant. “I'm OK if you don't want to.”

“I want to,” I cooed in his ear in my slut voice. “I want to put my hand inside you,” I said, then paused, wondering if I was pushing him into it when he didn’t want to. “Is that OK? I mean, I don't want to do it if you don't want to.”

“I want to,” he said, a huge grin on his face. “I'm just surprised. You usually wait until I ask you.”

“Well, you've been doing great, so I don't think it will hurt your psyche. I just want to feel that connection, feel that close to you, and make you cum harder than you've ever cum in your life.” I finished up in my sultry whisper, and he was sucking my dick as soon as I was done. He gave me an amazing blow job, really taking his time, making sure that I felt his tongue working my head, and making sure his finger in my ass hit me just the right way. I had to calm down for a few minutes after that, and then I got out the fisting lube.

He lay on his back and spread his legs wide, begging me to enter him. I teased him at first, using a finger, then two, and then back to one. He smiled down at me, just enjoying it, laughing because I was making this fun. I'd always approached this thing nervously, either because I didn't know how to do it, or because I didn't think it was good for him, but I put all of that behind me and just had a good time.

After a lot of fun foreplay, I decided it was time. I pushed my hand into him, waiting for him to stop me. We knew how to do this now; I knew to wait for his instructions. He was in charge until I was in, and then he was all mine. “Hold on a minute,” he said, panting heavily.

“You big pussy. You can take more than that,” I joked. He laughed and panted at the same time. And that's how it went. Instead of being intense and uptight, we relaxed and had a great time with it. Sometimes we were laughing, sometimes I was talking to him in my sluttiest voice, getting him all hot and bothered, and sometimes I told him how much I loved him. When I finally made it all the way in, it seemed like we'd just started, although when I glanced at the clock I saw we'd been at it for forty-five minutes

“Feels so good!” he moaned loudly.

“God, I love this,” I told him. “Can't you tell how much I love you, baby?”

“Oh yeah,” he said, panting. I stroked his prostate with my fingers. “Ahhh,” he moaned. I played more this time, really having fun. I stroked the walls of his colon gently, just so he could feel me completely in him. He moaned and smiled. “That feels so nice, Brad. So nice,” he said. I teased him for an hour and had him so keyed up that if I’d breathed on his dick he would have cum. He was moaning and screaming, probably with enough volume to wake up the whole neighborhood. I looked up into the mirror and saw Stefan standing in the doorway, his mouth open, amazed.

I whispered to Robbie. “Stef's watching. That is so hot. Can I ask him to watch you blow?”

“Yeah. Yeah,” he said desperately, because he didn’t give a shit about anything but shooting his load at this point. For me, it was a total rush to have Stef here, just like it had been a rush when we’d done this in front of Mouse. I motioned for Stef to come in. He walked in nervously, but he was soon completely focused on Robbie's leaking cock and my arm up his ass.

“Baby, show Stef how much I can make you cum,” I said.

“Come on, Robbie, blow for me. Show me,” Stef said as he knelt next to him.

“Watch this,” I said to Stef, then took my knuckle and started working his prostate, doing Robbie’s favorite thing. He let out a loud moan and reached back to grab the headboard with both of his hands, and then he came. He let out a roar, an animalistic roar, and then he started shooting. It was one of his bigger loads, but he launched it with such ferocity, such vigor, it shocked the shit out of Stefan. I milked him until he could absolutely cum no more, until he lay there shaking, with tears rolling out of his eyes, barely able to breathe.

Stef kissed him on the forehead. “Thanks for letting me share that,” he said, and left us, closing the door behind him. I stayed inside Robbie, gently stroking his insides, while I wiped the cum off of his chest. He just lay there shaking and crying, so much that I got a little worried. I pulled out slowly, knowing the drill. This part of it was probably more important to me than to him, but I took my time and was really gentle just to make sure he didn’t have any horrible flashbacks to when he’d done it with Neil. When I was out, I wiped my hand off thoroughly and moved up to try and lie on his chest, but this time he rolled over onto mine and just held on to me so tightly it almost hurt.

I just stroked his head and told him how much I loved him. I'd had a fun time, but he was kind of freaking me out now. It took him about half an hour to recover, for his breathing to normalize, until he looked up and locked his eyes with mine, his way of re-engaging with me. “You OK?” I asked.

“I'm sorry if I freaked out.,” he said, then kissed my nipple. “That was just such an intense experience, I kind of lost it.”

“Kind of?” I teased.

“I can't believe you did that for me, and you wanted to,” he said. Why?”

“Because I love you, dumbass,” I said affectionately. “Do you know how much fun it is for me to make the man I love cum like that? It's as much of a rush for me as it is for you.” He smiled at me, his lavender eyes filled with love, and then he snuggled up into me and went to sleep. I gently stroked his hair while he snored quietly. What a wonderful man he was, and how cool it was to make him so happy.

February 20, 1986

Claremont, OH

We’d gotten a late start, so instead of seeing the decrepit city of Claremont from the airplane’s windows, we saw its lights instead. They were decidedly prettier. There was an inverse relationship as we landed: the closer we got to the ground, the higher the tension levels soared. Tonto had begged out of the trip, claiming to be sick, but I gathered after a lengthy conversation with her that she just didn't feel like it. She was getting visibly older, and travel seemed to hold less appeal for her now. JP decided to go instead, which was awesome. I missed him more than I had ever imagined I would.

“So you're going to be a father,” JP mused.

“We are,” I said, emphasizing the ‘we’ to make sure to include Robbie.

He ignored my comment and continued on wistfully. “I've got two grandchildren on the way. It makes me feel old.”

“Yeah, but you have a young lover to keep you happy,” I teased.

He frowned at me, but that seemed to prompt him to switch to a different topic. “I almost forgot,” he said urgently and reached into his briefcase. He pulled out a French newspaper and showed it to me. The headline read: Noted Historian Linked to Homosexual Murder. Next to the headline, was a picture of Dr. Cambronne. Robbie was looking over my shoulder nervously.

Apparently after Robbie’s trial the prosecutors and police had focused on Jerry Kohl and turned his apartment inside out. They'd rifled through all of his stuff and found a letter Cambronne had written to Neil promising to bankroll his kidnapping operations. It hinted that he'd said some pretty unflattering things about me. They'd used that evidence as justification to raid Cambronne’s house and had found pictures of him and Neil, him and Jerry, and the three of them together. A couple had even shown Cambronne fucking Neil while he strangled him. I felt the plane jolt as we landed.

“So the powerful person behind the whole investigation was Cambronne,” I mused.

“So it seems. He is well connected in several ministries and in the City of Paris. Unfortunately for him, he is not as well connected at the Ministry of Justice as my mother,” JP observed wryly.

“Fortunately for us,” I agreed. That made her trip to Paris just that much more important and meaningful.

“But why would he do that?” Robbie asked.

“Because I dumped him, and made Marcel give him up too,” I said sadly.

“That’s why he did this?” Robbie asked, shaking his head.

“You don’t think that not being able to have sex with me is a valid reason for him to lose it?” I joked.

“I’d probably do something just as crazy,” Robbie said, winking at me. I chuckled, and was about to let myself enjoy our banter, when the realization hit me. I froze, much like a deer in headlights. “What?”

“I guess that makes that whole trauma, that whole horrible experience, my fault.” I felt tears in my eyes as the plane stopped. “All the shit you endured in prison, that was all me.” I was completely devastated.

“You know, Brad,” Robbie said, “we've all been blaming ourselves for this whole thing. Every one of us, in one form or another, can look at one event and say that's why this happened.”

“I can see where the rest of you can blame yourselves, but I am remarkably free of guilt,” JP said, to throw some levity into the conversation. I appreciated his attempt, but Robbie did not, and went on as if JP said nothing.

“It wasn’t just one thing; it was a whole bunch of events.” He stared at me, demanding that I accept that, so I nodded to concede to his argument. “We keep trying to pin this on ourselves when the people we should be blaming are those fucked up bastards that tried to fuck up our lives. Neil, first and foremost, then Cambronne, and then Kohl.”

“Well, Neil got what he deserved,” Stef said.

“Thank god we’re finally rid of that asshole,” I said. I felt absolutely no remorse or sadness over his death, none at all.

“Cambronne will pay a high price as well,” JP said. “He will be a pariah in the academic community now.”

“For being gay?” Robbie asked.

“No. There are a lot of openly gay people in the academic world,” JP said sarcastically, and couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes at Robbie’s naivete. “He’ll be shunned for being involved in a murder and a kidnapping plot.”

“That still doesn’t sound so bad, at least not compared to what happened to Neil,” Stef said.

“Cambronne’s life’s work is all but discredited,” JP said, and focused on Stef. “It is as if you had found yourself bankrupt and scorned by your peers, and you found your name subtly removed from all of the positive things you accomplished.”

“It is as if his life is now meaningless,” I concluded. “For someone with an ego like his, I’d bet death would be preferable.”

“If you say so,” Robbie said, unwilling to agree that ostracization was enough of a penalty for Cambronne. “I guess Jerry Kohl got off even easier.”

“I think he is a more tragic figure here,” Stef said, with the wisdom of an outsider. “He was as much under Neil's spell as you were,” he said to Robbie, referencing their relationship when Robbie was at Princeton.

“I can see that,” JP agreed. “All he did was dutifully follow the man he loved to Paris and support him. I think he is more of a dupe in this situation.”

I decided Stef and JP were right and actually felt sorry for Jerry Kohl. He was officially removed from my voodoo list. We were all fascinated by these revelations and their implications, and sat there in kind of a daze even as the engines wound down and the door stood there, open, waiting for us to disembark. “We should go,” I said, pulling us out of our mental contortions.

The limo made the familiar trip through Claremont and up Skyline to Grandmaman's house. Grandmaman had a man who took care of her grounds, and he jumped in to help the limo driver unload our luggage, taking that worry away from us. JP breezed right into this house he’d grown up in, with the rest of us following in his wake. Darius spotted us first and ran right to me, making Stef a little jealous.

“How are you, Darius?” I asked, as I gave him a big hug, picking him up and spinning him around.

“Good,” he said, laughing at my acrobatics, then squirmed out of my arms and ran to see Stef. I looked up to find Jeanine smiling at me cautiously.

I gave her a big hug and a nice kiss, perhaps pushing the line on friendliness, but shit, she was having my baby. “It is good to see you,” I said warmly.

“I am glad you are here,” she said, and gave me a loving look. Robbie stood back watching us nervously, then grimaced at me when he saw me watching him. Jeanine paused to welcome JP and Stef, and then went up to Robbie and took his hand. “I need to put Darius to bed, then I was hoping we could spend some time together,” she said.

“Sounds good,” Robbie said, then winked at me, acting like he was going to go off and fuck her, and getting an eyeroll from me in return. Darius was not happy about going to bed, but Robbie helped convince him it was the thing to do. I smiled at how good he was with Darius, patting myself on the back for choosing such a good partner to raise a family with.

We found Grandmaman in her living room looking horrible. The way she looked now, compared to the way she’d looked in Paris only 2 months ago, was startling. She was in a wheelchair because the tumor had damaged her motor functions, and she had a full-time nurse watching over her. To see this proud and regal woman reduced to being a shell of a person was heartbreaking. JP greeted her first, doing a good job of hiding his anguish, and setting an example for Stef and me to follow. I put my arm around JP, feeling so bad for him, knowing that her death was going to come much sooner than we’d hoped.

“It is so nice of you to make the trip to see me,” she said, more slowly than before, but still as graciously. “I am not long for this world, but having you boys here brightens my day.” We were all crying and pretending not to, and that seemed to upset her as much as it did us.

“I’m glad we were able to visit,” JP said stiffly, trying gamely to be stoic, but he was too upset to pull that off effectively.

Grandmaman sighed, then got resolved. “Bradley, if you do not mind, I would like to speak with you for a minute.” She was clearly dismissing the others. They walked out of the room while I knelt next to her wheelchair like a man bowing before his sovereign.

“What is it, Grandmaman?” I asked.

“I want you to take Jeanine and the children home with you now,” she said.

“But they make you so happy! They can come out when...” I couldn't finish the sentence.

She smiled and shook her head. “I do not want them to remember me as I soon will be: a wreck of a human. I love them, all three of them, too much for that.” I smiled back at her. “I know you promised Bitty you would take care of Darius and JJ. And now you have another child on the way, only this one is your own.”

“I’m really excited about it,” I gushed, getting a smile from her.

“I am sad I will not get to meet him.” She saw my reaction and gazed at me lovingly. “Ah, you did not know that, did you? I could be wrong, but I just have the strongest feeling that this child will be a boy.” I knelt there, holding her hand, smiling and crying at the same time. “You must take care of Jeanine too. She came here because of me, because I persuaded her, and we became friends. She has become part of my family.”

“I will, Grandmaman,” I swore. “We have a house with a lot of room, right next to Stefan's.”

“Perhaps Tonto will move down too?” she asked mischievously, then laughed her beautiful laugh. “Leaving this world is not fun, but you make it easy for me, knowing that, between you and JP, you will care for those I love.” And in her amazing way, she had let me know that our interview was over. I kissed her cheeks, but she pulled me in closer, for the most intimate hug I'd ever gotten from her. I left the room, tears flowing from my face, as JP walked past me. He patted my shoulder supportively.

Robbie and Jeanine were still off doing god knows what, but Stef was there for me, letting me cry on his shoulder. We stood there like that, until I got myself together. “She told me to take care of Jeanine and the kids,” I said. “She wants them to come home with us on Sunday.”

“It cannot be easy for her to be around them as she gets sicker,” he said, picking up on her rationale.

We stood there for a while, feeling like we were in limbo, until we heard JP emit a loud cry from the living room, something that was so unusual it shocked Stef and me. We stood there for only a second, then ran into the room to find JP holding his lifeless mother in his arms. He looked up at us with an expression of total agony. “We had a brief conversation, she told me that she loved me, gave me a hug, and then died.” He turned back to her and pulled her tightly to him, holding this dead woman that he had loved so much, and just sobbed miserably.

I felt Robbie's presence behind me and turned to see Robbie and Jeanine as they took in the scene in front of them. Jeanine shook her head sadly, and started to cry. Seeing her so distraught made me forget my own grief. “I know this is hard on you,” I said to her, and gave her a hug. “I want you to know that everything will turn out alright. You will have a home with us now.”

She gave me a weak smile. “That is what your partner has just been explaining to me.” She gave Robbie a nice hug too, then left to make sure Darius didn’t get up and come running in here. This scene would probably be pretty traumatic for the little guy.

I felt Robbie behind me and leaned back as he wrapped his arms gently around me. How lucky I was to have him here, to have his support. His embrace strengthened me, enough to spur me into action. I moved forward and pulled JP away from his mother and let him hug me instead, while Robbie and Stefan took Grandmaman and laid her out on the carpeted floor. As with most of our hugs, it was an expression of love and an exchange of energy, and there was no question that this time I was propping him up. I could feel his body stiffen with resolve as he pulled himself together. “Thanks,” he whispered in my ear.

“It will be alright,” I said, meaningless pabulum, but it seemed to resonate with him.

“I am going to call the mortuary, then I am going to call Jim,” he said, then left to go do those things. Robbie, Stef, and I stood vigil over Grandmaman in what was an almost surreal experience, maintaining our posts until the morticians arrived to take possession of her body and cart it away. After they were gone, our real work began.

JP came back in with a checklist of things we would need to accomplish, and gave a copy to each of us. “Since it’s so late, Jim and his family are going to wait until tomorrow to come see us,” he said. I was more than happy not to see them at all, but I would go with the flow and just be glad I didn’t have to put up with them tonight.

I was impressed with how meticulously JP and Grandmaman had planned things out. I immediately threw myself into the tasks we had to accomplish, and worked like a demon to get them done. I was crazed, utterly refusing to take a break or pause, because when I stopped working, the pain hit me, just as it had with my brother, Billy, all those years ago. Since it was the dead of night, phone calls and other external communications would have to wait, but we finished what we could. It was funny because the four of us plodded on until we individually gave into the fatigue. Stef was the first to go to bed, and not too long after that Robbie bailed as well. JP and I persevered for another hour. JP finally looked at me and smiled ruefully, as we were the two last men standing. “I think we have accomplished a lot, and we can work on the rest tomorrow,” JP said, officially calling an end to our labors.

“I can do that,” I agreed. I went back to my room, completely exhausted. It was 4:00 am in Claremont, which meant it was 1:00 am California time, but I’d started my day early and it had been pretty intense. Robbie was already in bed, tossing and turning as he tried to get to sleep. I took a quick shower to try and make myself feel better, then joined him.

“Hey,” he said, pulling me to him, with my head on his chest and his arms wrapped around me to make me feel loved.

“You are my rock,” I said to him meaningfully. “Thanks so much for being here and propping me up.”

“Just like you do for me,” he said, and gave me a sweet kiss.

“What did Jeanine want?” I asked. He laughed at me, and got an annoyed look in return.

“I knew that would be eating away at you, and I could have won big money if I’d have bet that was the first thing you would ask me about,” he teased.

“Very funny,” I said in a deadpan way, because I was tired and cranky, and because he was right.

“She wanted to make sure that I was OK with everything. She said that she’d pretty much seduced you, and that she had a great time with you. It was really nice, Brad. It was like she was asking my permission to be part of our lives, part of us.” I sighed. She'd handled it as I should have.

“So what did you say?”

“You mean before or after I fucked her?” I jolted up and saw his smile, and got that he was joking.

“Asshole,” I said.

“I told her that I was freaked out at first because I thought it might hurt you and me, but now that I know it won't, I'm really excited.”

“You are?” That was pretty different from his initial reaction.

“Yeah, I am. I like her. I think she's cool,” he said smiling, then grinned even bigger before he completed his thought. “I spent some time with Darius and he's awesome.”

“I love you,” I said, and kissed his nipple.

“I love you too,” he said, as he stroked my back. The beat of his heart beneath my head, along with his gentle touches, lulled me to sleep.

February 21, 1986

Claremont, OH

All of the arrangements for Grandmaman’s funeral had been made; it would take place the day after tomorrow. Yesterday we’d spent more time than I wanted with Jim and his family, but we had still managed to make amazing progress on settling Grandmaman’s affairs. We’d all had dinner, then everyone had left except for me, JP, Stef, and Jim. Our purpose was to go over the rest of Grandmaman’s estate, so we sat at the large table in the kitchen, with papers spread all over it.

“JP, you've done a great job of getting all of Mother’s arrangements made, but I really think you could have consulted me more,” Jim observed. I struggled not to let him see how annoyed that made me. He’d breezed in here and had lorded it over the rest of us, trying to assert his claim as head of the family, such as it was, but he’d made absolutely no effort to get his hands dirty and help out.

JP eyed him coolly. “There really was no need for consultation because she’d spelled things out precisely how she wanted them,” he said. He handed Jim a copy of the detailed instructions Grandmaman had left. “All that was required was that I follow her directives and execute her plan.”

“Oh. I didn't know that,” he said. That showed how uninvolved he was, and how Grandmaman had completely shut him out of her plans. “You're doing great anyway,” Jim said grudgingly.

“I have had a lot of help,” JP said, gesturing at Stef and me. We said nothing.

“This was easier when Dad died,” he said. “There wasn't a bunch of stuff to go through like there is now.”

“Well, that's pretty easy too,” JP said. “Mother left a detailed list of all of her valuables and to whom they are to go.” He gave Jim a copy of the list.

Jim scanned it briefly and frowned. “We need to go over this,” he said, having evidently spotted a bequest he didn’t agree with.

“There's nothing to go over,” JP said firmly. “Mother designated me as her executor, and she gave me clear and detailed directions on how her funeral was to be conducted and how her possessions were to be handled. I'm going to follow those directions and distribute things just as she wanted.” The tension soared as they glared at each other.

“Well this is bullshit,” Jim said loudly. “I'm the oldest son. I'm the one who stuck around Claremont and handled everything. I'm the one who made the construction company even more successful. And I'm the one who always watched out for you,” he said to JP accusingly. He seemed to be surprised that none of us seemed overly impressed by what he’d said.

“None of what you said is wrong, Jim,” JP said. “Especially the last part. You always did watch out for me.”

“So this is how you pay me back?” Jim demanded. It was all I could do not to kick his ass, and Stef looked only slightly more restrained than I was, but JP, of course, kept his cool.

“This has nothing to do with you and me,” JP said. “This is about honoring Mother’s wishes. She told me what she wanted me to do, and I’m going to honor her memory by doing it.”

Jim ignored him and started going over the list. “This list says Mother wanted her diamond earrings to go to Claire. That’s obviously a mistake since she promised them to Vanessa,” he said, referring to his daughter.

“I am not going down that road,” JP said, and it was funny to note that he was so irked his usually implacable facade was starting to crack and he was letting Jim see his annoyance. “I have a list in front of me that tells me who gets what. I’m going to distribute things based on that, and not on some promise that you allege she made.”

“That’s a bunch of crap!” Jim shouted.

“Do not raise your voice to me,” JP said, issuing that order as if it were an edict. “You can rant and rave about it all you want, but that's how it's going to be.”

He glared at JP. “Maybe she made you the executor in a moment of weakness. Maybe she wasn't thinking clearly,” he said, clearly threatening legal action. JP gave Jim his most contemptuous look.

“Everyone in this room knows why Mother put me in charge and not you,” JP said. His tone was firm, severe, and unyielding. “You are welcome to go ahead and dispute it, but then everything will be public record. You may want to consider that before you run off and do something stupid.” Stef and I were trying not to smile, while Jim just sat there fuming.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” he said, trying to blow it off.

“Well then let me see if I can give you some clarity,” JP said calmly, but his eyes belied the contempt he felt for his brother. “Perhaps you'd like to tell us what you do at the Capitol Plaza Hotel every Wednesday at 2:00pm?”

Jim stared at him, then at us, knowing that he was trapped by his own morally challenged behavior. “Fine. Do whatever you want. Screw my kids over. Be that way,” Jim said coldly.

“Perhaps Marie felt the same way about Richard,” Stef said in his business voice.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Jim snarled at Stef, only Stef didn’t have JP’s reserve of patience.

“I will not tolerate being treated so rudely and with such disrespect,” Stef said fiercely. “You would be wise to consider whether you want to make an enemy of me. If you do, I will grind you into dust.” Stef had scared the shit out of me with that statement, and it had a similar effect on Jim. He may have been the head of a big construction company, but he didn’t have anything close to Stef’s resources.

“I’m sorry if I was rude, but you still haven’t answered my question,” Jim said, backing down in the face of Stef's ire.

“It means that both you and Rich are fucking the same woman,” JP said. Jim's eyes got wide. I almost thought he was going to have a stroke, but instead he stood up, stuffed the papers in his pocket, and got ready to storm out the door. “Jim,” JP said, stopping him before he could make his dramatic exit. “You're the one making this difficult.”

“That's bullshit!” he yelled, like that would faze any of us. It didn’t, but it did have the effect of finally making JP angry enough to drop his shields and express himself more candidly.

“Here is what is going to happen,” JP said, standing up to emphasize how pissed off he was. “I'm going to implement these instructions verbatim, and we are going to have a nice funeral for Mother. You and your family are going to be on your best behavior, and none of you will give me any shit about the arrangements or cause me any problems.” Jim started to argue with him, but JP moved closer to him and got right in his face. “This is a tough time for me, and I don't need your crap. You fuck with me again, and the whole city will know about you and your extracurricular activities. Are we clear?”

JP was scary when he was like this, when he was really pissed off, although I wasn’t quite sure whether he or Stef was more fearsome. “We're clear,” Jim said grudgingly, and left. It was funny that he was cowed enough to just shut the door behind him, and not slam it.

We stared at the closed door for a few seconds, then JP turned to Stef. “You certainly brewed up some trouble there. I'm not sure if that was such a good idea.”

Stef smiled at him. “You do not get to have all the fun.” JP shook his head and grinned slightly. I couldn't help giggling.

February 23, 1986

Claremont, CA

We’d planned the funeral for Sunday afternoon to make sure people could make it to the service. Grandmaman had loved this city, and she was almost universally popular, which was no mean feat in this cesspool of civilization. JP had always talked about her kindness and her charm, and as we watched the people file past her casket, it seemed that she had touched almost everyone’s lives.

For me, it was a long, grueling experience, because I had to talk to a shitload of people I didn’t know and I had to pretend I was interested in what they said. Robbie was even more tortured, because some of his former high school “friends” made a point to snicker at him when they walked by. If I caught them doing it, I glared at them, and because of my status as a member of the all-powerful Crampton-Schluter family, most of them snapped back in line pretty fast, but that didn’t make things much easier for Robbie. The only good news was that Robbie didn't have to worry about seeing any of his cousins. They weren't even on the social ladder, much less high enough to attend such an event. About halfway through the wake, Tonto seemed to figure out what was going on, and she’d sat with Robbie, all but daring anyone to say anything in front of her. No one in Claremont had that kind of courage.

I stationed myself next to JP, keeping an eye on him, supporting him as best I could. I could feel how much this was draining him. Jim and his family were here, and everyone was polite and civil, so to the outside world it would seem as if we were all one big happy family, but the tension was lurking just beneath the surface. I was furious at them for that, because I knew it was weighing on JP, literally sucking the life out of him.

We sat through the service with all of its religious mumbo jumbo. The minister finished a prayer, then spoke in a louder monotone to introduce JP to say her eulogy. Grandmaman had clearly laid out the format, and she'd excluded Jim from talking. Her rationale was that Jim had spoken at Grand's funeral, but JP, Stef and I knew better. “And now, here to deliver the eulogy for Marie Crampton is her son, Professor JP Crampton, Chair of the History Department at Stanford University.” I saw JP flinch slightly, because he probably thought the minister was trying to glorify him. I almost expected JP to shuffle up to the lectern because of how awful this had been, but when he actually got up to deliver the eulogy, I was surprised to see him really spark with energy.

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for coming to this service to celebrate the life of my mother, Marie de Grand-Pré Crampton. My father met my mother while he was serving in the military in France prior to World War II, and from what they told us, it was love at first sight. He whisked her off her feet and out of her country, to her new home here in Claremont, Ohio. She came here as a young woman who spoke almost no English, and she shared with me how frightened she had been, but her fears were soon allayed when the people of this town embraced her, and she embraced them right back.”

He swallowed, biting back his tears. “I never knew my mother to treat anyone with anything other than kindness. She was gracious, generous, and witty, always there to add some extra sparkle to any event, whether it was a society gala or a small gathering with friends. She worked diligently for various charitable causes, most of them centered here, and there is evidence of her achievements throughout this town.” He briefly mentioned some of the initiatives she’d chaired, and pointed out things or places that were named after her as a result. He made a point to list all of the civic awards she’d received from the city, as well as from the county and state. I had always known her as my grandmother, but I was impressed with how much more than that she’d been and what an impact she’d had on this city. After that relatively lengthy tangent, JP got back on track. “In December, I escorted my mother back to France, to see the chateau where she'd grown up and to reconnect with her family. On the flight back, she told me that France was where she was born, but Claremont was her home. Her death is more devastating to me than I can express, but I know that you feel her loss too, as will those who relied on her philanthropy and support. I hope there are some of you out there who are willing to step into the void she has left and fight for Claremont, and to put your hearts into it as much as she did.”

I watched him walk back to the pew and sit in between my mother and me. I reached over and grabbed his hand, trying to prop him up. His eulogy said much about Grandmaman, but it said even more about him. She was his last tie to this town. With her death, it seemed as if he was washing his hands of Claremont.