Live, Love, Lose - 41. Chapter 41

Several days passed during which Karl didn’t see George at all.

He didn’t know where he had gone. Probably got back home to see his mother and Jojo again, or potentially stayed in Paul’s small flat. He couldn’t help wondering.

And he couldn’t get this kiss out of his mind. It had been haunting him ever since it happened. No matter how hard he tried to stop thinking about it every time he couldn’t.

But this had just been a casual kiss, right? He hadn’t really meant to kiss him like he loved him? They weren’t even friends…

But then, why couldn’t he stop thinking about it?

It was enough to make his lips burn. It was way too weird to be normal. He really needed to forget about it. He didn’t want it to be his number one obsession.

He needed to see George, no matter how awkward and tense it would be between them. He needed an explanation. He needed to hear it from his mouth to make sure it had been an accident, just like the time when he had hurt him with the blade. He shivered as he thought about what had happened later afterwards.

He decided to go and look for him all on his own on one sunny afternoon after spending the entire morning and early afternoon with Mrs. Hopkins. He went to the house of George’s mother, remembering the way rather easily, even though he had only been there once. He had a very good memory.

He knocked on the door once he got there, his heart beating faster in anticipation. He waited for a while, getting more and more tensed as the seconds passed. Maybe there was simply nobody inside. He tried again. He was about to go away when the door finally opened. Jojo was the one to answer, and he felt relieved that it was him and not someone else. He seemed surprised to see him. Karl offered him the best smile he could manage to make.

“Hi, Jojo, can I see George?”

He didn’t know why, but he felt like he was a bit rude somehow. But he preferred to get straight to the point before his growing anxiety took the best of him.

The small boy looked dumbfounded. Had he said something he shouldn’t have? He didn’t mean to upset him in any way.

“He’s not here, I haven’t seen him in a while…”

Karl could only be surprised at his answer.

“He’s not here…he hasn’t come back?”

Jojo shook his head sadly.

But if he hadn’t come back, where could he possibly be staying?

“Why, shouldn’t he be staying with you and the Hopkins family?” He asked worriedly.

What was he supposed to say now? He shouldn’t have come there in the first place.

He was truly at a loss for words. He couldn’t make up a lie. Not when it was Jojo. It was strange because he had only seen him three times, and he had already grown fond of him. Probably because he didn’t have a little brother.

What could he say?

“He is staying with us,” he didn’t think before he spoke, “Sorry, I should go now,” that was all he could manage at that moment.

Running away was his best option so far. He couldn’t think of anything better to say or to do. He felt bad for being so rude, but he really needed to find George.

He ran, even if he didn’t know where he was going. He kept running, as fast as he could, forgetting the world around him. He had to stop eventually to catch his breath, realising it was pointless to run if he didn’t know where he was.

Where could have he gone? He had no idea. If he had known him well, he would have known…But thinking about such things didn’t help…

He could go to the pub to check if he wasn’t there, but then if he saw Emma he wouldn’t know what to tell her, and he didn’t want to do the same thing that he had done with Jojo. It would seem too suspicious besides being rude… Or he would have to be very discreet.

He froze as an awful thought crossed his mind.

What if he tried to hurt himself again? Or worse…

His rejection could have been enough to have terrible consequences on him. He felt nauseous as he remembered all the blood. After what had already happened he couldn’t take any risk.

His heart wouldn’t stop racing. He felt like he was suffocating. He needed to be quick. Even only one second wasted was too much. He would have to look for him in the entire city and its surrounding areas, even though it would take him too long, he didn’t have another choice…

Well…if Paul could find him, why couldn’t he find George?

He was starting to know the different neighbourhoods and streets well by that time. It would make his search easier at least. He hurried towards the city centre, but by the time the sun was setting, he still hadn’t found him… But he couldn’t go back home without him, and he couldn’t get back there too late either, otherwise, Mr. and Mrs. Hopkins would get worried.

He didn’t know where to go any more. He tried to think about a solution but in vain. If he couldn’t be found, it couldn’t mean anything good. He suddenly thought about the dream he had in which the teenager looking like George died. Even the air outside wasn’t enough to help him breathe.

He didn’t think twice about it as he started running again. He had to find him at all costs. But it seemed that luck didn’t want to be on his side. He was so focused on his purpose and running so fast that he ended up tripping and fell to the ground.

He heard what sounded like some kind of weak moaning.

His heart skipped a beat. He stood up swiftly, forgetting about his own fall, and took a thorough look at his surroundings. His stomach dropped as he saw someone lying on the dirty ground, near him. They were in an alley, meaning there were no other people except them.

He fell on his knees beside them, and when he saw their face he felt both relieved and horrified.

“George…”

He was in an absolutely dreadful physical condition. He was half-dead, but he couldn’t have done that to himself…. He was all bloody, but it wasn’t worse than the time when he had found him in the bath tube…even if it still wasn’t nice to see.

His legs were starting to tremble, but it was definitely not the right time to feel weak. They needed to leave that place, and fast. The sky was growing darker and darker.

“Come,” he told him, but it seemed that he couldn’t stand up and walk on his own.

He helped him up but he struggled. George cried in pain as kept trying.

“Come on, we have to go back!” He let out a bit angrily as he was getting frustrated by his visible lack of strength.

“No…” George uttered weakly, and it really wasn’t helping. “I…I don’t wanna go back anywhere…just leave me…”

“No! Bare hold kæft og hjælp mig!”

Just shut up and help me.

He didn’t think before he spoke; his emotions were getting the best of him.

He stopped trying before he went completely ballistic, realising how angry he was getting. It wasn’t like him at all…

Getting angry wasn’t going to help either…

He took a deep breath before he tried again. Even if he was in pain, he had to try and walk. He could hold onto him for support. He couldn’t carry him. Or could he…? No…

After a while and many more efforts, he finally managed to lift him off the ground.

“Hold me,” he told him, but visibly George didn’t want to touch him, and didn’t want to be touched.

But he couldn’t stay there. Couldn’t he understand that he needed to go back to the Hopkins’s house?

“Come,” was all he could say at that moment.

He had to hold him tight so he wouldn’t fall on the ground. He didn’t care if George didn’t want to see him anymore, he was going to bring him back home whether he liked it or not.

They had to walk very slowly because George really struggled to put one foot in front of the other. And it seemed that each step he took was making his pain more agonising. But they had no other way to go back. They had to walk.

It was only his fault. Why did he have to do such a thing?

He shouldn’t have left in the first place. He really needed to know what had actually happened.

It was extremely laborious, but they ended up getting back after quite a while. At some point, Karl thought they would never make it. It had just seemed so endless.

He didn’t want Mr. and Mrs. Hopkins to see George like this. It would be hard to hide him from them in their own house, but it wasn’t impossible. He just needed to take care of George, until he looked alright.

They sneaked in the house and directly went upstairs, careful not to make any noise.

If they hadn’t been alarmed about him leaving the house until now, it meant they must have thought he had gone back to his own house to be with his mother again. That’s what he must have told them when he decided to leave.

They entered the bathroom because George really needed to be washed. He couldn’t even make him sit on the stool, so he had him sit on the floor. He knew George wouldn’t undress, so he had to do it himself. He kept going despite George’s protests. He had to press the palm of his hand on his mouth to make him shut up. The house wasn’t a castle. It was better if they did this in silence.

“Kip quiet.”

It seemed he became paralysed at the mere contact. Well, if it could make him stay still and silent then it was all good. He removed his hand after a few moments and resumed his task, and even if he struggled a lot he didn’t give up.

But his blood ran cold once he saw his bare body. He was covered in bruises, and now that he could see him clearly in the bright light, he noticed how his face was drained of all colour, making him look almost like a ghost. He should probably be driven to the hospital, but he couldn’t… Not if he intended to hide what happened from everyone. It would have to do.

He had him sit in the bath tube, and he didn’t even try to protest or struggle free from his grip, which made things a bit easier.

He swiftly stood up and made his way towards the door to lock it before he forgot to do it. Then he went back near the bath tube and took his bloody clothes that were scattered on the floor. He put them in the sink to wash them.

Then he took care of George, ran a bath, and washed him, trying his best not to make his pain any worse.

He looked like the way Karl massaged his hair was soothing him. But that impression disappeared as soon as he stopped. He wrapped him in a towel and took him to the bedroom. They both sat on the bed, motionless and quiet, with nothing better to do.

Karl’s mind was racing with thoughts again. He still needed to know why George had kissed him, but maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to bring it up.

“Why…”

Karl started lightly at the sound of George’s voice. He looked at him earnestly.

“Why are you doing this? Why do you want to help and save me so much? How can you still be so good to me after what happened?”

Did it really matter?

“I’m doing it for Mr. and Mrs. Hopkins. And Paul. Do you not think they are bad enough for you?”

A part of him expected him to retort something, but he remained mum. So he continued.

“Why did you do it?”

Their gazes finally met, but he was still silent as if he had no good answer to give him.

“Why?” He insisted.

He really needed to know this too. But he still wouldn’t answer.

“Why?” He raised his voice a bit this time.

“That’s none of your bloody business!”

Of course, he should have seen that coming.

Why couldn’t they just have a normal conversation during which they could speak openly and honestly to each other? Okay, the language barrier was a real obstacle that really didn’t help at all, but difficult didn’t mean impossible. Even though he still couldn’t understand everything and speak fluently, they could still try if George really wanted to make the effort.

“Why am I even talking to you? Why can’t you just leave me alone?!”

Karl clenched his jaw. He was getting fed up with his attitude. But then he thought about how different he had acted that time when he had kissed him as if he had been a totally different person, almost a stranger. This part of him couldn’t be denied; he hadn’t invented it. It was real. He would just need to bring it out.

He was certainly reacting like this because of his rejection. He couldn’t help feeling bad because of it. It was because of him if he was in such an awful condition…he had already tried to….

He pressed his lips in a thin line. Did he really have to make things worse?

He had to make up for it. And be the one to kiss him this time. He felt plenty of knots forming in his stomach at the thought, and his throat went dry. But he would ignore his anxiousness and reluctance and everything else that went against it. If he could prevent George from hurting himself again and help him get better, then he was ready to force himself to do it and pretend to be whatever he wanted them to be. It was for his own good. For Paul, and his parents. His mother. Jojo. And maybe Jojo’s father too. He wasn’t allowed to look hesitant. He had to make him believe he wanted it too, otherwise, he would get suspicious. And it wouldn’t be good for him… He just had to let his curiosity do the work, to see what sensations it would awake in him. He swallowed the saliva he had in his mouth as he gathered up the courage to do this.

Before he could overthink it too much, he grabbed his face and kissed him maybe a bit too abruptly than what he should have done. He heard George gasp as their lips touched, but he didn’t push him away. It felt rather awkward because he had never kissed anyone on the lips, and now he didn’t know what to do…

Well, he wasn’t going to remain still with his motionless lips glued to George’s forever… He chose to pull away to see how George would react. But he looked too shocked to even say anything.

Okay, maybe it hadn’t been so good an idea…he stood up to go back to the bathroom, but George caught his wrist before he could take one step. He pulled him towards him and sealed their lips together.

Karl felt relieved that he didn’t reject him. It meant it could work. And that things could get really better.

George seemed to be much more of an expert in this field. And he quickly took the lead. Karl preferred it this way, otherwise, it would have been way too awkward if none of them had known how to do this properly. He felt uneasy as the contact lingered. There was a really weird sensation building up in the pit of his stomach. He kept his eyes opened and just waited for it to be over. It wasn’t going to last for hours or long minutes.

George genuinely seemed to enjoy it. He let go of his wrist and put his hand on Karl’s cheek; not helping in easing his uneasiness. He just tilted his head so he could have a better angle.

When he finally removed his lips, it was only to bring them back together a few seconds later.

He started taking Karl’s bottom lip in his own, almost sucking it, and Karl just let him have his way with him because he didn’t know what to do any better than a few moments ago.

The kiss wasn’t so bad in itself. It was just weird because George was a boy and not attractive to him. Yes, that’s right, he hadn’t changed his mind in a few days.

It felt like millions of drums were drumming inside of him, making him feel dizzy with his head aching. But his lips were smooth despite being eager.

George tried to shift probably in an attempt to get even closer to him, but he groaned in pain as he did so. It made him part their lips and removed his hand. Karl was glad for the space and air he could have. George was too hurt to be able to do normal things like moving, he had to get some rest to recover.

He had him lay on the bed, still with his towel wrapped around him like some kind of protection.

“Just rest. I’m going to go for food,” he told him before he stood up and made his way downstairs.

He found Mrs. Hopkins in the living room, looking quite concerned and upset. He just cleared his throat to get her attention. She almost pounced on him as soon as their eyes met and she quickly rushed towards him and engulfed him into a tight hug.

“Oh, thank God, here you are. We were getting worried because we didn’t see you coming back home…”

He felt bad for worrying her so much. It reminded him of the time he had tried to run away but had been brought back by George himself.

“Sorry…”

“That is alright, now that you are here. Do not feel the need to apologise. But Robert and Paul have gone out to look for you…and I cannot even get in touch with them to let them know that you are here and fine…but do not worry, this is not your fault! We will just wait for them, and they will be glad to see you are alright!”

He wanted to stay with her to keep her company, but he needed to look after George…even if he was in too bad a condition, he still didn’t trust him to leave him on his own for too long.

He smiled at her, a small but sincere smile.

“Can I have food, Plise?”

“Oh, of course, dear! You must be really hungry after staying out for so long!”

“I’m tired too…”

“Yes, it is only normal that you are! I’ve made some soup, you can take it into the bedroom to eat it, and this way you will be able to lie directly into bed to get some rest. Let me bring it to you. I will be back in a few seconds.”

She disappeared but was quickly back, holding a bowl in her hands with a dishtowel wrapped around it. She handed it to him and he took it carefully.

“Thank you,” he smiled warmly as he spoke.

“Anytime. Sleep well.”

He nodded at her as he kept smiling before he made his way back to the room. He sat on the edge of the bed but looked at George instead of the door. He helped him sit up with the utmost care so he could swallow the soup. He took the bowl he put on the floor to help him and helped him drink it.

It all happened in silence, and once they were done, he put the bowl back on the floor.

He had forgotten about it until now, but George’s glasses were broken and not on his face anymore, meaning he couldn’t see clearly… It had him think about the boy he had seen in his visions, who looked so similar to him.

He didn’t know what he would do to replace them… Well, George would have to do without them for a while… He could still make up a lie so Mr. and Mrs. Hopkins could get him new ones, saying for example he had unintentionally broken them himself.

Yes, it would be good, even if the thought of lying to them made his stomach ache slightly.

“You haven’t kissed anyone before, have you?”

Was it that obvious? Of course, he would say that.

“Just slip,” Karl told him as he helped him lay back in bed, managing to pull the covers on him, not without struggle, but it was better this way.

He still had to wash his clothes so they could be dry for the following day.

He started standing up again, but George caught his wrist.

“Stay, please.”

His chest ached at how weak and vulnerable he sounded. How could he refuse to stay with him?

He would have to wait for him to fall asleep to go and wash his clothes, even if it meant it would take longer for them to dry.

“I’m not living,” Karl told him, and George gradually let go of his wrist.

Karl changed his position, so his legs were now spreading on the bed, and George moved closer to him despite his pain. He thought about what he had told him just a little bit earlier.

He may have not been a very good kisser, but he could learn.

Hey!
Do some of you ship them ?
Take care ❤️