The English Year - 52. Fight

“Hutch, do you have any more witnesses?” It took my pledge brother a minute, until he finally said that they wanted to speak with Alexandria, the editor-in-chief of The Founder newspaper.

This was pretty much the only person besides David I anticipated that they would call. I was actually disappointed in them for setting their own trap here, but ultimately with the Mike surprise, I still felt like they were winning. Even with Alex coming up, I had my work cut out for me. While we waited for her to be summoned, blindfolded, walked down, and gaveled in, I asked to be excused to drink some water. My mouth was dry, and I needed to regroup before Alex and our pre-prepared strategy came through.

I needed to be ready to fight.

I was led out of the chamber by Oli who watched my every move closely. We walked to the kitchen together. I poured myself a cup of water and drank it slowly. The wheels in my head couldn’t stop turning, even as I breathed slowly, and repented silently about what I’d just done to Mike. There was no way to message him until this entire ordeal was over. I knew he was driving back to the barracks heartbroken and confused. He’d understand, I told myself. He would have to. And even if he didn’t… There was always Pete. Along for the journey.

We all went back into the chamber, and Alex was brought in, blindfolded and led to the witness chair close to the table near the head of the room. Her blindfold was removed. She tilted her head, and folded her arms defiantly, it seemed, to anyone but me. She was gaveled in, explained how things would work, and then Hutch began his questioning.

“I’m just going to cut to the chase,” Hutch began. “Did Corbin send you that article?”

“I would have no way of knowing,” Alex shrugged. “The article was sent from a private email, and it wasn’t signed, so as far as I’m concerned, I don’t know who wrote or sent the article to me.” She looked around the room and then lasered into Hutch. “It could have come from you.”

“Did he ever indicate that he was the author?”

“No,” she said flatly and with authority.

“He never took credit for it?”

“No. Never.”

“Are you sure?”

“How many times do you plan to ask me? It’s late, and I have things I’d rather be doing than answering the same question over and over. He never said he wrote the article.”

Hutch turned to Dom and then back to Alex.

“Do you have reason to believe that he did?”

“As much reason as I would to believe that you did.”

Another pause. I almost smiled, but I held my reaction together.

“Did you consult Corbin before the article was published?”

“Yes,” she answered, sitting up in her seat and crossing her legs authoritatively. There weren’t very many men on campus who could intimidate Alex, and there were even fewer she couldn’t scare shitless. I knew I had the win on this witness, and it wasn’t even mine.

“Tell us about that.”

“Corbin accompanied me to reach out to the victim for her reaction to the anonymous article. Because it was submitted sans byline, I wanted to vet the validity of both sides, so we paid the woman a visit. He also accompanied me to talk to the six men who committed the rape, and convince them to some contingencies before the article was released.”

“What do you mean?”

This was it. I almost licked my lips at how thoroughly they had walked into mine and Alex’s trap.

“Just because we didn’t write the article, doesn’t mean we didn’t know it would get backlash, especially with how everything was framed. Rarely ever do women on this campus and around the country get vindication on things like this, but we were determined that if our paper would be used to breeze over this tragedy, we would at least get vindication for the victim. That much we could control.”

“What do you mean by vindication?” Hutch hesitated. I could tell that for the first time he was actually looking for an answer and not prosecuting me. He wanted to know what, up until that point, Alex and I had actually planned and done in order to save our souls.

“By now you’ve read the apologies. That never happens for a girl when these things take place. Trust me.”

Alex paused, looked at me, and in a distinct show, I nodded.

“There’s also the Sexual Awareness Summit that Corbin forced the guys to agree to,” she said.

Hutch looked at me. Alex continued.

“It was his idea, he came up with the details, and when we brought the article to the guys, we showed them an alternate version. Their fate unless they agreed.”

There was another long pause.

“Let me explain something to you. I don’t know what you’re trying to pin down on your brother here, but it’s a matter of time before you all realize that there’s some actual good that’s going to come of this.”

“In the form of a summit?”

Alex folded her arms over her knees.

“Knowing Corbin for three years, in the form of so much more than that.”

I sat up in my seat, and let out an involuntary smile.

“So you’re saying whoever wrote the article shouldn’t face any punishment? For glossing things over for the guys involved?”

“Let me put it to you plainly, Chad was it?” Alex leaned forward and rested her hands on her crossed knees. If I was Chad, I would have combusted immediately, but he held firm as she tore into him. “I don’t know who wrote the article. That person didn’t sign it, and for good reason, I wouldn’t want to be attached to it either. But hear me carefully. Once the article was published, your brother took it upon himself to get justice for the victim. He confronted six well connected rapists, and their allies, and said that if we agreed to take this on, knowing what people would say, that they’d have to play by our rules. And he won.”

There was a silence in the room that you could chew on. Everyone lingered on Alex’s every word.

“That’s the kind of brother you guys are trying to get rid of? Because he supposedly shamed your house? If I were you, it’s me who’d be ashamed.”

There was a long pause and silence. Hutch finally spoke.

“Alex, we brought you in here to…”

“Confirm that Corbin sent me the article? I’m not able to do that. I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

“Alex, let me remind you that you’re bound by the honor system here.”

There was another long pause.

“Anything else? Or can I get back to campus now?”

Dominic looked at me. I shrugged my shoulder. There was no need to cross examine the state’s witness when everything they’d planned on her saying had backfired.

“You’re free to go,” Dom said, nodding at Oli, who proceeded to escort Alex out.

There was a short break in which most of the brothers stood up and stretched. Hutch announced he had no one else. Then all attention turned to me.

“Brother Crowley, you are now able to mount your defense. Who will be your first witness?”

“I only have two witnesses, Brother Slavin, so let’s go ahead and get started. I’ll summon him now.”

I stood and looked at Oli so he could walk me upstairs to my phone so I could text my first witness.

“Are you going to tell us who you’re calling up to testify?”

“Oh sure, if you’d like to know. I’m calling SEC president Ryan Caffey.”

That elicited a buzz from the room. One of the most prolific, powerful, and well known guys on campus. And he was in my corner. I knew just the name meant something, but I also knew the testimony would mean even more.

There was also the curiosity in everyone’s eyes. If someone like Ryan was my first witness, who could possibly be my last. I had two cards to play, and I knew I had to play them smartly.

It took about twenty minutes for Ryan to arrive. He knew the drill, was read down when he got inside the chamber and was blindfolded, and then gaveled in.

“Mr. Caffey,” I began, rising and walking to a spot between him and the head table.

“Corbin,” he looked up at me. It was clear he knew why he was there, and had been part of expulsion trials before, but also that he didn’t particularly want to be there that night. Especially that late.

“Ryan, I know you have a very busy schedule, so I want to cut to the chase with you. How did I become involved in this entire scandal in the first place? The one being litigated by my brothers here tonight.”

“It’s my understanding that once you became the Chi Beta rep for the IFC, you got pretty chummy with my pledge brother Chip Wallace. Chip knew of the incident that went on on Tear Night, and once the victim declared that she was going public, the article surfaced, and you and Chip brokered a release deal.”

I look over at the table. Hutch and Dom both folded their arms.

“That sounds about accurate to me. Were you there for the deal that Chip and I brokered?”

“I was there for a couple meetings, yes,” Ryan shifted in his seat. I could tell he was contemplating how truthful and forthcoming to be. I looked back at him and gave him a silent nod.

“In the first meeting that we had, we made you aware that some of our counterparts were involved in a… problem,” Ryan explained. “And we needed some assistance to make that problem go away.”

“Was the article brought up in that meeting?”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“Did I promise to write an article? To make things go away?”

“No you didn’t.”

“When was the article first brought up?”

“After that initial meeting, there was another meeting with you and your editor to brainstorm how to handle things for my counterparts. They were keen on not being directly involved, and Alex and you were insistent on knowing the facts before you went to print. It was my understanding that the article made its way to you both sometime between those two meetings.”

“Did we present you with an article on the second meeting?”

“Not that I remember, no,” Ryan fidgeted slightly. I decided to ease up and pull back. I looked around the room, and the president of the SEC had everyone’s undivided attention.

It didn’t hurt that Ryan sat tall, was extremely handsome, and gave off an air of leadership, even in an uncomfortable seat in someone else’s basement. He was the gold standard, that much was clear to every single person around.

“But it seemed to you that we already had the article in our possession?”

“I wouldn’t know, no,” he replied.

“Interesting… when we had that second meeting, what was the move forward plan that we came up with?”

“There wasn’t really a move forward until our third meeting. The one you insisted on having with all of the guys. That was the first time I saw the article for myself, and realized what route was being taken by The Founder to help out my counterparts and their Greek affiliation.”

“Let me get one thing straight,” I hesitated with the next part of my interrogation. If I didn’t thread this perfectly, I could lose everything in this one exchange. “Your brother Chip asks for my help. And a week later, I’m sitting down in front of you and the perpetrators with this article that doesn’t name them, and basically exonerates Greek life in this whole scandal.”

I looked around. Ryan didn’t answer.

“Well clearly, I wrote the article, then. Right? That’s what that looks like.”

“I couldn’t say one way or another..”

“Well the article was anonymously sent to the paper, so maybe you wrote the article.”

“Excuse me?”

There was a big collective shift in the room. Everyone was waiting for the hammer to drop, and here it was.

“You ask for my help. How to get the paper involved, and then all of a sudden this article shows up in the paper’s inbox. Maybe you wrote it, and needed me to publish it. That’s why you asked for my help. You knew the paper would throw that article in the trash, as we almost did, unless you had a man on the inside.”

“I didn’t write the article, Corbin,” Ryan raised an eye at me. If possible, he sat even taller than before, his answer definitive. “But I suppose in that hypothetical timeline, I could have. Chip could have. Any of the six guys involved, or the victim herself could have written it.”

I looked around, satisfied. I took a few steps around the room.

“If I had written it, Ryan, why wouldn’t I take credit for that? We were in three closed door meetings together. If I’d written it, why not just say something?”

“Objection,” Hutch stood up. “That goes to state of mind.”

“Someone has been watching Law and Order,” I retorted quickly.

“Let me rephrase. In your opinion, if I’d written the article, would I have confessed to it in one of our three closed meetings?”

“I don’t see why you wouldn’t have,” Ryan replied. “Everything was laid pretty bare in those interactions. You had plenty of opportunities to confess to writing it.”

“Did I? Did I ever confess?”

“Not that I can recall.”

“So we’re back to the idea that a number of people could have written it?”

“I suppose so, Corbin.” I could sense the resignation in Ryan’s voice. Exactly what I wanted, needed, to hear. It was time to move on.

“Ryan, can you please describe to us the third meeting you and I were both a part of.”

“When you and Alex came to Kappa Sig with a bunch of file folders?”

“Exactly,” I replied. “Right before the article was published.”

“As I understand it, you and Alex had met with Cl… the victim,” he stopped himself. “And then you requested to meet with the perpetrators. Because Chip and I were the ones who brokered you with them to begin with, we all attended the meeting.”

“What exactly went down at the meeting?”

“You and Alex presented the article to the six guys. They looked it over. Then you presented a second article that had them listed and was decidedly more scathing than the one that was eventually published.”

I looked around. Everyone was on edge.

“What did we tell the guys?

“You all wanted some contingencies. A Sexual Assault Awareness Summit in which their attendance would be mandatory. You helped come up with some stories in case their names were rumored about. And for those who didn’t agree with your approach, you had some back up plans.”

“Back up plans?”

“Some files, Corbin. That you researched and documented to compel cooperation.”

“What did you think of the outcome of this meeting?” I looked directly at Ryan.

“I thought it was great,” he replied. “As the president of the SEC, I’ve seen situations like this play out on campus, but I’ve never seen six guys of that nature brought to heel in one fell swoop. It was a masterclass, even for me.”

I nodded. I didn’t say anything, and allowed Ryan to continue.

“This kind of stuff never happens when there’s a rape on campus. Honestly, calling a rape never even happens, and yet somehow Corbin was able to get these guys to agree to do things that never happen on campus. They issued apologies, they agreed to attend the summit, and then at the emergency IFC meeting, he had enough balls to get the entire Greek leadership to get behind some changes. What happened was unfortunate, and I’m sure your brothers’ involvement doesn’t sit well with all of you. But what happened after… that can’t be understated.”

“Wait, let me stop you there,” I held a hand out. “What do you mean the emergency IFC meeting?”

“I assumed you would have reported back by now,” Ryan said. “But I guess the official vote on all the details will be out Friday.”

“What exactly are you talking about?”

“The IFC adopted a plan to host the Sexual Assault Awareness Summit,” Ryan explained. “Orchestrated by you and Chip. Backed by the dean’s office. In partnership with Panhellenic. When you first brought it up, it didn’t seem like a huge thing. Maybe a couple classes for the guys who committed the assault. But what you presented at the IFC, and what was agreed to and will be voted on, seemed like it could be huge.”

“What exactly was agreed to?”

And now I had them. The guys assumed I dumped this article on campus and then clammed up. It was time for them to see how I won my soul back. How I rid myself of the demons of my involvement. It was time for them to see how I was able to live with myself after all of this. What small amount of good could come from it.

“The IFC agreed to sponsor the summit. The dean’s office will help fund it, as will the SEC. Each house will be required to send a delegation. In exchange for not having to send a representative minimum, Corbin negotiated that after the summit, each house will host an inservice day in which a percentage of the brotherhood will be required to attend. That way the majority of campus will get a thorough education on sexual assault. Prevention, how to hold each other accountable, that kind of thing.”

“Interesting,” I cocked my head as everyone sat back in their seats after the explanation.

“Ryan, much has been made about the reputation of the paper and the author of that article. Do you think, if that person were here today, orchestrating a summit of that nature would be a redeeming action?”

“Thousand percent,” Ryan replied. “But it’s not my house. It’s up to these other guys to weigh that. If the author was in fact the same person who orchestrated the summit.”

“I’m asking your opinion.”

“What I saw when you presented the summit was someone who cares about people. Someone who has a reputation for being a social climber, self-serving, whatever you want to say. But you got your end of the bargain for facilitating this PR stunt. You didn’t have to switch things around to get justice for the victim. That wasn’t required.”

I shot Ryan a look, and then turned to the table. I could see Hutch move in his seat, and wondered if he’d caught part of what Ryan had said.

“Let me be frank with you guys,” he continued. “If my brother had written the article, I’d take pause. Maybe not in an expulsion, but some sort of sanction I think would be warranted. But if my brother had done what Corbin was doing now, holding every person’s feet to the fear who has any kind of influence here, I’d be damned proud. And I’d be ready to drop this thing and commend him. Especially when the summit is announced and he and Chip are revealed as the orchestrators.”

I let the last part linger in the room. I told the table I had no further questions. I sat down and looked at Hutch. He cleared his throat. Here we were.

“You’re sure Corbin never alluded to writing the article?” was all he could come up with.

“I’m positive. I try honor cases as the SEC president. I’d never lie to protect someone I only marginally know. No offense, Corbin.”

“None taken.”

“You said bargain earlier. Corbin received his end of the bargain… what did you mean by that?”

I watched Ryan closely. He knew what the bargain was, but I also knew he didn’t have the authority to necessarily specify that I was being tapped for the SEC. I wondered just how he was going to dance around it.

“There will be notoriety around this situation for a while. Going into his senior year, people will take notice. Even if the rumors are that he penned the article, there won’t be any rumors about what he was able to accomplish next. And when he’s outreach chair on the IFC next year, something I’m sure is in the works already, he’ll have even more influence on campus.

“You aren’t on the IFC. How would you know if Corbin is in consideration?” I could sense the panic in Hutch, especially since he assumed he’d be our representative on the IFC the following year. I smirked, and sat back.

“Chip is the current IFC outreach chair. He’s also my pledge brother. I’ve seen how closely he’s been working with Corbin over the last few months. Let’s just say I know a successor when I see one,” Ryan answered very diplomatically.

There was a brief murmur around the room as he said that. I smirked inside, watching Hutch fall right into his own trap. I crossed my legs, watched Hutch stumble through some closing questions, and then Ryan was gaveled out. He gave me the slightest nod as he was being blindfolded, and I took it as good luck.

None of this mattered much if I suddenly found myself homeless and frat-less. Who would take me seriously on the SEC if I couldn’t even whip my own house to keep me?

There was another brief recess, and then Dom asked who my final witness was?

“It'll take them a few minutes to get down here, is that okay?” I asked. We were rounding the four hour mark, and it was well past one in the morning. I knew my last witness was waiting for the nod to come over, as we’d discussed over the weekend, so I asked if I could be escorted to my phone to call them.

“Oli will escort you up to call, and then wait for your witness.”

Just as had been done when I summoned Ryan, I placed a text to my final witness, my heart pounding the entire time. They replied back that they were on their way.

Convincing these idiots to keep me in the house hinged on this testimony going well, as basic as it was. I needed this to solidify the fact that, sure, I’d released the article, embarrassed the frat, probably lied, but it was all worth it. And it all came down to this.

One simple text, we’re ready for you, and they were on their way to our frat house.

One text, a blindfold, and approximately twenty minutes later, I announced my next witness was at the door. Oli went out to bring them down, and a minute later, I told the entire brotherhood to welcome Dean Dawn Watson, the Dean of Students, and the most powerful person on campus besides the president himself.

“Welcome Dean,” I started when she’d been freed from her blindfold and gaveled in. I could smell the shock in the room that I had managed to get an actual dean to come to my defense.

“Thank you Mr. Crowley.”

“Dean, will you explain to my brothers the nature of our relationship,” I began smugly.

“We’ve had our ups and downs.”

“We don’t always see eye to eye?”

“Let me just say based on the things that have come across my desk in the past, I’m not surprised you’re somehow mixed up with this whole thing.”

I turned my back to the dean so I could study everyone’s faces as I prepared for the defense of my life.

“Dean, we’ve heard from the editor of the paper and the president of the SEC. While my involvement in writing the article is still under dispute, what were your thoughts when you read it?”

“Honestly, I was disappointed. Yet again.”

“Yet again?”

“If you were involved with this, it reminds me of the Melanie Chu situation, in which you and I had our differences of opinion.’

“The Melanie Chu situation? The bind item.”

“That is correct.”

“But you and I came to a positive outcome in that case,” I led.

“We did. Ultimately, I hear she’s thriving and doing well in her new post. She and I are actually scheduled for a women’s leadership luncheon together in a few weeks.”

I took a deep breath.

“So a situation in which you were ashamed of me, disappointed, turned into a positive outcome?”

“That’s correct.”

“Do you think that’s possible here?”

Dean Watson shifted her weight from one leg to the other.

“From what's come across my desk, and should be publicized in short order, it sounds like we already have some positive outcomes. For what it’s worth, my office has been in contact with the victim herself, and she’s satisfied with the outcome as well.”

“The Sexual Assault Awareness Summit?”

“That’s correct.”

“Dean, in your opinion, someone who puts something like that together in order to make good… would you consider that person a detriment or an asset to their house?”

The dean took a deep breath.

“If that’s what you all are here to mitigate, then my two cents is that person would be an asset. Absolutely.”

“Even if they wrote the initial article?”

“It’s complicated. The way this situation played out was never going to be simple. The article was… ill advised. However the outcome may be overall justified. I’ve been through dozens of these things, much to my horror every single time, but let me tell you what. This is the first time I’ve seen a student take it upon themselves to initiate some sort of systemic change. And for that reason, if it were my brother involved, I’d be very proud of him.”

“Thank you, Dean,” I said. I looked at the table to read Dom’s face. There was no way the brotherhood would expel me, defying an actual dean’s recommendation. That meant too much. And yet, I still wasn’t finished. There was one detail to hammer out. One more bomb to drop, with the dean’s help.

“Dean, I know you’re busy. I’m sorry we had to drag you here in the first place, and I do not want to keep you. I have just one more line of questions.”

“Please, by all means.”

“You sit on the committee that vets anyone who is tapped for the SEC, correct?”

“That’s correct.”

“May you please tell us how that works?”

“The SEC is student run. Members of the SEC nominate their successors. The dean’s office will routinely make recommendations, and once someone is ‘tapped’ for a position on the SEC, a committee of deans and staff vet that person. The committee consists of a dean from each of the colleges, dean of Greek life, and a representative from the president’s office.”

“That sounds pretty serious.”

“It is serious. In the name of student governance, the SEC handles honor trials, and budgets for every club on campus. Their work is serious, and we take our vetting process seriously.”

“What would you say are some criteria when you are vetting a potential tap?”

“Good character. Good standing with the community. That includes their clubs and extracurriculars. We look for students with a positive public profile, and who have made generous contributions to the student body as a whole.”

I looked around.

“Interesting. Would you say getting expelled from your fraternity would be disqualifying?” I asked slowly.

“Not necessarily,” she shifted her weight again. “But it would make us take pause. Something like that could point to some deeper rooted issues with that person’s character.”

I turned my full attention to Dominic before addressing the dean again.

“Dean, would you say having a member on the SEC is a good recruitment tool?”

“I’d say it’s probably one of the best recruitment tools,” she answered perfectly. “It’s an elite group of students, and saying that you are on there could easily sway a potential pledge your way. I’ve seen it be the decision maker for pledges, and I’ve also seen it open doors for students as they transition into their professional lives. For themselves, and for those around them.”

Every eye was glued to Dean Watson, It was time for the kill.

“Dean, I want to ask you some direct questions. I appreciate your candor, and would like to remind you that all brothers here are bound, not only by the honor system, but by our own system of secrecy and discretion.”

“Understood.”

“Dean, was I tapped to be on the Student Executive Council?”

There was a long pause. Dean Watson sat up straighter in her chair.

“Yes, Mr. Crowley. Indeed you were.”

I took a deep breath. There was a rumble in the room. Even Hutch was on the edge of his seat. I knew I had it. I could sense I had won.

“Dean, was I vetted by the selection committee?”

“Indeed, Mr. Crowley. You were.”

“And Dean, one last question.” I took a deep breath, and paused. “Was I selected by the committee to serve on the SEC?”

Dean Watson looked from me to the table, knowing who her audience was, and let out a soft breath.

“Indeed Mr. Crowley. When you and I spoke over the weekend, I had the pleasure of congratulating you.” The dean drew out the final part. “I had the pleasure of being the first to congratulate you on being the newest member of the Student Executive Council.”

There was another murmur around the room. This one was much more energetic as they understood the gravity of what the dean had just said. You couldn’t have bought that kind of reaction, straight from the dean’s lips.

I could tell in that moment I had won. They were realizing everything I’d done had been worth it. That I could do more for the house from the SEC than I could from the outside looking in. That this wasn’t about an article. It was a bigger picture. And no matter how it started, this was the final chapter.

As the energy in the room subsided, the dean cleared her throat.

“Before I’m released, Mr. Crowley, may I give you some advice? From someone who has watched you maneuver for the past few years?” I turned to look at her. It wouldn’t have been an event with Dean Dawn Watson without her finding some way to dress me down for the mistakes that I had made.

“Sure, Dean,” I replied, trying not to sound defensive. Whatever it is she had to say, I was about to win my trial. I could take it.

“Whatever you did to find yourself in this situation, I would fix it. Do everything you can to make things right. Let me tell you something. It can be lonely at the top. You need your brothers just as much as they need you. So whatever bridges you’ve burnt down, rebuild them. You have a year to secure your legacy. Allow all of these guys who care deeply about you help you do so.”

I swallowed hard and nodded.

“Yes, Dean.” My voice was soft and low and just shy of humble.

“If there’s nothing else,” Dean Watson looked around the room.

“Thank you for joining us, Dean,” Dominic said meekly, standing with her. Oli stood as well, retrieved his blindfold, and escorted the dean out of the chambers. There was something surreal about the dean of students coming down to our grungy basement, blindfolded like everyone else, just to defend me and my honor to these ungrateful fraternity brothers. I had to take a deep breath to process it, but when it was all said and done, I was still astonished.

The goodwill I’d built up, being in her home, playing tennis with her and her husband, sucking up to everyone on the dean’s staff. It had finally paid off in a way that was far more intense than avoiding prosecution in the Melanie Chu scandal. It had paid off in the way you hope things pay off when your goal in life is to social climb, and rub elbows with the most powerful people on campus.

“That’s all I have, folks,” I said finally, when we were all gaveled back in. It was almost two o’clock in the morning, and not only was I exhausted, but I wanted the vote to take place as close to the dean’s testimony as possible.

“You have all the information you need. I maintain that there’s no way to prove I wrote the article. I was involved in it’s publishing, sure. But I was also involved in the publishing of the apologies, the creation of the summit, and now you know that all of this was done in service to getting on the SEC and elevating our house. I knew I’d get hate for this, and I did it anyway. And when things unfold, you and your girlfriends, and all of the embarrassment you think you’ve faced because of me will be out the window. Vote however you’d like but you heard the dean just now. I need you all. And you all need me. If there’s nothing else…” I turned to Oli. “I'll leave you to your vote.”

I stepped towards the chamber opening. Oli nodded at Domnic, opened the chamber for me, and I crawled out. I turned to see Oli following me.

“What are you doing?”

“I stay with you until the vote,” he replied. I was eager to get upstairs and check my phone. I wanted to send Mike a message, and to let Pete know that it was almost over. I knew Pete was awake waiting on me despite having an early meeting with Brown’s advertising class.

“Is that necessary?”

“It's the rules?”

I rolled my eyes.

“Well now that everything is done, can I go check my phone?” I asked.

“I’m not sure what the rules say about that,” Oli replied.

“Well I do. They say I can go,” I turned to walk down the hallway, and then up the stairs. Oli was a step behind me the entire way.

“Well the rules are I have to stay with you, so… if you go up, I go up.”

“Let’s go then,” I called back behind me. “You can watch me grovel to my boyfriend.”

I heard the words come out of my mouth, realizing that I meant Mike, when he wasn’t my boyfriend at all. Pete was the boyfriend. Mike was the guy I was still in love with despite having a boyfriend. And Mike was the one that deserved my groveling.

It took me a minute to craft the perfect message to him. I wouldn’t have blamed him if he didn’t respond. Fuck. I wouldn’t have blamed him if he responded that he never wanted to associate with me again. Nothing would have been out of the realm of what I expected from him. But I crafted the message carefully, and hit send.

To Mike: I hope you’ll understand why I did what I did. And I hope you’ll still be here when you get let out in three weeks. I’m sorry. I love you, and nothing will ever change that. I hope you feel the same way.

I took a deep breath.

Just as I sent the message, there was a knock at my door. Oli answered it, said a few words to the person standing at the other side, and then let Hutch into my room. Oli left, closing the door behind him.

“Before you get the results, can I talk to you?” he asked. I immediately saw a flash of red, and then let my anger subside. I nodded my head, and motioned him over to the couch. I still had an attitude, that much couldn’t be helped, and so I crossed my legs and my arms as Hutch approached.

“You don’t have to believe this, but my goal was never to get you expelled from the house,” Hutch sat down. His voice was milder than it had been downstairs. This was the Hutch I knew. “I just thought you needed a wake up call, and the seniors though this might be the best way.”

I turned my entire body to look at him, and that’s when things began to break. I let out one solitary tear, brushed it away, and looked Hutch right in the eye.

“That’s playing with fire, Chad,” I said softly. “Let me tell you something.”

I took a deep breath.

“I have racked my brain over and over again about why so many people hate me. And your face came up in that racking a time or two. I know I cross the line sometimes. A lot of the time. I know I play unfair. I know I’ve done things that should have gotten me kicked out long before this. The girls you guys hang out with hate me. The seniors. The freshman. God, I hate myself. But you of all people, and the rest of the guys in our class, know that when I do things, I do them for the greater good. I’m self-serving, but Hutch, I’m also here to lift us all up. That’s why I wanted on the IFC. And that’s why I wanted on the SEC. That’s why I’m doing this. I don’t have the luxury of fading into the background or else I’ll end up like Chip Wallace. That’s not me. And what hurts the most is that you didn’t see that.”

Hutch nodded.

“Corbin, maybe I did see that, and what I saw was the potential that you’d leave us.”

There was a long pause in which neither of us moved. I felt Mister rustle on my leg. I relaxed my arms and after a minute, Hutch was the first to speak.

“Can I ask you why you fought to stay? After all of this? It would have been easy to just pick up and go.”

“You heard the dean,” I answered quickly, without hesitation.

“Fuck the dean. Tell me why.”

I took a deep breath.

“The truth? I know how things work around here. I can be everyone on campus. I can be a big shot, and I could run things the way I want to run them. The paper, Fancy Ball, IFC, SEC, I could be a part of it all. But when you go to an event, the first thing people ask is what house you’re in. And I’d rather be on the inside fighting to stay than on the outside with no way of answering that question.”

I shrugged. Hutch nodded.

“And, Hutch,” I added. “I’m ready to be proud of what house I say that I’m in.”

I watched Hutch’s shoulders drop. He gave me a look of resignation, like he didn’t like the answer, but he completely understood it.

“Were you expecting me to say it’s because of loyalty to our class?” I asked, my voice calm and low.

“I thought maybe,” he replied.

“It’s going to take a while to get back to that, probably,” I replied, sitting up. I picked up Mister and placed her on my lap. “But there isn’t a bridge that can’t be repaired, I’m hoping.”

“You heard the dean,” Hutch responded, echoing my words with a tilt of his head.

“I heard the dean,” I said. There was another long pause. Hutch took a deep breath.

“Well the good news is twenty-two to seven, the guys want to give you a chance to repair those bridges. Both ways, I’d say.”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I tilted my head back in relief. Not that I had expected a different outcome, but the truth was, even with the defense I had mounted, the endorsements I’d brought in, there was always that lingering thought that it wouldn’t be enough. That at the end of the day, the guys would be so fed up with my shit, that they’d put me to pasture regardless.

And so hearing him say that was a huge relief. I wanted to ask who the seven were, but at that point it didn’t even matter. It could have been all seniors. It could have been a mix. There even could have been guys from my own class. But the fact was I was still in. And because I had gone through the motions of a trial, flexed my weight, and come out on top, I felt like even with seven votes against me, I was more powerful than ever. They struck at the king, and they missed.

I knew if I stuck around the house, some of the guys would want to talk to me about the verdict. Austin and Roberto would be clawing at my door, and I didn’t have the emotional strength to sit there and talk things through with them. I didn’t have the strength to see Brian and Hutch either, or any of the other guys, if I was honest. It was late, I was exhausted, and so after Hutch told me the vote count, I packed an overnight bag, and disappeared down the back landing.

On my way down the alley, I tried calling Mike. His phone went straight to voicemail, creating a lump in my throat I didn’t think would go away any time soon.

“You won,” Pete said when he let me in to his room after knocking softly and giving me a hug.

I stood still for a brief second. Mike would have said ‘we’ won, I thought.

“It’s over,” I replied.

“I’m happy for you,” he leaned in and kissed my forehead. “Now you don’t have to run anymore.”

I was transported back to the phone call I made to Pete when I decided to take this whole thing on. The break up after our first night together. The time I ‘corbined’ our situation within twenty-four hours.

I didn’t realize until then that he had considered that to be my way out. And in so knowing now, it made it that much more special that he clawed his way back in once he learned the truth.

The facts as it stood over the last week were these.

I had two men who had been there while my back was against a wall. A weekend with Mike, humping like rabbits, doing ops research, all while he didn’t judge me once. And I destroyed it. I destroyed him.

And then there was Pete, standing before me, kissing me tenderly. Loving me. Despite the truth, he had come back. We had our moment in the library, and we’d had our moments since. Making love with Pete was like experiencing a slice of heaven.

And yet something always loomed. I was literally living the life I had dreamed of since August, and yet there was something missing.

We won.

With Mike I felt like a team. Like a ‘we’. Like we had fought together.

With Pete I felt like I had gone to war and come home to my bride. He was the spoils.

I was madly in love with them both in two completely different ways.

And as I stood there in Pete’s arms, it dawned on me. I was in love with these two men in a way that made me crazy. But did I have two men completely, madly, crazy in love with me?

“Am I safe with you?” I asked into Pete’s shoulder as he held me close, no rush to separate our bodies.

“Of course you are, killer.” He paused, pulled away and planted his lips right next to mine. “You will always be safe with me.”

I looked up at him, trying not to think that any of this could be out of my control. Not wanting to think that I had to do the work of being the spoils of love. That while I had two guys to choose between, I had to make myself choose worthy as well. I just wanted to feel, not think. And so I looked into Pete’s eyes and simply said.

“Make love to me.”

And after a night of fighting for my life, that’s exactly what he did.