The English Year - 16. Beck-and-Call Girl

I had no idea what to expect from my formal outing with Mike. I knew there’d be wild Vmees, drunk girls, some possible nudity, and public destruction. Other than that, I had no clue what awaited, and therefore I had no clue what to wear.

“I can’t believe you’re actually going to this,” Hutch said, sipping a Maker’s Mark out of a rocks glass and sitting sprawled out on my bed.

“Really? Because I can totally believe it,” Brian chimed in, also sipping a Maker’s Mark on my couch. I’d consulted the two of them on sartorial choices because I was completely and totally confounded.

As per my earlier communication with Mike, he’d said to wear whatever—it really didn’t matter. But did that mean to wear a suit? It was a formal after all. Or should I have slipped into something casual? By the time I got there, dinner would be over, most people would be piss drunk, so maybe just jeans and a t-shirt.

No matter what I put on, I decided, it needed to be sexy. That was the only way to go if I was going to crash a VMI upperclassmen social.

“It’s just so random. I mean, what exactly is this, anyway?” Hutch asked.

“According to Mike, they’ve rented out an entire hall at the Howard Johnson,” I explained.

“Classy,” Brian interrupted. I shot him a look.

“Basically, the guys open up each room, and it’s a fucking free for all. There was dinner earlier, which I guess constituted the formal part. Now everyone is just getting messy and trashing the HoJo.”

“I’m sure that won’t be too difficult.”

“What’s great is Mike and his roommate Bryant got a room across the street at the Day’s Inn, so I’m thinking I’ll hang out with the cadets for a while, whatever, and then when Mike’s ready, we’ll just go back to his room and crash.”

“And what’s to say that Mike won’t be as drunk as all of these other people by the time you roll around?”

“He promised.”

“Oh, let’s take that to the bank,” Hutch responded sarcastically. I rolled my eyes. I didn’t know what Mike could possibly do to lose the attitude from these guys, but anything short of saving a baby from a burning building probably wouldn’t have sufficed.

“It’s going to be fun,” I assured them. “I’m going to have fun.”

I watched as Hutch gave Brian a look. I reached into my closet and pulled out a black Guess t-shirt and decided just to wear something simple. The black shirt, my distressed True Religions, and black boots.

“What’s Pete up to tonight?” Brian asked as I was pulling everything out.

“I’m not sure,” I said, taking my shirt off and slipping into the black fitted v-neck.

“I thought y’all were talking again.”

“We are. We did. We’re trying this whole friend thing.”

“Does he know that you’re going out with the Vmee tonight?” Hutch asked.

“I don’t know. It never came up,” I answered, my eyes wide with defensiveness. I turned around and slipped out of my sweat pants and into my jeans.

“If y’all are friends, why wouldn’t you tell him?”

“It never came up,” I repeated.

“You told us,” Brian pointed out. I knew this tone. It was his condescending tone, as if I’d done something wrong and he was waiting for me to see it. He was trying to trap me into some corner, and I wasn’t going to fall for it.

In fact, I’d avoided not only the subject with Pete, but I’d avoided Pete altogether. Instead of raging and going out the night before, I’d stayed close to home and played games with my class and some choice freshman, getting to know Brandon and David better, and playing it cool with Lee. I’d heard that Pete had gone out with Amanda and some of the international kids, but I hadn’t bothered to verify.

“The only reason that I told you douche bags is because I was hoping you’d give me a ride to Lexington. Seeing as to you’re both wasted, you’re actually useless to me,” I snapped.

“Down boy,” Hutch replied.

I turned to the mirror just above my dresser and started fiddling with my hair. The truth was, even after successfully not pining over Pete the night before, I needed this date with Mike to go well in order to get Pete off my mind. Even without texting him or seeing him, I was constantly thinking about him. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him since I’d gotten him on the crew team and we’d agreed to be friends. But being friends with him didn’t automatically melt those other feelings away, and that meant the past twenty-four hours of not seeing him had been torture.

Still, I was determined to brave it. To put on a strong face, grit my teeth, and resolve to be friends with the one guy I didn’t want to be friends with. I had to, and I couldn’t tell my brothers that, because I knew they wouldn’t fully understand. This game I was playing, they wouldn’t know why I was even playing it to begin with.

“Look, it didn’t come up with Pete. If he calls me tonight, I’ll tell him where I am,” I said. I looked at my clock. It was almost nine.

“I’m running late. Hand me my phone.” Hutch gave me my phone and I immediately called for a ride. I knew my good friend Calvin was working the dispatch phone and that Nick Persons was one of the drivers that night, so instead of calling the main line, I called Calvin directly.

“Hey buddy,” the Chi Beta alum turned law student said into the phone. “What’s up?”

“Hey,” I said, glaring at Hutch as I spoke. “You remember Mike the Cadet, right?”

“The cadet I set you up with?”

“You did not set us up,” I countered.

“Oh please, you were so gone that night, you never would have remembered throwing yourself at him if it wasn’t for me,” he reminded.

“I think you’ve got the facts just a little twisted there, brother,” I replied. I watched as Brian and Hutch got up from my bed and couch and made their way to the door.

‘Have fun’ Hutch mouthed as they made their exit. I shot him a peace symbol.

“Anyway, what about him? I’m working.”

“It’s actually a work call,” I answered. “I need a ride to Lexington. Well, outside Lexington.”

“How far outside?”

“It’s not more than five miles from here,” I assured. I wasn’t sure exactly how far it was.

“To see Mike?”

“Yeah, kind of.”

“Did you pre-lube?” Calvin asked.

“Oh, shut up. Can you get someone to take me?”

“Yeah, I’ll put it in.”

“Thanks, buddy,” I said. I hung up on Calvin, glad I didn’t have to use my Nick Persons plan B. I put the finishing touches on my hair, made sure I smelled perfect, and within five minutes, I got the text from Calvin saying someone was outside waiting on me.

The driver was a Jesus-freak Lambda who had done nothing but judge the shit out of me my freshman year. I didn’t even bother making conversation with him, but instead told him my destination was towards Lexington on the BV Highway.

“You know where Aunt Sarah’s restaurant is?” I asked, referring to the dive that sat just below the Days Inn across from the Howard Johnson.

“Yeah.”

“It’s across the street from there.”

“You know that’s passed the five mile marker that we normally drive to,” he said. “If you’re going to need a ride back, I don’t think dispatch will be able to come all the way out here.”

“Okay, my bad. Thanks for the warning.” I was almost certain I wouldn’t need a ride back, but in the event that I did, I had two aces in the hole I could rely on.

“This is where you’re going?” the driver asked as he pulled into the bottom parking lot of the Howard Johnson. There was a steep hill that led to the actual hotel, but most people parked down below and scaled the hill on foot.

“This is fine,” I said. I got out of the car without so much as a thank you, aware that I’d annoyed the dispatch driver by making him go out of his so-called jurisdiction. I walked up the hill towards the Howard Johnson entrance, and then called Mike.

“Hey babe!” he shouted over what was clearly a wild party. “Where are you?”

“I’m coming in now,” I said.

“Huh?”

“I’m coming in now!”

“Great! Come to the second floor.”

“Okay!”

I hung up, made my way up the rest of the hill and into the building. I didn’t bother looking at anyone in the lobby as I walked straight through. I did bother to do the math that my complete outfit probably retailed for more than the cost of a room.

I took the stairs up to the second floor and was immediately greeted by the sound of loud music, boys hollering, and the smell of heavy liquor and cheap perfume. I walked slowly down the hall of what had to be the VMI rooms. There were several doors that were opened with people hanging about, most of them in compromising states of dress. What was with guys getting drunk and taking their clothes off?

I saw a couple of girls still standing, but for the most part it was cadets lounging around. After being on the hall for forty seconds, I saw one guy zip across the hall naked, carrying nothing but a bottle of vodka over his package.

“Hey,” I said to the first guy I met. I stepped over his friend who was lying face down in the middle of the hall. “I’m looking for Mike.”

The guy I’d stopped was holding a bottle of champagne and a full ice bucket.

“Which Mike?”

“Um… junior Mike. Loggerman. Wrestler.”

“Oh, Cat Scratch Mikie! He’s down the hall.”

“Cat Scratch Mikie?”

“He’ll show you why,” the guy snickered, walking into a room and shutting the door. I continued down the hallway, catching whiffs of whiskey and beer as I went. This had to have been against hotel policy, I thought. There was a guy passed out in his doorway in one room near the end of the hall. I stopped, gasped, and proceeded on.

What I was greeted with at the end of the hall was something I’ll never forget for as long as I live. In the next to last room, just after the vending machine on the right hand side, were four guys, Mike included, in their underwear and covers, sitting on a bed playing some sort of very fast card game.

“Drink, bitch!” one guy yelled and I watched as Mike got off the bed, ran to the dresser on the wall, chugged a shot of some dark liquor and ran back to the bed. The game continued as soon as he sat down, not giving Mike any more than a split second to recover.

Another few seconds passed by with the guys frantically throwing cards down until someone yelled, “Drink, Bitch!” This time the guy to Mike’s right got off the bed, ran to the dresser, and did exactly what Mike had done.

It took me another two rounds of watching in the doorway to see that they went around drinking in order, and the guy who called “Drink, Bitch!” was always the guy to the drinker’s right. I assumed that forcing the drink had to do with him winning some sort of hand, but I wasn’t sure.

“Corbin, I’ll be done with this in a second,” Mike said, not looking up at me as he continued to throw his cards down.

“Drink, Bitch!” the cadet to his right yelled. Mike sprinted up, and I thought he was going to throw up after that particular shot. But he didn’t. He kept chugging along.

The game ended in a fit of laughter from the guys as they all tossed the remaining cards in their hand in the middle of the bed. I looked over at the dresser and saw a bottle of cheap bourbon, half a dozen shot glasses, and an empty bottle of vodka, and six or seven beer cans.

"What the fuck is this?" I asked as Mike left the guys and walked over to where I stood.

“This is Party of the Gods my friend,” he said to me. He’d explained to me before that upperclassmen at VMI were referred to as the God Send, so maybe the Party of the Gods was in reference to that.

"It looks more like a shit show to me," I said.

“Come here,” Mike pulled me in close and gave me a complete wrapping hug. I looked around, concerned at his display of affection when any of his fellow cadets could have seen it. The hug wasn’t simply a short embrace. Mike wrapped his arms around me and grabbed each one of his elbows. If his body wasn’t so tight, and if I wasn’t so starved for male attention, it might have been uncomfortable.

But then, I realized, the homoerotism wasn’t just wrapped around me. It was actually everywhere. From the guys hanging around in their underwear to the guy who was actually giving another guy a piggy back ride down the hall. And then finally, there was a guy streaking to the amusement of other nearly naked cadets.

“Why do guys that shower together every day still get excited about a little streaking?” I asked when Mike let me go.

“I dunno. Do you want to try it? Do you want streak the hallway, Mr. Crowley?”

“No.” Mike gave me a look. “Never. Get that look off your face; I’m not doing it.”

I watched as a dazed drunk girl stumbled out of her room, looked around to see what was going on, soaked it all in, and then went back into her room.

“If you streak this hallway, I’ll give you five bucks.”

“I have plenty of money,” I said.

“I’ll give you this,” he said, grabbing the front of his shorts.

“I’ve had that plenty of times,” I smirked.

“Not where I plan to put it,” he smiled. I shot him a look. For a second, I was confused by his overt sexualism, but I didn’t mind it. In fact, I loved it.

“Michael Loggerman,” I whispered. “Do you want to...?”

“Only if you streak the hallway, killer. I don’t give it away easy.”

“I find that hard to believe,” I countered with a smile.

“It’s up to you.”

I thought about it, and realized after a split second that there was nothing to think about. Mike offering me his cock was a once in a lifetime opportunity, something I would die for. I could almost feel it in my body by the time I resigned my attitude and started stripping off my clothes.

“Ohhh, yeah!” Mike cheered as if we were the only two guys in the hallway. I looked behind me and realized that we were.

“Where is everyone?”

“Doing this and that, I’m sure,” he replied. “Why? Do you want an audience?”

“I’d actually be fine without one,” I countered. Off came the pants, then my shirt. I felt a little self-conscious showing my bod in front of Mike, whose body was actually perfect. But he wasn’t being weird about seeing me naked, so I took a deep breath and embraced it.

“Underwear too, big boy.”

“Why do you want to see me naked so bad?” I asked, turning to him and squaring off.

“Do you always ask guys that have offered to fuck you so many questions?”

“Depends on the guy,” I replied with a smile.

“Well stop delaying it.”

“If you and Lil’ Mike are so ready to go, let’s just skip this little exercise and go straight to your room.”

“You wish. It’s a bet, bitch. Now streak. Let’s go. Down the hall and back.”

I couldn’t believe how horny Mike was. He was blatantly coming on to me, and I loved it. It was sexy, raw, passionate. I figured he must have been passed that point of drunkenness that allowed him to do whatever he wanted. And I was there… and I was what he wanted to do.

I turned to Mike again, and without taking my eyes off of his, I pulled my shorts down, turned and sprinted towards the end of the hall.

My streak wasn’t without its obstacles. I passed one open door and the guys watching a movie inside all came out to see what was going on. They watched me like a parade on the way back. When I got to the end of the hall, Mike yelled for me to bring back a bucket of ice. I shook my head, stopped at the vending station and filled up one of those disposable bags that fit neatly into an ice bucket. With my bag swinging in hand, and my balls swinging below, I sprinted back, jumping over a passed out cadet in the middle of the hall as a hurdle.

I snatched my clothes right out of Mike’s hands and started getting redressed, to the fanfare of a half dozen guys clapping for me. Two of Mike’s card game friends had come out of the room and were standing with him.

“Who is this guy?” one asked as if I wasn’t standing there. I pulled my pants on, sans underwear, and reached out to shake his hand.

“I’m Corbin. Mike’s friend from OD.”

“OD? You imported a Founder and he looks like this?”

I shot the guy a look. Looked like what? I thought.

“He means you don’t have tits,” the second guy explained with much less of a slur in his voice than his compadre.

“I thought he did have tits, until he got naked,” Mike explained, almost seriously. He let out a laugh and the other two guys howled right after him.

“No, Corbin is good people. He sneaks me in to their parties there all the time,” Mike explained, taking my neck and pulling me into his pit as if I was the last member of the wrestling team. “I thought I’d repay the favor.”

“And you never invite us to go?”

“He doesn’t like to share his tail,” Mike whispered, the double entendre amusing me and only me.

“There’s enough pussy at OD for us all to get a piece, right Corbin?” I looked up, but wasn’t really able to say much with Mike strong arming my neck.

“Sure,” I said. “But they can smell desperation and rat from a mile away.”

“Oh!” The third guy hollered, making the second guy’s face light up bright red.

I watched him swallow the lump in his throat. Had I been alone, or with only a Founder, I might have been scared. But I was with Mike. I couldn’t have felt safer.

“I liked him better a minute ago,” the second cadet said.

“Cause he burned your ass,” Mike laughed. Mike slapped my butt. “Come on, Crowley. Let’s get a move on. This hallway is dead.”

Mike let me go, and I followed him into the room where he grabbed the rest of his white marching uniform, said something to a nearly catatonic cadet, rolled him over, and then left. I walked one step behind him, at a fast pace, all the way outside.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Bryant and I split a room at Days. It’s cheaper, and we could get a suite.”

I walked with him all the way down the intense hill, and across four lanes to the other side of the street. It felt like an epic adventure just for sex. At one point, I leaned over and let Mike put his arm around me. He kissed the top of my head.

“You’re warm, babe,” he said.

“I like it when you call me babe,” I said.

“Do you?”

“Yeah. It makes me feel… exclusive,” I replied. He looked down at me. “I know we’re not, don’t worry.”

“It isn’t that. No, you’re fine,” he said. “I just… sometimes I wish I could give you that, you know?”

“Look, the fact that you think that, is enough for me right now.”

“Are you sure?”

“If I wasn’t having fun, I wouldn’t keep coming back,” I said, echoing his words from the week before. It was true. Mike was fun. There wasn’t a whole lot more under those rock hard abs and a smile that was cute in it’s own unconventional way. But he was fun. And since I’d seen him that night, there was another boy with another smile that I’d hardly even thought about. And for that, he was doing his job.

We got back to their room on the second floor, and entered from the outside like a sketchy thriller movie. He punched in his key, smiled at me, and then pushed the door in. He turned on the light, stepped over a suitcase, and looked around.

“Bryant,” he called. There was no response. “Bryant!”

“I guess Bryant isn’t here,” I said, looking around. The room had two beds, and two duffle bags. Two dress blue uniforms hung in the corner, probably from the formal portion of the evening. Draped over a chair was a girl’s gown, and on the floor were two pairs of girl’s shoes.

“Your date,” I squinted, pointing at the corner. Mike shrugged. “Where is she?”

“The girls are next door,” he said, his voice much lower than it had been on the cadet hall across the street. “They passed out right after dinner. Trust me, those girls are gone.”

“Do you want to check on them?” I asked with wide eyes. I forgot I’d be sharing Mike that night, and the reminder annoyed me. I was more annoyed at myself for letting that detail slip my mind than at Mike, but still.

I watched him open the door that connected the rooms, peek into theirs, say a couple of slutty sounding names, wait for an oral response, and then come back inside.

“They’re gone,” he said. “I guarantee you they sleep until morning.”

“So what is this? The guys get one room and the girls get another?”

“I suggested it,” he said with a wicked smile. “Because I knew that you were coming over. The girls thought I was being a gentleman.”

He inched towards me and seamlessly connected our bodies, wrapping his arms around me again. I looked up, an inch from Mike’s face, and smiled. This was new territory for me and Mike and I liked it.

“You thought of it all, didn’t you?”

“Except Bryant. But he won’t be back for a while, and he’ll be drunk when he gets back. He’ll pass out. He won’t even know you’re here.”

“How so very romantic,” I smiled. Mike slowly leaned down and kissed me. This was the guy I’d practically have to beg to kiss me. And there he was, letting himself go, and putting his lips to mine. I melted almost immediately, and had Mike’s arms not been so strong, I might have fallen over. It was kiss that could end all kisses. One that could make me forget… one that almost made me forget.

“Were you serious about…?”

“Fucking you?” he said in a way that was decidedly not very romantic.

“When you put it like that…” I raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry. Making love? Is that better?”

“You’re a joke,” I said. Mike pulled away and walked over to the drawer that separated the two beds. He pulled out a bottle of lube and box of condoms.

“I’m dead serious, killer,” he said to me. As he was reaching over to open the drawer, I noticed something on the back of his neck, leading down to his shoulders.

“What are those?” I asked when he’d closed everything and put it back.

“What?”

“On your neck? Those marks? What are they?”

“They’re just scratches.”

“Cat scratch?” I asked, remembering what some guy had called Mike earlier.

“Who told you that?”

“A cadet when I was looking for you. Where’d they come from?” I added, without skipping a beat.

“Does it matter?”

“It might. Tell me, please.”

“My date and I made out this afternoon. She has long nails,” he said, sitting on the bed and folding his hands into his lap.

“Made out?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. I didn’t know why I was getting so crazy, and not knowing why made it impossible for me to stop it.

“We made out. Hooked up.”

“Those things in there were for her,” I said, my voice irrationally getting wired. I knew he’d be taking a girl to formal. I knew he would likely hook up with her before I got there. Hell, I knew there were probably dozens of girls running around Lexington that Mike was hooking up with. But for some reason knowing that she’d marked him right before I’d got there drove me crazy. I could tell I was acting crazy.

“Corbin it isn’t a big deal. We didn’t even have sex. I don’t even like her that much.”

“You hook up with girls you don’t like? How much do you like me?”

“Enough to risk it all to have you come here,” he said, standing up. His voice was soft but strong, and it slapped me into my place. He was right. I was being a bitch. Me being there could have ruined everything for Mike. His education, his career at VMI, everything hung in the balance. And I was sitting there worried because some slut who couldn’t hold her liquor had gotten to him first.

“I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I need another drink.”

“Yeah, and you need to loosen up. Catch up with me,” he tossed me a bottle of half-drank Svedka.

“Why don’t I make a drink and drink it, while you take a quick shower,” I said, trying to sound sexy.

“I smell bad?” he asked, lifting his arm pits and actually smelling it. “I don’t smell bad.”

“You don’t smell,” I laughed. “I would just feel better if you showered.”

“Seriously?” he asked, tilting his head.

“I know, I’m being ridiculous. Please? I need to catch up with you anyway.”

“Uh, uh, hell no,” he answered. “I’m not taking a shower… unless you take one with me.”

“What in the world is gotten into you?” I asked, surprised at how amazingly horny my cadet was that night. If he’d been like that every time we hung out, there was no way we’d ever leave my room. I loved it.

“It’s not every day I get to spend the night with my favorite guy,” he said. “I just want to make the most of it.”

Mike walked backwards towards the bathroom, pulling his shirt sexily off his body. I couldn’t help but stand there and enjoy the show.

“Are you coming?” he asked.

“I can’t exactly walk straight right now.” I cocked my eyebrow and pointed at the front flap of my pants, which were pulled tight by my bulging dick.

“Oh,” he said, with a smirk. “Just from one shirt coming off?”

“From everything, killer.” I took a step over the duffle bag and fell into Mike. He walked us both back into the bathroom without breaking lip contact once. Like a pro, Mike reached into the tub and turned hot water on.

“Bath or shower?”

I looked at the bath tub. It was large, especially for an economy hotel. It sort of scalloped in the middle, as if it were meant for two people to get in.

“Bath,” I answered. “But I want bubbles.”

“You are more difficult than a chick,” he smiled. I sat on the toilet as Mike filled up the tub. He held a bar of soap under the spout, creating little tiny bubbles all the way through. After about five minutes, there was enough water to warrant us getting in.

Mike slid in first and I watched his lithe, tight, muscled body relax into the hot water. It was a sight to see, one I made sure to file away. I never got tired of looking at that ass.

I followed suit, almost embarrassed to be getting in after him. I felt him looking at my body, and I wondered what he thought about it. I was nowhere near the shape he was, and I wondered for a split second if that was okay.

“Come here,” he said softly, pulling me in close to him. I could feel his dick poke just above my ass. As I slid my entire body into his nook, I felt it go vertical and rest semi-hard between us. His chest was glued to my back, his knees encircled just above each of my thighs. His hands started on my shoulder and worked their way down my stomach.

“I’ve never touched another dude’s dick before,” he said softly in my ear. There was no need to talk loudly, and even as drunk as Mike was, I felt a finesse with him. A tenderness. A naturalness that can’t be cultivated or taught no matter how long two people are together.

“There’s no time like the present,” I said. I turned my head and watched Mike muster the courage. His eyes squinted, he bit his bottom lip, and a second later, his hot bubble filled hand slipped onto my dick. I was impossibly hard, I can’t lie. Everything about that night was making me a horny boy, and Mike felt it immediately.

“Wow,” he said.

“Feel weird?”

“It feels like mine,” he said. I laughed out loud.

“What did you expect it to feel like?”

“A lot gayer, to be honest,” he said honestly.

“You and I are the same,” I said to him. “We’re just both picking different ways of being the same.”

He kissed the bottom of my neck.

“Does it bother you that I can’t… that I won’t… um…”

“No,” I said, assuming the end of that sentence for him. I didn’t want to make him say that he couldn’t be gay, even for me. I didn’t want to put that pressure on him. I didn’t want him to feel that guilt on a night that was poised to be so magical.

“Why not? It’s gotta be frustrating for you.”

“You and I have always been honest with each other,” I said. “From the get go, I’ve always told you I like you and you’ve always shared with me your limits. And I know that you’ve pushed your comfort level for me a lot, and that means a lot to me. And I can’t ask you to do something you don’t want to do, can’t do, simply because I’ve chosen to do it; that wouldn’t be fair to you.”

“My life would be over, you get that right?”

“I know, babe,” I said. I grabbed his hand that was still wrapped around my dick, and brought it up to my lips.

“I mean, I really do think I’m gonna marry a girl someday; I can’t imagine it any other way,” he said. I thought I felt him tremble slightly behind me, and I wondered if he was nervous. “I just… I’ve always dreamed of that life, you know? But this whole thing with you and you making me want to do things I’d never do… I just… it changes things for me.”

“You say that I’m a one-off, and that’s cool,” I said. “But if you find another guy like me that makes you feel this way, will you rethink everything?”

“Probably,” he answered honestly. It was the most honest conversation I’d ever had with a guy I planned to fuck around with. It was deeper than ‘what do you want to be when you grow up’ or ‘how many siblings do you have?’ It was the questions that went below the surface that made me and Mike special.

And maybe that was the problem with me and Pete. Maybe I hadn’t gone far enough below the surface. I knew him. I knew where he was from and what he liked to do. I knew his hobbies, his favorite drinks, his mannerisms. But I didn’t know why he was afraid. I didn’t know what was holding him back. I didn’t know what it was from his past or his family that made him who he was today.

I kissed Mike’s hand again.

“The only thing I don’t want to do, Corbin, is make you feel like some beck and call girl,” he said.

“Pretty Woman?” I asked. “Did you really just quote Pretty Woman to me?”

“It’s my mom’s favorite movie,” he said, lifting his legs and knotting them around me, just like Richard Gere had done to Julia Roberts in their tub.

“Don’t lie,” I said.

“Okay, I love it too,” he confessed.

“Cind-fucking-rella!” I laughed as Mike finished the quote with me. I could have stayed in that tub forever, I thought. And just as I was about to say it, I heard the door to the hotel room open and click shut.

“Holy fuck,” Mike sprang out of the tub faster than I thought possible, spraying me with the water that dripped from his body.

“He’s not supposed to be back yet,” Mike whispered. He snatched a towel from the counter, wrapped it around him and went out to the bedroom area.

“Bryant,” he breathed. “What’s up, buddy?”

“Nothing, Mike,” a guy with a booming voice said. It was deep and resonant. It made me even more nervous than what Mike jumping out of the tub had done. My heart was beating a million beats per second. What should I have done? Was I supposed to get out of the tub? Stay in there? Hide… somewhere?

“You brought pizza?”

“Yeah, man. I thought you’d be hungry. I’m starving. I almost ate it all on the way back.”

“Bryant, kid, you already had a piece?”

And then it came. Without warning. Without any preparation. Without even enough time for me to pull my hand out of the water and cover my mouth.

I sneezed.

“Who’s here?” Bryant asked.

“Shit,” I whispered. I got out of the tub and wrapped myself in a towel. I was caught, no matter what Mike’s plan was.

“Bryant, listen up.”

“Shit, shit, shit,” I said drying myself off faster than a fucking Sham Wow on an SUV.

“What’s going on, Mike? Who’s here?”

“A friend of mine from OD. He came in to town and wanted to hang out.”

“And shower?”

“Bath, really, Bryant. You good in there, Corbin?” Mike called, playing himself remarkably cool.

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m just gonna brush my teeth and come out.”

I looked down and saw two tooth brushes—presumably Mike’s and Bryant’s. I didn’t have a toothbrush, but at that point, I needed to brush my teeth just so I could pretend I had.

“Shit,” I said trying to make an educated guess as to which one’s belonged to a guy I didn’t mind sharing a toothbrush with. I picked one, committed, turned the water on and brushed my teeth.

I could hear them talking, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. The last thing I heard had something to do with Bryant asking Mike why, if I was the one taking a shower, he was all wet too. I didn’t hear Mike’s response, but instead tried to contain the bile from rising up in my throat.

I was so nervous, mostly for Mike, but also for myself. What if Bryant pieced everything together? What if he was a raging homophobe? What if I wasn’t going to make it out of that room alive?

I brushed my teeth for what felt like minutes, and when I finally couldn’t brush anymore, I rinsed and turned the water off.

“If you’re gay, Mike, just tell me. You’re my brother, and I don’t give a flying fuck.”

“I’m telling you right now, Bryant, I’m not gay! Leave it alone.”

“This doesn’t make any sense,” Bryant said. They were shouting, but their voices weren’t any louder than they’d been before. It was all in the intensity of what they were saying.

“Bryant, let it go. I promise you. If I were gay, I’d tell you. I know you wouldn’t give a fuck. Fuck, I’ve told you everything about everything. And I’ve told you I was hanging out with Corbin.”

“Yeah, Mike, but you two are showering together. What the fuck is that?”

“Dude, I shower with a million guys.”

“At the gym, Mike; not in some empty hotel room,” Bryant said. Clearly this kid wasn’t the idiot that Mike was making him out to be. I took a deep breath. How long was this exchange going to last?

“Bryant Smith Daniel, what exactly are saying?”

“Michael Taylor Loggerman, I know you,” Bryant started to say. I wanted so badly to peak out and watch what was happening. I heard a bed creek as if someone had just stepped over a mattress with all of their weight. When Mike spoke next, his voice was hushed and strained, but as intense as ever.

“Exactly, Bryant. You know me. And I will always be me. I’m not gay, so let this go. If you know what’s good for all of us, you’ll let this go.”

There was a long pause.

“Okay,” Bryant said. I could almost hear Mike sigh with relief. “But promise me something.”

“Yeah?”

“If you were gay, Mike. Would you tell me?”

“Of course, Bryant,” Mike replied casually.

“Promise me.”

“I promise. If I were gay, I promise I’d totally tell you.”

I held my breath. I waited for a second, and then popped my head out of the bathroom. The air in the room was cold, and so was the atmosphere. I took a deep breath.

“Hey. Am I interrupting anything?” I stepped out of the bathroom. I would have been dressed, only my pants and shirt were both in the little dressing area that separated the hotel room from the bathroom.

“No, man, come on out. Bryant bought a pizza,” Mike said. He was sitting on his bed in his towel, his legs spread and his arms leaning back. It took everything I had not to stop and stare.

“How thoughtful.”

“I forgot Mike told me you might crash the formal tonight,” Bryant said. He stood up and shook my hand. I kept one hand on my tightly wrapped towel, and pumped his hand with the other. “Bryant Daniel.”

“Corbin Crowley,” I answered. I looked from Bryant to Mike with wide eyes, trying not to appear as awkward as I felt.

“Here, killer, have a slice of pizza,” Mike said. He picked up the box, and I reached in to grab one of the small pepperoni thin crust square cut pieces, Mike dropped the bottom of the lid onto my hand. He was a split second away from clipping me before I pulled my hand back.

“Agh!” I screamed more or less like a girl and then started giggling. “I see what you did there.”

“I couldn’t help it,” he laughed. I looked to see Bryant staring at us like we were some form of alien. “I’m sorry.”

“No worries. I’ll get you back.”

“So, kiddos, what do you want to do? I brought a movie,” Bryant interrupted. It was then and only then that I realized that I was still in a towel, eating a slice of pizza with Mike and his best friend from VMI.

“I for one would like to put on pants,” I said casually.

“I think that’s a great idea. I will also put on pants.”

“And I’ll start the movie,” Bryant said. “I got Iron Man.”

“Oh, I haven’t seen that,” I said, pulling my jeans out of my bag and following Mike’s lead into the bathroom.

“So, this is not what I planned,” Mike whispered as we pulled our pants on.

“It’s okay,” I reassured.

“His watch wasn’t supposed to end until two, and then the guys on duty were supposed to pre-game before they drove up from town,” Mike explained.

“It’s okay, Mike.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive,” I smiled. I grabbed Mike’s face, and without hesitation, I pulled him in for a kiss. “It’s fine.”

“Well the good news is, Bryant sleeps like a log. He’s drunk, so I doubt he’ll stay up too much later.”

“If he’s drunk, how’d he get that pizza?” I asked, following Mike out of the bathroom.

He shrugged at me, as if Bryant’s drunk driving were a common thing. Mike sprang onto his bed and sat legs wide and spread, leaning on the headboard. I had to physically control my thoughts from jumping him. But one look at Bryant on the other bed, sitting just like Mike, staring at the TV and mindlessly eating another slice of pizza did the trick. I sat at the foot of the bed to start and then eased my way down to the floor.

“What are you doing, killer?” Mike asked.

“I’ll sit down here,” I said, not wanting to be awkward. I didn’t want to give Bryant any more reason to bring up the Mike is Gay chorus, and I thought maybe if I sat down on the ground, I could help avoid that.

“Don’t be crazy, there’s plenty of room up here.”

“You sure?”

“Come on,” Mike said, scooting towards the edge of the bed closest to the lamp that separated the two beds. I made my way to the corner, propped myself up on one elbow, and gently grazed my head on Mike’s arm. A second later, Mike put his arm around me, and a second after that the credits started to roll.

I can’t honestly tell you what Iron Man was about. All I remember was seeing Robert Downey Jr. snark his way through twenty minutes of tepid dialogue before I fell asleep. I don’t know how long I was out, but when I finally woke up, the room was pitch black and there was a body pressing its weight on top of me.

“Hi,” Mike whispered. His voice was audible but barely. I could only see the whites of his eyes, less than an inch away from mine.

“Hi,” I whispered back.

Mike put a finger on my lip and said “Shh….”

I smiled. A second later, he replaced his finger with his mouth. A second after that, his tongue penetrated my lips and Mike and I completed an electric current. He kissed me deeply, rubbing our chests together. I pulled my arm out from under the blanket and pressed the back of Mike’s head deeper into mine. I bucked upwards, unable to help myself. My cock was rapidly growing harder, and my thighs were moving up and down in response.

I felt Mike moan in my mouth, and I knew I’d gotten him. This wasn’t just one of our drunken make outs. This wasn’t one of those times that Mike appeased me with a kiss. This was the real thing. This was him letting himself go, letting himself feel, letting himself be who he couldn’t be every day of his life.

This was just him and me.

I heard Bryant rustle, but it didn’t stop me from kissing Mike. I turned my eyes towards the other bed, but couldn’t see anything. I let go of Mike’s lips and turned my head to the left. Bryant was as still as a rock, facing the window, and curled on the far edge of his bed. Mike kissed my neck, and the sensation sent my fingers digging into his skin.

“Ah,” he breathed into me, turning my head so that we were face to face again. He came back down, kissing me deeply, and igniting every nerve ending in my body.

I decided that we could sit there and kiss all night, or I could take the show just one step further. A hand job in a dark hotel room was sexier than it sounded. Tawdry. Dangerous with his roommate just feet away.

I reached between Mike and I grasped his dick. It was a thousand degrees warmer than any other part of his body, and I held on to it like an Olympic runner with a baton.

“Oh,” Mike breathed. I didn’t want him to make too much noise, but I knew the feeling of my strong hand around his hard dick would get a reaction. I pulsed down on it, rubbed the head with my thumb and felt the slickness of his precum coat my finger. I smiled as he kissed me deeper, sucking my tongue into his mouth, moving our bare chests together in a tidal wave of body contact.

“Oh fuck,” Mike said, his voice still soft, but every bit as intense. I let go of his dick, afraid that he would cum too soon. I felt Mike’s hand leave the side of my face and make it’s way down my chest, stomach, abs, as if it were on a mission. It grazed past my dick, which was lying horizontally on my stomach, smashed between our two bodies. Instead of stopping there like I expected, Mike continued down, cupping my balls and pulling them lightly. I bit down on his bottom lip from the sensation. He kept moving, past my balls to the taint that separated them from my ass.

I arched my back, spread my legs for Mike, and a second later, he slipped a dry finger against my ass. I let go of his lips, and with my free hand I pushed his head away from mine.

“Oh, fuck,” I breathed. I closed my eyes and rolled my head to the left. When I opened them, all I could see was a silhouette of Mike’s roommate sleeping away, and all I could feel was Mike’s fingers, desperately wanting to gain entry.

“Wait, wait, wait,” I said, panting. I breathed heavily, pulled Mike in for a quick kiss, and then pushed him back. With my hand that had been pumping on Mike, I grabbed his wrist. He stopped, and looked at me.

“Am I hurting you?”

“No way,” I smiled. “But your roommate is right there.”

“So?”

“You can’t go in there,” I whispered.

“I don’t care.”

“He thinks you’re gay already, Mike. What if he wakes up?” He could see the concern in my eyes. It was palpable, even in the dark. Without responding, Mike reached over, opened the drawer, and pulled out what I knew was in there.

“Mike.”

“Shh,” he said. “Just let me do this. I’ve come this far, just let me do this.”

And then I realized, in that moment, that this was more than just about sex. It was more than a hot fuck in a hot hotel room. It was more than just Bryant being a foot away. It was Mike proving something to himself. It was him stepping out of his comfort zone, partially for me, but mostly for himself. It was his daily act of courage.

And for me, it was exactly what I needed. It was everything that Pete wasn’t.

I nodded my head, and a smile crept over Mike’s face.

“Yeah?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said.

He sat up on the bed, pulled on a condom in record speed, and put two fingers worth of lube on his fingers.

“Is this enough?” he asked. I shrugged.

“It should be,” I said. To be honest, I was so horny, he probably could have squeezed it in there without any lube and been fine. My ass wanted him. It was waiting for the main course after his one fingered appetizer.

“Okay, hold on,” Mike said. He jumped off the bed and returned a second later with a devilish smile and his uniform cap on his head.

“How’s this?”

“Perfect,” I laughed. It took a minute for Mike to massage my hole open, putting first one finger all the way in. I tried not to squirm too much as he moved his finger around inside of me, feeling what was in there, getting his body acquainted to the warmth and depth of my ass.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

“Do one more,” I whispered. I wanted him to take his time. It felt amazing, and I didn’t want him to push it. Plus, I knew that Mike’s cock was thick and long and the second it was in me, it would take everything I had not to wake up his neighbor.

But Mike was gentle. He was aware. And when he finally slipped his rubber clad dick inside of me, he did so with an ease and gentleness that made me feel comfortable.

And fucking amazing.

He was propped up on his fists, and I could see his arms holding his weight up. It was almost like he was doing a missionary pushup on top of me. Our bodies barely touched, save for the member that connected us. I looked into his eyes, saw the sheer ecstasy that filled them, and pulled his head down on mine for a kiss.

That was all it took for Mike. A second later, he collapsed on top of me, and pumped his hips out slowly and then back in firmly. I bucked up to meet the entire length of his dick, and I felt our bodies vibrate together. He moaned loudly into my mouth, and I immediately turned my head to look at Bryant.

The kid didn’t stir one bit. I turned back to Mike and smiled.

“Am I hurting you?”

“No way,” I said, my eyes wide. I couldn’t say the words, and so I thought them, transmitted them to him. ‘Keep going.’

Mike pumped out, all the way this time, leaving a void in my ass. A second later, he plunged back in. This time, he let out an audible moan, and this time, neither of us stopped. He sat up, grabbed my ankles in midair, and pumped in and out of me. The only sound in the room was the sound of the two of us breathing. I looked up into his eyes and captured every facial spasm, every muscle twitch, every eye roll.

For a second, I was proud of myself. My body was doing this to this man. He was feeling an immense amount of pleasure, and it was because he was in me that he did. I clawed at his chest, unable to verbalize my pleasure. I pulled his shoulders down and hugged him close to me as he continued to pump in and out, in and out. I dug my hand into his back, clutched his shoulder.

His thrusting got faster. My hips bucked upwards faster to meet him. Every few seconds, Mike would lift his back up and look down at me, completing the circuit with our eyes. And then he’d fall back down, kiss me like a hungry animal, bite my neck.

“Oh fuck,” I couldn’t help myself from whispering. It was the world’s softest scream. As Mike’s dick went faster and faster, it felt like it was getting bigger and bigger, harder even. He was expanding it inside of me, pulsing his cock, filling every inch of me with his girth.

“Oh fuck,” I whispered even louder.

“Shh,” Mike breathed. He silenced me by putting his lips against mine, but they couldn’t stay there, not with how fast our bodies were moving. I could feel Mike breathing, panting into me. I dug my fingernails into his side, and I’m sure I drew blood. He bucked up, sat up, pulled completely out of me, and a second later, I felt his cum coat my stomach, dick, and hand.

I looked down, rolled my body upwards, closed my eyes and let myself go. A second later, without even so much as touching my dick, I came right where Mike had, all over myself. His white mixed with my white, and all I could do was lie there, my eyes rolling in the afterglow.

“Holy fuck,” Mike exhaled heavily. I looked up at him. Little beads of sweat formed on his brow.

“What the fuck was that?” he asked, his voice soft but harsh.

“I have no fucking clue,” I replied.

“That. Was. Fucking amazing!”

I started laughing.

“You liked that?” I asked. He laid down next to me and put his hand on my chest. It was sticky and cold.

“I loved that, killer,” he said. “That was the best. That was… oh my God. We’re doing that again!”

I smiled at him, craned my neck and kissed him. He closed his eyes as I kissed his nose, and I could feel his breathing growing shallow. I pulled his hand off my chest and crept into the bathroom to wipe up. I caught my reflection in the darkened mirror and briefly asked myself what I was doing?

I was in a hotel room with a straight guy who had just fucked the shit out of me. It should have been perfect, and it was. But there was still something missing. One thing just wasn’t clicking. I was there, but I was also 7.6 miles away. I crept out of the bathroom, put my shirt back on and crawled back into bed. I wrested my head on Mike’s chest and ran my fingers across his stomach, scratching lightly. It was something the first guy I’d ever been with had taught to do after sex, and I knew it drove guys crazy.

A minute later, Mike rolled into me, pulling me into a hug, and enveloping me with as much warmth as a cotton Crew Team shirt had the night before.

And for the second night in a row, I slept like a baby.

I woke up with the feeling of someone pressing down, hard, on my bladder.

“Hey Corbin,” Mike whispered. I opened my eyes and turned my head. Mike was on top of me, and his breath was a million degrees.

“Good morning,” I stretched. I needed to pee like a bitch, but I didn’t want to jump out from under him. I turned my head to the left and saw that Bryant’s bed was empty.

“Good morning, killer,” Mike smiled. “Hey listen, I hate to sound like a jackass, but how are you getting home?”

“What?” I yawned. I’d been awake for literally thirty seconds. I had no clue how I was getting to the bathroom, let along back to Clifton Hill.

“Home? Do you have a ride?”

“Um, I can get one,” I said, straining to get my eyes open.

“Okay, cool. It’s just that I have to take my date back to Hollins, and I’d rather not explain the whole thing about you to her, and all of that,” Mike explained, shifting his weight off my body. “I’m still not sure how the Bryant thing is going to pan out.”

Then it all hit me at once. The night before had been a shit show of epic proportion. I wasn’t sure how much of Mike’s life was about to change, but it very well could have.

“Do you think he’ll say anything?”

“I don’t know,” Mike said softly. “I honestly, I think he believed me, so… he’s my best friend, so there’s that.”

I nodded.

“Anyway, do you need to call your ride or something?”

I could tell in less than subtle terms that Mike wanted me out. This wasn’t how I’d envisioned waking up with him, but who had I been kidding? We were in a hotel room. His date was one unlocked door away and his roommate had probably heard us having sex in the next bed. There was no right way to wake up from that.

“Yeah,” I said, sitting up and grabbing my phone. “Let me take a leak first.”

I hobbled to the bathroom, dropped my boxers and peed like I hadn’t used the bathroom in years. While taking perfect aim, I called Austin on the phone.

“Hey, how was your party?” he asked, sounding much too awake for eight a.m.

“It was awesome. How would you like to hear about it over breakfast?”

“I could do breakfast,” he replied. “Let me guess…”

“…I need a ride…”

“…You need a ride.” We said simultaneously. I took a brief moment to wonder if Austin could hear the sound of my stream hitting the toilet water, but after that moment, I actually didn’t care.

“Please,” I added.

“For breakfast?”

“I will buy you breakfast yes,” I replied. “If you come now.”

“Where are you?”

“Days Inn off the BV highway.”

“Where Aunt Sarah’s is?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Jesus, Corbin. At least spring for a hotel with a lobby next time,” he said. I could hear him walking, and I was hopeful that he was on his way.

“Are you coming, or no?” I asked, probably more rudely than I should have to a guy that was about to drive seven miles out of his way to come pick me up.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, no, everything is fine. It’s just Mike is trying to get out of here, and I don’t really want to linger, so.”

“Let me wake up ‘Berto and I’ll come get you,” Austin said. I thanked him, hung up, shook off, and went back out into the hotel room.

“When are they gonna wake up?”

“I dunno,” Mike said. I sat down on the bed. “Hopefully not before I do this.”

He rolled over next to me and kissed me on the lips. It was the perfect bookend to the perfect night with a guy who was a stone throw away from perfection.

“You were an animal last night.”

“What can I say,” he smiled.

“So what happens now?” I asked, realizing that I was compromising the moment. I needed to know, though, before Mike scurried off with his Hollins whore.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, things are different now, aren’t they?”

“How so?”

“Well, for one, it’ll be hard to convince yourself you aren’t gay now,” I whispered.

“Corbin, I’m… I don’t… I don’t think anything really changes here.”

“Are you serious?” I asked. I wasn’t sure what I thought would be different, but at the end of the day, I expected something. How was Mike going to look at himself in the mirror and feed himself the line that I was one of a kind? That he wasn’t gay, but simply into me as a person. That I was special, different, disarming. If you’re straight, you talk to a guy that disarms you. You possibly flirt with him. You enter a bromance, and you wonder what’s going on. But you don’t fuck someone that disarms you. That’s so far past disarming, it isn’t even funny.

I could feel myself getting hot in the face, and I didn’t want to start anything, especially with a gaggle of girls in the next room.

“I don’t know what you’re expecting here,” he said softly. “Just because we did what we did last night doesn’t mean our arrangement can change. I’m still a cadet and you’re still a Founder.”

“And you still want your white picket fence, and your two kids, and your wife with big tits and short skirts,” I said. I swung my knees over the side of the bed and sat up. I suddenly felt really stupid and wanted nothing more than to get out of that hotel room. But my friends were at least ten minutes away, assuming they’d left right when I called them.

“Look, Corb, I had an amazing time last night,” he said. I nodded. And then slowly, I looked at him.

“Just not amazing enough.”

And then it hit me. I had spent so much time using Mike as a break from Pete, that I hadn’t planned out what my break from Mike would be.

“I don’t know what to say,” Mike said softly, sitting down on the bed next to me. “You said we’re always honest with each other and that’s why this works right? I’ve always been honest about what I can give you and what I can’t.”

“Yeah, but you fucked me last night,” I said, aware of how pathetic I sounded, but not caring in the moment. I felt stupid for thinking that having sex with Mike would change things. Guys like Mike don’t change after sex. Guys like I did. And I was realizing that that was my burden.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have done that,” he whispered. He stood up, pulled a shirt from the edge of the bed and slipped it on. It took me a second to realize that the shirt he’d pulled on was mine.

And sitting there, seeing a guy that I clearly had feelings for wearing my shirt in the morning, but still unable to let himself go, put a pit in my stomach like none other. I wished for a second that this was how it could be, waking up next to a guy with my shirt and not caring how gross his morning breath was. But it wasn’t that simple, not with Mike, and not with anyone.

Fifteen minutes and one awkward goodbye later, I told the guys about what Mike had said and waited on their reactions.

“How in the world is he going to look himself in the mirror and convince himself that he’s not gay?” Hutch was the first to ask after we’d ordered breakfast from downstairs and I’d brought them up to speed. I shrugged.

“I’m sure he’ll find a way,” I swallowed. I took a long sip of water.

“I mean, how drunk was he?” Roberto asked.

“Not that drunk,” I pursed my lips.

“Also, I don’t care how drunk you are. Sleeping with another guy makes you gay. That’s the bottom line.”

“Technically, in the gay community he was the top,” I said, trying to make myself feel better with a lame joke.

“Look, Corbin, I know it sucks what Mike said, but what did you really expect?”

“Not to get fucked like his… like his beck-and-call girl,” I said quietly, remembering what Mike had said the night before. “I just… I’m tired of being this magnet for guys with barriers. For once, I want a guy who wants to be with me, who wants it all, and who isn’t afraid of what that means.”

It sounded so easy at breakfast, and yet I was infatuated with two guys, and my relationship with both of them was proving to be anything but.