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- 01/21/2024
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Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
Thicker Than Water - 34. Chapter 34
The roads were clear enough the following Tuesday for the boys to go back to school. Caleb and Bryan certainly weren't ready to return to the grind of the American education system; however, Steve was absolutely ready to return. He loved the boys, but he was a little tired of playing babysitter, as cabin fever was starting to take hold, pushing the brothers into fighting over the tiniest slights.
Bryan and Kenny got out of Diego's truck and went their separate ways. Both boys had grown a little tired of all the time they were spending together and decided to take breaks at school. They still cared for each other, but since Kenny's mom still insisted that she couldn't take Kenny back yet, the boyfriends were still sharing a living space.
“It seems pretty suspicious to me,” Terra told Bryan. “I mean, she really wasn't around much, anyway, so this seems like a convenient way to not be a mom anymore, you know what I mean?”
“I guess. She does stop by every couple of days and seems upset that he isn't home, but every time my dads say something, she starts crying.”
“'Dads'?” Terra said with a grin. “So, you're calling Steve 'Dad' now?”
“What? No! It's just easier than saying, 'My dad and soon-to-be stepdad.”
“Sure. Whatever you say,” she ended with a wink, which annoyed Bryan.
“¿Qué hay, hermano?” A boy said as he approached the table.
“Poco. ¿Tu?” Bryan replied, recognizing the boy, Tomas, from the Spanish Club.
“Haven't seen you around in a while.”
“Been busy.”
“Cool. So, the LatinX Student Union from the high school is having a meet and greet next week. Señor Schultz wants everyone in the club to go.”
“I don't know. I'll think about it.”
“If it's because you're gay now, nobody cares.”
“It isn't,” Bryan said, almost offended. “I'm pansexual, thank you, but thanks for the support?”
“You know what I mean,” Tomas said, feeling frustrated that his intentions were misunderstood. “But whatever,” he finished and walked away.
“What's that all about?” Terra asked.
“Which part?”
“Your attitude for starters. Tomas is a nice guy and was only trying to show his support, and you want to get all Social Justice Warrior Princess on him.”
“It was offensive.”
“I can't see how. Anyway, I thought you liked being in the Spanish Club, so why wouldn't you go to the student union meeting? It's a free day away from school here to hangout with the big kids.”
“It's complicated.”
“Do you need a tampon?”
“What?!”
“I just thought you might be man-struating or something.”
“Wow. Way to go from being a supportive friend to a catty bitch.”
“Zero to 60 in 3 seconds is my record, but what's eating at you? Seriously?”
Bryan took a settling breath. “I just don't know if I belong in the Latin Student Union anymore.”
“Why?”
“Because I'm white.”
“And? What does that have to do with anything?”
“I'm Northern European by birth. There isn't an ounce of Latin blood in my body, so why would I be part of a student union that's full of people who are?”
“Is this because of your sperm donor?”
“No...yes...no...I don't know. I'm confused and this isn't helping.” Bryan said goodbye and went to his next class.
Bryan was frustrated to say the least. Ever since Calvin came back, Bryan had been suffering an identity crisis. There had always been a part of him that felt like an outsider. It took him a long time to feel like he was actually Diego's son and part of the Padilla family. Caleb didn't know any other life; however, Bryan still had memories of their parents. As time passed, though, Calvin's face blurred to the point where Bryan could only assume what his biological father looked like.
Donna was clearly Northern European. Her light blonde hair and blue eyes were dead giveaways. Though he looked more like his mom than Calvin, he had dark hair and could get a tan. He had hoped that seeing Calvin once more might show some sign of Spanish or Portuguese ancestry. Caleb's appearance didn't help much because he didn't really look like either parent.
Unfortunately, when he saw Calvin up close at the mall, there was no sign of potential Latin heritage. Calvin did have dark hair, but he was still very white. If he had to guess, Bryan assumed that Calvin was North German or Danish. He wasn't exactly sure, but there was no way that Calvin was Latino, which meant that Bryan and Caleb were impostors.
Growing up with the Padillas was difficult, but, eventually, he and Caleb found acceptance. That was when he was first called Latino, while his dad and cousins were Mexican or Hispanic. Most white people got them all mixed up, especially the racists he came across. Now, he was wondering if he should even call himself LatinX, the newer, gender neutral term for anyone raised in the Latin cultures of Latin America, Spain or Portugal.
He was just one of the countless millions of white boys in the US. Yes, he was raised by a Mexican American gay man, and yes, Bryan considered himself pansexual, but at the end of the day, he was just really nothing special. And, it was eating him up, since he didn't feel like he had a place in the world anymore. As much as his generation liked to claim they didn't like labels, ironically, they were the ones who focused the most on them.
* * *
“Are you okay?” Kenny asked, once he and Bryan got home.
“I'm fine,” Bryan said, putting his things away.
“Are you sure? You look like you're about to cry?”
“I said, 'I'm fine!'” His tone was rough and mean.
“I was just asking. There's no need to bite my head off.”
“Then why are you busting my balls? I said I was fine but you keep pushing it.”
“Why are you mad at me? I didn't do anything.”
“You're bugging me about how I'm feeling, even after I said I was fine.”
“I asked one time--”
“--Twice, actually--”
“--Fine, twice! I'm sorry for giving a fuck!” Kenny grabbed his backpack and stormed out of the room, tears falling from his eyes.
A couple minutes later, Steve appeared in Bryan's doorway. “What's going on? Kenny took off crying?”
“Why do you care?”
Steve took a settling breath. “I care because I do, and I care a lot. You can either lose your attitude and tell me what happened, or you can deal with your dad when he gets home, so what is it going to be?”
“You wouldn't get it.”
“Try me.”
Bryan didn't reply.
“Well?”
“Well, what?”
“Fine. You're grounded until your dad says otherwise.”
Bryan laughed mirthlessly. “You might be fucking my dad, but that doesn't mean you can ground me.”
Steve didn't flinch. “I can see you're hurting, and it's clear you're wanting to make others feel the way you do, thinking that somehow you can get rid of your pain that way. So, I'm going to tell you right now that it won't. All you're really doing is making everyone dislike you, and you're still going to hurt anyway.”
“I don't really care.”
“Yeah, you do, and that's why you're hurting. I'm going to get Kenny and bring him back. You so much as leave this room before Diego gets home, and you'll wish cleaning was your punishment.” Without waiting for another asshat comment, Steve left.
Angry, Bryan cried out and threw the book in his hand across the room. He fell on his bed and started to cry.
* * *
He hadn't realized that he had fallen asleep. His light was still on, but he was under a blanket and could feel a weight on his bed that wasn't him. He rubbed his eyes and rolled over. Instead of seeing his father, he saw Steve sitting on the end of the bed. Bryan sat up and looked down at his lap, unable to look the large man in the face.
“Here,” Steve said, handing Bryan a glass of orange juice. “It'll help.”
“Thanks,” Bryan said quietly, accepting the still cold glass, though he didn't drink any of it. “How long have you been there?”
“Awhile. I wanted to be the first person you talked to when you woke up.”
“Why?” Bryan asked, wondering what would've happened had he slept through the night.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay and give you a chance to answer my questions and, hopefully, apologize for the way you acted and things you said.”
“Oh.”
Steve sat silently staring at Bryan. “I have all night, by the way. Your bed looks big enough for the two of us if it comes to that, but I do have to warn you that I snore.”
Bryan gave a small chuckle. “I know. Caleb and I can hear you sometimes.”
“I'm waiting....”
“I'm sorry for what I said and being mean to you.”
“That's a start and honestly, more than I thought I'd get, but how about you start with what happened?”
Bryan drank the juice to stall and figure out what to say. “Kenny is just around a lot, and it's getting on my nerves. I love him, but it's too much sometimes.” He knew he wasn't being honest, but he believed Steve just couldn't understand what he was really going through.
“I get it. I really do. A lot of adults can't handle living together, let alone two 8th graders, who are used to having their own spaces. It's got to be a lot of stress living and going to school together.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“But that doesn't give you the right to take that anger out on Kenny and I for caring about you.”
“Why do you even care about me? I'm not your kid.”
“That's a good question. You don't need to be my biological son for me to care about you. When I look at you, I see a boy who is constantly struggling. There are times, when you let down your guard, that I see this wonderful man who is so full of hope and potential, but he then gets scared and hides again.
“You don't need to be biologically related to care about someone. You of all people should know that. You have an entire family that loves you without genetics being a factor. You have a boyfriend who loves you, despite how he might feel right now. And as much as you try to push me away, I love you, and I don't need a paternity test to tell me how much I want to be your second dad. It's those rare moments when you drop your defenses, come out of hiding and, in your own way, say, 'Hi,' that tells me that I'm the luckiest guy on the planet to have you as a stepson.
“You've been hurt so many times by people you've grown to care for that it seems easier to cause the pain first, but I'm going to tell you right here, right now that no matter how much you try, you will never push me away. I'm not going anywhere. I'm sitting on this bed and fully prepared to share this room with you if that's what it takes to prove to you that I'm never going to leave you. It doesn't matter what you say to or about me. I will never leave you. Bryan, I love you, mean it, and I'm never going away.”
Bryan broke down. Steve reached out and pulled the boy into his arms. He also had the presence of mind to grab the empty glass, setting it on the nightstand without losing his grip on Bryan. He kissed Bryan on the top of his head and rubbed his back, as Bryan dropped all pretense and sobbed. Steve turned his head and laid it on Bryan's head, gently tightening the embrace. Steve looked and saw Diego standing in the doorway, his own tears falling. Steve winked and grinned at the love of his life, while their little boy held his other dad.
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34
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4
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
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