Thicker Than Water - 7. Chapter 7

The next few days were stressful for the Padilla family. Diego had to make arrangements at work to get the weekend off, since they were having to drive quite the distance for the memorial service. Thankfully, his business partner was very understanding and, that Thursday, agreed to cover the shift. Diego tried not bothering his fellow co-owner the best he could, as the man had a lot to deal with at home, and Diego also suspected that Steve had a hand in this, since Steve and his business partner were good friends. In fact, Diego was set up on a blind date with Steve, arranged by the business partner and his husband.

Caleb was nervous. He had been to only one funeral before, and that was when his abuelo died. It was a rough time, as he and Diego's father were rather close towards the end. Some of his older cousins kept calling Caleb “Gringo,” which pissed off Abuelo to no end. Even though Caleb and Bryan's birth parents were white, they were raised as Latinos, and their grandparents wouldn't tolerate anyone saying otherwise. Abuelo even spanked Roberto, who was 16, for saying that Caleb shouldn't be calling himself Latinx. It wasn't until the funeral that the cousins accepted Caleb and Bryan as actual family.

With his mother gone for good, Caleb wondered if he'd ever meet anyone from her side of the family. Donna never talked about them much, though Caleb knew she had an older brother and a mother. He wondered if either of them would be there, and if they were, how he would handle meeting them for the first time. Would they even care that he existed? Probably not, since he and his brother were adopted by their birth father's friend, Caleb rationalized.

For Bryan, the funeral was on the back burner, as Kenny still wasn't really talking to him. At lunch, Kenny would either sit next to Terra, not saying a word, or at another table. Anytime Bryan tried talking to him, Kenny would tune Bryan out and walk away.

“You've got to give him some time,” Terra said the Thursday before the service.

“What has he told you?” Bryan demanded.

“Boy, you better watch your attitude with me!” Terra snapped back. “He hasn't told me anything, and with the attitude you have right now, you're lucky I'm still talking to you.”

“Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to come off like that. I just wish he'd at least come over to my house and talk to me, you know? He's my best friend, and I want to make sure he's okay.”

“I can do that,” Kenny said, from behind Bryan, who jumped having not heard Kenny walk up.

“Jesucristo!” Bryan swore in Spanish. In English he said, “Kenny, you about gave me a heart attack, bro!”

“Sorry,” Kenny said, not really sounding sorry at all. “We can talk after school if you want.”

“More than anything,” Bryan replied, making sure his hands were on his lap as the urge to hug Kenny was becoming a lot to handle. “Steve is picking me up after school, and I'm sure he'll give you a ride.”

“Cool,” Kenny said, before walking away.

“Trouble in paradise?” Dan mumbled as he walked passed Bryan and Terra.

“Don't!” Terra warned seeing the look on Bryan's face.

Bryan watched as Dan followed a seemingly unaware Kenny out of the cafeteria. 5^th period was absolute torture. Bryan hadn't heard of any fights during or after lunch, but it didn't stop his brain from going into overdrive. It was very much a relief to see Kenny in the locker room for 6^th period PE. Unfortunately, they didn't have time to talk, since Coach Watkins split the class up for dodgeball, with each friend on an opposing team, and after class, Kenny was changed and gone before Bryan could find him.

Bryan raced from Art class to Kenny's locker and waited. Bryan, still a little out of breath from running but still attempted to sound casual, said, “Hey,” as Kenny approached.

“What are you doing here?” Kenny asked.

“I thought we could walk to class together.”

“Huh,” was all Kenny said, as he swapped his science book for his health book.

Bryan was getting irritated. Kenny was very much giving him the cold shoulder and the only thing Bryan could think he did wrong was hold Kenny's hand for a few seconds, which was out of care and concern. Instead of walking with Kenny as he had planned, Bryan picked up his pace and entered the classroom a good minute before Kenny. Terra looked at her friends trying to figure out what had happened. Unfortunately, Mrs. Miller started her lecture of the female reproductive cycle, which caused a ruckus among the boys.

Bryan debated just leaving Kenny behind after school, but knew that Kenny would have to walk home, otherwise. The two walked in silence as they got to Steve's car. Despite Steve's pleasant greetings, neither boy said a word. Caleb, who was picked up on the way home, sensed the tension immediately and gave his brother a concerned look.

Once they got to the house, Bryan and Kenny went straight to Bryan's room without saying a word to anyone.

“What the fuck, bro?” Bryan said, trying to keep his voice down. “I'm sorry I held your hand in front of people. It was an accident. I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry that upset you, but you ignored and avoided me for the better part of a week! I never would've done that to you.”

Kenny was shocked by the outburst. He expected some kind of confrontation, but Bryan was way more upset that Kenny counted on. “I love you,” Kenny said.

“Yeah, I love you, too, bro, but that's not an excuse for making me feel like I kicked you in the balls or treated you like Dan would.”

“No, Bryan...I love you.”

“Yeah, Kenny, I love you, too.”

Kenny closed his eyes. Clearly, Bryan wasn't getting it. “No, dumbass, I'm in love with you.” Kenny waited for the other shoe to drop.

Bryan was frozen, except for his racing heart. The very thing he was dreading since their second kiss was happening. Thanks to Diego, Bryan had seen way too many romcoms to know that how he reacted next would change their lives forever...but he also knew that saying nothing would be just as bad.

“I want to be honest with you,” Bryan said slowly, clearly measuring his words. “As much as I want to be in love with you, I don't know if I can be.”

“Oh,” Kenny said. He expected rejection; after all, Bryan was popular, handsome, smart and lovable. In Kenny's mind, he was the opposite of Bryan. People only tolerated him because of Bryan. He was in special education. He was awkward with very few friends. And he was small, scrawny with messy hair and glasses. How could someone like Bryan fall for him, and how could he be so stupid to think they ever had a chance? Bryan warned him about risking their friendship, but Kenny couldn't help falling in love with his best friend.

Fuck! Bryan screamed in his head. He practically jumped at Kenny, rushing over to his friend. “No, no, no, no, no,” Bryan stuttered. “No, Kenny, I didn't mean it like that. I don't want to fall into the 'it's me, not you' trope found in bad writing. I want to be in love with you. I've wanted it for a long time--”

“--But?” Kenny said, choking on his own softly falling tears.

“But I don't think I'm ready for that yet. I'm 14-years-old...we're 14-years-old, Kenny! I wouldn't protect you if I didn't love you. I wouldn't have held your hand in front of the whole school if I didn't love you. I wouldn't be standing here, fighting to save us, if I didn't love you.”

“But you're not in love with me, are you?”

Bryan didn't know how to explain it without making things so much worse. No, he wasn't in love with Kenny, because he didn't think he was capable of being in love with anyone. He was so afraid of being like Calvin that he couldn't open himself up to that possibility. He tried explaining that to Kenny already, but it looked like Bryan failed at that, too.

His own tears began to fall. He wanted nothing more than to tell his best friend in the whole world that he was in love with him. That Kenny was first person he thought of every time he woke up, and was the last person he thought of before falling asleep. The night they slept next to each other on the couch was one of the greatest nights of his life. He held Kenny close and gently stroked the boy's hair as Kenny slept, curled up into him. Bryan gently kissed Kenny's head repeatedly until he, too, fell asleep. Yes, Bryan finally admitted to himself, he was in love with Kenny Mitchell, and that scared the living hell out of him.

Why did it have to be so finite?! Why couldn't Kenny give him space to reach that level on his own? Why couldn't Kenny accept that he needed time to process, to make sure that he was nothing like Calvin? They were only 14 for fuck's sake!

“I can't lose you, Kenny,” Bryan blubbered. His chest hurt from the hard sobbing he was trying to control. It was that pain that he tried to avoid. It made him weak, made him feel out of control.

“But you can't say it,” Kenny said, also sobbing. “Please,” Kenny begged, “say it, Bryan! Tell me you love me, so we can be together. Please!”

“I—I—I—“

“Okay,” Kenny said. He grabbed his backpack and walked out the door.

Bryan crumpled to the floor and let out a shriek of anguish as his heart broke. Steve rushed into the room and pulled Bryan into him and rocked the boy. He didn't ask what happened. It wasn't any of his business. All he knew was that the boy he was coming to care about was in pain. Bryan clung to Steve, trying to catch his breath between sobs. Caleb came into the room, also crying and hugged his big brother. Steve picked up Bryan and laid him on the bed. Caleb laid down and held his brother, desperately trying to wish away the pain.