The Scarlet F - 12. Chapter 12 - "I love you"

Hi Brian,

I know I haven't written to you in a while...but it's not like you've written back. So I've been living with my English teacher for a while now. Tony (that's his name, but I sometimes refer to him as Donovan), isn't that strict, but he makes sure I do at least some of my homework. And I've been going out with every girl could get. But my relationships tend short and painless about a week or two. Meanwhile, my best friend Matt has been dating his future wife Alfreda for like a month or so now. It feels like forever.

I mailed another letter.

***

"I said I love you. I told Alfreda I loved her." Matt told me as we walked to math class.

Hearing those words brought back my incurable sickness.

I couldn't believe it. Wait, I could believe it. I could believe that he would say that to her. What I felt wasn't shock. I felt...I felt mad...because...because...I couldn't say it.

"Why would you do that?" I smirked.

He smiled."Alfreda is like the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. She's smart. Classy. Just everything, I could want in a girl."

"Did you mean it?"

"Of course I did. I love her. Why would I say it without meaning it?"

"I don't know, maybe like to get her in bed."

He gulped, "We are nowhere near that. We’re not really focused...you know."

"Sex?"

He blushed, at the word "sex".

"I don't think, making love, should be done carelessly." he explained, "It should be a symbol of love and done at the right moment with the right person."

Yea, Matt was a romantic I guess.

"But the funny thing is, that she didn't say it back."

"She didn't?"

He shook his head, "She just changed the subject to our next vocabulary quiz."

And for a minute I thought, "what if", "maybe", and "we should". Maybe Alfreda didn't love him, she didn't say it. So...? And I could lo…um care for him way better than she could. But I was just thinking out of my ass.

***

Donovan was helping me get through a pile of homework when the phone rang.

"I'll get it. You look over those vocab words." He said getting up.

"Calamity, a disaster or tragedy" I read.

"Hello…Jim?"

I quickly dropped the paper and ran to get the phone. Donovan handed me the phone.

"Dad?"

"Hey, son what's you doin?"

"Just some homework."

"That's good…that's really good."

I looked over at Donovan. He nodded as he understood.

"I'll go check the mail," he whispered leaving the apartment.

"I miss you Dad."

"…um" He went silent for a few seconds. "So how's it goin living with Tony?"

I laughed, "Donovan is pretty cool. But of course, when you live with a teacher you can't say your dog ate your homework." My laughing started to get nervous, "I mean we don't even have a dog…”

"I have to go, son." he cut me off.

"What? Come on?" I pleaded.

"Talk to you later, son. I miss you."

He hung up.

I pulled the phone off my ear.

"Calamity, a disaster or tragedy" I repeated. "Use it in a sentence: My whole life is one calamity after another."

The phone rang again.

I picked it up again, "Dad?"

"No, it's me, Jamie."

"Hey, Mac."

"I got great news! She said it back."

I dropped down on the couch, "What?"

"I went over to Alfreda's and she said she loved me too."

"Wow, that's…" There were so many words I wanted to say but I went with, "that's good."

"Yea, this is a really good thing. Right, Jamie?"

Donovan opened the door with a handful of mail and a shocked face. I could feel that something was up.

"Mac, I'm gotta have to talk to you later," I mumbled before I hung up.

"You…um…got mail," Donovan said.

"Who is it from?" My first hope was a reply from Brain.

He handed it to me. "It's from your mom."

My mouth dropped. Part of me was shocked. Part happy. Part angry. But for the most part, I was curious.

I ripped the envelope open and read the tear-soaked letter.

Dear Jimmy,

Honey, I'm so sorry. I know what I did was horrible. I can't image what I have put you though. But I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I couldn't take it anymore. I can't be playing mom right now. I know you must hate me, and baby I don't blame you. Please know that I didn't leave because of you. You were the brightest part of life. You'll always be in my in my heart. But it ain't that simple. There are just some things you can't understand right now. Hopefully, someday I'll be able to explain it to you. I honestly think that this could be better for us.

I love you.

xoxo,

Mom

I crushed up the paper and threw it down, "Why would she do this to me?" I screamed.

I realized Donovan was sitting next to me.

"She says she loves me, but I don't believe that."

"I can see why you would say that." He said.

I then noticed there was something more in the envelope. My eyes skipped right to the small bottle.

"Oh my god." I grasped.

"What is that?"

I took it out and race into my room and slammed the Maria Red lipstick into my nightstand.