The Scarlet F - 6. Chapter 6- Covering up my imperfections

Dad only came home that one night that mouth. He came home drunk mumbling under his breath. I manage to stay hidden while he finished and dropped about two or three more beers.

"Jimmy honey." My mom said sweetly. She shut the door and sat down on my bed next to me with the make-up kit. "Your dad passed out on the kitchen floor. Are you okay?" She smirked.

I sat up and saw her beaten up face, "Mom?"

"Yea honey?"

"Do you ever get tired of this? Why do we always have to do this?"

I stared at me for a second, "Do you know why women rely so much on their makeup?"

"Yea, yea to cover up," I smirked.

"It’s a little more than that...babe if you cover up your imperfections long and hard enough...it can make yourself believe that they're gone."

                                                                                                                                                                                              ***

I had a dream that I was lying on Matt's bed. He was on top of me kissing. My body was reacting to his body and his body was reacting to mine. It felt so surreal.

"Faggot." I then heard a deep voice say. I looked over and saw Joey standing next to the bed.

I clearly hear it, but Matt and I didn't stop kissing.

"Faggot." Beanie appeared next to him.

But we kept going.

"Faggot." Benny appeared to next him.

But we kept going.

Then I heard a deep drunken voice "Faggot."

That's when I stopped kissing Matt. I looked over and saw my parents standing before me. I quickly pushed him off me. Matt looked at me like he didn't seem to notice the other people in his bedroom.

"Jamie, what's wrong?"

Everybody gathered around me. My dad grabbed me. I felt his hands growing tighter around my neck. I felt my breathing decreasing and all I could see was white.

"Faggot." They all said.

"No, I'm not," I screamed opening my eyes.

My body shook breathing heavy. As I tried to maintain a steady breath I felt tears going down my face.

That was the moment I knew I had to do something. I felt had to change myself. I felt had to fix myself.

I remembered what my dad said, "kiss enough girls and you'll get it".

I took a deep a breath and got out my black notebook, "One, I dream of kissing a guy. Two, that guy is my best friend. Three, my father (and everybody) is telling about dating girls. Four, I get along fine with girls but I feel strange kissing them. Five, I don't want to end up like my parents. Six, I'm too confused to figure out numbers one through five."

Then I remember what my mom said the other night, "If you cover up your imperfections long and hard enough...it can make yourself believe that they are gone."

I turned to a clean page.

I must cover up.

I must cover up my imperfections.

I must cover up with so many layers.

Maybe if I wear enough layers, I'll forget my bloody skin.

Maybe if I wear enough layers, what is good will become bad and what is bad will become good.

Maybe if I wear enough layers, they will become my new skin.