The Scarlet F - 2. Chapter 2- My first real crime

Is it possible to have you'll heart beaten out of you?
Is it possible to wish to be seen yet wish to blend in with wall?
It's impossible to ignore.
But maybe it's possible to run.

I started writing in this black spiral notebook when I was around 11. It was stupid. They didn't even rhyme. I just had all these words racing through my head. I don't even know where I got this stuff from, but I just felt that I had to write them down.

I wrote feeling a small unlighted firework in my jean pocket.

"Ginna!" My dad's drunken voice echoed throughout the apartment.

I crept out through a window and went down the fire escape. I hopped on my bike and just pedaled away. It was dark and storm clouds were coming, but I didn't care. I just pedaled, thinking about what would happen if I stayed home. But let's be honest I knew would have happened. I couldn't have imaged it going any differently.

I just felt this nagging, like I wanted to hit something. The firework was calling me.

I never knew how a fireworks exactly worked. But I did know that if you light the tip, things go bang. The firework ticked.

Tick. Tick.

Tick. Tick.

I couldn't take it anymore.

"Fine", I stopped outside the supermarket to catch my breath when looked on the ground in front of me.

It was a matchbox.

Tick. Tick.

I took it as a sign.

Tick. Tick.

"Screw it."

I threw the bike down, took the firework out of my pocket, and grabbed the matchbox.

I lit that sucker and watched it spark. But as the tip started to disappear the thought occurred to me it was going to blow up.

"I'm so screwed."

I just flung into the next the thing I saw...a shopping cart.

I watched the sparks fly. I watched it break apart. I watched the metal twist. I watched chucks of plastic splatter around.

I just stood there, I think even stopped breathing for two seconds. I hopped on my bike again.

At first I was just pedaling not caring about what direction I was going in. I felt rain pouring. I heard thunder roaring. I saw lightning flashing.

Then I thought "I need Mac."

I shifted the bike and rode to Matt's yard. I slammed my bike against the grass and climbed up the tree to his bedroom. It wasn't strange at all. I've sneaked into his bed room window for years. Every time I could get away from the song and dance I would sneak into Matt's at night. Mac never seemed to mind, he enjoyed it actually, it made him feel "badass". The room was dark, nobody was in there. I waited on Matt's bed, trying to catch my breath while I listened to the storm. The door opened and I saw a patch of curly hair.

"Jamie?"

Jamie is his nickname for me.

"Please don't tell anybody I'm here."

"Jamie what happened to you? He asked getting some clothes from his dresser.

I sat back down and told him everything.

"You blew up a shopping cart." He screamed a little.

"Yea, you should have seen how cool it looked. It was like action movie." I laughed. I was laughing. I knew it was wrong, but I was laughing.

He sat to me on the bed next to me and handed me the clothes.

"I can't go home." I told him.

"Why?"

"I'm going to get killed for this. Can I stay here?" I asked.

"Fine with me! I'll ask my mom" He nodded walking to the door. I stopped him.

"Wait, wait...see no one can know I'm here especially not your parents."

"Alright" He smiled at me. His cute, dorky, conforming smile. There was always just something about that smile that made my heart feel lighter. When I saw that smile I just couldn't help to smile too.

"Matthew, dinner." Mrs. Edwards called out in her sweet mother voice.

"Wait here, I'll be back as soon as I can with some food. You put my clothes" He said before leaving.

I smiled as I watched him leave.

***

This sleepover at Matt's was different. Matt was sound asleep, but I couldn't even shut my eyes.

I laid next to him in his twin bed. That wasn't new, we had slept in the same bed when we were kids, we never really thought about it. But this feeling was different.

I had just committed my first real crime. My dad hit me when I did nothing. He would hit me harder when I did something.

"You're supposed to be better than that." he would say in that deep drunken voice.

I started shaking thinking about it.

I turned to face Matt. He quietly snored with a smile on his face. That smile, the smile that made me once again have to smile. As I watched him I got a strange little feeling. I for some reason noticed his lips. I couldn't staring to them. I felt this nagging again but it was a different kind of nagging. I felt myself wanting to lean in closer to him and...I didn't know exactly what, but I knew it wasn't normal. I flipped over to the other side and tried to shut my eyes. Matt sleepily put arm around me, just like he had million times. He had no idea that he rolled in his sleep. I never really gave it much thought before, however this time it felt different. At first it was weird and I was thinking about pushing him away, but his grip kind of made me feel...warm.

"Matthew." Mr. Edward's voice boomed. I quickly hid in the closet.

Matt opened the door, “Hey Dad, what’s matter?”

“James didn’t go home tonight, His mother called worried.”

“Oh.”

“Also got a got a call from the store, a shopping cart, mysteriously blew up in front of the store today.”

“Oh.”

“Those two things wouldn’t be related, would they?”

“Nope, unrelated.”

Matt was never a good lair.

"What James did was irresponsible and dumb." Mr. Edwards went on, "Now you tell James come out and tell me the truth."
“What do to mean..”

“Matthew, I know.”

He opened the closet door. I looked over at my best friend. He wouldn't be able to understand all the what's and whys.

Then Mr. Edwards said, "Your Mom and Dad are here"

I swallowed hard.

"They're here?"

They both nodded.

"I'm not going home." I yelled. "If you don't want to help me, I'll sneak out the window."

He stopped me.

"Matt move or I'll..."

"You have to go home." He put his hands on my chest. I got that strange feeling again.

Damn it Mac!

We walked out to the rusted red truck. My folks were quiet, too quiet. I looked over at Matt, he was giving me a little smile.

When the truck pulled out of the driveway I heard my dad mummer, "Why did you on go and do it?"

"I don't know." I whispered.

"Why you do mean 'I don't know'?" He started to yelled.

"I just had this feeling...and I did it."

We pulled up to our building. Before I could take a breath my body was being dragged out of the truck. He threw me up against the hallway wall.

"You have feelings huh?" He screamed as he punched me in the stomach.

My mom just sat on the stairway with her head in her hands.

"I'm sorry daddy." I cried.

"You better be sorry!" He yelled punching me in the face.

"Maybe that's enough." I heard my mom whimper.

He threw me down and screamed at her "What?"

"Jim, he knows what he did, he knows it was wrong, Just maybe that's enough." I could tell by her voice that she was scared, knowing what he would do.

I ran to my bed hearing my mother cry as he finished my beating on her.
***

I woke up the next morning feeling the pain.

"Hey there little bro."

I opened my eyes to see my 16-year old half-brother Benny smiling at me.

"The old man really got you huh?" he smirked putting is a finger on my black eye. "You are really are his favorite son."

"What?" I almost yelled.

"Oh well, so you commit your first crime, congrats." He laughed. "You're tougher than I thought. So me and the guys are going to steal us up some cars. You in?"

I picked my head off the pillow and looked right into his cold black eyes. He looked like me, expect for his dark eyes.

"No, just because I blew up a shopping cart doesn't mean I'm joining your gang."

Benny smirked "We are who we are Jimmy. Don't act like you're better than us."

I hated being called Jimmy.

We heard footsteps entering the room.

He turned his head and smiled."Hey Gina."

I turned my head to see my mother holding the makeup kit.