The Scarlet F - 21. Chapter 21- Things are great, right?

Summer had come. The sun was shining, And I was in my bed making out with my boyfriend.

My boyfriend...it felt great saying that.

My boyfriend Matt.

Matt, my boyfriend.

My boyfriend is Matt.

Matthew Edwards is my boyfriend.

My boyfriend is Matthew Edwards.

He pulled away to get air, "Wow."

He grasped lying on top of my bare chest with his hand sliding against my side.

"Yea." I giggled, moving my hand under his T-shirt. He wasn't ready to take it off yet, but he let me put my hands underneath it.

He took a breath and move in on my mouth again. I clutched his back. I could help to start moving my hips up and down. He moaned and I could feel him getting hard. I slid my hand down to his jeans. My fingers moved around to his fly.

"Jamie," he said, sitting up.

"What?" I huffed. Then I rolled my eyes removing my hand. "Oh, that."

"I love this and I definitely want to do 'that'. I really do. Just not now. I just want our first time to be special. Really special."

I had to keep reminding myself that unlike me, Matt was still a total virgin (Alfreda wouldn't even go to 2nd base) and unlike me, he actually really cared about where his virginity went. He was the type of guy that believed in "making love" rather than just sex.

I nodded and threw up my hands, "Okay."

***

"Okay let's be honest." My boyfriend commented as handed me mine, "This one was a tough one, but I know you have worked hard and I love you don't matter what."

I smiled him, I loved his support. But I didn't honestly think I would get in. My grades weren't as bad, but not that good. Donovan made me write this essay about how I grew up, he said to play strengthens. I opened it. When my eyes glazed at the words "accepted you", I choked.

"Jamie? You okay?"

"I got in," I whispered.

The girls clapped and Matt threw his arm around me and kissed my neck.

I was in shock. I couldn't believe it. I had gotten into college...but it scared me. I didn't know how to make it in college. Thinking about it stressed me out.

"Um...I'm not sure if I want to go."

"What?" Matt asked.

"I think I might not go."

"What?" He grasped.

"I just need time to think." I tried to reassure him.

"What?" His voice started to rise.

Here we go. I knew he would upset. Knowing Matt for long as I have I knew that he overreacted when plans changed.

"You're supposed to go to college."

I raised my eyebrow on that one. "Okay, that's a bit dramatic."

He rolled his eyes then shook his head, "Dramatic? Isn't turning down a great college dramatic?"

I got up from the seat, "I just need time to think about it. Not everybody has to be a tightass like you. "

Alfreda and Shawna nervously sat there trying to figure out how sneak out.

"Well not everybody has to downgrade themselves to always being trash." Matt smirked.

The second he realized what he said he soften, "Jamie I didn't mean..."

I grabbed my coke and threw it at him.

I wasn't sure if this seriously happening but I knew that I wanted to cry. I wanted to fall to my knees and cry. The lines between overreacting and real fighting were now blurry.

I ran out.

***

"What is wrong with you?" Donovan smirked blasting into the apartment.

I rolled my eyes, "What did you hear?"

He sat down next to me, "I hear that you are turning down two great opportunities."

"Two opportunities?"

"Yes, two opportunities. One is not going to college, where you would thrive. Two is letting Edwards, who you know is good for you, slip through your fingers."

"I'm scared Tony." I blurted out.

"Scared of what?"

"Scared of failing. I can't help to think that if I go out there I'm destined to fail. Tony nobody in my family has gone to college. Nobody has been successful and there's a reason for that." I shifted, "What will I even do in college?"

"Do you want to know what I think? I think you should consider a writing carrier. English. Literature. Creative Writing. That's the stuff you should go into. You know it's what you love. You know it's what you're great at. That's what you should do."

I was looking down at the floor, "I don't know."

"You owe it to yourself to have a good life. What do you see for your life?"

"Well in reality..."

He put his hand up, "No don't think about reality right now. What do you want? If you had it your way?"

I rubbed my temples, "If I had it my way...I would want to write...poetry, books, and maybe even a play." I chuckled, "And I would want to live in a cool apartment, it doesn't have to be that big and fancy but nice. I wouldn't want to move around, I've done that enough. But I also wouldn't want to live a normal, predictable life either. So I would like to live somewhere interesting and cultured city...with the guy, yea my boyfriend, it can keep me grounded and thrill me at the same time. We would go to like the plays and stuff together and it'll have fun. We would go worldly vacations, to actually go on a vacation and not to run away."

I meant all of that. I really did.

Donovan smiled and nodded, "That sounds reachable."

The truth is that I was still scared of the future and I still had this nagging feeling, I wasn't sure why yet. But I put on a fake smile, "Yea. Okay, I'll do it."

***

I invited Matt over. He was closed off to it at first and I begged him. I told him that I had something very important to say. The second he walked in, I dragged him to the couch.

I grabbed his hands, "Matt, I think I'm going. I'm going to try college."

I could the warmth as put his arms around my back, "That's great." he cheered into my ear.

I hugged him back, tightly. I breathe it in. It was hugging this like that made me both excited and scared.

I pulled him closer and took another deep breath, "Which means I'm going to be moving out of here around the same you'll be, so maybe..."

He pulled back smiling at me, "You and me? Move in together?"

I nodded.

He gave a peck on the lips, "Oh Jamie, I'm glad you decided to go with me."

***

Summer was gone. The weather was cold during out move into New York City. We walked into our dorm, our dorm...oh my, our dorm, that made me feel fidgeting and a good and bad way. I looked around. Okay, size.Two beds...yea, I wasn't sure yet what the sleeping situation was.

I bit my lip and mumbled, "This is the third place I've moved to."

"This is amazing. " Matt cheered out. Yea, he was one of those people.

Then all the family loudly walked in carrying the rest of the bags. Yea, they were one of those families. They all awed and marbled over the dorm.

I just rolled my eyes. Then Mr. Edwards pulled me into a group hug, and I didn't feel as annoyed.

"Well, thanks. I'll call you tomorrow." Matt waved his family out.

He slammed the door and pulled me by the neck into a kiss. "We were college guys now."

"Yea, I know."

"You okay?"

I laid down on the bed. "You know Matt...I hear that they do poetry slams on Friday nights."

He flopped down next to me, "You think you might finally share something."

"I think I just might." I rolled on to my side, "So you are going into the film program?"

"Yea," he chuckled. "Wow, so you'll be a writer and I'll be a filmmaker. What a life we'll live together huh?"

I felt uneasy hearing that. I knew I should have felt happy but...I couldn't.

***

Later that night, Matt was moving his hand up and down my stomach.

"Jamie." He whispered, "I think I'm ready."

"What?"

He started kissing me...really rough. I grabbed his butt and moved on top of him. I pulled my shirt over my chest. But Matt quickly grabbed my hips and pinned me down to the bed. Then...then he started unbuttoning his shirt, I didn't question it, I reach up and helped him. The shirt came off and wow.

I excitedly licked my lips as I watched him take both of our pants off. His hands moved up my body and started kissing me again. The rough kissing. The way our bodies were rubbing against each other.

There was no doubt that either of us was gay now.

So much heat. So much lust. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Fuck me." He whimpered widening his legs.

I let out a breath, "What?"

"I'm ready."

I stared into space for a few seconds, then I kissed him again. A soft slow kiss.

"You sure?"

"Yea, Jamie." he whimpered.

I grabbed his shoulders and bent his knees. I shifted down. He looked up at the ceiling and bit my lip. I didn't think Matt would know what to do...hell I didn't really know what to do.

It felt a little strange a first. Feeling..."inside" of him. But then...

He grasped. He started moving. It was very slow at first but then I felt the speed changing.

I kept screaming, my tingling body naturally jerking up and down. It was the first time I had felt such overwhelming and mutal pleasure.