The Scarlet F - 7. Chapter 7- My Own Nature

"Hey Fag!" Joey screamed at me as I entered the school building.

Luckily Matt wasn't around to hear it. Yet I kind of wish he was. That way he could comfort me about it. But then I would have to talk about it.

"Why do you keep calling me that?" I whined.

"Because you got cocksucker written all over your face."

I wondered what the hell he was talking about. But I knew if I couldn't fight him. I just held my breath.

                                                                                                                                                                  ***

"The Scarlet Letter. Which I hope all of you guy have at least started." Donovan said, "See Hester Prynne must wear a red letter A as punishment because she is accused of Adultery. . ."

I was half listening. Then I heard something that caught my attention.

"See the Puritans had very strict laws because they believed that people by nature were evil and easily tempted."

"What?" I yelled out my eyes completely open.

Donovan walked over to my desk. "Puritans believed that in their natural world humans would make bad choices, which is why they thought it was God's job to punish them."

He stared at me, "So Esposito what you did think about the Scarlet letter?" He asked me.

He looked like he was really interested in what I had to say.

"It's about some chick that gets knocked up," I said.

The class laughed.

Donovan looked at me disappointed, "Is that all you have to say? What about the Puritans being a bunch of hypocrites that claim to have left England for freedom yet they become a very judgmental society themselves? Or how strong and bold a woman can be, not being scared into selling out others? Or the battle of Hester's outside conflict versus the Reverend's inner conflict, questioning what is worse public shame or private guilt?"

I rolled my eyes.

Then he asked, "How would you feel if you had to walk around wearing a big red letter, that gave people the right to judge you?"

Joey's voice rang in my head, "You're a cocksucker, it's written all over your face."

I grabbed my desk tightly and leaned forward, "Can you stop fucking with me?"

The whole class gasped. Alfreda and Matt both stated at me like I was crazy.

Donovan stared at me then smirked, "Most teachers would send you straight to dentition. But just for fun, I'll deal with your smartass by forcing you to sit through my class."
He walked up to the front of the classroom and talked some more. I wasn't listening, I was...I felt angry. I wanted to do something...I wanted to hurt something or somebody.

I was lost in my mind until the bell rang. Alfreda jumped up to ask him about extra credit. While he was talking to her, I sneaked behind his desk. I don't know what I was looking for or what I was going to do.

But I wanted to teach Donovan some lesson. Then I saw the keys to his car and...I grabbed them. I squeezed them my hand. My heart beating roughly. I felt this slight high going to my head.
I shoved them into my pocket and slowly started walking out the door.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I heard Donovan's voice yelled out to me.

I turned around to see Donovan, Alfreda, and even Matt with shocked faces.

"Jamie." Mac whispered shaking his head.

Donovan ran up to me, "Hey, what are you doing?"

"Umm...um," I couldn't answer his question.

He held out his hand, "May I have them back?"

Matt puts his hand in my jacket, pulling out the keys.

"Here you go Mr. Donovan." He said giving them back.

I wouldn't have done that, but Mac would.

"You okay?" Donovan asked me.

"Just leave me the fuck alone, okay," I smirked getting out of there.

***
The story spread to the whole school. Well, at least the basic story. In some versions, I punched Donovan out. In some versions, I took his car out for a joyride.

I opened my apartment door to see something I very rarely saw...my half-sister. Stacy was wearing her pink waitress uniform with a stained white apron. She sat on our couch in a shower cap smoking a cigarette.

"Hey Stacy, what are you doing?"

"I wanted to dye my hair in peace." She said pointing to the shower cap, "I figured Daddy wouldn't be home, so I let myself in."

"It's okay with me." I dropped my bag and sat next to her "How...are you?"

"Well I got a baby and toddler crying all the time and my deadbeat husband can hardly keep a job. I'm working graveyard shifts... " She took a puff, "Are you really going to let me go on?"

"Well Stacy, I'm curious are you are doing. I don't get to talk to you a lot."

She took a puff. "Yea I guess that's true. So...what's going on...at school? You'll still in school right?"

I smiled, "Yea, um...we are reading The Scarlet Letter...do you remember that book?"

She stared into space for a second, "Is that the one about the chick that gets knocked up and everybody calls her a slut?"

I nodded "Yea, that's pretty much the main idea."

She laughed, "been there."

"Hey, Stacy...do you believe people are evil by nature?"

She slowly turned to me, "I don't know...about all people." then she smirked, "But I think atleast men are."

I always heard Stacy and her high school boyfriend turned husband yelling at each other, yet I would still see them making out in his pick up truck. A thought popped into my head. "Hey I know this may be a

creepy question but...if you hate him then how do you...kiss him and stuff."

She took another puff. "I picture Brad Pitt."

"What?"

"When I kiss my husband I picture that I'm kissing Brad Pitt, or Mario Lopez, or one of the cute busboys at the diner." She said laughing.

"Does it work?"

"Yea...makes it much easier to fake it." She laughed until the timer went off, "I have to go wash this out." She said getting up.

After about ten minutes, she came back into the living room with bleach blonde hair.

"I had a nice time talking to you. And that's a good color on you." I said sweetly.

She gave me a small smile and left.

I sat alone and thought about Donovan's class. I got out my black notebook.

In my natural world. I'm criminal.
I'm trouble.
I'm sin.
I cannot resist the thrill.
I want to lie, cheat, and steal.
My mind knows better.
But my own nature doesn't.