The Scarlet F - 19. Chapter 19 - Makeup was Ruined

Shawna met me at my locker.

"Hey, you still coming to my party tonight?"

"Yea. Your dad left this morning?"

"Yep and won't be back until Sunday night"

"So, you're throwing a kegger."

"It's not a kegger, but some cool friends, nice jams, just have some fun."

"I'm there."

She smiled and then gave me a peck on the check.

We saw Matt by walking us.

"Hey, Mac."

Matt stopped and noticed us, but turned back and walked away.

***
I sat behind Matt in class. He wasn't talking to me. Not a word. I ripped out a piece of paper.

Hey, Shawna is a having a party tonight? You coming?

I passed him the note and pretended to pay attention to the lesson. He threw it back.

No

I replied and threw it up.

Why not?

He opened it and then tossed back.

Just leave me alone.

I looked to find Alfreda giving both of us a dirty look.

"What's her deal?" I whispered to him.

He didn't answer.

The bell rang. Alfreda stomped out of the classroom. I followed her, running through the halls calling her name. She wouldn't turn around.

***

Shawna's party was bigger than I thought it would be. We danced for a few hours until I had to sit down her kitchen table.

"You having fun?" Shawna said, sitting on my lap.

"Yeah," I said shrugged, "I'm...getting...tired."

"I think I know what might loosen you up."

She got up and left. Alfreda walked in, taking off her coat.

"Hey, Alfreda."

She didn't respond to me.

"Heyy Alfreda" Shawna called out...holding a bottle of whiskey, "James and I were just about to play Q and A."

"Q & A? What is that?" I asked.

Shawna sat down in a middie chair.

"Q & A is a drinking game where you can ask anybody, anything, and they have to answer if you take a shot."

"That's not a real game."

"It is now. Come on, it's easy." Shawna poured some whiskey into a shot glass.

"James, do you like me?" She drank it.

"Woo," she shook her head, "That's strong."

"Shawna, I don't know about this game."

"Come on, answer the question, please."

Alfreda stepped up, "Yea, answer the question."

"Alfreda, you in?" Shawna asked smiling.

"Alfreda doesn't drink," I said.

She sat down on the other side of the table, "Well you don't know that. Answer her question."

I turned back to Shawna, "Yea, I like you."

She poured another shot. "Your turn."

I stared at the glass. I had never been in this situation. Should I drink? I'm sure if she knew about my dad, she wouldn't offer me a drink. But she didn't know.

"Have you two had sex?" Alfreda asked.

Shawna and I looked to each other.

"Wow." Shawna laughed.

"Alfreda, that's personal," I said.

"But that's the game right."

"You didn't take a shot," I said.

"You want me to take a shot?"

"Yea, that's the game." I turned to Shawna, "Right?"

Shawna took a deep breath and moved the shot glass toward Alfreda.

"Yea, that's the game."

Alfreda lifted the glass and took the shot. She nearly dropped the glass, setting it back to her. Her face scrunched up and her lips pucked.

"Whoa." she shook her head, "Okay now you have to answer. You've slept with all the other girls. Have you slept with Shawna?"

I took a breath, "No."

"Why?"

"Because...we just haven't..." I started to say.

Then I realized that I didn't need to explain that her.

"What is the fuck is with you today?" I asked.

She took a breath, "Take a shot and I'll answer."

"Really?"

She crossed her legs, "You seem to want to talk to me so bad, so let's play."

"Fine," I turned Shawna "Pour me one."

"You sure?"

"Yup" I took the glass into my hands. It smelled...like my dad. I lifted the glass to my lips. It dropped into my mouth. I pulled the glass away.

"It's um..."

"Not a milkshake?" Alreda said.

I put it back to my lips. I closed my eyes tight. I poured it down my throat. I began choking. Shawna patted my back and gave me a bottle of water. After I regained control, I asked again.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Matt and I broke up."

"Why?"

"Take a shot."

I took another shot.

"Why?"

She was silent.

"You have to answer my question."

She took an extra shot, "Because he screamed your name while we're making out."

"What?" Shawna grasped, "Did that really happen?"

"Take a shot," Alfreda said.

Shawna took a shot, "Did that really happen?"

"Yep. I was kissing his neck and he moans 'Jamie'."

"Then what?" I asked.

Alfred leaned forward, "You asked a question. Take a shot."

I turned to Shawna. She poured me a shot. I closed my eyes tight and took the shot.

"Ok. Then what?"

"I stopped and call him out. He ended up crying. I ended up crying," she leaned back, "He's in love with you."

She took a shot, "Do you feel the same way about him?"

My mouth opened but no words came out.

"Of course he doesn't, right James?" Shawna said.

My head started pounding. I was dizzy, struggling to stand to up.

"Hey, you're not looking too good," Shawna said reaching out to touch me.

I wiped her hand away, "Don't touch me."

I found myself walking backward toward the living room,

She followed me, "James, what's wrong?"

Our classmates were scattered around.

"Yes," I mumbled under my breath.

She went on stepping toward me.

"I'm gay." I finally yelled out.

The crowd of people all stared at me. But all that didn't seem to matter at that moment. Shawna's face was blank.

"I'm so sorry. Shawna, I care too much about you to keep lying. I'm gay."

Then I threw up on her living room rug. Everything went silent. Shawna's eyebrows rose and her mouth finally moved.

"Hey." she yelled out to everyone, "The party is over."

Everyone, expect Alfreda, awkwardly got up and walked toward the door. I could feel their eyes staring at me as if I was standing naked in front of them. But it was worse than being naked. I was exposing my scarlet letter. Everything played in slow motion. Everyone walking passing me. Staring at me. Shawna's face as she waved everyone out. And Alfreda. Beautiful Alfreda with black lines running down her face.

The makeup was ruined.

"James," Alfreda said walking up to me. "You need help?"

I looked to see her holding out a roll of paper towels.

I felt myself crying, grabbing the roll. I got down on my knees and started cleaning up the mess.

Shawna was quiet for a while as I clean it the carpet. Alfreda poured some baking soda on the spot.

"Let that soak, then we'll vacuum."

"Thanks, Alfreda."

"I am so sorry James."

"What do you have to be sorry about?"

"I was mad and acted like a bitch."

"I'm sorry...I...I don't know what to say."

"I'm not shocked that Matt is gay."

"You're not?"

"I kind of always suspect, there was something." She shook her head, "I couldn't never directly ask him. I thought it ruined our relationship...and we had planned this big future together...and like him I wanted that so much that I tried to ignore it."

We sat down on Shawna's couch. I handed her a tissue box.

She blew her nose and chuckled, "And part of me kind of thought that maybe you were gay too."

She was a smart girl. Of course, she would have figured me out.

"But knowing it doesn't make me feel any better."

Shawna sat next to me, "I know how you feel, Alfreda."

I turned to her, "I understand why you hate me now."

She put her in arm around me, "I don't hate you. I am glad you told me. I just...not sure what want to do now."

"Can we be friends? I would really like to be friends."

She hugged me, "Yea, we can be friends."

I turned to Alfreda and reached out my arms, "Can we be friends too?"

Alfreda wipes the last of her tears and joined in on the hug.