Starcrossed - 13. Chapter 13

Ryan and I parked in the lot of the school. We were just in time for class. But, before we went in, I had to get something straight.

“So…what’s going to happen when we go in there?” I asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean with us.”

When he didn’t answer, I just went on.

“The past few days were…wonderful to say the least, but…things are different in there.” I said, pointing to the school. “Are you ready for our relationship to be out in school?”

“I…I guess I’ve never thought about it.”

“Are you ready to face, to face Tommy and everyone else on the baseball team?” I asked, putting my hand on his.

“I don’t think so.” said Ryan.

“Okay…then, maybe we should just wait until the year is over. It’s only a few months.”

He looked at me with his sad blue eyes. “I don’t know if I can wait that long.”

He hand slid up my arm, sending chills through my entire body. The bell rang. We had eight minutes to get to class. We snuck in one kiss.

We walked out of the truck and walked side by side into the school. A few feet into the hallway, I ran into Noah. This was the part that I was dreading. I knew I needed to tell him, but I couldn’t. He was just so happy to see me.

“I’ve been so worried about you.” said Noah as he wrapped his arms around me.

After his hug, he kissed me more passionately than I’ve ever been kissed. A whisper of ‘fags’ walked passed us, but I didn’t really hear it too well. I was too busy looking into Noah’s eyes after the kiss. All the reasons why I fell in love with him in the first place came back to me.

Then, I felt another hand on me; Ryan’s hand. I turned around and there he was. He looked like he was about to explode. He was jealous. Of course he was jealous. Why wouldn’t he be jealous? I would be jealous if I were him.

So, there I was, between these two wonderful guys and…I love both of them. The passed two days have made me forget all about Noah. But, having Noah in my arms made me realize how much I actually do love him.

“How’s your dad?” asked Noah.

“He’s going to be okay.” I said.

“I’m so sorry that I couldn’t be there for you.”

“Don’t worry about it. I know you would’ve if you could.”

Noah turned to Ryan and I dreaded what might happen if Ryan lost it.

“Thanks Ryan…for being there.” said Noah.

Ryan didn’t answer. If he did he would probably say something inappropriate.

“Let’s go to class.” I said.

The three of us separated and went to class. I went to English, Noah went to PE, and Ryan to Math.

Once in English class, Mrs. Drake hit me with tons of questions about my father and was telling me how she would delay the play for me. But I was confident that I could do the play in time. I already had all of my lines and all of the blocking memorized anyway.

The premiere of the play is in two days and I’m confident that I could do it, but…I still have a lot on my mind. Not only do I have my dad to worry about, but I am in love with two guys at the exact same time. I’m just a little worried that it might effect my performance with Ryan on the stage with me and Noah in the audience.

After English was History of course. I had to face Ryan again. I hope he doesn’t ask about Noah. I don’t think I could answer any question about Noah without hurting him. When I got to History, Kevin was already in his seat, but Ryan wasn’t there yet.

“Oh my God, Billy are you alright? How’s your dad?”

“He’s gonna be okay.” I answered as I sat down.

“Oh, thank God.” said Kevin.

Ryan walked in and sat beside me. His hand brushed mine as he walked by. I got the feeling he did it on purpose to let me know he cares. He’s like that. Oh God, why do I have to love him so much?

He leaned over to me. He wanted to whisper something. I leaned towards him to hear.

“What’s up with Noah?” he whispered. “Have you told him yet?”

“I don’t think I should, Ryan.” I said back.

“Why not?”

“I thought we were supposed to keep this a secret. We can talk about it later?”

I sat back in my desk and then Kevin leaned over to me from the other side. “What was that about?” he asked.

“I’ll tell you later.” I said to him.

I don’t think Mr. Carey will ever get over the fact that me and his son were are together. He still looks at me with scorn and discomfort. It was awkward, but I so many other things on my mind. I didn’t have room to worry about Noah’s dad.

During class, Ryan passed me a note. On it, it said:

Meet me in the old science building at lunch. I need to talk to you.

The old science building was in the back of the school. It burned down twenty years ago, but the walls and foundation have kept up well. It’s supposed to be off limits, but kids often meet there when they don’t want anyone to know what they’re talking about. The school kept it as sort of a reminder or monument, I’m not entirely sure which one. It’s gets a little confusing.

After History was lunch. I went to go get some food; a packaged sandwich and a bag of potato chips. Afterwards, I walked out to the old science building. I entered the charred building and immediately saw Ryan pacing in the rubble. When he saw me, he immediately walked over and kissed me. He felt so good.

“What do you want to talk about?” I asked while he was still in my arms.

“Noah…what are you going to do about Noah?”

I pushed him away and turned away from him. I couldn’t face him.

“Ryan, we decided to keep us a secret. I don’t see why I just can’t stay with Noah.”

“Billy, you’re with me…you can’t be with Noah at the same time. You have to choose.”

I turned around, my eyes getting ready to tear.

“I can’t….I love him too.”

After I said that, Ryan just left. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t kiss me goodbye. He just left. What am I supposed to do now? I guess…I guess I should choose.

I decided to ditch the rest of school. I went over to Kendra’s house. Conveniently it was her day off of work today. Her house wasn’t too far from the school, so I just walked.

As I walked and breathed in the cold air, it hit my lungs like a thousand stabbing knives. I pulled my coat tighter around me and as I exhaled I could see my breath in the air.

I finally reached Kendra’s house and when she opened the door, she wrapped her arms around me. She pulled me into the house and took my coat off. The warmth of her house hit my face and I could practically feel my skin cracking.

“I need some advice.” I said.

“Let’s go to my room.” she said.

A room I had spent much time in. I’ve even slept over a few times. I immediately made myself comfortable on her bed.

“What’s up?” she asked, laying next to me.

“I love both of them.” I said.

She sighed. “Okay, how did I know that this was coming?”

“This isn’t a joke, Kendra. I really need help.”

“Okay, okay…start with Ryan. Tell me what it is about him that you love?”

“I don’t know. I guess I love the way he makes me feel…when he touches me…it’s…it’s like nothing else. He makes me laugh and…and he makes me feel safe in his arms, when he’s holding me.”

“Whoa…” Her eyes were wide and doe-like looking up at me. “Intense.”

“That’s exactly the word I would use to describe the feeling I have when I’m around him. It’s just…It’s totally intense, but…in a good way.”

“Okay, what about Noah? Why do you love Noah.”

“With Noah it’s different. I care about him. He cares about me. I love who I am when I’m with him.”

“Is that it?”

“I can’t just put this kind of stuff to words, Kendra. It’s not that easy.”

“Well, it sounds to me that you have a problem.”

“Duh, that’s why I cam here.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Billy. This isn’t a decision for me to make. It’s yours.”

I huffed. “You’re a lot of help.” I pouted sarcastically.

“I’m sorry, Billy, but I don’t know what you expect me to do.”

“No, I’m sorry. I’m just freaking out here. I don’t know who to choose.”

Kendra took a deep breath and weaved her fingers with mine. “Go to bed tonight and get a night’s rest. When you wake up, the first person you think of will be the person you should be with.”

“Shit,” I said looking at my watch. “I’ve got to go to play rehearsal.”

I ran out of Kendra’s and back to school. My lungs once again were reminded what a thousand stabbing knives felt like. I arrived in the theater five minutes late.

“Good of your to join us Mr. Snow.” said Mrs. Drake.

“Sorry, I had some things to take care of.” I told Mrs. Drake as I took my place on the stage.

I looked over at Ryan just a few inches away from me. His eyes were sad, not like I’ve ever seen them. His eyes were sad and betrayed.

We went through play rehearsal awkwardly. Mrs. Drake felt it as well. She rode Ryan and I hard about our stiff performance. She made the both of us stay after rehearsal for a chat.

“I don’t know what’s up with you two, but you’d better fix it quickly. Our opening is in two days.”

“We know, Mrs. Drake. This-this was a one time thing. I promise.” I said.

Ryan sat strong and silent. He seemed angry. Angry at me. I just wanted to hold him and tell him that everything was going to be alright, but I knew I couldn’t guarantee that. Though I had faith that I would eventually make a choice, I wasn’t entirely sure that that choice would include him.

After the chat with Mrs. Drake, Ryan shot out of the theater and I had to run and catch him in the parking lot.

“Ryan wait!”

I ran and got in front of him.

“Ryan, I’m sorry, but…would you have rather me lie to you?”

“I just didn’t expect you to have to choose, Billy. I thought…I thought you loved me.”

“I do love you, Ryan…”

“Then why can’t you just be with me?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m stuck between you two. I just am.”

Ryan put his hand on my waist and pulled me towards him. That tingly feeling in my crotch that I get when I’m turned on started to travel through my entire body, giving me the shivers. He kept his lips inches away from mine and he looked me straight in the eyes. I could feel his sexual energy pouring from his body to mine.

“Tell me you don’t feel this. Tell me you don’t feel this between us.”

I pulled away. Not ready to choose just because of the strong feeling I have when I’m with him. I have to give Noah and equal chance as well.

“Ryan, you can’t push me into choosing you. Noah needs a fair chance as well.”

“I don’t care about Noah. I care about you.”

“Well, I do care about Noah. And I can’t just forget about him.”

“Then maybe you can forget about me.”

Ryan turned around and left. I stood there, speechless and in shock. I watched as his truck drove away. I had no ride home. I got out my cell phone and called Kendra. She quickly came and took me home. The ride there was pretty silent. Even if she made an effort to talk, I wouldn’t have said anything. I was way too upset.