Starcrossed - 15. Chapter 15

After the play, Billy and I congratulated each other on a great performance. Then, we both got changed back into regular clothes in our dressing room. Naturally, it took me longer, so I told him I would meet him out in the theater after I was done. It took me a while to take off the layers of my costume and also the layers of make-up Billy put on me.

I wanted to kiss him so bad. I swear, being so close to that boy is dangerous. He’s like a magnet. It also took everything I had not to kiss him during the scenes were there were kissing originally, but they were taken out because we’re an all boys school. That would cause way too much controversy though and I didn’t really want or need that right now.

I didn’t want to break things off with Billy either, if you can’t tell already. I love him too much. But, I’m not going to just let him play with my head like he’s doing. I just don’t have the energy for that. Especially now that I’ve quit baseball and am getting shit nightly from my dad.

I finished getting back into my normal clothes and walked outside into the theater. I heard some guys talking on the stage. One of the voices sounded like Billy, so I went to investigate.

I saw Billy with his back towards me and he hugged the person he was talking to. It was Noah. When Noah saw me, his eyes squinted at me in scorn, but then he smiled at me. Not a friendly smile, but an evil, conniving victory smile.

“I’ll see you later Billy.” said Noah.

He walked off of the stage, into the sea of theater seats, and out of the theater. Billy turned around, saw me, and smiled.

“Hey Ryan.”

He walked over to me and hugged me. But I extended my arms.

“What’s wrong?”

“What was that?” I asked.

“Well…Noah has decided that…he wants to be me, so he’ll wait for me as long as he has to.”

Billy said this, and I got scared. I knew I had to say the same if I wanted any chance with Billy at the end. I don’t really care how messed up this situation is anymore. I’m not going to hide how much I feel for Billy anymore. I can’t.

“That’s what he said?” I asked.

“Yeah…”

Billy started to nervously kick the ground.

“Well…I feel the same…just to let you know.”

He smiled his bright, shy smile. His eyes moved back down and I walked towards him. He smiled up at me this same smile and I put my hand softly on his waist. He lifted his heels off of the ground a little bit to jump up and kiss me.

The kiss was soft and short, but also slow and heartfelt. After the few seconds that I spent in heaven, we actually kept our position. I looked into his blue eyes and he looked into mine. My hand was frozen on his waist. I couldn’t bring myself to taking it off. I wanted to hold him forever, but he backed up a few steps. I could see him shaking, even in the dim lighted theater.

“What’s the matter?” I asked.

“I don’t know…I have to go home.”

“You aren’t going to Bobby Kendall’s party?” I asked.

“No, I’m going out with Kendra and Ace for pizza. Then, ah…they’re sleeping at my place.”

“Sounds fun…” I said, actually meaning it. It did sound fun. His friends were great.

“It will be.” said Billy, going through his nervous routine again.

His nervous routine is something I’ve been examining carefully since the first day that I met him. First he starts to kick the ground. That’s only if he’s a little nervous. Then, if he’s a little bit more nervous, he’ll start to bit his nails. His third stage of nervous, he starts to shake, like he’s doing right now. But, if he’s really nervous, he starts to pace. That is like his code red of nervousness.

“So…do you think I could join you guys?” I asked.

“I…I don’t know. I’ll ask them.” said Billy, kicking the ground.

“Okay,” I said. “Call me…I’ll be waiting.”

I walked out of the theater and searched the parking lot for my parents. I spotted them at the far end. Their car was one of the only ones left. I walked towards them slowly with Billy still on my mind. I saw my mom smiling in the distance and my dad with his arm on her waist.

I thought of Billy and me. Why was it so horrible for two guys to be together? Why couldn’t I have my arm around Billy’s waist in public like my dad did my mom? I want to be with him so bad that I could taste it.

“Oh, Honey, I’m so proud of you. That was incredible.” said mom.

“Thanks mom,” I said humbly.

“You did good, son.” said my dad in a deep, husky voice.

I could tell that he wasn’t too happy that I was playing a girl.

“Well, ah…I’m gonna go meet some friends from the play at a party if that’s okay.”

“Of course, but remember your curfew.” said Mom.

“Thanks.” I said.

I gave my mom a kiss on the cheek and my dad a stiff hug. Then, I walked over to my truck and got in. I watched my parents’ car drive out of the parking lot and then I started my engine. As I started to drive out of the parking lot, my cell vibrated. I pulled over to answer it.

“Hey, um…I talked to Ace and Kendra, they said it was okay if you came with us.” Billy said before I could even say hello. “We’re eating at Guido’s.”

“Cool. I’ll meet you there.”

Inside, I was glowing. I was going to get to see Billy again. I couldn’t help but be overly ecstatic as I drove to meet the three of them at Guido’s. When I walked in, the three of them were just getting their pizza; a giant pepperoni pizza.

“Hey Ryan!” called Kendra. “Over here!”

She called me over and I started up again. I walked towards them and sat next to Kendra in their booth. Ace was caddy corner to me and Billy was in front of me. I smiled at Ace and he smiled back. Then, I looked to Billy and he put his eyes down shyly with a cute little smile.

“So, great job you guys. The play was awesome.” said Kendra.

“Thanks,” I said, blushing a bit.

“Thanks Kendra.” said Billy.

The table fell silent and Ace took his second piece from the pizza. Kendra took her first piece and took a small bite into it. She was even beautiful when she ate. I looked back to Billy who took his last bite of his first piece. I took a piece and started to eat. The only sound was the chatting around us. That’s when Kendra sighed.

“Will you two please talk, already!” Kendra threw up her arms. “We know you care about each other…just talk about your problems already!”

“Kendra, our problems are our business. We’re not going to talk about it with you and Ace here.”

“Why not? You’re gonna tell us what happened afterwards anyway.” said Ace.

I could tell Billy was getting frustrated.

“Look, why don’t we just have a good time. We don’t need to talk about these things right now. This is supposed to be a celebration.” I said, putting down my pizza.

“Right…sorry guys.” said Kendra.

After the pizza, we all went to Billy’s house. When we got there, Billy pulled out the tequila from his dad’s room, brought it to the kitchen counter and poured four shots. He passed them out to each of us.

“To Shakespeare,” said Billy.

“To you two working things out,” said Kendra.

Billy shook his head and the four of us took our shots. Sour faces went around the counter. Kendra let out a small, dainty squeak after her shot.

As I felt the warm liquor travel down my throat, I wanted to go towards Billy. So, I did. As I walked towards him, his eyes welcomed me. I wrapped my arms around his hips this time and pulled his waist into mine. She smiled up at me in a little, short laugh. I smiled with him and there was never a moment where I felt more connected to him.

I heard Kendra and Ace leave the kitchen, but I paid no attention to them. Billy was the only thing that mattered to me. I wanted to tell him how much, but I was afraid that he might get scared and push away. I wanted this moment to last as long as I could make it last. Our lips touched and I was no longer in Billy’s kitchen, I was in heaven.

* * *

I woke up on Billy’s couch, sitting upright with my arm around him. He rested his head on my chest as he slept. I looked at the time on the digital box on top of the television. Shit, it was passed my curfew. I should call my parents and tell them where I’m at.

“Ryan! You better get your ass home right now!” yelled my mom from the phone.

“Mom, I’m at Billy’s. Can’t I just spend the night. I’m here with like three other people.”

“You should’ve told us that before now, Ryan. Your dad is really pissed.” said mom.

“I’m sorry. Please, it’s really late.”

“Okay, but we’re going to have a talk with you when you get home. This won’t happen again.”

I hung up the my cell phone and walked back to the couch. I tapped Billy on the shoulder. He blinked open his eyes and then rubbed them with the side of his fists. He stretched out his arms and let out a big yawn.

“Let’s get you to bed.”

I helped him up and he leaned on me as we walked to his bedroom. We had to step over Kendra and Ace who were spread out on the living room floor with tons of blankets. I got Billy into his bed and I kissed him on the forehead.

“Goodnight. I’ll go back to the couch.”

He grabbed my hand to stop me.

“Stay with me, Ryan.” he whispered.

“Is that a good idea?” I asked.

“I want you to stay with me.”

I gently got into bed next to him, fully clothed except for my shoes and socks. Even in the darkness, Billy’s crystal blue eyes shone brightly. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of his. They were mesmerizing. I wrapped my around him and brought him in closer to me.

“Ryan, I know it might not seem like it from the way that I’ve been acting, but…I love you…I really do.”

“Shh…” I put my finger on his soft lips. “Go to sleep, Billy. We can talk about this later.”

He kissed my neck and I felt his breathing slow. We fell asleep together on his bed and when I woke up the next morning, Billy was laying on his stomach with his arm spread across my chest. I rubbed my hand on his strong arm. It felt wonderful and smooth. He moaned and turned his head. He didn’t wake, but I kept my hand on his arm and then fell back asleep. By the time we both had the energy to wake up, it was eleven.

“It was nice to sleep with you next to me.” said Billy. “Thanks for staying.”

“I wanted to stay.” I said, which was seventy percent true. “But now I need to go home.”

“Really? You can’t stay for breakfast?” asked Billy.

I wanted to say yes, but knew that I couldn’t. I had to get home and talk to my parents. I kissed him on the cheek and left the room.

Kendra and Ace were sitting on the couch in the living room, watching television. I walked over to them. I hugged Kendra and slapped Ace a handshake.

“So…did anything happen last night.”

“That’s not your business, Kendra.” said Ace.

“I just wanna know…” whines Kendra.

“No, nothing happened.” I mumbled.

“Why not! You two were in the same bed and everything!”

“Kendra, look, things with me and Billy are complicated right now. We’re just…we’re just taking it slow.”

“But you guys are, like, meant for each other or something.” said Kendra.

“Stop pushing him, Kendra.” said Ace.

“Look, I’ve gotta go.” I said. “It’s was cool hanging out.”

I got out of there as fast as I could. I couldn’t handle Kendra grilling me like that. How can I answer questions about what’s going on with me and Billy if I don’t even know what going on with me and Billy?

I started walking to my truck and I heard the front door of the house open and shut. I looked behind me and Ace was jogging towards me.

“Hey, Ryan. Look, don’t let Kendra pressure you into talking about your feelings. It’s how she got Billy to come out at school and we all know how horrible that turned out. Shit, he’s still getting crap for it.”

“It’s cool. Look, I’ve really gotta go.” I said.

“I just want you to know that I’m on your side. Well, the side that involves you and Billy getting together.”

“Me too, but it’s up to Billy on whether or not that happens.”

I just left. I got in my truck and drove away. I couldn’t handle being there anymore. But, when I got home, I wasn’t sure I could handle going in there either. But, I had to.

“You really need to call us a lot earlier next time, Ryan.” said Mom, as I walked into the kitchen. She stood in front of the stove making breakfast.

“Sorry. I fell asleep.”

“Where were you?”

“I was at Billy’s. Didn’t I tell you that?”

“Maybe, it was late.” she said.

“What about dad? Is he pissed?” I asked.

“Well, he was. But he wasn’t as pissed when he went to work this morning.”

“Good, well…I’m going to my room.”

I started out of the kitchen, but my mom called my name and asked me to stop. I turned around and walked back over to her.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Billy.”

“He’s-He’s my best friend.” I answered with a gulp of the big lump in my throat. My palms started to sweat and my entire body started to shake.

My mom’s face turned to worry that was most visible in her eyes and her lips. She put her hand flat on her chest.

“Are you sure about that?”

“Mom, of course I’m sure. What are you asking me?”

She cleared her throat and put a hand through her hair.

“Billy, he’s gay right?”

“Yeah, s-so?” My lips were quivering and my heart was pounding. I really hated where this was going.

“Ryan, honey, I’m just trying to understand.” She paused and swallowed a lump in her throat. “Is there…something going on with you and Billy?”

“Mom, I don’t want to talk about this.”

I turned around and left the kitchen before she could stop me. I went into my room and locked the door. I started to pace around the room to try and figure out what I should do. I couldn’t lie to her, but I’m not ready to tell her what’s going on. I’m not ready to tell her that I’m in love with a guy.

A knock came to my door. It was my mother. I couldn’t face her. I couldn’t tell her. How am I going to tell her that her baby boy likes boys?

“Ryan, Honey, please talk to me.” she said as she knocked.

“Go away mom!”

“No, I’m not going away until you talk to me.”

“Mom, please. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I just want to sleep.”

She stopped after that and I threw myself on the bed. Fighting her off was completely exhausting. I dozed off to sleep before I knew it and I had a really vivid dream of Billy. He and I were under the tree by the lake. I had him in my arms and we were happy. We were both laughing and smiling. When I woke up and realized it was a dream, I’ve never felt so depressed in my life.

I wanted to leave, but I knew that I couldn’t go without going through the living room and running into my mom. So, I snuck out of the window. I got in my truck and drove back to Billy’s, the only place that I could think of going. I rang the bell and he half smiled when he opened the door and saw me.

“Couldn’t get enough of me, huh?” he smiled.

“Can we talk?”

“Sure…come in.”

I went straight into the living room and sat on the couch. Now I was the one biting my finger nails. And that’s what I was doing when he sat next to me. He put his hand on my back and started to rub it.