Starcrossed - 17. Chapter 17

“So how was the play?” asked my dad as soon as Tara left.

“It went great.”

My dad and I sat on the couch and started to catch up.

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there.” he said.

“Don’t be sorry. You were in the hospital. All that matters is that you’re okay.” I said. “Actually, I saved a program for you if you wanna see it.”

“Definitely, let’s see it.”

I got up and went to get it from my room. I was definitely really excited that he was home.
I sat back down next to him and gave him the program. He opened it with deep interest and a big smile. Then, his smiled faded and he was fixated on one spot of the program.

“Dad, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” I asked. I was really concerned.

“You never told me that Ryan’s last name was Harding.”

“What does it matter what his last name is?”

“Is his dad’s name Martin?” he asked.

“I don’t know. What is this about?”

“I don’t want you to see Ryan anymore.”

“What?! Why?!”

“I just don’t want you spending anymore time with him. My decision is final and you’re not going to change my mind!”

My stormed out of the living room before I could say anything. I heard his bedroom door shut. It was like he was a little kid again. I couldn’t take it. I called Ryan.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Is your dad’s name Martin?” I asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“I don’t know. My dad saw your last name in the play program and freaked out. Then he asked me if your dad’s name was Martin.”

“Whoa, this is heavy.” said Ryan.

“I know. I’ve got to figure this out.” I said. “I’ll call you later.”

I hung up with Ryan and went over to my dad’s bedroom. I hesitated to knock on the door, but decided it was definitely worth it. I knocked strongly. He opened and looked up at me.

“I’m sorry for freaking out.” he said. “But I cannot let you see that boy anymore.”

“Oh, so he went from Ryan to ‘that boy’?” I asked, bitterly.

He sighed. “I don’t have time to explain myself, William.”

Shit, he must be stressed out if he’s calling me William.

“Dad, you can’t just forbid me to see Ryan without giving me a reason, especially since you practically pushed us together when we weren’t. Now that we are, you want me to stop seeing him. I don’t think so. You’d better tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s complicated.”

“Dad!” He looked up, surprised that I rose my voice. I continued, after calming myself down. “Now, I know you must have your reasons and I would normally just leave this alone, but this time I can’t…I love Ryan and I’m not going to stop seeing him.”

“You’re making a mistake with this boy, Billy. I can’t let you do that.”

“What did you say earlier about me being an adult?”

“That was before I knew who Ryan was; where he’s from.”

“What are you talking about?”

His eyes turned dark and his lips started to quiver and this is the story my dad told me:

Ashworth Academy for boy, twenty five years earlier. My dad, Keith Snow, and Ryan’s dad, Martin Harding were just a little younger than me and Ryan. They were best friend, but Martin joined the baseball team, and Keith joined the band.

At first they kept on being friend, but eventually, Martin started to get pressure from the baseball team to stop being friends with Keith. So, Martin started to slowly spend less and less time with Keith. Eventually, he started to avoid Keith altogether.

And if you think that’s bad, you’ll think what happens next is just pure evil. Martin started to pick on Keith. He started to push him in the hallway. He even beat him up once. He started a rumor throughout the school that Keith was a “faggot”. Then, when he would push Keith in the hallway, he would add “FAGGOT!” to the end of the push.

* * *

I had no idea how I would say this to Ryan. He was scared enough about coming out without knowing what his dad was capable of when it comes to just rumors about homosexuality. It’ll be hard for him to hear about this story. I don’t even know if he’ll actually believe it.

At school the next day, I tried to tell Ryan the whole story, but I just couldn’t. I didn’t know what kind of relationship he had with his dad, and if it happened to be a good one, I didn’t want to ruin it. Anyway, we got interrupted my Mrs. Drake. She asked if she could talk to us in her office.

We sat in front of her desk in her office and she sat behind it in her big leather desk. The plaque on the edge of her desk read Mrs. Janice Drake; English and Drama Dept.

“Thanks for taking some of your free time before classes to see me.” said Mrs. Drake. “I have some very exciting news for the both of you.”

“Yeah, what is it?” I asked.

“Well, a play company from New York City has seen a DVD of your performances as Romeo and Juliet and would like you to come and do a special one time performance of the play along with their company in the city.”

I was so excited that I could barely breathe. I looked at Ryan and he was smiling at me.

“Really?!” I asked. “That’s awesome!”

Ryan and I hugged and I knew we could hang longer, but couldn’t in front of Mrs. Drake.

“So, we’ll obviously need permission from your parents and you’ll be missing a week of school.”

We stayed in Mrs. Drake’s office for a few more minutes going over the particulars of the trip. When we left the office, Ryan almost kissed me. We got extremely close, but apparently he forgot that he wasn’t ready to be out at school yet. Unless…he changed his mind.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“I thought you didn’t want to be out here at school yet.”

“Oh, right.”

His disappointed face made me want to melt.

“Have you changed your mind?” I asked.

“I don’t know if I can keep my hands off of you.” said Ryan with a little mischievous smile.

Noah walked up to us just as Ryan was about to open his mouth to speak again. I remembered that I have to tell him that I chose Ryan and this big knot formed in my stomach.

“Ryan, could you give Noah and I a few minutes?” I asked.

“Sure, see ya later.” said Ryan.

Ryan walked away and left me with Noah. As soon as Ryan was gone, he kissed me. It was a kiss I totally didn’t expect. And I’m sure if you saw my face, my eyes would be popping out of my head. After the kiss, I think Noah guess that I wasn’t really expecting that kiss.

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

“I just didn’t expect that.” I told him, honestly.

“Well, we’re still together right? I’m aloud to kiss you, right?”

“No, I’m afraid not.”

His eyes looked hurt and surprised. His mouth was open a little bit in shock. He started to talk, but his eyes started to tear. I didn’t know if I could handle this because my eyes started to tear as well.

“No to which one?” he asked, his voice shaky and sad.

“To both of them.” I said, wiping my tears. “I’m sorry, Noah, but I’ve chosen Ryan.”

“No, no….but you said you love me.”

“I did love you, trust me, I did, but…I just don’t love you like a boyfriend anymore.”

Noah walked away with tears in his eyes. A jock passed by me and coughed “faggot”, but I didn’t care anymore. I just hurt the feelings of someone I love. I had way too much on my mind.

I started to walk down the hall to my class, when I heard Noah’s voice. I also heard Ryan’s. It was coming from around the corner. I peaked around the corner and saw Noah and Ryan talking. Or rather, Noah was talking.

“I don’t care if he picked you,” said Noah. “I’m not giving up. I’m not gonna let some pea-brained, bi-curious jock steal the person that I love. It’s not over Ryan.”

“Look, I understand that you’re hurt. I would be too if I was in your situation and I almost was, but you just have to try and do you best to accept this.”

I was so surprised that Ryan had such a level head. He usually has such a short temper.

“Oh please, Ryan. Billy’s had a crush on you since he first saw you. I never even had a chance. He was always going to pick you.” He started to smile. “I can’t believe I actually believed that I had a chance. But believe me Ryan, you haven’t heard the last of me. I’m not giving up on him.”

I thought it would be best for me to jump in and help Ryan at this point.

“Noah, please,” I said. “Calm down.”

Noah, looked to me surprised. “Billy, this can’t be over.” He put his hand on my waist. “We made love. You told me you love me and I love you. Please don’t give up on us.”

“Hey, watch where you put your hand,” snapped Ryan.

“Don’t try and pretend like you care all of a sudden.” said Noah.

I took Noah’s hand off of my waist. “I love Ryan, Noah, and Ryan loves me. Please try to understand that.”

“If he loves you so much, why doesn’t he kiss you in public like I do?” asked Noah.

“Because he’s not out yet. You know how that is.” I said.

“Still, if he loves you as much as you say he does, he shouldn’t have a problem with kissing you in front of everyone at the school.”

I didn’t want to believe Noah, but at the same time I couldn’t help but think he was right. I knew that Ryan wasn’t ready to be out at school, but I just wanted to be able to kiss him when I wanted to.

Noah turned around and walked in the opposite direction. Ryan turned to me and probably saw the look of wonder mixed with guilt on my face, because he had the saddest look on his face that I‘ve ever seen. I felt guilty because I knew I would be pushing him out of the closet and I was wondering what it would be like to kiss Ryan in public.

“What’s that face for?” I asked him.

“I’m sad because I know that I can’t give you what you want.”

Ryan’s pinkie touched mind in a behind-the-scenes show of affections.

“I love you,” said Ryan. “You know that right?”

“I know that, Ryan. I love you too.”

“I’m just not ready, Billy.”

I didn’t want to talk about it. Without saying goodbye to him, I turned around and I left. I couldn’t handle the pressure. I just wanted all of this to be over. I know that Ryan has way more pressure on him that I do. It’s just a lot of pressure to be the one to guide him to the point of being okay with his sexuality is a lot to take in. It’s almost as if his entire life is in my hands.

I didn’t see him again until lunch. He was looking strange, like he had a lot on his mind. He couldn’t even look at me. I tried calling his name over and over, but he wouldn’t answer. It was ten minutes before I got a reaction out of him.

“RYAN! Can you please talk to me?!”

He looked up at me, smiled, and then took my hand and pulled me to the front of the cafeteria.

“Everyone!” he yelled.

Every single student stopped what they were doing and turned their attention to Ryan.

“There’s something I want you all to know!”

And without saying another word, he grabbed my waist, pulled me into his body and kissed me; in front of everyone. Immediately, the whispers started. And when he pulled away, he kept talking.

“And if you have a problem with it…too bad.”