Starcrossed - 16. Chapter 16

“What’s the matter Ryan?”

“I think my mom might suspect that I’m gay.”

“Why? What happened?”

“She asked me if there was anything going on between me and you.”

“Oh…what’d you say?”

“I couldn’t lie to her…but I couldn’t tell her the truth either.”

“So what happened?”

“I just got out of there as fast as I could. I went to my room and locked the door. Then, I fell asleep. When I woke up, I snuck out of my window and came here.”

I looked to Ryan, his blue eyes filled with concern.

“What did you do when you came out to your dad?” I asked.

Billy cleared his throat. “Well…my dad found a gay porn magazine I got from Kevin under my bed when he was picking up clothes for laundry.”

“What happened?”

“Well, since it happened when I was in school, when I got home, he was waiting for me in my room. He was holding the magazine in his hands.”

“Well…what happened!” I asked anxiously.

“Well, first the talk was calm and then it turned bloody, figuratively that is. He started to yell and tell me that I was just confused.” said Billy, shaking his leg. “But, eventually, he got better and…and now he’s kind of…too okay with me being gay. He even tries to fix me up with guys.”

I giggled, trying to imagine my father actually getting to a place where he would be actually fixing me up with guys. I don’t think he’d ever get to that place. Even if he did, I’d probably be too old for him to do it.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do, Billy. I’m not ready to come out. I’m no where near ready.”

“Then don’t come out.” said Billy.

“But you don’t understand! My mom knows! And now she’s gonna tell my dad and he gonna get pissed and kick me out of the house or, or send me to one of those places…I can’t handle that.”

Billy smiled at me. How could he smile in a dire situation like this?

“Look, I don’t think that it’ll come to that, but if it does, we’ll handle it together okay?”

“Does-Does that mean that you choose me?”

His smile disappeared and his head went down.

“No…I’m sorry, but…I still haven’t made up my mind yet.”

I really wanted to be furious, but I just couldn’t be. I love him to much to be furious at him for something that’s not really his fault. So, I just held his hand. It felt so good to be close to him.

* * *

When I drove up to my house, I saw my dad’s car in the driveway. This meant that my mom panicked and called him to tell him that I ran away or something. I sighed, preparing myself for what was to come.

I walked into the house and my mom railroaded me and hugged me like she hadn’t seen me in twenty years.

“Where’ve you been?” asked my dad in a deep, stern voice.

“I just went out for some fresh air for a little bit.”

“You could’ve let your mother know. She was worried sick about you.” he continued in the same tone.

“Sorry, I didn’t think I was going to be gone so long.” I said.

My mom finally let go of me. “Don’t be so hard on him, Marty. You know how I overreact.”

My dad roughly cleared his throat and arched his brow. “Well, I’ve gotta get back to the station.”

My dad put his arm on my mom’s waist, kissed her on the lips and left the house. As soon as he left my mom sat me down at the dining room table.

“We have to talk, Ryan.” she said.

“About what?” I asked, trying to avoid this situation all together.

“You know what.”

Fail.

“What do you want to ask me mom?”

“Is there something you want to tell me, Ryan?”

“Mom, you keep asking me that and I don’t know what it is that you me to tell you…” I swallowed a lump in my throat.

“I just want you to tell me what going on in your head. What’s going on in your life?”

I had a feeling that my mom wasn’t going to stop until I told her what she wanted to hear. And I came to this realization, my heart started to pound fiercely in my chest. Was I really about to tell my mom that I was gay? How am I supposed to know that she won’t tell my dad even if I ask her not to. I guess I don’t.

“Mom, I know you know what going on with me. I’m just-I’m not ready to say it out loud. Do, do you understand?”

Her eyes started to fill with tears and she moved her slightly graying brown hair out of her face.

“Yes, I understand.” she managed to say.

“Mom, can we please keep this between the two of us. Like I said…I’m not ready.”

She put her hand on top of mine. Now my eyes were starting to tear and I couldn’t hold them back. Please, pull it together, Ryan.

“I…have to go mom.”

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“I’m just going out for a while.”

I went to the lake. I couldn’t go see Billy again. I felt like I was being a pest. Instead I went to the spot where Billy and I had our first full conversation. This has been place that I like to come to a lot. It helps me to think when I’m here, something I didn’t expect since before I met Billy I spent virtually no time at the lake. But, since I figured out my love for Billy, I have been spending a lot of my free time here, just listening to the natural sounds that surround me while I’m there.

And, as I was sitting there in my spot, I heard the dry, dead grass crunch. It got louder and louder. I looked behind me and saw Billy walking towards me. He sat down next to me and put his head on my shoulder.

“You know, ever since you left my house…the first time…I haven’t been able to get you out of my head.” said Billy.

“Really? Why is that?” I asked curiously, putting my hand in his.

“When Ace came back into the house after going after you, he came into my room to talk to me.” said Billy. “He told me about, about how much you care. He told me that he could see how much you loved me by just looking at you.”

“So…what does this mean?” I asked, resting my head on his.

Billy lifted his head, making me lift mine. He looked me straight in the eye and smiled. I smiled back.

“What is it?” I asked.

“It’s you, Ryan.” He put his hand on my cheek. “It’s always been you.”

“What are you saying, Billy?”

“I’m saying that…I’m saying that I choose you.”

I was so happy to hear that, I could actually feel the happiness flow through my veins. I put both of my hands on his face, bringing him close to me.

“Are you serious? You’re-you’re not joking right?”

“No, Ryan…I choose you.”

I pressed my lips against his for a few seconds and then I opened my mouth to let him in. I felt his tongue hit mine and ecstasy zapped through my body.

“Come on, let’s go back to my place.” he said after the kiss.

I was more than willing and as he took my hand, I felt butterflies in my stomach. I knew what was coming next and this time…it was going to be consensual. Not that the last time wasn’t consensual. It was just a lot more complicated. This time, we’re both totally into it. Our hearts are totally into it.

When we got there, we didn’t even wait to get to his room. We closed the front door behind us and, like magnets, started to make out in the foyer. We stripped our clothes off in desperation. Then, since we didn’t want to do it on the cold, hardwood floor, we moved to the living room and started again on the couch.

I felt tingling in my crotch, I felt my pants get tighter, or rather there was less room in them if you know what I mean. So, I unbuttoned them and then slowly pulled down my zipper. Billy pushed me down on the couch and I laughed in pleasure. He started to kiss my stomach. Every time his damp lips touched my body, I felt that zapping feeling again.

He pulled off my pants and started to kiss my package on top of the think fabric of my boxer-briefs. I felt shivers started from my boner and make their way all the way up to my chest and finally being released from my mouth in a shaky sigh of pleasure. It all just got better from then on.

* * *

Afterglow. We laid on the couch after our fabulous, mind-blowing sex. We lay naked and a bit sweaty and sticky of the mess that usually comes with the pleasure of sex.

“Maybe we should clean up.” I said, resting my head on his chest.

He laughed and my head rose and fell with his chest.

“I love you.” he said.

“I love you too.”

We got up to clean up, to wash of the sticky aftermath of our sex. We started to dress. I was putting my pants on when the doorbell rang. Billy went to go answer it as he buttoned up his shirt and his pants were still unbuttoned. He looked so cute.

When he answered the door, his dad walked in. I hurried to get my shirt on and find my shoes. He hurried to get his pants buttoned. His dad smiled, with bandages on his forehead. He smiled when he looked over at me and then back at Billy.

“I see you two finally figured out that you belong together.” he said.

“Dad, what are you doing here? You weren’t supposed to be released for a couple of days.” said Billy.

“Well, I got time off for good behavior.” said Mr. Snow.

“We-we were just…”

“You don’t have to tell me what you were doing. I’m an adult. I can figure it out. Look, you’re a man now. You can do whatever you want…well almost.”

Mr. Snow was smiling, almost laughing. I couldn’t believe it. Billy had told me about how much he was okay with Billy being gay, but I didn’t think he was this okay with it. It made me wish I had a dad like him, because I‘m pretty sure my dad will be no where near this cool. In fact, I’m pretty sure that my dad will be in an entirely different universe than Billy’s dad’s coolness. That’s if I decided to tell him. I don’t know if I’ll ever have the balls to.

Billy’s aunt Tara walked in after his dad. She looked at both of us and looked away and started to scratch her head in embarrassment.

“What’s been going on here?” she asked.

“It’s a little private, aunt Tara.” said Billy.

“Maybe I should go. I need to get home for dinner.” I said.

I kissed Billy on the cheek and said goodbye. As I drove home, at first I was shocked and then, I couldn’t help but smile and drum on my steering wheel all the way home. When I got there, I saw Justin’s car in the driveway. What would my older brother be doing home when the weekend is already almost over, unless my mother asked him to come.

I walked inside of the house and saw the two of them talking at the dining room table, in the same spots her and I were in just a few hours ago. When she saw me, her face reeked of guilt.

“Mom! What are you doing!” I yelled.

“I’m sorry, Honey. I had to tell someone.”

Her eyes flooded with tears.

“She’s just looking out for you, bro.”

“I can’t believe you.” I said to mom. “I thought you were on my side.”

I didn’t know that I could ever sound so angry and spiteful, and to my mother. This wasn’t me. But, I just felt so betrayed. I couldn’t stop myself.

“I’m never trusting you again.”

I turned around walked to my room. I heard my brother behind me, but I slammed the door in his face anyway. He opened the door just a few seconds later and came in. I was sitting on my bed, Bandit came running in after him and jumped on my bed. I started to pet his back as Justin went to my desk and brought my chair next to my bed.

“What’s going on, Ry?” asked Justin.

“I’m sure mom filled you in on that…” I said bitterly.

“Come on, Ryan. Don’t be mad at mom for telling me. She’s just worried about you.”

“I told her I wasn’t ready for people to know and she still told you.” I told him, still focusing on Bandit. “I trusted her.”

Justin took a deep breath. “How long have you known?”

I sighed, not really wanting to tell him anything. But, I might as well. I don’t have anything to be ashamed of and I’m still floating on the high of Billy choosing me over Noah.

“I always knew, but I was in deep denial. So, when I met Billy, it was sort of like getting hit by a truck.”

“Well, I want you to know that…that I support you and…if you need me to, I’ll move back. I know you’ll need me when it comes time to tell dad.”

I couldn’t believe he actually would do that for me. I am very lucky to have a brother like him.

“Well…I don’t even know if I’m gonna tell dad anytime soon.” I said, trying to tell him that he didn’t have to move back home.

“He needs to know, Ryan.”

“I’m just not ready, Justin. I know that I have to tell him eventually, but I’m just not ready right now. Maybe when I go to college, when he can’t kick the crap out of me.”

“Come on, he wouldn’t do that.”

“You’ve heard him, Justin. You’ve heard him when he talks about gay people. He does NOT like them. And now his son is one.”

Bandit started to lick my hand tenderly as if he knew that I was trouble. I smiled and started to pet him again.

“Just know that you can count on me.”

“Thanks, Justin.”

He smiled and then it quickly went away. “So, does this mean I’m gonna have to meet your boyfriend? Cuz, I don‘t know if I like him.”

I laughed. “Shut up, Justin. You don’t know him.”

“Exactly, how am I to know that he’s not gonna hurt you or something?”

“Ugh! You don’t have to be like that. Billy’s a good guy. Just trust me.”