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Drew's Prompts - 2. Atop the Height

This is a part of the GA Newsletter Game. The game calls for writing a 300-500 word scene. So, be aware that this isn't a "complete" story.
My nouns are: height and grave.

Dean came stumbling out of the bedroom, fighting off an earsplitting headache and a rebellious stomach. He turned to his right, in the direction of his bathroom, in hopes of easing the pain wreaking havoc on his body. But, he was met by a wall, and Dean went crashing down with a curse.

A wall? No… that can’t be right.

He looked up, and sure enough there was a wall before him. A wall, when there should have been a hallway leading to the rest of his apartment.

Dean gave the wall a closer look, and saw that it was made of wooden paneling- something too rustic for his tastes. So, he wasn’t in his apartment. So then… where was he?

He got up quickly to take stock of his surroundings, but the sudden movement didn’t sit well with his headache, and he held his hands to his temple for a few moments, as he got on an even keel. When he did, Dean looked behind him, and saw he was in a hallway after all, but, unlike in his apartment, it led in the opposite direction. He began opening the doors on either side of the hall, the first was another bedroom, the second was a closet, and the third- jackpot!

Several minutes later, Dean was feeling better. He had emptied his stomach, and the ibuprofen from the medicine cabinet had been a godsend. He left the bathroom, and made his way to what he assumed would be the living area. Dean took it all in, the wood-paneled walls, the stone fireplace, and the bearskin rug on the floor- this was definitely not his modern apartment. The only thing that could be called modern in the room, was the flat screen TV mounted above the fireplace.

This may have not been his apartment, but… it looked familiar. He walked further into the room, towards the fireplace, and picked up one of the picture frames. It was of a smiling family, and in the middle of them all, was himself! And like that, he remembered where he was- his family’s summer cabin. He hadn’t been here in a long time, not since… no, he wouldn’t go there.

He had to get out of here.

With that in mind, Dean opened the front door and found himself before the Height. Dean stared, shocked, but then Dean remembered he had a grave to visit up there. He couldn’t take it, he closed the front door, and fell to his knees, overwhelmed by the memories washing over him. He had gotten shitfaced drunk last night, that is why he woke up with an unruly stomach and a piercing headache, he was hungover. And then the Height came back into his mind. It was his area’s highest cliff, and as a result, it was a popular place for hikers and climbers alike- he and his best friend included. His best friend... whose grave was atop the Height.

Copyright © 2017 Drew Espinosa; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Puppilull
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That turned out to be a sad one... The things we do to escape troubling emotion. You incorporated the words really well. 

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Valkyrie
  • Site Administrator

Nice job, Drew.  You incorporated the required elements seamlessly and showed us what was happening vs. telling.  It was very sad, but well done. :hug: 

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Freerider

Well done, Drew!

Not a cliffhanger (pun intended :P ) but lots of directions to go from here...

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Brayon

I really need to remember not to cut onions while reading stories on GA. *wipes tears*

 

Lovely story Drew. Sad, but touching.

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Drew Espinosa
8 hours ago, Puppilull said:

That turned out to be a sad one... The things we do to escape troubling emotion. You incorporated the words really well. 

I think it was inevitable that this would be sad, given that one of my nouns was grave.

 

Thanks for the comment Puppilull! :) 

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Drew Espinosa
8 hours ago, Lyssa said:

Great beginning! I could feel the hangover. In the end the grief was palpable to me. 

I'm glad you can feel the hangover! :) (wait, that came out wrong, hehe).

 

Thank you Lyssa! :hug: 

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Drew Espinosa
8 hours ago, Mikiesboy said:

Sad .. the end gave me chills..

To get that reaction from an author I deeply admire, means a whole lot to me. :*) 

 

8 hours ago, Mikiesboy said:

are you planning to do more with this, Drew?

Right now, I don't know. I think I did reasonably well in doing this scene justice, but a full fledged story? I don't know... :unsure:

 

Thank you tim! :hug: 

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Former Member
4 minutes ago, Drew Espinosa said:

I'm glad you can feel the hangover! :) (wait, that came out wrong, hehe).

 

Thank you Lyssa! :hug: 

:rofl:

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Mikiesboy
3 minutes ago, Drew Espinosa said:

To get that reaction from an author I deeply admire, means a whole lot to me. :*) 

 

Right now, I don't know. I think I did reasonably well in doing this scene justice, but a full fledged story? I don't know... :unsure:

 

Thank you tim! :hug: 

Well let it perk for a bit .. it may write itself.. but it was good.. hugs my friend.

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Drew Espinosa
5 hours ago, Valkyrie said:

Nice job, Drew.  You incorporated the required elements seamlessly and showed us what was happening vs. telling.  It was very sad, but well done. :hug: 

Ya know, I knew I didn't want to say "Dean was hungover" up front, so I spent time creating a visual instead, as a result I have become much more appreciative of the phrase, "show, don't tell." :) 

 

Thank you Val, it means a lot that you liked it! :hug: 

Edited by Drew Espinosa
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Drew Espinosa
3 hours ago, Freerider said:

Well done, Drew!

Not a cliffhanger (pun intended :P ) but lots of directions to go from here...

:gikkle: God, I just love puns!

 

And, I agree, there are so many directions for this story to take. :) 

 

Thanks Free! :hug: 

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Drew Espinosa
3 hours ago, BHopper2 said:

I really need to remember not to cut onions while reading stories on GA. *wipes tears*

 

Lovely story Drew. Sad, but touching.

If this made you cry, then prepare to be a blubbering mess when you read the first chapters of Cards on the Table. ;) 

 

Thank you BH, I'm glad this was able to evoke such emotions in you. :hug: 

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Drew Espinosa
6 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

Well let it perk for a bit .. it may write itself.. but it was good.. hugs my friend.

I'll do that tim, thank you! :hug::heart: 

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Ron

Ah, the old switcharoo, put the beginning at the end. That was a good choice and it worked well for your short piece, Drew.

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Defiance19

Drew, you did great. It was sad though.. It will be interesting to see where it goes if you do make it a longer piece.. Well done, son..

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Cia
  • Site Administrator

Awww. I wasn't expecting the ending. I was thinking maybe a morning after/walk of shame vibe, but that's so much worse! Good twist, Drew.

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LitLover

Well done, Drew. Sad scenes are tough to write, and you did very well with this.  You effectively showed us the pain your character felt and the self medicated he tried to use to ease it without actually 'telling' me. 

 

I think you should spread your wings with more of these short stories.  You do them quite well. 

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Headstall

Very interesting, Drew. I liked it. I like the abrupt realization at the end... well, the impact of it... it was quite sad, but effective... well done, buddy... cheers... Gary....

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ghanbrews

Awesome use of the words! I was really clever telling the story backwards and the big reveal took me by surprise too.

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Drew Espinosa
6 hours ago, Ron said:

Ah, the old switcharoo, put the beginning at the end. That was a good choice and it worked well for your short piece, Drew.

Thanks Ron! I figured that putting Cia's (modified) sentences near the end would fit the scene more, I'm glad others agree. :) 

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